yr coworker could’ve started this thread and it’d be more valid.

Lock thread.

*hysterics*

omg!

Jams Murphy!

I never fail to be amazed at stupid co-workers.

me: turn off your monitor when you go home.

her: why?

me: cos it wastes energy and causes global warming

her: Well I like hot weather. It doesn’t matter if it gets warmer, does it?

me: (sigh)

the next day . . .

her: I owe you an apology.

me: what about?

her: that global warming thing. I watched that David Attenborough program last night and he said that if the polar ice caps melt that’ll effect the polar bears.

me: . . .

her: I mean, I didn’t realise global warming affected animals too.

me: i’m going to pretend this conversation never happened

You could have maybe put a bit more effort into this

jams murphy otm

I applaud Mickey’s honesty in not making himself look like an untwat.

modestmickey: die

just wow

we are not surprised

Is Modestmickey still on the chain gang btw?

Damn James for getting in first. I had to re-read the first three lines several times to make sure I wasn’t getting the pronouns confused. Oh mickeypaws.

miss misery, pls don’t associate my name with mickey’s

you are a meme now, tough luck.

co-worker: I’ve made a copy of this sheet for everyone...it’s not work related but it’s very important....

*distributes sheet with details of a plan where you put next of kin phone number in your phone as ICE, standing for “in case of emergency”*

me: “oh shit it won’t work for me”

co-worker: (concerned) “why not?”

me: “my girlfriend is called ice”

co-worker: (blank look) “it’s a brilliant idea”

me: “yes”

seriously what makes these people think about this shit all day? is there some disease in offices that makes people obsessed with illness/ diets and death? fucking creeps! worthy cause and all but still...so weird.

I swear she got a huge buzz out of helping to organise things for the emergency services. What a wonderful citizen!

Your girlfriend is called “Ice”?

You should have killed her for wasting the earth’s valuable resources printing that out on a piece of fucking paper! Which bit of that could possibly need to be written down?

it had a big long santimonious spiel on it too....

I’ve seen that email. Makes me want to hit people.

the concept of becoming a meme is kind of great....

me: you’d think that’d mean it’d be easy. but i’ve wanted to fuck an asian girl since middle school and it’s never happened.

You were joking here, right?

my ICE number is 08700 635 939. Imagine the look on their face when they dial thru and it’s not my nearest and dearest.

Who needs a piece of paper for the ICE thing? Anyway, don’t people just put AA in front of the person’s name so they show up first on your list of contacts?

uh no. but you could just dial “most used” nrs.

me: you’d think that’d mean it’d be easy. but i’ve wanted to fuck an asian girl since middle school and it’s never happened.

You were joking here, right?

— nathalie (wotwotwo...), December 18th, 2006.

i think you’re the only one who caught onto that. thanks.

you were not fucking joking, you were caught by the RIAA, you have a belly button ring, you’ve wanted to fuck an asian girl since middle school and it’s never happened

haha cutty you are ridiculous. please, more righteous fury. also please, more reading comprehension.

YOU ARE A FUCKING LOSER

cutty otm

who says they’ve always wanted to fuck an asian girl to a “girl at work” even as a joke?

aside from a young momus, i guess

somebody who made up the entire interaction in their head?

Almost everyone OTM. I had the same initial pronoun confusion as Miss Misery on first read. Late to thread. Not really adding anything.

the only time in recent memory i remember being really angry was going to a cheap vietnamese ho place by myself

you know how you always see nerdy white guys with asian girlfriends?

OK OMG this is like the second or third time this year I’ve seen someone note this, as if it’s some weird imbalance in the universe: have NONE of these bastards noticed that there are plenty upon plenty of nerdy Asian girls in this country? Who the hell do you expect them to date?

“Hi, I’m a well-adjusted Asian girl. I was going to go out with this nice guy I met in my organic chemistry lab — we have a lot in common — but then some weirdo race-fetishist decided I was some kind of super-hot prize, so I guess I’ll have to save myself for someone more ‘deserving,’ who has earned the great privilege of having exotic sex with a member of the most numerous racial group on the planet.”

