wtf—are you posting from the can?

All I hope for from other bathroom dudes:

1) You flush

2) You wipe

3) You wash

hands up everyone who knew this was either a chris v. or popshots thread?

haha...no just back from it though.

Why do you care if they wipe?

Oh, and if you can actually get your business IN the bowl, bonus.

[RUDE xpost]

my god its jess.

I don’t want to think about folks not wiping.

i thought this guy was rubbing one out by the sounds of it...his feet were moving and everything.

maybe he was, dude.

nah, i realized he wasn’t after i heard him splash the bowl.

either that or he was shittin a porcupine.

We’ve all done it. (XP) OKAY, NEVERMIND.

Maybe his cumloads are solids?

That is something he should go to a doctor for, so in fairness Chris is correct to be alarmed by that.

For the record, I cannot poop in a public restroom when there’s someone else in there. If I’m mid-drop the transaction is halted.

Dude, cut the cord!

dear sir in the stall next to me...

do not sing. also, why are you in the stall next to me in the first place when the one on the end was open? etc

dear sir in the stall next to me...

nice shoes, dude.

dude in stall next to me yesterday was talking on his motherfuckin’ phone

We’ve all done it.

we have?

how about “dude in the stall at 6:35 this morning,” even though you were not next to me, and I was not next to you, really I was just passing through to wash my hands after I got them filthy on the subway escalator handrail rubber again, what the FUCK were you doing taking a work poop at 6:35 am? Whatever, I don’t want to know about the plumbing at your house or your commute or your weird fucked up schedule or your master cleanse for bloated addicts diet. Never mind.

it was probably his morning coffee hitting him. still.

Dear sirs at the urinals behind me while I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom,

Why do you flush while you’ve still pissing? Do you enjoy the arcing spray of effluvia misted upon your pecker?

And to the guy who flushed THREE times during his piss — WHY?

Sometimes when i get up early my lower intestinal system can go into overdrive abruptly. I’ve had a few subway rides that were nail bitters.

That or maybe dude just likes to read the paper on the can and doesn’t get it delivered to his house?

xpost

And to the guy who flushed THREE times during his piss — WHY?

asparagus yo

dear sir in the stall next to me..

that was not me poking my head over the partition

Why do you flush while you’ve still pissing? Do you enjoy the arcing spray of effluvia misted upon your pecker?

Asparagus, or it could be I think they are pee scared in front of you and have to hear the sound of running water in order to pee with someone in the room. People do it around here alla time.

Or I guess they flush pre-pee to get things going.

That makes horrible sense.

I don’t want to think about folks not wiping.

Keep YOUR LAWS off of OTHER PEOPLE’S CRACKS, Daver.

This is gonna be like you defending King of Queens, isn’t it?

Yeah, because they’re both shitty.

Dear sir in the stall next to me...

Your ankles are making me horny!

Nabisco=toilet libertarian.

For the record, I cannot poop in a public restroom when there’s someone else in there. If I’m mid-drop the transaction is halted.

omg I’m the exact same way. It’s really frustrating, innit? The worst is when you poop and it makes a sound and the person in the stall next to you snickers. (not the candy bar. no pictures.)

What is that person, 12?

Dear dude at urinal: zip up, then turn around. In that order.

Dear sir in the stall next to me...

IT’S LIMBO TIME!

Dear sir in the stall next to me...

u gonna get raped.

The guy at the urinal next to me tonight was MILKING his dick. Tug-whoosh-tug-whoosh-tug-whoosh, each whoosh having like 4 times the force of regular pee. What’s that all about?

O

M

G

dear sirs on this thread,

you are making me happy I’m a girl

The guy at the urinal next to me tonight was MILKING his dick. Tug-whoosh-tug-whoosh-tug-whoosh, each whoosh having like 4 times the force of regular pee. What’s that all about?

what’s up enlarged prostate?

4 times the force of regular pee

4 times the force of regular pee

4 times the force of regular pee

dear sir at the urinal next to me: i challenge you to a duel.

