1a. of course it could.

1b. as much as you want it/all night long

2. red!

3. itsamystery.jpg

thank you, v v helpful.

1a. I think so

1b. 30 pence

2. I’m not sure

3. Why don’t you ask them?

1a. Not today, but tomorrow yes.

1b. with all my heart

2. Dr.!

3. they lost the tweezers u_u

thank you, experts.

another:

4. why do the experts never agree?

4. It is part of the experts creed to agree to disagree.

corollary to 4. Experts agree on only 1 thing, to disagree.

thx, jaq. i’m glad you’re here. :)

wait i can’t disagree with that

6. Well, who?

7. And what?

8. And while we’re at it, how?

9. For that matter, when?

6. corazon aquino

7. what not, really.

8. by the most unlikely of means: a hammer and a loaf of bread

9. tomorrow. watch out!

OH! thank you for telling me! i’d better get busy!!

10. How much longer?

10a. How long is too long?

11. jergins, do you know where my hammer is?

10. about a day and a half. definitely less than two.

10a. if you’re still experiencing doubt after a few weeks, come see me (or any local representative). we’ll talk you through the process, and buy the coffee.

11. basement!

nailed that last question, i did

nah, i think you screwed up.

lol

Lurker, if you have any difficult questions, you should ask the experts here!

Dear Experts,

I was recently diagnosed with a case of Thread Bumps. I checked on WebMD and even did a google search, but I can’t find any information about this condition.

Is it contagious?

Is it life-threatening?

Is there any treatment?

What are the symptoms?

I am counting on you for help! You’re my only hope!

should we move to a loft in pioneer square?

should we move to lower qA?

how about capitol hill?

condition #1—we will either be working in thes outh end or that and mercer isalnd :(

(plz say loft, kthxbye)

LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT LOFT

not that i’m an expert, obv. just a person with an opinion.

I’m thinking taht 2, or apt. above uwajimaya

would there be any more dangerous place for us to live? over grocery and bookstore?

nice. yes. do it. NO DANGER!!

DREAM!!!

haha i thought like ‘oooh ID dangerous’ and then i realized it was about food and books and i lollllllled

hahaha! stepdaughter was all “ooo! no! you’ll be caught in x-fire” and I’m all “no dude, we wld never hav to go outside!”

but u wld & u’d luv it!

I no! Mr. Jaq feers the packing :( I think it owuld be grebtst thing EVAH!

potential loft is 1 block from salumi and 1 block from Elliott bya bookds

so so vvv addicted to craigslist :(((((((

move there. i mean 1 block elliot bay. do not move to craig’s list. that would suck.

haha craig would molest u

I noes! would that not be the best!

okay experts: should I sell the car?

uhm, oh—xpost

yes, if u move to 1 block elliot bay, yes.

thats what I’m thinking

plus parking is $$$$$ down that way and there are buses

that is so much the place for us. time to go look on sunday maybe

how do i sleep more?

how do i speed up my internet?

jaq, loft news?

dear experts:

if i had cramps AND spilled coffee on my yellow sweater AND discovered a hold in my pants... would that be reason enough to leave work early?

hold in your pants? hell yes, go home

oh jexux i just noticed that typo and now i understand fully your response. dumdum over here lol!

anyway, here’s my question:

recognizing that he is most certainly a musical genius but perhaps not, you know, an astronomer:

do you think kells had to look up space terminology to write this song, or did he have it all in his head?

if he looked stuff up, where do you think he looked... online? does he have a dictionary or encyclopedia at home / in his office / at the club? or maybe he called the reference desk of his local library?

i’m interested to know what you think.

is it too early to start drinking?

lacking a timely response from the experts, i am forced to make my own inexpert assessment. the answer is:

NO, it is not too early to start drinking.

never

haha i got xposted

was it rye rye w/ m.i.a.? her myspace says she was in dublin last night.

????

has there ever been a person that’s picked something up off the floour and put it under the vacuum to be picked up later?

how was that only 20 minutes?

am i really going to go to bed with resin all over my hands?

the answer to that is YES

i hope you washed your sheets

i have so many questions.

ask me some of them that i can answer..............can i answer some of them.........

what are some of the questions..............

1. how did you get back on this board?

2. why are you so surly this morning?

3. even though you (seemed to be able to) puzzle out those meeting times, do you agree that it was a stupidly, annoyingly composed email?

