I watched the end of the Cincy game with the sound off and a bottle of wine but WTF at the end of the game: (hazy sequence of events)
Cincy gets big play to put themselves in field goal range with less than a minute left
They race down the field and spike the ball to stop the clock
They can’t the next play off in time so call a timeout
They then kneel down two times in a row
Miss field goal
lol
Vick is kind of a huge asshole and everyone has known this for a very long time, to be fair to his comment.
my cable is out and I’m going through NFLN withdrawal.
The Bengals are always good for roffles!
Here, I will recap last night for you.
Eisen: Hi, I’m Rich Eisen! I’m too good to be here today, so I’m gonna leave you with Schefter.
Schefter: Hi, I’m Adam Schefter! With me tonight are Jamie and Marshall. Guys, what do you think about the 2007 NFL season?
Marshall: Basically, it was terrible. The Carolina Panthers can really go straight to hell, I lost my pool because of them.
Jamie: I agree wholeheartedly with Marshall on this one, the Panthers are a terrible team.
Schefter: Ah but guys, you are forgetting something when you say 2007 was terrible!!
(CUT TO DENNY GREEN SPEECH)
Everyone: LOL LOL LOL LOL OMG WTF LOLLL
Schefter: I can watch that until 2008, and I think we might very well start that goal up tonight. Anyway, those of you at home might notice that Mooch is not with us tonight either. That is because he is auditioning for the head coaching job in Atlanta, amirite!?
EVERYONE: LOL OLOLLOLOLOL ROFFLES
Mora Sr: (glowers in corner, hordes the precious)
Schefter: Oh hey guys, remember this!!!
(DENNY GREEN AGAIN)
Everyone: LOL Maybe he can coach the Falcons!! LOL
Jamie: Hey Mora, do you think 3 years is long enough for a coach to really be given a chance in a system?
Mora sr: Well, it depends on the team and the coach and the schedule and the moon and whether or not ILX is up and what kind of cheese I like best that day, but in general I’d say no, you need at least 6 years, I mean look at Cowher.
Jamie: That doesn’t make much sense, also you were someone advocating benching Vick, doesn’t he deserve 6 years.
Mora Sr: No.
Jamie: Ok well what do you think about Mooch sonning your son in a Falcons beef LOL
Mora Sr: (HEAD EXPLODES)
Schefter: Well that was very interesting, thanks Jamie and Coach. Hey, guys, wanna watch Denny Green again? I can watch that forever.
(etc)
hee! thanks, Ally. Schefter is such a douche.
Jamie: Ok well what do you think about Mooch sonning your son in a Falcons beef LOL
Mora Sr: (HEAD EXPLODES)
lolololol.
Also that Blondie Girl who gives updates on the half hour on goings on around the league, because Schefter is apparently above that now, appeared to be completely high while doing the bowl updates. I mean, she couldn’t even spew out a sentence and kept giggling and kind of bowling over whenever they cut to her. It was bizarrrrrre.
“So, now let’s get to USC...versus...*giggle*...Michi...*snort*gan...LOL LOL LOL LOLL OL hahaha omfg LOL ok that was USC ROFFLES v Michilolologan hahahahahaha” and I was like UH did she tell us who WON??? I had to check the internets to find out, it was undignified.
okay, cable just came back up! and this woman of whom you speak is on right now. I think the thing is her voice is really weird—like it sounds like she’s constantly repressing a giggle, and her pitch varies wildly. I’d never seen her before.
okay, it also sounds like she’s leaving words out of her sentences.
maybe rich eisen will bust into mora jr’s pad and tell him he’s going to the super bowl and he can take his parents if he wants : D
HAHA
i feel bad for mora because he’s done nothing but stand up for vick the past 3 seasons (to a fault, really), and what does he get for his troubles? A KNIFE IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN BACK. you’re really makin all the top coaches wanna come here, dude
I watched Mora’s “I got fired” press conference and I feel bad for him, too. I admittedly have not followed the Falcons super-closely, but it seems like he was getting the job done.
Mora didn’t really seem like the most professional dude ever though. I mean, he got decent results, but he’s a bit of a knucklehead.
well... he wasn’t really, but he’s a nice guy from what i can tell. i always liked him personally, tho he may not be HC material. he probably could’ve kept his job if he’d fired one of his coordinators, or not fucked himself in the ass on national radio. or beaten cleveland and/or detroit.
he wasn’t really the most professional dude ever or he wasn’t really getting the job done?
