I guess we already know all about me and I don’t have to post here, right?

“milk she got from her own personal bufala”

DC69

Also: Salma Hayek.

Angelina Jolie

2 Amy’s

Domino’s

Elizabeth Hurley

Uma Thurman

FBI Cafeteria Pizza

The Red Baron

Tombstone

Little Caesar’s

Kirsten Dunst

Fran Drescher

Pizza Boli

Salma Hayek

What? NO! Have you ever heard Fran Drescher speak? Can you imagine Fran Drescher’s hideous sex noises?

man y’all seriously do not care about some old lady’s effort in making you a pizza do you.

xpost you homo that’s a fake voice, she doesn’t sound like that in real life.

Have you ever eaten at CPK????????????????????

no

lol ally’s banged fran drescher

Well then!

(Also, actual Italian pizza = bland and boring. Salma Hayek = slammin’.)

yeah fran pwns CPK

Pizza Hut, 2 Amy’s, conflicted, Elizabeth Hurley (in Passenger Tax Fraud only), Uma Thurman, FBI Cafeteria Pizza, The Red Baron, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Papa John’s, Fran Drescher, Pizza Boli, homemade

OHMIGODYOUAREDOINMEYEAHDOMESTATENISLANDharharharheeheeharharOHYEAHEXCELLTNOHYEAHPIZZAMANDOMEHAAAAAAAHHEEEEEEEEOHMIGODDOMETHEREOHDON’TDOMETHEREHAAAAAHAAAAHHHAAAALONGISLANDEXPRESSWAYHAAAAAAHAAAAA

That Tara Reid/Domino’s question is a doozy.

pizza hut

2 amys

tara reid

vace

uma

UH

paris

tombstone

lindlo

dunst

fran

so tough

we be makin pizza while we makin love

That Tara Reid/Domino’s question is a doozy.

No it isn’t! It’s like “mild stomach virus” (Domino’s) vs “disfiguring flesh-eating bacteria that smells like crusty tampons” (Tara Reid)

Sorry, I meant “‘disfiguring flesh-eating bacteria that smells like crusty tampons that plsmith wants to hit in the worst way’ (Tara Reid)”

i mean if i order from domino’s, im ordering crusty tampons on the pie anyway!

THATS JUST HOW I ROLL DAN

PETE WHY YOU MAKIN LOVE TO A GRANDMA

only pizza hut offers crusty tampon topping.

BUT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT BOOBIES ANYWAY RESPECT THE FOCUS

Taco Bell Mexican Pizza v Jennifer Aniston

Hot Pockets Pepperoni Pizza Pocket v Posh Spice

What? NO! Have you ever heard Fran Drescher speak? Can you imagine Fran Drescher’s hideous sex noises?

I heard Drescher’s normal speaking voice in a Public Service Announcement, and it was really quite nice.

It was a PSA about rape awareness, so no bonerz.

why would anybody want to hit crusty tampons with their thumb tucked inside

IT’S LUV

Aniston

Posh

wait is that Strega Nona?!?!?! I love that book!

ugh Posh? Paging crusty tampons, aisle Mr. Que...

though pizza pockets are pretty gross too.

yr damn right it’s strega motherfucking nona

I LOVE THAT BOOK MY FAVORITE ALL TIME ZR KISSES 4 U

I WOULD READ ALL THIS CALDECOTT WINNERS

i would pay 20 bucks for pizza or boobies right now.

pizza doesn’t cost $20

“homemade” Chef Boyardee pizza vs. Kirstie Alley

i want it delivered, it’s cold outside.

agh Sara. Kirstie Alley, I guess.

english muffin pizzas vs. ann coulter

Kirstie Alley with a roll of duct tape. If pizza doesn’t cost 20 bucks, then how much do boobies costs?

ann coulter

english muffin pizzas every time, that shit ain’t as bad as ppl like to claim.

oh come on, dude, english muffin pizzas are the jam!

winner in BOLD

Pizza Hut v Angelina Jolie

2 Amy’s v Anne Hathaway

Domino’s v Tara Reid

Vace v Elizabeth Hurley

Patsy’s in NYC v Uma Thurman

FBI Cafeteria Pizza v Mary Kate Olson

The Red Baron v Paris Hilton

Tombstone v Britney Spears (we’re talking current or recent Britney, right? Not ‘Britney circa Crossroads.’)