1. apparently, i can post at this address: questions for the experts

but not the one that doesn’t log you out

2. i’m actually not feeling surly at all.

3. i feel like that email could have been written by PRETTYPIGGIE

Please let me know what your schedule will be for the dates and times listed below Monday, May 12, 11am—12pm, or between 1–3pm Tuesday, May 13, 1–4pm Wednesday, May 14, 11am—12pm, or between 1–4pm Thursday, May 15, 10am—12pm, or 1–4pm. Thank you!

how soon is too soon to start worrying about not being able to understand stet when he speaks?

why is that tiny so big in the title when it’s tiny in the thread?

distance from the monitor

but aren’t they all the same distance from the monitor?

no

dear experts,

is it too early for potato chips?

luv,

lxy

as long as you chew with your mouth closed, no

what language is this:

Sredstev za placilo strežnika nam zopet primanjkuje. Sporocili so nam, da imamo še nekaj dolgov za nazaj.

?

Hi Lxy!

Thanks for writing. You’ll be happy to know that it’s never too early for potato chips! Studies have shown that literally any time of day is a great time for potato chips.

Hope this answers your question!

All the best,

Hey there Jergins!

Thanks for your question. I’ve taken it up with expert linguists at nearby Columbia University, who tell me that it’s Slovenian. Let us know if you need anything else!

Cheers,

is it appropriate to say, in an official communication, “this is really complicated but it’s important, so stop dicking around and pay attention!”?

no

what is this?

OSI DOSI TRELAS EXO TOSI DOSI DINO K OSI DOSI DINO POU EXO TOSES RIMES FTINO

greek?

a-ha

dear experts,

do people have to log out of ilx in order to post unregistered on ire, how does it work.

please.

esteemed estela,

indeed, people do have to log out of ilx in order to post unregistered on ire. but when you do log out, you have to remember to check the box for “remove login cookie from my computer.”

which is a shame, because i really like cookies!

yours,

Lingbert

dear lingbert,

that was very helpful, many thanks, perhaps even too many thanks, maybe so many thanks it could be a little bit uncomfortable for everyone.

<3stela

dear experts,

does it make sense for vespas and segways to be sold in the same store? this has been bothering me for more than a week.

thanks in advance for your help.

Hiya Lxy,

Thanks a bunch for your question. It’s quite a doozy! But the answer is yes, it does make sense. Especially if it’s a store that sells vehicles with two wheels. Hope this helps!

Keep up the good work,

dear experts,

thank you for your prompt reply. i appreciate your assistance in resolving this perplexing conundrum.

yours,

lxy

Thank you Lxy! Without people like you, experts wouldn’t have a job.

That being said, I need to remind you that this is a thread for “questions for the experts.” Since your post didn’t have a question in it, I’m going to ask the mods to remove it.

Wishing you the best,

you don’t know who you’re fucking with? she’ll go and change the thread title?

dear maxpert,

does your post have a question in it?

no, it doesn’t.

in that case shouldn’t it be also removed in a righteous purge?

si.

max,

why would you want to fuck with me?

lxy

I’m sorry for the times I left you home

I was on the road and you were alone

I’m sorry for the times that I had to go

I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know

That you were sitting home just wishing we

Could go back to when it was just you and me

I’m sorry for the times I would neglect

I’m sorry for the times I disrespect

I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done

I’m sorry I’m not always there for my son

I’m sorry for the fact that I am not aware

That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there

Because I am in the streets like everyday

Sorry for the things that I did not say

Like how you are the best thing in my world

And how I am so proud to call you my girl

(Bridge)

I understand that there are some problems

And I am not too blind to know

All the pain you kept inside you

Even though you might not show

If I can apologize for being wrong

Then it’s just a shame on me

I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

Chorus

You can put the blame on me (4x)

Said you can put the blame on me (3x)

You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through

And all the times you didn’t know what to do

Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs

Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad

And you would rather be home with all your kids

As one big family with love and bliss

And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn’t agree

He got up and left you there all alone

I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own

I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief

I’m sorry that your son was once a thief

I’m sorry that I grew up way too fast

I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad

I’m sorry your life turned out this way

I’m sorry the FEDS came and took me away

(Bridge)

