In just over an hour, I will be prototyping this establishment in the form of a Cheesecake Factory. How many martinis should I drink?

a) 5

b) 10

c) ONLY PUSSIES HAVE LIMITS

ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

DUDES I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I COME TO DC FOR SHENANIGANS, I EXPECT TO GO TO HOSPITAL

this is what i’m talking about here

DUDES I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I COME TO DC FOR SHENANIGANS, I EXPECT TO GO TO

MORGUE.

fixed.

down here we call that wednesday night!!

I’m still trying to get my rich buddies to pony up the cash to buy an abandoned funeral home that is for sale, in order to turn it into a bar.

None of them are taking me seriously, even though I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS.

hilariously, a multi-xpost written prior to morgue discussion.

Why I need to hang out more with my 20something friends as opposed to my 30something friends, a case study:

30somethings: Calm down Dan, it’s not juice! Don’t you have to work tomorrow?

20somethings: FIVE MORE ROUNDS OF SHOTS AND THEN WE’RE READY TO GO TO THE REAL SPOT

Fuck oldy oldfaced oldsters.

(XPOST: WHY OH WHY DO I NOT LIVE IN MN, COSIGN COSIGN COSIGN MOTHERFUCKER GIT ‘ER DONE)

guys what do you think about getting a missile silo for a clubhouse? we have those around here, and they’re cheap-ish.

ARGH I QUOTED LARRY THE CABLE GUY, MY LIFE IS OVER

yes to missile silo if it comes with missile

drinking is overrated, though.

*ducks*

Why I need to hang out more with my 20something friends as opposed to my 30something friends, a case study:
30somethings: Calm down Dan, it’s not juice! Don’t you have to work tomorrow?

20somethings: FIVE MORE ROUNDS OF SHOTS AND THEN WE’RE READY TO GO TO THE REAL SPOT

Fuck oldy oldfaced oldsters.

(XPOST: WHY OH WHY DO I NOT LIVE IN MN, COSIGN COSIGN COSIGN MOTHERFUCKER GIT ‘ER DONE)

— Jesus Dan (djperr...) (webmail), Today 8:59 PM. (dan perry) (later) (link)

dan, you’re just hanging out with the wrong 30-somethings.

xpost Well, yeah, if you’re talking about water or something.

Drinking is not at all overrated! However, dealing with hangonvers is REALLY FUCKING OVERRATED.

drinking is not overrated by these ducks

these ducks otm

If I were to graph my drinking responsibility level between ages 15 and now, it would look like a bell curve.

drinking is overrated even by ducks.

hangovers are easy DRINK WATER WHEN YOU GET HOME DRINKY MCDRINKY LOTS OF IT

hangovers are easy NEVER SOBER UP.

hangovers are easy DRINK WATER WHEN YOU GET HOME DRINKY MCDRINKY LOTS OF IT

if you’re still awake when you get home then you left some drinking on the table pal.

also: keys, credit card, dignity

gordon gartrelle otm (and looking very stylish)

hahaha GAY SEX

it’s a GORDON GARTRELLE.

OK CUT IT OUT GUY ON THE PAYPHONE WHO JUST SAID “NO, I LOVE YOU MORE. No, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.”

eeeewwwwwwwwwwwww

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WIN THE UNIVERSE

gbx, just stop answering when he calls.

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW BRIAN YOU ARE SO OTM

it would be better if he was actually talking to someone on the other end of the phone. : (

brian, it’s time for performance reviews and U GET RAISE

age 3 years in oak = kudos

xp the guy was doing fucking baby voices, but was also definitely not talking to a child. i nearly threw up in my mouth

best part about that whiskey: 45 minutes under deadline!

Maybe he was talking to an ocelot?

I would drink that. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but still.

breaking news: fish loves water

God, I keep looking at the whiskey and the Rockettes and I keep thinking “crazed horse-faced Sage Francis girl”. ^_^

i can’t stop staring at that whisky ad

i’m gonna buy a bottle of whisky tonight

i think i’ll have a couple of makers tonight.

drinking is stupid

I’m going to ditch early for the Cheesecake Factory so I can get whiskey in my belly! KUDOS TO DRINKING ALONE BEFORE THE REST OF THE PARTY SHOWS

DRINKER: So, friend, what shall we drink tonight?

DRINKER PAL: H’mmm...I say: whisky!

DRINKER: Excellent! But, pray, what sort of whisky?

DRINKER PAL: UH...

DRINKER: Agreed!

oh man i am bored

drinking is easy to make stupid money off of

OKAY SERIOUSLY ENOUGH WITH SAND IN VAGINA. IT IS DISPLACING VALUABLE BOOZE.

For your information, MW, I haven’t had anything to drink in almost 3 days.