Nerds are a racial group now?

haa

Nabisco, you need to get out of nyc more often. I grew up in a town with over 99% caucasians

Umm Jon I’ve only lived in NYC for a few years, and I grew up in a town with pretty much no Asian people in it: the joke was about white people finding Asians “exotic” when there are WAY more of them than you.

Your innovative technique of “sarcasm” is too sophisticated for me.

Also, you know, people projecting their race-fetishism on the outside world to a point where they’re surprised an Asian woman would date a dorky guy.

Oh wait I get it now.

the funniest sonnings are the self-inflicted ones.

^ azns

MORE OF THEM

“fuck an asian girl” gives that edgy humor that the casual race bias of “date an asian girl” just doesn’t provide

more pics, please

i wish i had pictures of my chinese roommate from college making muscles in the mirror and looking at “body building” mags

I unfortunately had the “I’m only ever dating asian girls from now on” convo with someone I actually like quite a lot recently, but he was very VERY VERY drunk, so I’m going to excuse him on that basis.

mickey thinks that asian girls have sideways vaginas

Stupid cow-orkers thread be ruined :(

maybe use this one?

BTW Asian girl u are very pretty.

mickey, have you been in an airport lately?

While Mickey’s comment is unfortunate at best this thread reeks of “haha this guy we don’t like did something dumb, let’s make fun of him!”

(which I find rather more distasteful and disgusting than the original comment, myself)

how unfortunate

Didn’t you hear lurker, everyone on ILX is an OMGRACEST.

just some lols all around let’s be cool

how about eurasians, Derek? Are they good for bjs only?

i think you’re the only one who caught onto that. thanks.

:-( You should have really explicitly made that clear cause, well, it wasn’t very obvious from the dialogue you typed.

I think Jams said it best, but even so I think it should be accepted it was less than serious.

Right, next ‘stupcowo’

‘it was a joke’ = bullshit backtracking

sede OTMFM.

Yeah, if you have to explain it was a joke...

i’ve wanted to fuck that sleeping asian girl with the cats on her since middle school and it’s never happened.

i just want the kitties.

the cats = sweet bonus

‘it was a joke’ = bullshit backtracking

Ah come on, without emoticons, you can interpret that, yes, as a serious comment but still see that it cuold be a joke. Just saying that, if it was, well, say, Stevem (wink wink), would you also have the kneejerk reaction: This is serious and racist? (Not saying it was a good joke. It’s wrong... but still... y’know, cut the guy some slack.)

I don’t that I’d say racist Nath, just stupid.

Well, ok, stupid then. :-)

Damn, I have a cold, I’m thinking cloudily. :-)

Stupidity and crypto-racism, generally speaking, are eternal dancing partners.

re: nabisco, “race fetishism.” yeah, i was serious about finding asian girls attractive. what about that automatically qualifies asians as exotica in my worldview, though? i also like girls with dark black hair and shapely asses. from what i understand, they are also very common. perhaps as common as asians.

re: harvell, “who jokes like that”—almost everybody i know. i think you forgot what it’s like to be in your early 20’s. or maybe you city folk are just sophisticated beyond my southern simplicity.

re: cutty, you know, sometimes stuff gets lost in translation over text. but if you really get as furious at me as your postings seem, you got serious problems. most the shit i post here is like 2 lines long and written when i’m drunk. if that little sets you off, you need to see somebody.

anyways, this thread is no worse than the regular “omg i hate you” type shit lfam, blastocyst, or whoever else responds to almost everything i post. the amount i care about this shit is roughly equal to the number of asian girls i’ve slept with. just a bit of fun, lets be cool! (cue cutty mental break down and “sonning” me in like 5 threads i won’t even notice until revives weeks later)

(Does anyone else think lurker #whatever is Momus?)

not that i’m defending him but making every derek post about derek = MAJOR DUD!

i rarely have stupid coworker stories, i guess i’m lucky like that?

stupid customer stories, now that’s another thing...

major dad was awesome in deadwood

nobody likes you

Dan, Nick is not in the ILX litterbox, he’s in Madrid playing gigs and sightseeing w/his fiancée!

