abou diaby: not the new cryuff, srsly

robbie keane- chin weighed his stupid head down

thudd- the best passer in the world

figueroa: scored from half way, also shit.

Jan Johannes Vennegoor of Hesselink: long name.

nuri sahin: 1 whole appearance? totally worth moving.

arteta- always deserved better. Now we’ll see

modric: better than chelsea, wait for barca

Andy Carroll: you paid 35 million for that?

lol

nando torres: lol lol lol lol lol lol

For sale: football shoes, never worn

John Obi Mikel: looks a bit like Tracy Chapman

Messi: best footballer ever, bit boring

Michael Owen: the total death wish

c ronaldo- better than cristiano, worse than ronaldo

Lampard: could stand to lose some weight

gerrard- showy but ultimately of limited use

Carrick: fucking side foot backwards passing shite

terry- a brave, colourblack english centre half

Peter Crouch: very tall, surprisingly adequate close control

Darron Gibson: he can hit them, apparently

andrew cole- makes his own chances, small cock

matt le tissier- better countries built teams around worse

Rooney: fucking great player, yous fucking idiots

Lucas: loved by chris, lots and lots

Zlatan: can’t do it against english teams

Freddy Adu—A cautionary tale for all.

kevin kilbane- three feet, no head, all heart

martin jol- jester ovoid layabout, ousted ultimately, thankfully

theo walcott- learning to cross, still no footballer

emile heskey- started strong, fell over, stayed down

gary doherty—worst ever xi, in two positions

Henrik Larsson—fated to be underrated (in England)

john o’shea- left utd, still landed with brown

james mcfadden- ‘he’ll do for now’, forever

nani- almost as everything as cron

anthony gardner- the worst natural defender until djourou

Robert Prosinečki—former Portsmouth midfielder Robert Prosinecki

otm

adel taarabt—is flat-track bully unmasked?

nigel quashie—the relegation talisman’s relegation talisman

carlton cole—sometimes knows where the goal is

andrei arshavin—his play doesn’t justify his celebration

bradley wright-philips—decent yeah? ,no, that’s his brother

andy carroll—hit the bar. fell off barstool

ryan shawcross—not that sort of player

Dioufy: I don’t know who this is

Ronaldinho: I know your name from ILX

David Beckham: I know you from that movie

Ronaldinho : great footballer, poor taste bottle opener

ronaldo- fatter, realer, better than anyone else

suarez—overrated, overhated, overrelied upon, got talent

yakubu- ate the ‘guess yakubu’s age’ jar

Tevez—the ghost at the feast

zinedine zidane: smoking on terrace.jpg

rivaldo- mysteriously misremembered decade xi member

thierry henry- moved far away from richard dunne

Martin Keown—Snarling ape-faced twat

Ruud Van Nistlerooy—Noble horse-faced goal machine

ole solskjaer: alan shearer is too fucking dearer

yakubu- ate the ‘guess yakubu’s age’ jar

― bloating forecast: ruff swells (p much resigned to deems), Wednesday, 7 December 2011 15:14 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink

1 post to make a thread a success

Kyle Lafferty: fuck off you gangly evil dickhead.

Raul Meireles: seriously, dude, buy a fucking mirror.

David Silva: He makes me smile.