Although Thomas is perhaps best of all.

Mark

http://www.utoronto.ca/religion/synopsis/meta-4g.htm

god hates frames

1. John

2. Mark

3. Matthew

4. Luke

The last two I find a bit boring, cause they’re full of predictable bullshit (whereas John is full of highly unexpected bullshit). I like how the end of Mark has disappeared.

1. according to Peanuts

1. Thomas

2. Mary

3. Truth

4. Philip

5. Judas

I usta remember what they were each like, but I know at least 3 are better than Godspell

John is the histrionic, anti-semitic one

(of the canonical ones I like Chester Brown’s comic book adaptation of the Gospel of Mark the best—Jesus as angry wizard!)

The guy who Gospel According to Peanuts lives in my hometown!

I like how the end of Mark has disappeared.

You know, I’ve just been reading up on the gospels, and I haven’t heard this idea that the end of Mark has disappeared. Just that alternative endings were tacked on. The best thing about Mark is its curveball ending!

John 1 is fantastic but after that it’s all downhill, endless dithering, too much discourse and repetition and pat phrases.

Matthew is all punchy though! All those little parables and sayings, they’re all explosive aphorisms. Luke turns them into this huge ramble, but John at least has the decency to write confusing rambles.

All of them are better than anything written by Paul.

Jaq OTM 4eva. Fuck Paul.

Have you guys seen the guy on Slate who is blogging the Bible?

Matthew is pretty much the shit for that insanely quotable sermon. Which is the gospel with the freaky weird temptations? I never got the one about throwing yrself off a tower. Bread & water after 40 days of nothing, I can see. All the everything awesome in the entire world I can totally see. But throwing yourself off a tower so angels can catch you is just a really stupid temptation, even for the biggest adrenaline fool around.

All the disturbing Archie Xtain comics ended with the imperative: READ you that GOSPEL of JOHN kiddies! That is like the worst gospel ever.

Luke is called “the hurried gospel,” but it’s more like “the boring gospel.” Oh brother. Mark I can’t remember worth shit, so it must be pretty unremarkable.

Paul is definitely the worst & stupidest part of the whole Bible. Jesus Christ that guy was a bastard. Revealations kind of makes up for slogging through all those epistles, though, as it’s hella trippy. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything epistolary that’s even remotely good, except Pamela which at least was weird.

ALSO Shakey Mo mega OTM on the Chester Brown gospel front. I wish they’d put those things in a compendium. I also like the “If thy right hand offend thee” bit in Ed the Happy Clown.

1

2

3

If you guys ever get a Mormon Bible, they are footnoted with “Joseph Smith translations” meant to correct the Bible. This one is my favorite:

JOSEPH SMITH TRANSLATION

MATTHEW 27: 3–6

Judas’s death is described. (compare Matthew 27: 3–5; Acts 1: 18)

3 Then Judas, who had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,

4 Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood.

5 And they said, What is that to us? See thou to it; thy sins be upon thee.

6 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself on a tree. And straightway he fell down, and his bowels gushed out, and he died.

Mark I can’t remember worth shit, so it must be pretty unremarkable.

Mark’s the one where Jesus is all cryptic and “don’t tell anyone about me” and “ugh you disciples will never understand” and then he dies and the women go to the tomb and the angel is all “tell the disciples Jesus will meet them in Galilee” but instead the women freak out and run off afraid. THE END. It’s weird in a totally different way than John is, and more subtle.

1) Thomas

2) Harlem Gospel Choir

Have you guys seen the guy on Slate who is blogging the Bible?

— jaymc (jmcunnin...), December 6th, 2006.

David Plotz is a pretty good journalist, I think.

If you guys ever get a Mormon Bible, they are footnoted with “Joseph Smith translations” meant to correct the Bible.

Dang, when they came to my house 10 years ago they just gave us a regular King James and a Book of Mormon.

Last I check, which was a while ago, that “blogging the bible” was a pretty thin and shallow reading. Like someone “blogging the zoo” and writing an entry about “OMG, PLATYPUS!”

I’d totally read someone like Slacktivist working his way through the Bible though.

anyone raised in a Judeo-Christian society that’s unaware of the bible being full of murder, rape, incest, treachery, theft, torture, warfare ad nauseam has their head up their ass

like OMG did you know Yahweh was a jealous vengeful asshole?!

Oh man I really wish you could see a platypus in the zoo. They’re my very favorite. I hear they die in captivity.

Are they really not usually in zoos? I thought for sure I’d seen on there once (prolly the Philly Zoo?), but I don’t go to zoos, they make me unhappy.

i just tivoed a cool documentary on platapods or whatever they’re pluraled as.

Your search—“jesus rides a platypus”—did not match any documents.

shame, that.

OH, I’LL SEE TO IT LATER THAT OUR LORD SAVIOR JEEBS XTO RIDES ONE MAGICAL MONOTREME. WAIT UNTIL SOON!