This thread’s gonna have some funny answers, I can feel it in my bones.

Did she mention that she likes to be tied up ON THE FIRST DATE? Because if so, maybe you should walk away right now.

http://groups.google.com/groups/search?q=assm&qt_s=Search

haha kenan only goes for that on the third date, he’s a “rules girl”.

haha You have to string em along a little.

Where are you going for this first date? Check in advance with the proprietor that such activity is allowed in their establishment.

I just made a terrible pun without even meaning to.

^^^great fun to watch in a bar with the sound off

... tied up in a relationship, she meant.

Quick! Enroll for a workshop with the Knotty Boys!

http://www.knottyboys.com/

http://www.sfbg.com/39/51/sex_20_fav.html :

“You’re setting the stage for a romantic bondage evening with your honey. Ropes? Check. A little red wine? But of course. That dodgy how-to pamphlet you got at Crazy Zeke’s Adult Bookstore? Only if you don’t mind explaining to the fire department how your beloved got tied to the ceiling fan. Bondage should be sexy and safe, and nobody takes their bondage fun more seriously than Two Knotty Boys. Bay Area duo J.D. and Dan use their professional rope-rigging experience in workshops that demonstrate how to create everything from a simple wrist restraint to an advanced suspension harness. Your rope-burned baby will thank you, and you might actually be able to truss up that Thanksgiving turkey this year.”

They also do Live Bondage Performances! (as opposed to dead ones, I assume?)

Gettin tied up by Dan and JD

Now we’re talkin double team supreme

is this sand-ilx’s first ‘if you have to ask...’ question?

So you wanna tie up a chick?

Thanks everybody for taking my serious question so seriously. Allyzay Is Cool, that site looks great. Better if I were dating my 11 year old sister but still maybe helpful. I guess her fantasy is that I am in control, so I shouldn’t ask her directly for instructions?

And yes, the first date is her cooking me dinner at her house, so I want to be prepared. But accordding to yall I’m dangerously out of my depth.

If she likes you, you’re never out of your depth. She’ll tell you what to do.

Not on the first date, dude. First get to know each other and then gradually increase the kinky stuff. But before I go on, let me slip into something more comfortable...

Dude, like your sister would go out with you.

SHIV UP THE ASS

Gettin tied up by Dan and JD

woah

if your not dropping your boys in said girls mouth on date two you are not a man.

Passantino was wrong.

It’s not too late, you can still start.

None of my material comes close to that Garfield cartoon.

this thread had so much potential.

Have you mentioned that you’ve never done this before to her? She might have advice. Even if she wants to be dominated a bit, it’s still something of an act, and you can talk about it with her (although perhaps not DURING, so much, but certainly beforehand).

Do look around for the BDSM FAQ, because there are some safety things you should know (don’t tie too tightly for too long, etc — but the FAQ will have specifics, and might even give you ideas).

We might all be over-imagining this. She might have meant she has a little bit of ribbon and a headboard.

Good point. So maybe start with a loose tie-up (silk scarf or necktie? something soft) that’s more symbolic than actual...just in case she was overstating the case. You can always up the ante later.

Old neckties are perfect, btw.

Look, psandy, honest tip advice from someone who’s been around the block too many times: if a girl is telling you _this early_ that she’s into bondage, what it actually means is she’s a lazy sack of shit who can’t be bothered to exert any energy whilst fucking and is happy to just lay there while you pump away for two hours on yr own.

Or, she is actually genuinely into bondage and submission! Wait and see!

Life is truly like a box of chocolates.

Bonbondage?

Offical Party Pooper Post:

Remember to wrap it up tight when you do the deed. Any girl that mentions bondage on the first date has probably been around the navy base a few times.

Also remember to go through her wallet *after* putting a blindfold on, it’s just common courtesey.

Unless you want to put only the ball gag on her so at least she can’t bitch you out.

That reminds me, is it just me or do ball gags always look like someone stuck the clown nose on too low?