I’m sorry that it took so long to see

They were dead wrong trying to put it on me

I’m sorry that it took so long to speak

But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani

I’m sorry for the hand that she was dealt

For the embarrassment that she felt

Just a little young girl trying to have fun

Her daddy should never let her out that young

I’m sorry for Club Zen getting shut down

I hope they manage better next time around

How was I to know she was underage

In a 21 and older club they say

Why doesn’t anybody wanna take blame

Verizon backed out disgracing my name

I’m just a singer trying to entertain

Because I love my fans I’ll take that blame

Even though the blame’s on you (3x)

I’ll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me (2x)

You can put that blame on me

And you can put that blame on me

ok

dear experts,

i participated in this text exchange today:

friend: what nationality was pablo picasso?

me: spanish

friend: thanks!

me: are you cheating at trivial pursuit?

friend: it was the question of the day at the bank.

me: what is my prize!

......

me: what is my prize!??

friend: a high five.

so, experts, can i call bullshit? shouldn’t i get the prize or at least part of it?

Frankly Lxy, having a good friend is a pretty good prize in and of itself!

give thanks to the lord for that prize snaffling chum.

max, you’re fired as my expert.

estela, do you need a job?

u cant fire me jerk

uhh, i think i can, as a matter of fact.

sad

lxy, i would LOVE to be your new better replacement expert.

dear experts,

do you think they purposely size tic-tac boxes such that tic-tacs wedge together along the sides, and you have to bang the box around a lot to dislodge them? do they suppose that if others hear the tic-tac eater madly rattling tic-tacs, they will want to buy their own tic-tacs?

also, if i have my corrective lenses propped on top of my head when the sun is shining hot and high, am i at risk of setting my hair on fire?

thanks for your help!

lxy

dude just move the spider to a different part of the yard

fuck you come here and move it yourself!

the only living things i’ll touch are apples still on a tree and coochie. you know this lingbert.

Hey Jergins,

Here’s the thing: you can kill the spider if you want, but if my mom finds out she’s going to be sad, and maybe a little disappointed in you. And I might tell her. You also might consider that maybe the spider is thinking, what is the deal with this guy who keeps ruining my web? You know?

Hope this helps!

Cheers,

I’d like to hear Estela’s answer now if possible.

thanks max!

i think you should move to a new house.

are you moving?

― max max max max, Thursday, October 2, 2008 3:29 AM (12 minutes ago)

!!!

i know, right?

oh my god you don’t have to actually touch the spider...................just grab a piece of the web it is hanging on to and then pull it behind u like a fucking arachnoid kite.................

then u can just stick it onto an other shrub or some thing........................................

you sound quite angry, like a ventomologist.

......................................

is there an emoticon for mooning? is this it (see below)?

(|)

oi. or this maybe:

( | )

do you think dr. dre knows how often his name is the answer to a nyt crossword clue?

(_|_)

thats not it

itt a butt

(_(__|

― cankles, Wednesday, May 9, 2007 11:24 PM

dear experts,

why, when you look at most read threads, has there sometimes been a big reading stampede on a thread that isn’t in new answers? there’s times on ilx when about 22 people have in the same hour read an old thread that hasn’t been updated in months. is it because the random thread feature isn’t completely random? or what?

thanking you in advance.

<3estela

dear estela,

i figured it out. i think it happens when an old thread is linked on a new thread, so a bunch of people look at the old thread but don’t add anything to it.

an example: i was just finally catching up on the ile thread 2008 USGE RESULTS THREAD PS GOP U LOST DIXVILLE NOTCH LOL, and saw that our friend eman linked to an old thread on election afternoon, and probably tons of people looked at it but no one posted there, so that’s it, right?!

<3, lxy, detective-in-training

ps eman was hilarious and awesome in that thread

^that is my expert opinion

i also think it has to do with googlers, which is why the can i have some simpsons porn thread on ire is always one of the top 50 most threads. which is also really creepy and weird, if true.

nothing creepy about a millhouse boner, cmon

uhh

dear lxy,

i bet that’s it, i think maybe you are a genius and i thank you for curing my puzzlement.

<3estela

XD

experts,

is being nice worth it?

fuck you

when is a link more than a link?

when there’s ink.

tehresa is a cryptic expert, i like that.

what constituted phase one?

Hi Jergins—

Being nice is always worth it.