Dear God,

I cannot get the tug-whoosh thing out of my head.

xpost there was this one line in a Tom Robbins book about a “stream of piss strong enough to take down a small woodland creature” or something like that.

perhaps a men’s room decathalon of some sort that tests speed, stamina, strength and endurance. events could include the duration of a pee, the distance travelled, some sort of urinary high jump, maybe pushing an object across a floor using only your stream, and maybe a speed comepetition.

maybe pushing an object across a floor using only your stream

If object = twig and floor = mud in the forest then I have done this.

ihttp://www.cpcgamereviews.com/g/ghostbusters.png

DO NOT CROSS THE STREAMS!

fecathalon

I don’t have a square...I don’t have a square to spare.

I say this compulsively in public toilets. Maybe someone is starting a thread about this now. My lands, am I ever vain.

For the record, I cannot poop in a public restroom when there’s someone else in there. If I’m mid-drop the transaction is halted.

Okay, now I’m imagining the turd hovering halfway between your butt and the water.

All I ask is that you not wipe with your bare hand and then prepare me a salad, okay?

really? see, i was picturing something else entirely

dude in the stall next to mine the other day finished his business (relatively) silently. but it was his excessive use of toilet paper that stunned me: pullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpull. riip. wipe. flush. pullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpull. riip. wipe. pullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpullpull. riip. wipe. flush.

was he wrapping his arm up to his elbow? was it that bad? then, after washing his hands for like 3 minutes under the water, pullpullpullpullpull on the hand towels.

of course, he used one sheet to pull the door open and dropped it on the floor... and the sink he used was positively overflowing with suds from all the soap. amazing.

Who’s down with OCD (yeah you know me!)

PS I didnt mean me obv.

USB yeah you know me

Got universal connecivity

(This was from a failed USB-themed hiphop album my friends and I fortunately never made. My name was going to be 1040 E-Z.)

“what the FUCK were you doing taking a work poop at 6:35 am?”

plz to explain poop schedule facism? i mean wtf, when nature calls dude :/

(unless you mean he gets to work 2 hours early so he can shit at work)

some sort of urinary high jump,

Every drunk dude in the woods has worked on the perfect angle for a high arc. Gotta account for sudden gusts of wind, though.

All I ask is that you not wipe with your bare hand and then prepare me a salad, okay?

Have a spinach taco, amigo

(we insist)

Well, Poppie’s a little sloppy.

my favorite bathroom moment ever. scene: a local bar a month or two ago. bathroom with maybe 6 people.

guy taking piss: WE GOT COUNTRY MUSIC TONIGHT BOYS! WOOHOO!

everybody else: ... [silently continue urinating or washing hands]

guy taking piss: ok guess no fans.

maybe you had to be there.

STRANGER: Hey there. Nice penis.

MY FRIEND: Thanks! I work out.

My least favorite bathroom scene: a gas station between memphis and nashville.

Old Guy: HAYuwanbljibtweniboks?

Me: W...What?

Old Guy: You want a blowjob for twenty bucks?

Me: Uh, no thanks.

Then we saw him get in a car with a woman, probably his wife, and a kid. sad/wtf.

i think shits mcturd was in the stall next to me again this morning.

The worst is when you poop and it makes a sound and the person in the stall next to you snickers.

That’s rude. The proper response is “Nice one!”

I got relatively drunk last night and woke up this morning feeling very woozy, got on the Tube, felt too hot and prickly in my wool shirt, RAN up the stairs of my office, dropped my newspaper, had to go back down a couple of steps to pick it up, got to the bathroom, and blasted a crater through the toilet. Thank god we’ve got individual bathrooms at the place I work, it was horrifying.

I was worried for you at the part where you picked up the paper on the steps.

OKay—I wasn’t so much worried for you as hoping for a good shitting-on-the-steps-at-work story.

This thread needs Bryan.

No we do NOT need reiterations of the well-worn & highly traumatic I POOPED ME PANTALOONS stories. This is about shitting in stalls.

:-(

of course we do. HI BRYAN!