Pat Califia’s book Sensual Magic has lotsa practical advice type stuff.

Since nobody has nmentioned safewords, make sure that you have a coded word that REALLY means stop, so you can ignore your partners’ pleas to stop unless they really mean it.

You could use a butterfly gag instead then, I suppose:

Yeah, it’s so you can give your girl/boy that hot hamster/Brehznev look with the puffed up cheeks.

That reminds me, is it just me or do ball gags always look like someone stuck the clown nose on too low?

Billiards trick gone amusingly awry, I would have thought.

Since nobody has nmentioned safewords, make sure that you have a coded word that REALLY means stop, so you can ignore your partners’ pleas to stop unless they really mean it.

The traffic light system is best. Green means “be more aggressive, forceful”, amber is “stop doing what you’re doing currently but stay in character”, red is “stop immediately and break character”.

But in keeping character in improv, aren’t you supposed to go along anytimes someone makes a “yes” statement? What would Wayne Brady do?

That traffic light system might be iffy in China, Dom.

Whereas in Soviet Russia....

dude congrats — you have totally hit the jackpot! or, if you’re lucky you will. maybe she sees some kind of dom-dude thing inside you that you do not?

if you do ever tie her up, go velcro first! there are little starter kits at any toys in babeland or wherever; with velcro you don’t have to worry about being too tight or loose.

so i HEAR anyway. i’m not at all a pervert.

and as for code words? i find the best one is “STOP.”

some kind of dom-dude thing

Dom? Like in Dom Passantino?

xpost:

can be confusing (“don’t stop!”)

and as for code words? i find the best one is “STOP.”

But that one depends on tone of voice and can be confusing. A safeword like “red” that definitely means “stop right now” is always needed if you’re playing with someone you don’t know that well, or if you’re not very experienced yourself.

Ring gags can be interesting if you think ball gags look silly. Very humiliating for someone if they just can’t stop themselves drooling.

dom as in... dom delouise of course! sheesh.

i think the whole “code word” thing is more for the bdsm lifestylers or for episodes of ‘law and order’ during sweeps week; i can see the appeal of it to the goth/ anime dress-up types (not to mention GOREANS holy fuck!)

my thing is just that *some* people perhaps like rough/ intense kind of sex sometimes, so why should these people not perhaps communicate with actual real words along the lines of “enough STOP it already you creep!” rather than having to remember to say “alf is my favorite show” or “listerine” or whatever.

i do like how you describe the need for a code word, forest pine, it’s just never been anything that’s come up with me personally. and i should have said ‘x-post’ ok.

Goreans are freaky. I got chatting to one online once—she kept calling me Sir just because my nick started with a capital letter.

I know what you mean; it’s pretty obvious to tell the difference between someone saying “Ow stop that you bastard!” and “oh no no no Sir please don’t tie me up nooooo :-)”

And, equally, if someone gets *too* drawn in and starts spacing, they can be too far gone to be able to tell you when they’re in a dangerous situation. That’s not likely to happen if you’re just tying someone up for a bit of rough sex, but it does happen to people.

(when I’ve subbed I’ve sometimes got into a state where I’ve been weirdly unable to speak at all without a *lot* of mental effort—and I’m not someone who spaces easily)

REDDDDDDDDD!!..oops..too late

GREEN! NO WAIT I’M COLORBLAAAAAAAAH

And, equally, if someone gets *too* drawn in and starts spacing, they can be too far gone to be able to tell you when they’re in a dangerous situation. That’s not likely to happen if you’re just tying someone up for a bit of rough sex, but it does happen to people.

(when I’ve subbed I’ve sometimes got into a state where I’ve been weirdly unable to speak at all without a *lot* of mental effort—and I’m not someone who spaces easily)

I nearly called an ambulance the first time I saw someone go into subspace, scared the shit out of me. It’s like their IQ drops 100 points instantly.

dom you gotta stop hanging out with other stylus writers.