(Does anyone else think lurker #whatever is Momus?)

No, I am not Momus.

xpost!

lolz

I love nerdy Asian girls. My old roomie from Indonesia named her car “Cumulo Cumulo” bcz it was white...like the cloud. Her dream was to marry a nice, handsome mathematician who presumably lacked a bellybutton piercing.

I hate how when people say “nerdy chick” they mean basically indie girl w/glasses and not the girl who wears sweatshirts w/appliquéd squirrels, has long uncombed hair, and is working on a series of fantasy novels.

As in the fantasy boneworthy nerdy chick...?

Ha, yeah, I was going to say — I think the physical attractiveness quotient’s going to be higher in the first group than in the second.

Which, frankly, I don’t have a problem with: who among us doesn’t want to find someone who’s into many of the same things we’re into, and also happens to be (in our eyes) hot? One of the things that nerdy guys find frustrating is the feeling that their female counterparts look on their interests with contempt, or vague disinterest/disapproval at best.

“female counterparts” = by this I mean women in general, not women-nerds

Maybe they mean nerdy chic

(I kind of skipped a step with my post: obviously “nerdy girl” shouldn’t mean “indie girl with glasses who isn’t actually into anything nerdy”.)

Umm Mickey I don’t think finding Asian women attractive makes you any kind of race-fetishist, but the way it was expressed in the original post seemed kinda problematic. You say it was a joke now, so whatever. But like I said, it’s not the first time I’ve seen someone express surprise or consternation that Asian women would date “nerdy” guys — which is ridiculous, and seems to be predictated on the person’s OMG ASIAN WOMEN fetishism somehow outweighing all the obvious real-world stuff about the individual, like ... maybe the Asian girl’s nerdy, too?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ching_chong

For the Hong Kong journalist for the Straits Times jailed in the People’s Republic of China for espionage, see Ching Cheong.

predictated on the person’s OMG ASIAN WOMEN fetishism somehow outweighing all the obvious real-world stuff about the individual, like ... maybe the Asian girl’s nerdy, too?

I find it interesting that this is how you interpreted all that. Mine would be something more like “I wonder why it seems like, if a nerdy white guy has a girlfriend, she’s more likely to be Asian than demographics/statistics would normally suggest?”* I mean, I can’t speak for Mickey, but I don’t think fetishism is as automatic an assumption as you’re making it out to be.

*not an elegant way of putting that, but you know what I mean

(though obviously he has some degree of fetishing Asian chicks by definition! ‘fuck an asian girl’ and all that...)

Let’s ask Momus

Oh come on, Lurker, that’s not what the first post says at all. It goes like this:

me: you know how you always see nerdy white guys with asian girlfriends?
her: yeah
me: you’d think that’d mean it’d be easy.

In other words, it says: “If nerds can manage the fetishized prize of dating an Asian woman (any Asian woman), then why can’t I?” This kind or implies a perspective where dating an Asian woman is come kind of competitive prize, and the fact that they’re Asian makes them some sort of important commodity, as opposed to their being various sorts of people and maybe some of them dating nerdy guys for the same reason anyone else winds up dating nerdy guys.

I’m sorry but I love this couplet:

Along came a choo-choo train,
Knocked him in the cuckoo-brain

O’Neal was quoted as saying, “You tell Yao Ming, ‘Ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.’” Yao Ming responded with: “Chinese is a hard language to learn.”

hang on—Momus is with his fiancée ? I never thought I’d see the day.

ilx Momus wedding FAP plans need to be set in train for 2007.

this thread = ;_;

wtf ‘fetishism’

Ni — I mean Nab — oh, hell, whatever I’m supposed to call you now:

me: you know how you always see nerdy white guys with asian girlfriends?
her: yeah
me: you’d think that’d mean it’d be easy.