This is where Poops McGee & I agree to disagree.

has anyone ever encountered the stall where whomever was in there before has decided to smear shit all over the walls? what the fuck would possess someone to do this?

They’re getting their Taco Bell on.

Hi Chris. This thread warms my heart.

has anyone ever encountered the stall where whomever was in there before has decided to smear shit all over the walls? what the fuck would possess someone to do this?

Yes, as an employee. Cleaning that ranks as one of the more miserable experiences of my life.

there is also a guy here (i know the shoes) who NEVER washes his hands after going. He’s a fund accountant and he passes papers on and off all day long. ugh. i would not want to be the guy who gets his shit stained report at the end of the day.

gbx OTM.

except my experience didn’t follow a malicious poop smearing so much as an elderly and handicapped accident of the bowels.

horrendous nonetheless.

I feel sorry for the people, like my boss (whose digestive system seems to be in sync with mine), whose shit smells the same all the time. How boring their lives must be.

I had so deal with some serious tampon related bathroom decoration as a McDonalds employee.

The horror.

ha haha xpost—this is why we needed ya!

Also boring: same consistency & buoyancy. You gotta have bricks, library paste AND soufflés in your life!

They did an experiment like that on Brainiac to see what foodstuffs would make Jon Tickle’s poo float.

LIBRARY PASTE????

It holds the newspaper library together.

Hey Chris V, will you drop me an email? I don’t know if your ILE address is real.

wait.

dear sir in the stall next to me..
that was not me poking my head over the partition

— obi strip (mikeoptin...), December 14th, 2006.

WAHT

tampon er.. related?

that (unfortunately) reminds me that there was this one time i was at the movies and went to pee before the start, and tiny asian girl that went into the next stall apparently had a serious issue with her va-jay-jay going on because when she stood up (to wipe? i dunno) there was blood fully splashing onto the floor around her feet and on her shoes. she cleaned it up really quickly, but omg. the horror.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRRRRRRRRRGURGLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yeah, like, i know? i’m ruined now.

Dear sirs:

I am the guy in the stall next to you. I am sorry for any psychological harm my shits may have inflicted upon you. I apologize to you and you families.

Kim, she could have been using a Keeper or menstrual alternative that you have to empty out periodically. It would explain the quantity, anyway.

Ew. That’s just TMI.

Empty out periodically.

KEEPER? girls collect that stuff?

I went into the toilets in my local pub once and there was a USED sanitary towel lying on the cubicle floor. Yikes x 10000. Almost as yikey as having to explain to all-male bar-staff that someone should go and remove it.

I’m pretty sure the idea that she was using a menstrual cup, however much it might squick you out, is better than the idea that she was gushing blood in quantities large enough to spill on the floor. Maybe that’s just me!

yeah I never thought of that at the time, mostly because why would anyone be doing maintenance on such a device in the can at a Famous Players, but I suppose it is possible. actually I think it should just be decided that that is what happened, because you are right that it is infinitely better than some sudden gushing. but now, never, no way, no how, ever will I consider using one of those things myself.

Yes, you’re right: let’s just decide that’s what happened. I don’t know what a Famous Players is, though.

movie theatre chain

About flushing before you’re done at the urinal: maybe they’re engaging in The Race Against Time? When I was a kid I used to flush a little before I was done so that I could try to beat the flush. I don’t do that anymore, of course. I’m way too mature.

Also, The Piss from Hell:

In October, I was in Tianjin, China, for a beer festival. The men’s restroom in there was like a warzone. I walked in, and there were dozens and dozens of men and boys in there. Maybe 15 urinals total, and at least 30 or 40 guys packed in there. There was one light, broken, flashing on and off, but mainly off, so it was very dark. I walked in to the center of the room, trying to adjust my eyes to the light and find the shortest line (even though Chinese people don’t stand in line. They just wait until there’s an opening and butt in front of you). Suddenly, I realized I was standing in a puddle. A giant puddle. A giant piss puddle! Then I realized people were just pissing all over the walls, right beside the people pissing in the urinals. WTF. I high-tailed it out of there and dried my shoes on the grass, then peed behind a tree right beside a sidewalk.