The traffic light system is best. Green means “be more aggressive, forceful”, amber is “stop doing what you’re doing currently but stay in character”, red is “stop immediately and break character”.

What does the beeping noise and the little flashing green man mean?

bean break!

That’s a bit corny.

CORNY!!!

hello? is this thing on?

I think ‘corny’ would make an excellent safe word.

:-) (xpost) (didn’t have anything to follow up with)

What does the beeping noise and the little flashing green man mean?

The beeping means you’ve left something in the microwave and the little flashing green men are indicative of a Martian midget porn fetish.

You seem to know rather a lot about this.

Hey, when is this date, anyway? Now we want to know what she turns out to mean by “tied up”.

If you’re trying to imply that my youthful hobies were time ill spent, I must protest.

Fwiw, I no longer own a microwave and am far more partial to Venus than Mars.

xpost

Youthful hobies?

This thread isn’t about watersports, you know.

hobies

Uh oh, I feel a case of apiphobia coming on.

This thread isn’t about watersports, you know.

How can you be so sure, CJ? Psandy’s date sounds like she’s got a good bit of kink in her.

Maybe she should see a chiropractor then.

before your date, you should phone up your date’s boss to ask him to give her loads of work to do just she was about to leave for the date.

Hey, when is this date, anyway? Now we want to know what she turns out to mean by “tied up”.

My guess —

PSANDY: “Wanna go out next Friday?”

HOT GIRL: “Yeah, see, Friday I’m, like, tied up.”

Maybe she said she needed to tidy up. She probably needs to hoover her house or something.

best safeword: “NED!!!!”

“HI NED!!!”

before your date, you should phone up your date’s boss to ask him to give her loads of work to do just she was about to leave for the date.

— ken c (pykachu10...), December 7th, 2006.
Hey, when is this date, anyway? Now we want to know what she turns out to mean by “tied up”.

My guess —

PSANDY: “Wanna go out next Friday?”
HOT GIRL: “Yeah, see, Friday I’m, like, tied up.”

— the pony-poop paradox (n!t$u...), December 7th, 2006.

yeah well done.

xpost “HEAVENS!”

*Bites tongue*

xpost

EVER HEARD OF AN XPOST, BITCHKACHU?

“BINGO”

“HEN FAP!”

hahahahah “XPOST”

“It’s blue, I tell you!”

“:-(”

Haha Nabisco wins the thread.

The rest of us somehow found the strength not to make that joke. Granted, I had to dig deeply into reserves of self-control that I didn’t know existed...but just look what I’ve learned about myself!

haha “navy base”

**** PROGRESS REPORT ****

She was the one who wanted to go slowly. Delicious snogging on the sofa. I discovered that when I bit a little harder she shivered meltily. Then it was time for me to go home.

I’m still a bt anxious about the second date, but I didn’t embarrass myself on the first one. Thanks very much everybody!

your prose is horrible

Okay I didn’t need to know about the shivering, but congratulations on a first date well conducted!

*disappointedly deflates rubber suit*

Is anyone else just too ticklish for this? I couldn’t even if I wanted to try it, I’m just too giggly and stuff!

PS. No, StanM has totally owned this thread, sorry Nabisco.

I was going to make a joke about being sure to look around her apartment for any strangely placed little hooks or eyelets, but suddenly Psandy’s original question is bumming me out. I mean, dude, are you asking about the etiquette/routine of tying people up? Or do you really have no ideas whatsoever about what you’d enjoy doing with/to a willingly tied-up girl? Cause if it’s the latter, the two of you might not be all that compatible — part of what people tend to like about stuff like getting tied up is having someone else’s imagination control the situation. (It’s like if she said “take me out tonight, I’m up for anything, sweep me off my feet” and you were all: “What am I supposed to do with her? Take her to a water park? I don’t get it.”) (Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those positions; they’re just not necessarily compatible.)

(Also I’m totally curious how she made it clear that she seriously meant I Like to Be Tied Up, as opposed to “my ex-boyfriend pretend-tied me a couple times with silk ties, and that was kinda sexy” — I guess you know her and her context and all, though.)

