It doesn’t bother me, but you should see my girlfriend’s inbox...
— Tuomas (lixnix...), December 18th, 2006 3:09 PM. (Tuomas) (later)
Your girlfriend is called “Ice”?
— Tuomas (lixnix...), December 18th, 2006.
miss misery, pls don’t associate my name with mickey’s
— Chad Bouche (wrinklepaws
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you are a meme now, tough luck.
— Ms Misery
for those who haven’t been following the nfl thread, a brief recap:
“I heard you got beat up in a club. I didn’t mean to offend nobody but Kellen Winslow. I apologized and am moved on.”
— Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants
x-post
lolz I was about to post that.
I think he’s been threatening to make that Poe film since Rocky III.
— Dr M (wjwe...), December 18th, 2006.
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RamPoe
— latebloomer: glutton for PUNishment (posercore24...), December 18th, 2006.
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Poebra
— latebloomer: glutton for PUNishment (posercore24...), December 18th, 2006.
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TangPoe and Cash
— latebloomer: glutton for PUNishment (posercore24...), December 18th, 2006.
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Poe-ver the Top
— latebloomer: glutton for PUNishment (posercore24...), December 18th, 2006.
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Rocky BalPoea II: Adrian, Nevermore
— remy bean (rem...), December 18th, 2006.
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The Masque of the Dredd Death
— latebloomer: glutton for PUNishment (posercore24...), December 18th, 2006.
http://ilx.thehold.net/thread.php?msgid=47165#unread
...leading to:
holle...) (webmail), December 19th, 2006 2:48 AM. (mcutt) (later) (link)grr.
I remember when my dad was questioned over the Yorkshire ripper incident. The police were sat in our lounge talking to him and my mum walked past with a pile of laundry and joked: “oh Keith, I wish you wouldn’t get so many blood stains on your clothes”.
— Ste (ste.foste...), December 19th, 2006 10:29 AM. (fuzzy) (link)
Exactly, it’s like taking some wee cnut to court for claiming to have fucked your mother.
— Onimo has his finger in the stink (gerry.wat...) (webmail), Today 12:39 PM. (nu_onimo) (later) (admin) (userip)
“but Gerry, I’m your Dad!”
“yer a wee cnut!”
— Onimo has his finger in the stink (gerry.wat...) (webmail), Today 12:40 PM. (nu_onimo) (later) (admin) (userip)
this thread has a promising mundanity:civility ratio
— step hen faps (curtis.stephen...), December 19th, 2006 7:50 AM. (Curt1s Stephens)
besides, I’m not a racist...I’ve had sex with several black chicks in my day...
— PEW (HouseholdNam...), December 19th, 2006 3:39 PM.
my idolator list:
beach house, beach house
girl talk, night ripper
liars, drums not dead
yyys, show yr bones
clipse, hhnf
blow, paper tv
rapture, pieces of the people
supersystem, million microphones
camp lo, fort apache: the mixtape
think about life, think about life
lcd soundsystem, 45:33
snowden, like bullets
delorean, time breaks off
t.i., what you know
beach house, master of none
the clipse, wamp wamp
fiery furnaces, benton harbor
gnarls barkley, crazy
justin timberlake, my love
midlake, roscoe
ray barreto, acid
karen dalton, in my own time
tortoise, a lazarus taxon
pavement, wowee zowee
willie colon, el malo
— Jams Murphy (littleknow...), December 19th, 2006. (ystrickler) (later) (link)
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For one hopeful second there, I thought you wrote your ballot to the tune of “Vogue.”
— Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), December 19th, 2006. (epicharmus) (later) (link)
christ had a pre-9/11 mentality
— and what (an...), December 19th, 2006.
annoying.. .
the boldness I mean
You’ve just reminded me what a pathetic, banal title “Nightmares and Dreamscapes” is.
You’re entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some sort of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door.
— ledge (tomdotledge...), December 20th, 2006. (ledge) (later)
haha I love that this isn’t the first Futurama joek excelsiored
Oh, in that case it’s disqualified for not acknowledging its sources.
IT TURNS OUT IT’S MAN
Must be why I hate CDs—jewel cases are ugly symbols of uniform mass production, completely vestigial to their contents.
— Nu-Edward III (ehonaue...), December 18th, 2006.
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Whereas hand-carved CDs by magic elves are laden with the uniqueness of their craft?
— Ned Raggett (ne...), December 18th, 2006.
Smith: A casino where I’m winning? That car musta killed me. I must be in heaven! [He plays again and wins again.] A casino where I always win? That’s boring. I must really be ... in hell!
[A bearded man appears at his side.]
Man: No, Mr. Smith. You’re not in heaven or hell. You’re on an aeroplane.
[He pulls a curtain across. Smith looks out the window and sees a gremlin tearing up the wing.]