Little Caesar’s v Lindsay Lohan—DRAW (Lohan in her prime wins, Cokewhore Lohan loses)

Papa John’s v Kirsten Dunst

California Pizza Kitchen v Fran Drescher

Pizza Boli v Jennifer Lopez

Homemade pizza made by an actual Italian grandmother who has worked on it all day in the kitchen and got all the ingredients fresh from her summer garden and made the mozzarella the day before with milk she got from her own personal bufala v Salma Hayek

man I would eat 70 hundred english muffin pizzas RIGHT NOW

kirstie alley in wrath of khan pwns all over the face of like all the pizzas and most of the girls

also, english muffins are so great, but theres something so hot and transgressive about the idea of sexing ann coulter

english muffin pizzas every time, that shit ain’t as bad as ppl like to claim.

srsly, when i was a young shaver and living on my own (sans roommate) for the first time i lived on these things. at the time, if i couldn’t cook it in a toaster oven then odds are i didn’t know how to make it.

Am I the only person who would pick Mary Kate? ;_;

Oh well more Mary Kate for me :D

xxp it’s called homosexuality?

OH YR JUST DRINKING THE WONKETTE KOOL-AID

IE HI DERE I READ WONKETTE TOO

No, we’re just not freaks, dude.

I love how I and I alone have the hot transgressive knowledge of FBI Cafeteria Pizza

Pizza Rolls vs. Shelly Duvall

also i agree with PS about the hot, transgressive, cheese crust filled idea of sexing the coulter

crusty cheese tampons vs. yr mom

PIZZA ROLLS UBER ALLES.

god, if i had a dollar for every time i’ve almost burned down an apartment after coming home drunk from a bar and trying to make pizza rolls i could afford to go out and get drunk tonight then almost burn down my apartment while trying to make pizza rolls.

I see this is basically the DC thread, the director’s cut. Excellent.

jumbo slice (pick yr favorite on 18th st) vs. footloose dianne wiest

UH id eat crusty tampons before i had sex with my mom. is that the question??

laurel otm

in my dark and terrible plsmith reptile mind I would actually forego the inevitable 2nd-degree mouth burns on pizza rolls for shelley duvall.

WTF

yeah i agree with that actually

JUMBO SLICE

shelly duvall

dude but DW is so special and beautiful in footloose

dianne wiest wtf is wrong with all of you

dianne west

I can imagine accidentally putting her head through the drywall by accident and this seems vaguely hot*

*which invalidates the “by accident” bit doesn’t it**

**wtf tom shut up

Dianne Wiest???!

and yeah, shelley Duvall every time dude.

yeah, at one time i’d have said jumbo slice but fuck that, we got amsterdam falafel now. so wiest, although footloose is basically the worst movie ever.

yeah she was the vibrator mom in parenthood wasn’t she?

i was just saying WTF to tom because he used the inscrutable but insulting phrase “dark and terrible plsmith reptile mind”

ok, you guys are all touched in the head if you’re choosing shelly duval over pizza rolls. stouffer’s french bread pizza, maybe, but totino’s pizza rolls? yr nuts.

he’s used the phrase “dark and terrible plsmith reptile mind” at least twice today, hate to break it to you.

i would have sex with all this sisters

Aaaaaand it has been awesome both times. (XP)

ok, mr. que’s last post has me re-thinking my position on shelly duval. no pun intended.

i would have sex with all this white girl

dammit xpost on this white girls meme

no I used reptile mind, not dark and terrible plsmith reptile mind, which was a reference to his admissions that we would go for Ann Coulter for the “hot transgressive” thing, which is how I feel about saying I would go after Shelley Duvall, even though it would be kind of a hatefuck based on her performance in The Shining, which is a movie I HATE

Results 1—10 of about 86,200 for boob zits. (0.20 seconds)