In other words, it says: “If nerds can manage the fetishized prize of dating an Asian woman (any Asian woman), then why can’t I?”

This is only true if you assume that the speaker doesn’t see himself as nerdy! i.e. “you’d think that’d mean it’d be easy [for a nerdy guy like me]”. I’m not saying that this is (or isn’t) what Mickey meant, but I don’t think it’s an unreasonable interpretation.

In some ways I think it’s less of a stretch, actually — I know a fair number of guys who are especially attracted to Asian women, and whatever’s problematic about that, I don’t get the sense that they’re going around thinking that Asian women are like, magic totem creatures who can have any man they want.

hang on—Momus is with his fiancée ? I never thought I’d see the day.

He has been married before.

Most of my gay male friends claim that non-Asian guys who claim to be into Asian women are secretly gay nad are picking “Asian women” as an unatainnable beard, I guess because their experiences told them that most of the women actually being pursued by these guys were not planning on marrying or dating non-Asian men.

I’ve been told in all seriousness more than once “Asian girls are just more accomodating, generous and kind—they’re not selfish bitches”. I mean wtf, why not just come out and say “they be subservient”. Mail order brides anyone? Argh sorry this annoys me cause of the asshole who lives next door who is a violent brute married to a timid quiet SE Asian woman who I suspect from all the yelling he abuses.

trayce, there was great article in harper’s a few months back about these buy-a-wife services. although the article focused on a particular service in an eastern european country (ukraine? can’t recall), it also mentioned one of these companies that deals exclusively in one asian country. can’t recall which. a spokesperson for the company, responding to a fake question about whether the potential wives will have access to his criminal background which includes domestic violence, said that their asian wives are not as “forceful” as american women, and don’t “need” to be “dealt harshly with,” as american women do. really sick stuff.

I love gay analyses of hetero mating patterns

just like when chicks say “nerdy guys” they mean like, seth cohen from the O.C.—however, i envision davischen, my german classmate in highschool who wore a bright royal blue peacoat with a telephone embroidered on the back and who always had a perfectly round zit on the end of his nose.

he was rad.

he and my sister were in fierce competition for best teen pianist in greeley, colorado

Now I have the urge to pop a zit on the end of my nose, but no zit is there.

This is the strangest phantom sensation I have ever experienced.

maybe you have one A-SPROUTIN’

i’ve wanted to fuck nerdy white guys since college!!

i think you forgot what it’s like to be in your early 20’s.

i’ve wanted to fuck nerdy white guys since college!!

— phil-two (philtw...), December 20th, 2006. (later)

finally something in this thread that makes me laugh.

I went on a date with Phil once! And I am a nerdy guy!

But no fucking, just eating.

THIRD BASE

i got to first but then got picked off.

Girl to another girl:

Back in caveman times, when the man went out to hunt mammoths or whatever, they didn’t have mobile phones or anything to tell their wives they were safe, so there must have been some kind of psychic conection between them so they knew if everything was alright, or if the man had been killed or what. So that’s why I think psychic powes are real.

Other girl (boredly):

Yeah.

Me:

Red in the face from diplomatically struggling to maintain silence.

That is as good as any other explanation for believing in psychic powers. And it’s true they didn’t have cell phones back then.

I didn’t have a cell phone up until age 24 and I’m more than reasonably certain that I didn’t have psychic powers all during that time.

that argument really needed counter-evidence, dan :P

I know a really cute REAL nerdy couple, involving a girl (art & math major) who’s the leader of the school marching band and her boyfriend (art major, does website design for spare cash) who’s obsessed with video games and role playing. she sewed them matching zelda costumes for halloween. It warms my heart, when they’re not sickening me with adorable nerdy happiness.

xpost to all this mammoth phone stuff.