Thanks,

Experts

Hey Jelky:

Phase One consisted of:

• Restructuring

• Budget cuts

• Re-evaluation of goals

Stay tuned for Phase Two!

Best,

Experts

who will dance on the floor in the round?

why do i never feel like going out anymore?

i remember when that happened, i thought it was temporary, but it wasn’t. now i revel in not going out. though we did go out on saturday with some of our neighbours and the evening ended on this note:

‘goodnight estela’ (kiss on each cheek) ‘thank you for saying penis, i liked it’ (extra kiss on the snap frozen tundra of my cheek).

(it’s true i said penis but it was 3 hours earlier and i employed a brisk practical tone.)

since then f. and i have started thanking each other for saying things, and saying we liked it.

thanks for writing penis

what a week.

Hey Lxy!

As it turns out, your question was answered before, by experts far more expert than your humble sandbox servant(s):

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081004070137AA5jU7o

Hope that helps! :)

With love and respect,

Jergins—

There are a lot of reasons you don’t feel like going out anymore, for example, your age, and your growing dislike of Seattle, and the people you run into, and barely-conscious anxiety about the above.

Does that answer your question?

Keep up the great work,

Home > Arts & Humanities > Dancing > Resolved Question

lxy does this look sort of like you?

your answer’s off max but it allowed me to bring into focus what the answer probably is

so thankx

even a stopped clock is right twice a day

sexy clock

unless it’s on military time.

camo clock’s hot!

but how does it compare to hello kitty clock!?

What’s the opposite of a cockblock?

clam slam

pussy control.

for the record to show i’m a good liberal it was an affirmative action clam slam, trying to help the indian guy get into some blonde russian babushka

a benetton barter?

when lxy’s away is this board more or less gay?

please see my response on this other thread

is it weird or ok for a stranger on the street to say bless you after you sneeze?

i think it’s okay. who did you bless?

it depends upon the tone and demeanor of the blesser and also whether or not the sneezer feels at ease in this world.

thank you experts

blessing people when they sneeze is silly

I like it when people say bless you it’s like an appendix or a vestigal tail

why have i let myself get trolled twice in the past week?

do you think the songs you get in your head are most interesting than the songs other people get in their heads?

god definitely not! i get some of the worst shit stuck in my head.

When I finally gather the funds to move to the big smoke, these guys are definitely near the top of my ‘must see live’ list.

where is this and can i move there now?

scratch that it’s either london or toronto

do i have to hate the person that’s sitting next to me? is it a work rule?

i think it might be a rule, yes.

what is going on here?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_BmPZ6zj4Pt0/SWRs1WGZBZI/AAAAAAAABY8/CnJwtNRYJS4/s1600-h/keenhouse.jpg

what is that from??

a better question would be what isn’t going on there

glasses and bandages guy makes me think of that baaad chevy chase movie

can u post a blank post (excl bad pix)?

do you know of a good book that tells about the evolution of symbols, like where @ and & and % came from?

do you know of a good book about the history of malls

would read that book

isn’t this a weird email to get from a colleague? like, from a colleague you aren’t close to and don’t work with very much?

Have a marvelous day and weekend.

There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.

David Burns, Intimate Connections

wtf language is this in

YouTube Video

Open

were my shotgun wedding jokes over the line?

no they were awesome i LOLLLLED!!!!!

but apparently estela questions my integrity as an expert so

(imo at least in this case i think she is RONG)

i have three pillows, two of them down/goosefeather(i think?) and as i sleep i must push them up, towards the wall, so that they cascade up and over and back down onto my head, or if not that they point out into the air and when i look up i think i’m wearing one of those dumb jester hats. it’s annoying, and the pillows don’t work that well. what do i need to do? buy/get more pillows?

sorry has taken me so long to respond to your question. every night since you asked it i only remembered as i was getting into bed, adjusting my pillows. never when i was at the computer or even upright. and it seemed silly to get up and turn the computer on to answer, especially considering the fact that in all likelihood you were already fighting with your pillows, not looking at the computer.

the bathroom clock claims LIGHTED DISPLAY. in what year was that last true?

lol 1984? never in my time that’s for sure.

why would cyst location run in a family?

gross i don’t know. good thing i never had children, what a terrible thing to pass down.

is there a difference between clumsiness and carelessness?

yes

i love a concise expert

<3