Smith: There’s a gremlin destroying the plane! You’ve gotta believe me!
Man: Why should I believe you? You’re Hitler!
[He holds up a mirror and Smith sees his reflection.]
Smith: No! [He turns to the seat next to him.] Eva Braun! Help me!
[She takes of her facemask, revealing she is a human-fly. Smith screams.]
Bender: Saw it coming!
the woman he’s “strangling” looks like one of our senior editors. it’s a small and not particularly amusing or coincidental world.
— grimly fiendish (simonmai...) (webmail), Today 3:30 PM. (simon) (later) (admin) (userip)
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That was the first draft of the Sherman brothers’ song for Disney.
— C J (CJ_The_Unrul...) (webmail), Today 4:20 PM. (C J) (later) (admin) (userip)
lol futuramas
this is the bone stupidest thread in sandbox history
— TOM. BOT. (tombo...), December 21st, 2006.
’sandbox history’ is killing me.
TOMBOT is on fire today
Is there a site or other resource that tells you which jobs aren’t the moral equivalent of scooping old mens’ ass blow off the floor with your bare hands
— TOM. BOT. (tombo...), December 21st, 2006.
Oh go and mangle a washerwoman in Finchley will you?
— Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), December 21st, 2006. (later)
i’m torturing myself with more mogwaispeed stuff by a band called The Autumn Project. The first song is 14 minutes long. I’m guessing the “awesome” guitars come in at around 8:32.
— scott seward (skotro...), Today 3:48 PM. (121212) (later)
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8:10!!! I was so close!
— scott seward (skotro...), Today 3:50 PM. (121212) (later)
OK, the trailer was underwhelming — like watching a chintzy Terminator. The young guy (Spike Witwicky?) is cute though. Do you think Megatron will transform into a bull and rape him?
— Alfred Soto (soto.alfre...), Today 8:00 PM. (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn) (later)
No, I don’t think that will happen.
— Jesus Dan (djperr...), Today 8:01 PM. (dan perry) (later)
ken lay at least gave a lot of donations to art charities, as opposed to wanting the brooklyn museum’s funding to be cut over a chris ofili painting.
man I wish enron was still in business now and he wasn’t dead!! gee, art needs his help!!
— TOM. BOT. (tombo...), December 21st, 2006.
i’m sure a lot of people still wish enron was in business, tom! they’d still have their pensions.
— Tyrone Slothrop (hstenci...), December 21st, 2006.
ok that is a correct zing
— TOM. BOT. (tombo...), December 21st, 2006.
lol
Shouldn’t we have a ‘Top Posts Of The Year’ competition at some point (preferably once real-ILX is back and running)? Any suggestions you’ve already got in mind?
^ this one
aww
13. Princess vs. the Volcano
— jw (jo...), December 21st, 2006.
I nominate nabisco’s “We’re having Applebees tonight, My Niggas!”
grady OTM
we should narrow it down to about 20 and the put it up to a vote
lol at scott’s prediction
xpost—no, we shouldn’t, unless you want to suck all the fun and spontaneity out of life.
Rock, I thought that was exactly what teh internets were for.
Hey about after we vote on the best posts we put out A BOOK collecting them???
otm
Michael, I thought it was all about P2P and P0rn.
we’ll explain the joke to you when you’re older, son. xpost
ALSO, PICTURES OF CATS WITH FUNNEH TEXT.
Hey, I know about that thread they turned into a book. Just that this isn’t a thread, it’s a collection of the finest humour t’internet has to offer (well, some might say). Maybe not a book either, a pamphlet maybe, or perhaps a printed bog-roll?
Maybe we can engrave it on a bullet and fire it into your brain.
that doesn’t seem a particularly nice idea
My my, you have such a delicious ear for the interweb zing, you truly do...
Hey, I know about that thread they turned into a book. Just that this isn’t a thread, it’s a collection of the finest humour t’internet has to offer (well, some might say).
i feel very, very sorry for anybody who thinks excelsior threads are a collection of “the finest humor t’internet has to offer.”
take the high road all you want, doesn’t change the fact that you got SONNED in a making excelsior threads unfunny beef. :DDD xpost.
i mean, jesus, what type of person would think that? i guess somebody who thinks a misspelling of “lyricist” is so funny that he makes it his new internet handle, despite nobody else offering any indication that it was the least bit humorous.
ts: t’internet vs. tit-internet
xposts: fair enough, Mom!
oh, and Mickey, not every internet handle has to be ‘humourous’. If I think something has a pleasant ring to it, I’ll adopt it. Meanwhile, you seem to have taken this as an opportunity to fire home another overlong, unfunny, misdirected zing. I despair. Perhaps my ‘finest humour’ claim was the teensiest bit sarcastic, Mickey? Certainly I could believe you missing that aspect.