Counter-evidence or “GODDAMIT I’VE BEEN CHEATED”?

ex-coworker from last restaurant i worked at:

him: “astrology is a science, and it’s true just like all other sciences. if you weren’t ignorant, you’d know that.”

me: [tell him that’s ridiculous, make analogy to the chinese astrological calender]

him: “that’s stupid. the chinese don’t know what they’re talking about.”

enough with the asians

Oh, facebook.

Name: Appreciation of Asian Women 101

Type: Common Interest—Beauty

Description:

Welcome to Appreciation of Asian Women 101. It doesn’t matter what race you are. It doesn’t matter what sexual orientation you are. It definitely doesn’t matter how smart you are. Anyone (almost anyone, see IN ADDITON) can enroll because anyone can see that Asian women are God’s gift to men and no other females even come close. All you need to be a part of this group is an appreciation for the beauty of Asian women, or perhaps an interest in finding out exactly why Asian women are the most beautiful women on Earth.

__________________________

_________________

IN ADDITION: “Appreciation” is the “recognition of the quality, value, significance or magnitude of people” (dictionary.com). It has become apparent to me that I clearly have not put enough emphasis on the value of these women, or women in general for that mattter, as they are more than purely physical objects of men’s desire. They are beautiful, inside and out, and are to be treated with the utmost respect. If you only see these women as things that exist merely for the satisfaction of your lust or a creepy fetish, this group is NOT for you!

you’d think that’d mean it’d be easy. but i’ve wanted to get to know an asian girl inside and out—spiritually, intellectually and, yes, sexually since middle school and it’s never happened.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Date-White-Woman-Practical/dp/0919637264

whoa! she is ready

Customers who bought this item also bought

The Complete A**hole’s Guide to Handling Chicks by Dan Indante

How to Attract Asian Women by Ming Tan

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask!! How To Date A Beautiful Woman, Third Revised Edition by Bob Lott

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss

How to Date Young Women: For Men over 35 vol II (Advanced Skills) by R. Don Steele

i really fucking hate this country sometimes

Anything but prodigious, September 22, 2004

Reviewer: Crazy Ed (Cupertino, CA United States)—See all my reviews

I personally found the book lacking, in what I like to call “chutzpah”. I gave this book to a friend who needed some help and the “step-by-step guide” provided in this tome is anything but. In many cases he found the steps to be nebulous, ambagious, and even geared towards the derelict reader. The book, as a whole, was definitely not multifarious. I would not extol this literary work.

The advice she gives seems to be centered on Asian American women, whom I don’t really consider Asian, the same way George Bush isn’t an Englishman. Ming Tan, please rename yourself Amy.

Regarding all the hatred spewed forth against us asiaphiles by the coalition of Asian American boys who can’t get laid and other assorted racists, don’t think you are stopping even one of us from pursuing the women we adore, it just spurns us on, because it’s really enjoyable to see you pissed off.

xpost max i was just gonna post that!

god there’s a whole novel in there! i love running into unreliable narrators in real life.

I like that review because Crazy Ed was clearly using MS Word’s thesaurus.

spurns us on

This is next-level.

what is the title of that amazon “clench your anus 500 times daily for true happiness” book, written by that nutjob?

Collected Works of P.E. Wagemann: Omnibus Edition?

I’d like to think that what with Wagemann’s ILX posts being nuked at a stroke today, an equivalent compilation of idiocy has sprung up unannounced somewhere else in the world...

someone should start a thread where we just post amazon customer reviews of books about how to sleep with women

How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

yes!

Steve (a professional editor): I think Jeff might be a NARC.

Ann (also a professional editor): What’s a NARC?

Steve: A Narcotics Officer.

Ann: What’s a Narcotics Officer?

I thought nerdy guys just liked azn girls b/c of anime and video games.

Hahah yes prolly.

I wish my first-line-service-desk colleagues would :

a) provide me with more information on their logged problems other than just ‘this software is broken’

b) not send me logged problems for broken software, as that’s not even my job.