(I should have stuck with the eyelets joke, I guess.)

(P.S. When I say “compatible” I just mean “sexually compatible in terms of her getting tied up,” not that that’s the be-all end-all of personal compatibility, or that you couldn’t get to know her and learn and totally take to whatever kind of tied-up dynamic she might be interested in.)

SAFE WORD! SAFETY WORD! KEEPING IT COOL! KEEPING THE RULES! SAFETY FRENCH FUR TRAPPER! SAFE WORD!

You should just start out by blindfoldin her & hitting her with a feather pillow. The safe word would be, “Look at me I’m Sandra D.”

nabisco says:

>Psandy’s original question is bumming me out. I mean, dude, are you asking about the etiquette/routine of tying people up? Or do you really have no ideas whatsoever about what you’d enjoy doing with/to a willingly tied-up girl?

That, yes. My existing fantasties just don’t run in that direction. I don’t particularly want to be in control. Dom’s “she’s a lazy sack of shit” remark resonates. I didn’t think it was so unusual, to not have tying-up experience. But I really like this girl, even more so since the great date, and I’m happy to play along and learn as I go, if I can do so without seeming a fool, and maybe like Mike said “maybe she sees some kind of dom-dude thing inside you that you do not” ... maybe!

And

> Also I’m totally curious how she made it clear that she seriously meant I Like to Be Tied Up

I think there’s a distinction I’m not getting, quite, between some necktie-poseur brand of tying up and some more serious style? All of that is all of a piece in my mind, and all quite novel. How she made it clear was, we were talking on the phone, and she invited me to her place, and I asked teasingly if she would do a strip show for me after dinner, and she said, not-teasinly, “if you’re good I’ll ask you to tie me up” or something like that. I don’t know if that means “seriously” or not.

I’m impressed that everyone on here seems to have so much experience of this sort of thing. I’ve been around, I thought, but somehow tying never came up before.

OMG holy crap:

(a) It’s not unusual not to have tying-up experience. But if you were thoroughly uninterested in it, you’d make a poor match for someone who was. Luckily, this isn’t an issue, because...

(b) Deadpanning “if you’re good I’ll ask you to tie me up” DOES NOT MEAN SOMEONE IS INTO BEING TIED UP, neither in the playing-around necktie way nor the hardcore bondage way. I mean, that’s like a rote sitcom-level “naughty” come-on. It’s a generic flirt. I urge you VERY STRONGLY not to interpret it as a professed interest in bondage or submission.

I repeat: OMG WTF.

THREAD IS RENDERED VOID :-(

...until someone else needs it. ;-)

I see what you’re saying, but I don’t think I’m wrong to believe her tying-up interest is genuine. She made several remarks too about being profoundly non-innocent in things sexual, and about having very specific needs. all of which could be facetious flirtatious, but from the context I don’t think it was. I should have checked for eyelets and pulleys, you’re right, but I didn’t even make it into the bedroom.

Can you eplain more about the distinction between nectie and hardcore bondage, which everyone seems to know about? Is it really such a sharp divide rather than a continnuum?

one involves rope burn and “rope art” as they like to call it

Nabisco, the girl probably fancies psandy. She’s invited him over, made dinner and made out with him. Good, slow, steady start. She’s also mentioned that ‘she’ll ask (him) to tie (her) up’ which as you rightly point out is not an extreme sub position but how far they go in her possible fantasy of bondage is up to them. Just becuase she’s not hanging out at the caning room of the Power Exchange every Friday night doesn’t mean she doesn’t apparently crave something a little naughty that might be bondage if she trusts him.

psandy, tying your girlfriend’s wrists to the bedframe with grandpa’s old ties, and hogtying her and then hanging her from the ceiling in such a way that you can simultaneously swing her back and forth to be penetrated by a strategically placed dildo while whipping her clothespinned tits with a cat o’nine tails are just not in the same league.