It’s unfortunate that I lost the death pool because the Giants made the postseason after all ;_;
pft, not like they need the guy. they can just hire any crotchety bastard off the streets in Jersey to carry around two copies of the practice schedule and harangue players about their pants and socks and shit
both
lol, what if the giants win @ philly? ENJOY YOUR COUGHLIN
dude, what was that? Tom Coughlin makes me almost as uncomfortable as Dan Marino.
xpost to Tombot.
giants in playoffs! coughlin GETS THE JOB DONE! new 3 yr contract!
They would have to win the SB for COughlin to keep his job, guys.
I wish the Maras would spend a little less time pimping out their horrible daughter and a little more time, like, doing the football thing these days.
They would have to win the SB for COughlin to keep his job, guys.
dunno if i agree here — though i could be wrong. still, i think that coughlin will be back next year (for better or for worse).
crosstown, mangini gives the gas-face to his rival:
Mangini always looks like that, though!
yeah hi can we cease and desist on the pictures.
I wish the maras would sell us the franchise, so we can spend a little more time doing the football thing, and they can go do what the hell ever.
In the mists of now forgotten wh3rd, I once asked about the wisdom of pursuing Reggie Bush when the Niners already had “President” Gore.
i love that eisen insists on calling him THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH.
ha! Eisen’s punning on Gore is totally ridiculous and therefore kind of charming. is it wrong that I sort of love Eisen?
no wai! NOT LOVING eisen is far more wrong. he is like an angel.
I think it’s slightly unprofessional of him to get high before every single broadcast. but he is adorable.
As the source of that Bea Arthur joke, he ranks up there with Christ, Ghandi and D. Boon with me.
haha:
Another subpar season won’t cost Lions president Matt Millen his job.
Millen, who has a 24–72 record in his first six seasons, will return next season. He still has four years left on the contract extension he was given last season.
Millen said Tuesday that quitting is not an option he has considered despite criticism of the team’s dismal performance in his tenure.
“I’ll never quit,‘ Millen said in an interview with a small group of reporters, including The Detroit News, which posted some of his comments on its Web site. “I can’t do that. I don’t even consider that.”
“It’s the way I’m made.”
Asked why he wouldn’t quit, Millen replied: “You’re given a job, regardless of what it is. You keep on working and trying to get the thing done.”
The Lions beat Dallas on Sunday, closing the season an NFC-low 3–13.
Detroit was proud of proving it didn’t quit on the miserable season by beating a playoff team in Week 17. The victory snapped a seven-game skid and a winless mark on the road in 2006.
It also cost the Lions the No. 1 pick in the draft — an asset they could’ve used to perhaps trade for picks and players.
“I really don’t want to be one or two,” receiver Roy Williams said. “I’d rather be picking 31st.”
Millen would, too, because such a low pick indicates success. (<—thanks for the explanation)
The Lions, who fired defensive coordinator Donnie Henderson and offensive line coach Larry Beightol on Tuesday, have struggled so much since Millen, a former linebacker and analyst, took over that they’re had the No. 2 pick twice, No. 3 once and three other top-10 picks.
Some of the players taken with those picks haven’t panned out and that begins to explain the mess the team is in six years after Millen arrived to lead a once-mediocre franchise.
About 100 Detroit fans held a protest during the second quarter of the last home game of the season Dec. 24 against the Chicago Bears. The fans left their seats midway through the quarter and gathered in Ford Field’s atrium, where they chanted “Fire Millen” while watching the game on the scoreboard.
Before Detroit’s final home game, Millen said he talked to team owner William Clay Ford after each game and when they met in the middle of the season, they talked about plans for the next year.
Quarterback Joey Harrington and receiver Charles Rogers — a third and second pick overall, respectively — were discarded in 2006 and some have speculated that 2005 first-round pick Mike Williams will be the next to go.
Williams expects and wants to be back.
“People call me a bust, so when you get that label, there’s no pressure,” said Williams, who had a touchdown on Sunday to end his 30-game scoreless streak. “I don’t worry about people talking about my weight and work ethic because I’m doing what I love to do and a lot of people can’t say that.
”Things haven’t started out pretty for me in the NFL, but that’s going to change.“
Detroit has more needs than picks in the draft and not enough cap space to fill every hole with free agency.
”There are a lot of things that need to be fixed,“ quarterback Jon Kitna said.