And the last 3 days have SUCKED compared to the week before.

drinking is stupid

these are fightin words

it’s funny how defensive people get when you say drinking is stupid.

okay no more sand!

yeah, quit jerkfacin’

yeah sorry!

secretly yr right, though. whenever i think about the money i’ve spent on booze and all the sweet other stuff i’ve ever wanted i sort of well up a bit

hey I made onion soup and it was okay and then I added vermouth and it got awesome. THAT’S WHAT DRINKS DO.

Actually, the best thing about drinking is that it is stupid. Beautifully, soul-affirmingly stupid.

THAT’S WHAT DRINKS DO.

this should be hunter whisky’s slogan

UH

so like remember how they were like oh maybe you want a promotion at work? and i was like yeah if you pay me maybe i would lol and i haven’t really expressed interest to them since then?

i apparently have to do a pitch and interview with them for this job now because i am going to have it?

waht

my entire life is a whirlwind of do not want

now is the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY to incorporate the use of lol kitties into the corporate interview.

walk in:

sup.jpg

(i wish i were awake enough to search for them)

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

i like the subtle UH.jpg on the vodka

ooh that is a nice touch

Okay so tonight I have consumed:

one (1) Maker’s Mark

one (1) Absolut Peppar + vodka

one (1) ultimate margarita

one (1) sauvignon blanc

One of my dinner companions declared me a hero for not sticking with one drink all night, so I retract some of what I said re: my 30something friends.

I forgot to buy whisky!

1—Black label (can)

1—Stella (pint)

1—Blue Moon “Spring” seasonal (pint. DO NOT WANT.jpg)

1—Lime Kamakazi (not pint)

1—Summit pale (pint)

1—Dream of Hunter whiskey (age 3)

1—Grape Kamakazi (still not pint. Also, $3 Kami special at bar used to explain bad choices)

1—Summit pale (pint)

1—Bad decision to design drink called “Sinus Infection”, to be consumed during next “FB and John punish themselves with liquor” night.

1—PBR (can, non-tallboy)

you guys are all heroes :D

guys i just drank yuengling, i feel like a pussy next to you both.

Man, if I had introduced beer into my mix it would have been a hectic day today.

guys I have not had anything to drink since sunday ;_;

but I think tomorrow late will be gin & techno at a gay bar!

^^^^^^^^^^ want ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

uh when did amtrak tickets become like $30000 each.

Hello. This is less boring than ilx.

Dan, you will be compensated with stock.

brian we saw you at komi last night. you seemed enchanted in conversation so i didn’t get your attention. plus it’s dark in there. we were sitting at a table to your northwest.

haha holy crap I totally forgot you dudes would be there! I got out of work around 9 and was like “dang, I need some good dinner” so I thought they might have a table open but alas, no.

How was it?

I had Alberto’s instead, so it turned out okay.

i wish i had alberto’s right now

food good

service? ehhh. too chatty for my tastes, klg dug it, our companion didn’t.

also? we ordered at 7:45 and did not get our main courses until after 10-they had major problems in the kitchen? and the pacing was really really off. the big hits were the dates stuffed with gorgonzola, the mini pita gyros, and the salt! the salt on my venison: amazing. but yeah, the service was way too slow even for slow food. they did acknowledge it and tried to give us more booze, but seriously, i was done with that place by ten.

*end of yuppie rant*

also we thought they were done with mini dishes at the beginning because there was a long long pause but then we got more? and there was this weird lady staring at me and our companion all throughout our dinner—she looked bored with her date.

whoa wait it took you TWO HOURS to get food? what the fuck?

the pacing is meant to be slow there, i think, but not that slow.

i would’ve eaten the waiter by that point

well they kept bringing out the mini dishes, so we weren’t hungry, it was just the expectation, of when you order dinner in America, it will be on the table within an hour or so.

hi dudes i’m on teh radio tonight and pete’s gonna be there for banterin’ purposes so y’all should listen ok? www.wmucradio.com

only good songs, promise!

this is why i only eat in bars

yeah there’s about 8 or so courses becore the mains

not an xpost, zack’s radio show is the reason why i eat food in bars.

7am meetings do not want

i didn’t really pull my weight for the Raiders last night, having consumed only one (1) Budweiser tall boy. sorry dudes ;_;

fuck. i have a fuckin shakespeare play (in french! with holograms!) tonight.

oh right i should mention it’s from 8–10 pm est. HOWEVER since there’s nobody on after me and i’m probably gonna have more than 2 hrs of music i wanna force on people i’ll likely keep going until the mysterious and potentially salacious “?”

good, maybe i can catch some. at the very least i will prank call during intermission

wait, holograms?

also dear internets: jersey city is not in lower and/or downtown manhattan please stop trying to tell me it is i mean seriously, internets, who are you, eisbar? hurting?

We are all the internets.

wait isn’t staten island in downtown nyc/part of wall street????

staten island is actually part of canada