i’m not sure if psychotic was the right word here, so i’ll go into some detail. i have to deal with a person on a regular basis whose grasp of reality is rather tenuous and has a habit of lashing out as a result of their misperceptions and memory lapses. there is no chance that i can just stop dealing with them (for the time being anyway) but i don’t really care much about how i am viewed in their eyes or our relationship. i know that “perception” is a nebulous topic, so let’s narrow it down to basic sensory perception and perception of other peoples’ moods and intents in speaking.
how does one deal with this bullshit? is it effective to call them on it and argue/reason with them? or should i just play along? is it something that varies from case to case?
any advice appreciated except for “have them committed” because that’s not really my place and is way more trouble than it’s worth, especially given the state of the US mental health system.
be simple and straight forward, don’t indulge their digressions, this is best.
chances are they’re already posting on ilx so argue away!
Seriously? When you get in an argument with a crazy person, no one wins. Even when you “win”, you don’t win. There’s nothing in the universe worth that argument. Do everything possible to avoid direct conflict or ever having to get their permission for anything or a nuanced answer from them on any subject. Phrase questions so that they only have to answer “yes” or “no”.
I am a stabbing robot...I am a stabbing robot.
i think perhaps the internets is probably the worst possible place to ask this question.
chances are they’re already posting on ilx so argue away!
i’m talking about real life. everyone knows that the best way to deal with crazy people on the internet is to make fun of them.
Yeah. Don’t be so silly, no real life people post to ILX.
ahem, lfam... is this whose i thinks?
also, the whole ‘real-life’ vs. computer life thing is silly. we all know what ‘real life’ means when put in opposition to the internet. it doesn’t mean that the internet isn’t real and doesn’t involve real life people.
i could have said “meatspace” but i didn’t want to sound like a brain-damaged newt so i used “real life”
don’t reinforce the delusional ideation: you can change the subject, or you can quietly say “I don’t see things that way and I’m not going to argue about it”—but don’t put grist into the mill
to put this in positive terms: you have to take control of conversations with delusional people (in your workplace—personally & health-care-providerly there are some different ways of coping). You draw firm boundaries around what’s acceptable and you don’t participate, at all, in conversations that veer into “what the fuck are you talking about” territory. You just terminate the conversation as soon as it goes in that direction: you can say why, or you can just make something up—really the latter’s better sometimes. You will be surprised how quickly this will pay dividends.
I just tend to listen to these people and not disagree. Non replies. “I see? Is that so? Well, that’s interesting. ” etc. However, I usually interact with crazy pee-pants toothless weirds, so maybe some heightened functionality might be more difficult to interact with.
There’s mos defs no point in arguing with someone like this, or, I believe, with most people. Choose yr battles and all–this just sounds like a pointless drain and I wouldn’t bother trying to ‘rectify’ such a person. Hopefully they’ll figure it out on their own pace. This guy is out of your control or realm of influence.
Sorry about real life v computer people thing confusion. I meant, how do you know this person that you know in real life isn’t the person behind some ILX name that you didn’t know you knew?
because this person can almost check their email
I don’t buy the “humour them” argument, tho I know it sometimes feels necessary. I know a couple of people who I’m forced to disagree with on occasion, and I tell them that I disagree with them, and very clearly and basically tell them what I think. I generally tell them that I understand why they think their way (usually that’s true), but I don’t get into arguments about logic if those arguments aren’t likely to go down logical paths. I point out that it’s okay to have different opinions to other people, maybe it’s even a good thing. I’m not saying any of that is the best way to behave, it’s just the most useful way I’ve learned to deal with these situations.
lf, i’m with rudel on this one. veer the conversation away from whatever fucked-up delusional topic has been brought about, or just refuse to react to it in a negative way. this does work much more effectively than one would think. also saying “let’s not talk about this right now” can work, though such could cause problems (if yr talking about who i think you are) and arguments regarding non-communication, etc.
I third (or fourth or fifth or whatever we’re up to) the No Arguing suggestion. There’s nothing to gain by proving how right you are. They won’t permamently learn anything from it or change their future behavior. If they’re truly psychotic, you’re not going to be able to “cure” them by reason, so don’t bother.
I would suggest trying to maintain a friendly demeanor without indulging them too much. Being psychotic must be the most lonely, terrifying place. They could probably use someone to at least listen.