You guys have cleverly got me rooting now for the girl to be as kinky as possible, so at least she’s not “sitcom-level”.

I don’t think I could manage the synchronized swinging penetration, but the rest of it sounds realistically within an amateur league. I think it is a continuum.

No, the latter requires a substantially larger bill at the hardware store. (XP)

Psandy, I said the line was sitcom-level, not the act. That’s not a knock on your girl, just pointing out that there is a very basic level of “ooh how naughty” that’s not really that weird or naughty at all.

Michael, she said “if you’re good I’ll ask you to tie me up,” a statement whose two halves play enough opposite games with power dynamics that I wouldn’t read much specific into them — just that she likes him, and is being flirty/teasy, and her ideas of being flirty/teasy at least involve talking about this stuff. All of which means that Psandy is well short of running to the library for a pile of bondage books. I think my point is that, if that line is as far as she’s gotten, he can probably proceed with the couch-snogging at normal, and can figure his way through wind up maybe playing with some cheap handcuffs in a month, and doesn’t exactly need big “help, my date likes being tied up” advice threads on it quite yet.

I agree. The pitfall is if she does want to explore a darker side and he’s not dom enough to take her there, but I don’t think she’d be flirting with him, were that the case.

What, uh, library section is that, btw?

furred handcuffs, you mean

Oh no, she’s not a furry, is she? Next time when she’s walking away or in front of you, check for a big tail-shaped bulge. If present, run!

i think having a safe word would only be really necessary if you were into some heavy shit, like, i don’t know, role-playing rape scenarios. i don’t think that’s likely to happen on a first date. at least, i would hope not.

hey, what you call a rape, I call a “rape role-playing scenario.”

—furred handcuffs, you mean—

yeah, that was my first thought also. always use padding!

If things progress between you two, and this does in fact come up as a desire, you shouldn’t be afraid to confess your relative inexperience and ask her for advice or perhaps a book or two.

Whether she’s into more hardcore BDSM or not, it’s still worth reading up on, if for no other reason than to demystify it.

I get so depressed by threads like this, cause I realise I have zero interest whatever in kink of any description—even biting is annoying rather than fun—and so many people I know will casually say shit like “oh yeah watersports” and “I love being bruised” and ARGH.

i/m so sooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

oooooooo not into it either. and whenever i encounter someone who is my reaction to them is: is sex with me THAT boring to you that you hve to bring shit to the party? i don’t mean literally shit. but ok that too. altho i’m sure it is not how it works from their persspective, but from my perspective—huge buzz kill. powerish games might be fun but if they are completely completely spontaneous and inspired.

i am enjoying reading this thread however :?

(party was the wrong word.)

is sex with me THAT boring to you that you hve to bring shit to the party?

This here, this thing that I do, this is sex; that there, that thing that I don’t do, that is sex with extra stuff.

powerish games might be fun but if they are completely completely spontaneous and inspired.

OTM. Sex requires trust. Kinky sex requires huge amounts of trust. I can’t imagine playing these kind of games with someone I wasn’t already very involved with.

At least, not well.

This here, this thing that I do, this is sex

You’re one to talk, Cuddles.

bigxpost -thx. ha. infact i understand that it is sex but my reaction to that in a sexual setting (which is what i meant by encountering it) where i’m not really thinking is: this does not even feel remotely like it to me—and i’m guilty of perceiving it as just antics at that time.

Sex requires trust. Kinky sex requires huge amounts of trust.

Damn OTM.

Plus, the better you know someone, the better BDSM sex will be. Because, at root, it’s all about knowing what buttons to push to make someone have a good time. Some people do get hugely turned on by the thought of being under someone else’s power—it’s just one of those innate things—and you only have to do something very simple, like hold their hands firmly behind their back, to start them melting. It doesn’t need a trip to the hardware store.

I hate the word “pump” so much.

Better not read my post about ketchup on the Wendy’s thread then.

Sex requires trust.

Some people are just more trusting than others. We call them “sluts”.