DAAAAAAN u mad!! rating domino’s over other kinds of pizza/tit... i don’t know where to start

Authentic super-thin Italian pizza w/bufala ain’t that great. I choose Salma Hayek, especially if she’s in drag.

oh johnpaws

I mean I only said “reptile mind” earlier, this morning. so I haven’t used the lenghthy indictment-of-plsmiths-bedroom-standards version twice, or I hadn’t at the time you made the comment that I had, even though now I have

LOL @ back-pedaling

Whole Foods American Flatbread All Natural Pizza Baked in a Primitive Wood-Fired Earthen Oven Organic Tomato and Three-Cheese pizza

vs Jennifer Beals

ohhhh yr answering those binaries.

seriously i need to get that nintendo brain age thing, i’m getting dumber and more illiterate every day

NO CONTEST MILO

goddamn yo

Yeah, that one was a total gimme.

(needed faceoffs—Jennifer Connelly, Phoebe Cates, Ally Sheedy as heroin-addict photographer)

I mean I only said “reptile mind” earlier, this morning. so I haven’t used the lenghthy indictment-of-plsmiths-bedroom-standards version twice, or I hadn’t at the time you made the comment that I had, even though now I have

^^^ YES

Shakey’s vs. Olivia Newton-John

Waffle Pizza vs. John Kerry’s daughter Alexandra

haha milo i was just thinking of what could possibly be paired w/phoebe cates but couldn’t figure out a pizza that would even remotely measure up

I recall seeing lots of her nénés énormes in ‘The Dreamers’. Looked much better than pizza.

also saw her smear hymen blood all over her face. Deal-breaker!

who are we even talking about now?!

Eva Green

listen this thread is not called “PIZZA VS NENES ENORMES”

I thought her nose was kind of a deal breaker for me but yeah vagina blood on the face is totally a deal breaker.

Is Terri Hatcher going to talk much? Because that’s going to be a deal breaker.

xpost phrase “deal breaker” now all used up for the day

That’s a deal breaker for you with all women innit *rimshot etc*

sorry, dude, you can’t leave yourself so open.

pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime vs. boobies in the morning, boobies in the evening, boobies at suppertime

Papa John’s light on the sauce w/ pineapple and ham vs. Princess Coldstare

also wtf at anyone picking teri hatcher

papa johns in a heartbeat

no ham tho, grosss

That’s a deal breaker for you with all women innit

not Bea Arthur

tripoli’s pizza in lawrence, ma vs. a young rachel welch

god as my witness this is a toss up for me.

tripoli’s

Manny & Olga’s v Fergie

Manny & Olga’s, whatever the hell that is.

RAQUEL for fuck’s sake

KUDOS ALLY

BEER V PUSSY

COCK VZ. WINE COOLER

next door to st ex, ally

This thread was awesome though.

haha I now hold really extreme opinions about pizzerias I have never heard of before and will never visit (unless trapped in lawrence massachusetts after a botched mission)

please don’t blame me for Louis Jagger

but he’s our son

!!!!!!!!

hi mom! hi pop!

The 100 “Things that happened to/with/on ILX in 2006” countdown thread!

AND THAT’S WHY I HAD TO DESTROY THE TIME MACHINE

unless trapped in lawrence massachusetts after a botched mission

and trust me, unless you are trapped there is absolutely no reason for you to be in lawrence, ma.

please don’t blame me for the quality of Tom’s posts either.

quality?

caliber, you mean

exactly. xpost

the dream is over, dudes

time to go home and pretend Friday wasn’t a waste of all our time

yeah this was a good thread while it lasted.

RIP PIZZZA BOOBY THREAD

i’ve still got another hour to go. goddamn east coasters.

another reason that i wonder why i moved to the midwest.

I’m still here, just disgusted.

lombardi’s in brooklyn v dallas cowboys cheerleaders

Tom, I would have thought you, of all people, would realize the importance of infacticide for the greater good.

xpost Ally, dude: it’s over.

not being familiar with lombardi’s in brooklyn but being quite familiar with the dcc, i’m going with the cowgirls.

lombardi’s is pretty overrated, to be honest.