“oh hi i upgraded your RAM” dude was totally in my Calc II class

2121

coworker is loudly going off on ups customer service over the phone

‘this is unacceptable. where are my packages, erica?’

even a sandbox holds many treasures (such as this thread) (asian saying).

^otm. holy wow is this thread amazing

ugh, people

yeah that modestmickey post is like O____o

i have now rescheduled a meeting SEVEN TIMES in the course of 2 weeks. it’s only 4 people, including me, and 6 of the 7 times have been due to one person, and similar to this:

other guy: hey zach, january 3rd won’t work. can we make it january 4th?

me: sure!

*changes it to 4th*

other guy, 4 minutes later: *MEETING DECLINED* hey, i’m off work that day, how about the 5th?

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i know it’s just a little thing but the other 2 people in the meeting are up several layers on the mgmt. chain, and all they see on Lotus Notes is me changing the meeting over and over and over again like a lunatic.

modestmickey: die

― lexpretend (lexpretend), Monday, December 18, 2006 11:56 AM (5 years ago)

I hate how when people say “nerdy chick” they mean basically indie girl w/glasses and not the girl who wears sweatshirts w/appliquéd squirrels, has long uncombed hair, and is working on a series of fantasy novels.

― Abbott (Abbott), Tuesday, 19 December 2006 22:45 (5 years ago)

haaaa (sadface)

yrs,

someone who received many bleak looks of “why is that dishevelled appliqué-squirrel-girl cluttering up our scene” during her years of indie gig-going

yeah, i was serious about finding asian girls attractive. what about that automatically qualifies asians as exotica in my worldview, though? i also like girls with dark black hair and shapely asses. from what i understand, they are also very common. perhaps as common as asians.

― hm (modestmickey)

I haven’t posted to this thread in a while cuz my job’s been awesome. Sadly, I have to today.

The last two days have been, shall I say, EXCRUCIATING. I’ve been training representatives to take calls for a new service. Mind you, the training program for these reps has undergone a facelift the last two years. Gone are the endless, ineffective ‘self study’ modules, and the worthless Powerpoints, replaced by us training them from the actual call tools they will use when on the phones. Instead of brain-dumping oodles of info on them, training works like a two way conversation, with them interjecting with questions as we go. It has proved to be a success over the last year, and has previously achieved great results.

Prior to the end of training, I always lead an interactive hands-on session where I bring volunteers up front, have them navigate a simulated call situation, with help from their peers, and I reinforce good behaviors and force them to use the call tools appropriately to build muscle memory. This usually means that by the final week, they’re ready to take actual simulated telephone calls with success ranging from good to great, and a few people who suck, whom we then give remedial training to.

So that was what I expected this week, considering the way training went (pretty well), and the simplicity of the new service. But no...it was a disaster. The simulated calls I have built in the past sometimes didn’t go over well because they were too tricky or muddled, so I streamlined this batch and made it black and white — all questions with concrete answers, all things we covered extensively in training.

And they have been shitting the bed. Usually it’s just a handful, but at this point, we don’t have anybody excelling. They aren’t even expected to memorize — they are supposed to use the call tools I spent hours building. But they’re clearly just going from memory, which would be somewhat more tolerable if they weren’t getting all of the answers wrong in the process.

I thought the first session was a fluke, and then it happened again today, similar bad results. I checked everything I built yet there are no deficiencies that would support this meltdown. I can only conclude that I got a bad batch of hires, none of whom have leadership skills. Even multi-year veterans of the company are not doing well.

Normally, I would look inward and go “where did I fail?” and usually be able to find something I could have done better, but this time, I’m really at a loss. There were no warning signs of this — everything was working just fine, and this model for the last year has yielded great results. The only difference in the last three trainings I’ve lead is...the people I trained. I trained quality, experienced employees before, and I’m training scrubs now. I’m realizing that I could be held responsible for this failure even though this is like trying to lead a team like the 1990 Cowboys to the playoffs.

Just trying to figure out how to salvage at this point.