Mora didn’t really seem like the most professional dude ever though. I mean, he got decent results, but he’s a bit of a knucklehead.
— Michael (polyphoni...), January 2nd, 2007. (later)
lol i’m sure “professionalism” is a big concern at a team that once employed the services of a glanville.
It looks like Millen will be back next year. Jeez, the guy is like one of the undead.
millen obviously has photos of someone in the ford family.
man-united will spank mangina’s jets then get trounced by balimer.
gangsta
The importance of coaching is so overrated.
The importance of coaching is so overrated.
— Mr. Snrub (mistersnru...), January 3rd, 2007 1:20 AM. (Mr. Snrub) (later)
i think i disagree, it definitely makes a difference.
you’re both right, actually
lol i’m sure “professionalism” is a big concern at a team that once employed the services of a glanville.
Arthur Blank never employed Glanville, did he?
So who gets the Dolphinss jobb?
Your mom.
Wait, no, that’s unlikely.
:(
I could have used the money
I am moved on
Better money in ‘Bama than in Miami, amirite?
Thing I hate most about NFLN’s game broadcasts, apropos of nothing: the fact that Collinsworth remarks in complete and utter wonder, every single game, about how many (opposing team’s name here) fans have travelled the millions of miles to attend the game at (home team’s stadium here), isn’t it just AMAZING!!? I mean, FFS what world does he live in that people don’t move to other cities and places? Or that travelling from NY to DC or vice versa is this incredible journey that must take 3–4 days? It is literally every single game!
LOL @ a Saban am moved on 2. But would u rather be in ‘Bama or in Miami with the cubans women
also apropos of nothing re: NFLN broadcasts: Bryant Gumbel is HILARIOUS to watch whenever the camera’s on him and Collinsworth. he’s always giving Collinsworth these ridiculously exaggerated quizzical looks. he seems a little out of his depth.
They are both kind of idiots, I’m not really sure why we can’t have Rich and Deion and Mooch douche it up up there.
okay, I totally love Deion Sanders. is that wrong?
No, these guys are all “loveable assholes,” whereas Michael Irvin and Tony Kornheiser are just “assholes.”
not an asshole really at all, as far as I can tell: Marshall Faulk.
Jamie, Rod, and Marshall are my favorite football analysts of all time. Only partially because of the constant Schefter zings.
i think collinsworth is probably amazed at a lot of things, allyzay. he’s like frozen caveman lawyer that way.
Yeah, they are constantly dogging on Schefter, it’s like they think “journalist” is maybe three steps above “child molester” or something.
And yeah, OTM on Collinsworth but can’t someone tell him to stop?
I think he’d be surprised if they did.
Well, can’t they muzzle him?
I sort of imagine that he has no friends. you could cut the smugmosphere around him with a knife.
He’s losing his friends with his non-stop “You drove HOW FAR to get to my house?! 20 minutes!! That’s insane!!”
also his smugmoshpere is contributing to global smarming
“You drove HOW FAR to get to my house?! 20 minutes!! That’s insane!!”
still cracking me up!
Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express!
I saw that on Amazon! The reviews are brutal.
The worst part is the strange—but plentiful—smell that it gives off. It’s like overheated electronics.
revive because I’ve been watching America’s Game all day and seriously teared up when Bill Curry of the ’66 Packers talked about unlearning white supremacy. football makes me the sappiest sap.
That shit’s dead to me until August or so.
the story about the Packers dude who stayed out all night before the Super Bowl cracks me up every time I hear it! That dude is my idol.
Also: Bart Starr actually calling people “a-holes”!
yeah the Packers one was money all around. that one and the Raiders one are my favorites, I think.
I was totally shocked by the Packers dude who stayed out all night! you can’t say “I fucked broads between 8 and 11” on NFL films!
The thing is, he totally said that! I am in love with that old dude.
Slutty McGee, I think his name was.
DID U KNOW TEH COLETS WON TEH SUPOR BOWLS THIS SEASON
OMG SLUTTY MCGEE.
I was just reading that, Jimmy, in the Sports Illustrated! Tell me more.
DID U KNOW TEH COLETS WON TEH SUPOR BOWLS THIS SEASON...
“When you try to get all cute and think it’s all destiny and that, well, destiny comes and kicks you in the ass”
OTM DOLPHINS DUDE. OTM.
Wait that actually rules a lot.
Ditka DUI story: still funny btw.