Plus dcc is a lotta boobies.

they’re all a bunch of quitters. KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE:

Nellie McKay vs. Rocky Rococo’s Garden of Eatin’ pizza

I’m gonna go with Nellie McKay because the name of that pizzeria frightens me

The dream?

The problem with all of these either or threads is that I want beer AND boobies AND pussy AND pizza. We should start a thread about the best order to get those.

you should start with the boobies and pussy as the reverse tends to lead to disappointment.

Pizza gives you energy, though.

really depends pretty heavily on about 100,000 factors on whether or not pizza will “give you energy” or make you bloaty and sluggish.

Pizza makes me strong like the hulk.

Mmmmm. Pizza flavored pussy. Wait. Hold on. Let me think this through...

Michael, no...

I think I’ll just go back to the beer, eh?

I had Two Boots for lunch, it did little but cut the roof of my mouth with cornmeal. I should have taken the boobies but I was in a hurry.

Wait, did you leave them at work?

do you have

a pizza cooch

better try some

LYSOL DOUCHE

I should have taken the boobies but I was in a hurry.

if this is on the menu, ALWAYS TAKE THE BOOBIES.

shit, i’m moving to new york.

Ally, in any case it’s inarguably better than the reverse.

This isn’t SAUCE!

Anchovies made your breath all twatty?

Rinse yr bits with a nice hot toddy —

LISTERINE DOUCHE

i don’t know, it’s not that i don’t like surprises or anything but i like my pizza to taste like pizza you know?

Our product is

The one you trust

We’ll remove

That deep-dish crust

LYSOL DOUCHE

dammit i gotta change my login name

No, I mean, if there were boobies on the menu I missed ’em, I was too busy trying not to kill any tourists with my company ID since the cold has driven the stroller-bound infants, the elderly, the foreign, and the JUST PLAIN SLOW into the Rock Center concourse.

xpost: ...or else they shall hunt you down, you, the only American critic who actually loved ‘In Our Gun’!

I’m listening to that album right now, actually. I’ve already eaten pizza tonight (Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference quattro formaggi), all that’s missing now is pussy to be perfectly honest...

The realization that Ally and Tombot psionically projected themselves into the future to raise a young Louis Jagger into adulthood before bringing him back to the present explains so much.

“adulthood”

xpost: ...or else they shall hunt you down, you, the only American critic who actually loved ‘In Our Gun’!

Without even checking, I assumed this was a Gomez album.

the dulcet tones of

‘legal’ adulthood, then. The boy can now be drafted and could be a soldier, and go out there and fight to save this land. To be a people’s soldier, paramilitary gun in hand.

xp

you kids make the world lousy

i could be drafted, shame about the ‘british citizen’ bit.

dear ILX

I’m sorry

hated in 50 states

it’s really not you dude, though you aren’t helping your case very well.

oh hey i’ve met tomie depaola

hawaiian pizza w/bbq sauce and chicken v. weird hot but slightly trampy chick that you met in the bar that knows about guns and also might be a grade-school teacher

weird hot but slightly trampy chick, by a mile, you pizza heathens.

yeah, that one was sort of a gimmie

Evan, is that strictly hypothetical? Because if the answer is “no”, what the hell are you doing online? (XP haha)

gimmie what? STDs?

xpost

Or a backside full of birdshot?

louis,

don’t use the word “pussy”, it makes you sound poor.

what a most excellently shorn escutcheon you possess, madam

escutcheon?

‘Pulchritudinous pudenda’ more like it, no?

is that little lord fauntleroy slang for nappy dugout?

What a comely quim you have, Miss.

It works on so many levels!

So, you know her then, Kenan?

Boys. Go home.

HALT

HAMMERZEIT

EVEN WHEN IT’S BAD IT’S PRETTY GOOD AMIRITE GUYS?

Yeah! Nailed it!

I think the best thing about this thread is that, even when it was awful, it was awesome.

haha my wife just picked Padma Lakshmi

Someone should rewrite “Swimsuit Issue” inserting pizza names every other word.