Take it outside boyos
Mickey can’t.
the bog-roll thing isn’t actually a bad idea.
But he can’t go outside!
xxpost DAMN YOU NOODLE VAGUE
maybe a fart woke you up
— this is cutty (holle...), December 20th, 2006 1:14 AM. (mcutt) (later)
Max I was just coming here to post that. Classic!
— Brian Miller (brian.mille...), December 21st, 2006.
— thebingo (thebing...) (webmail), December 22nd, 2006 3:11 PM. (thebingo) (later) (link)
YES
I can imagine a lot of rappers saying a lot of Joanna Newsom’s lines verbatim:
E-40: Should we break some bread/Are y’interested
Snoop: And even when you touch my face/You know your place
David Banner: And all day long we talk about mercy/Lead me to water, lord, I sure am thirsty
DMX: This is an old song/These are old blues/And this is not my tune/But it’s mine to use
Aesop Rock: (Pretty much anything else)
— Whiney G. Weingarten (christophe...), December 21st, 2006 9:46 PM. (later)
You know, I just spent about 15 minutes fighting off the enormous temptation to delete every post on this thread and replace it with the words OBIE TRICE.
— Matt DC (runmd...), December 22nd, 2006.
you can really see the nascent psycho in little t’s face there.
— jhoshea (totalwizar...) (webmail), December 22nd, 2006 6:12 PM. (jhoshea) (later) (link)
i dont think that is a photograph
— Matt Cibula (expresso222...) (webmail), December 22nd, 2006 6:38 PM. (Formerly, the Haikunym) (later) (link)
i heard you got beat up in a club.
— jhoshea (totalwizar...) (webmail), December 22nd, 2006 6:41 PM. (jhoshea) (later) (link)
;_;
‘
’
‘
’
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^^^ that line is a river FYI
— Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (garance8...), December 22nd, 2006.
perhaps a printed bog-roll?
This really is a good idea.
I want a pony.
— Joe Isuzu’s Petals (crump...), December 26th, 2006.
Hold on, uploading...
— StanM (Stan10...), December 26th, 2006.
It doesn’t want to get in my modem—could you hold some oats in front of your screen?
— StanM (Stan10...), December 26th, 2006.
Is he operating Microsoft Stables or Macintosh Barn? Or even Linux Stalls?
— editio princeps (pato.g2...), December 26th, 2006.
I’ll have to go up into the iLoft to get some oats.
— Joe Isuzu’s Petals (crump...), December 26th, 2006.
The upload has failed, it was a trojan pony apparently. Sorry.
— StanM (Stan10...), December 26th, 2006.
funniest moment of 2006:
the amount of money i’ve spent on obscure boredoms side projects over the years is truly ridiculous. i was a mad collector at one point. i bet if we added the amount of money we’ve collectively spent on boredoms japanese imports over the years we could buy a small car.
— geeta (geet...), April 11th, 2006.
Vision... Creation... NISSAN
— morris pavilion (yndlqls0...), April 11th, 2006.
otm
In 2007 I promise to wage war on misuse of the word ‘random’. Unless you were swinging through a room blindfolded with the aim of catching your penis on the first vagina it comes into contact with, it’s not really random sex is it?
(You weren’t doing that were you? That’s disgusting).
— Matt DC (runmd...), December 27th, 2006.
A late candidate for funniest image-thread of the year:
The daily I used to work for still has the same movie critic who’s been there for decades. He once told me the story of how, in 1966, as an all-round “entertainment writer,” he interviewed JB. Who was under the hair dryer. He kept shouting, “I can’t hear ya, man! Just tell the kids James Brown said ‘Stay in school!’”
— A Radio Picture (rrricke...), December 29th, 2006. (Factory Sample Not For Sale) (later) (link)
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it’s like kasabian slating coldplay. they all deserve each other.
L. Jagger...OTM!?
— Marmot (marmotwolo...), December 29th, 2006.
———————————————————————————
— Comrades, meet Tildo Durd (papiermachealamphibia...), December 29th, 2006.
And to think Everton have a reputation as a team with race relation problems! Just look at that ethnically diverse crowd!
heil jagger?
ethan to thread :-(
to quote the above post:
;_;
‘
’
‘
’
___________________________________________________________
^^^ that line is a river FYI
1:2 Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren; 1:3 And Judas begat Phares and Zara of Thamar; and Phares begat Esrom; and Esrom begat Aram; 1:4 And Aram begat Aminadab; and Aminadab begat Naasson; and Naasson begat Salmon; 1:5 And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse; 1:6 And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias; 1:7 And Solomon begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Asa; 1:8 And Asa begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias; 1:9 And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias; 1:10 And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Amon; and Amon begat Josias; 1:11 And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon: 1:12 And after they were brought to Babylon, Jechonias begat Salathiel; and Salathiel begat Zorobabel; 1:13 And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor; 1:14 And Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Eliud; 1:15 And Calum begat Kate; and Kate begat Grout; and Grout begat Tuomas; and Tuomas begat Perpetua; and Perpetua begat Geir;
— amon (...), December 29th, 2006. (amon)
The woman in charge of Comment Is Free wrote this dreary we-don’t-need-no-editors we-can-talk-directly-to-the-masses piece once. I pointed out that no editors results in drivel like this article; I was shouted down by baying masses of commenters going “HAHA we d0n’t n33d ediors now, their in the past and we can deciiidd for ourselfs what is the good article”
— stet (bonald...), January 2nd, 2007.