George Seifert always struck me as a big weirdo and the ’89 Niners America’s Game did nothing to disabuse me of that notion. then again, Bill Walsh comes across like a scary fascist in all the Niners’ America’s Games. do any of the coaches come across well in the series? I can’t even remember the name of the ’83 Raiders dude because of scary Al Michaels running the show, but he seemed kind of nice.
Parcells is exempt because I had no rosy vision of him to be ruined.
the other player who seemed pretty open about his sluttiness was Marcus “I BANGED NICOLETTE SHERIDAN, AMERICA” Allen. He was pretty dreamy, though.
hahahaha wtf is the deal with Jim McMahon, anyway?
xpost
Oh god the Niners ones, Steve Young screaming like a psychopath actually put the hairs up on my neck (and wondered what the deal is with his Uncle Bob). Strangely, Belichick comes off likeable, I love his rosy retelling of the story of how he shouted down a bunch of Eagles assistants players etc for being on the “wrong bench,” his version was positively Dickensian.
THe ’86 Giants one is great mainly because every other word is bleeped out, even in the interview portion. It’s like, really, you guys couldn’t even clean it up now? Even Simms?! C’mon, dudes. Oddly, that made me like all of them much more (oddly in quotes and all that).
The Bears one that is currently on is CRAP because it includes neither the Super Bowl Shuffle nor the Grabowski Shuffle and it strikes me that this is the only good and likeable thing about the Bears.
xpost I heard he got beat up in a clubpoked his own eye out with a fork trying to untie his shoes!
yeah! I date my newfound affection for Phil Simms from the first time I saw the ’86 Giants one. Simms seems much more normal when he’s cursing.
I couldn’t bring myself to watch the Patriots one, but maybe I will the next time it’s on.
the ’85 Bears one is kind of amazing in that Mike Ditka acts a total fool and seems to think it’s charming. OMG PUT THAT CIGAR AWAY, ASS!
The Patriots one with Belichick and Brusci is pretty good. The one with Tom Brady makes you want to kill a man, a man named Tom Brady.
The thing about the Bears, besides all the obvious things like “Jim McMahon” and “Mike Ditka” and “being the Bears,” is that Buddy Ryan is possibly one of the least likeable men who EVER LIVED, like possibly top ten in terms of disagreeableness.
ha! I didn’t realize there were two. something that would make me like Belichick: if Brady got really Favre-esquely erratic and Belicick were forced to choke a bitch. that would rule.
xpost: yeah, Buddy Ryan is scary.
except that his wife has alzheimer’s and gary fencik loves him you bastard
Oh hey speaking of Favre, let’s bring sexy back since no one else is here.
oh goddamnit mookie.
much as I love Peyton, I never would have bought that there was a side-by-side photo of him and Favre where Peyton looks cuter before seeing that cover. bless you, ILNFL!
I know! That cover stunned me when I first found it, like whoa Peyton where is my wayback machine.
God the NFLN has had the weirdest commercials this weekend, is the other thing. If I see that teddy bear ad again I don’t think I’ll be able to watch this channel for another month in protest.
okay, that is really, really sad, about Ryan’s wife, but this:
’It’s our date,‘ said Ryan, 73. ’Sometimes, she recognizes me. Sometimes, she thinks I’m her father, which is O.K., too.‘
is just creepy.
8[
more because it just made me remember Oldboy. It is pretty sad.
George Seifert is a Ministry fan!
“DISPLAYING ABSTRACT—Each morning at 5 a.m., Buddy Ryan’s day begins in solitude, mucking out the stalls of his horses. He has 17 of them, and three mares in particular are named for milestones in his colorful and sometimes cantankerous lifetime. There’s FortySixBlitz, named for the 46 defense that Ryan conjured ...
To read this archive article, upgrade to TimesSelect or purchase as a single article. ”
AAAGH SOMEONE POST THE WHOLE THING GODDAMN IT
ALSO, b4 ilnfl went down I was going to make an “I Love Bill Curry” thread. there’s something about the way he talks that is really captivating.
belichick can have his own kind of retard charm when he goes into raconteur mode. that episode was awesome because of troy brown imo. i was sort of dreading the 2001 pats ep because it’s one of those stories you really do not need to hear again but from a dramatic perspective it might’ve been the best one. tom brady is the evil villain in drew bledsoe’s life story. i wanted to hug DB afterwards :‘(
fave AG moment (maybe): LT calling parcells a big baby. actually every LT clip was great.