lol
RE: Chuck Klosterman
if he’s on the toilet when he’s talking to the editor, do they print the farts?
— they call me candle guy (fluxion2...), January 2nd, 2007.
sandbox is making my balls hurt
— teh___kit (mahball...), November 24th, 2006.
———————————————————————————
Stop rubbing sand in them then.
— much_aldo_about_nothing (aldo.cowpa...), November 24th, 2006.
———————————————————————————
i’m trying to get sand in my vagina, but i fale.
y 2 brake balls, ilxsndbx?
— teh_kit (bubutbu...), November 24th, 2006.
———————————————————————————
That’s the problem then, yr balls are in the way of yr vagina. Try removing them with a sharp knife?
— much_aldo_about_nothing (aldo.cowpa...), November 24th, 2006.
———————————————————————————
k brb
— teh_kit (ki...), November 24th, 2006.
stet both funny and OTM
He didn’t do anything really, he figured out how to admin himself through some kind of dodgy CSS means via some kind of input field that isn’t the msg box and then didn’t do anything at all with the admin powers and it’s like CLOSE THE SHIP DOWN ABANDON ALL YE BUT THE RATS etc. Which is hilarious :D
— Allyzay P. Boxcars (allyza...), February 12th, 2007. (trm) (later)
Yeah, that’s kind of what I meant by “very good reason” which is the same “very good reason” I have and that is “Oh yeah if I don’t respond to/send e-mail immediately after thinking of it it will never be responded to and/or sent”
seriously have a drink in your house and forget about him (and also start picking up other dudes JUST IN CASE)
— Allyzay P. Boxcars (sluttymcge...), February 12th, 2007 4:47 AM. (trm) (later) (link)
killing them won’t bring them back
— Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 12th, 2007. (Ronan) (later)
No, but it does make them yours forever.
— Laurel (sininspac...), February 12th, 2007. (Laurel) (later)
It helps if you keep the head.
— Laurel (sininspac...), February 12th, 2007. (Laurel) (later)
Right, I’ll be returning all of YOUR e-mails promptly from now on...
— Allyzay P. Boxcars (sluttymcge...), February 12th, 2007. (trm) (later)
“I�m going to make giving back sexy and fuckable.�
daaaaaaaamn, she opening up a soup kitchen in her pants?
— scott seward (skotro...), February 12th, 2007. (121212) (later) (link)
One of the main problems with this concept is that conservative shows have been using actual Colbert-style tactics for years and years, which is part of where the satire shows got their ideas in the first place — finding bumbling, comical extremists and setting them up for pseudo-serious interviews is a pretty classic conservative sensationalist move. (It’s not so long ago that when O’Reilly was tackling, say, a black issue, he’d welcome some normal Republican congressperson and then be all like “to see how the mainstream black community feels about this, we turn to Rasheed-Ali ‘Pookie’ Akbar of the Greater Baltimore Kill Whitie Liberation Front.”)
— nabisco (san...), February 12th, 2007. (later)
The GBKWLF is a pretty respectble organization.
— max (mreadn...), February 12th, 2007. (later)
I LOVE MY WIFE
— Mr. Que, Today 3:47 PM. (Party with me Punker) (later)
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ME TOO!
— M Grout, Today 3:48 PM. (Mark Grout) (later)
———————————————————————————
I should rephrase that.
— M Grout, Today 3:48 PM. (Mark Grout) (later)
Just wanted to post that as well. :-)
seriously there are going to be some fucked up half bear/half stair babies locked up in cages in the basement of that B&B.
— Brian Miller (yourjobisyourcredi...) (webmail), February 14th, 2007 4:09 PM. (Brian Miller) (later) (link)
ewwwwwwww
— Mr. Que (pelagi...) (webmail), February 14th, 2007 4:09 PM. (Party with me Punker) (later) (link)
that is what goes on at every B&B
— Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (garance8...) (webmail), February 14th, 2007 4:10 PM. (Allyzay Eisenschefter) (later) (link)
CARE BEAR STAIR
— Brian Miller (yourjobisyourcredi...) (webmail), February 14th, 2007 4:12 PM. (Brian Miller) (later) (link)