<3

SW♥G

Sometimes swagger just needs a bit more sunshine and fresh air.

all day every day

aye Aimless, tis true, but i am getting plenty of both these days...

ban lose swagger

lol

i was feeling sad and foolish all day but i just ordered a pizza and arranged with some friends to get really dressed up and meet at a fancy bar from drinks later and now i feel good again

irish economy to thread

Downers:

—New team at work feels like out of the frying pan, into the fire

—Broke only 5 days after payday. No money till the 21st. The council tax bill bounced and I’ve not bought any Xmas presents yet.

—News that my gf and I may end up having to live separately depending on where her uni course decides she has to do a work placement :-(

Silver linings:

—If we do have to move apart, I’ll have to live with my Dad for a year, which means I’ll save money, if anything.

—Commissioned to do my first bit of paid written work.

—Spurred into looking towards a career change.

- Commissioned to do my first bit of paid written work.

well that’s p great

srsly

bricking it to be honest!!

Need some help on sticking to the ‘determined’ mindset. Some flashes here and there, but then it evaporates.

DL—beware of LDRs, they can very quickly more than offset the savings from living at yr dad’s place via travel expenses and such. I know of whence I speak.

Me, plan A failed, backup plan B failed, and so on through plan Z, and now there’s no more letters to denote my future fails.

LDRs? Sorry.. what does that stand for?

oh Long Distance Relationships. Yes, this is true.

I think it would work out relatively cheaper though. She’d only be in Cambridge or Peterborough at the most, so we’d swap each week to visit each other. Plus my Dad won’t charge me too much (I hope).

七転び八起き

“Fall seven times, stand up eight.”

I’m in a swap each week ldr and it’s working fine

I feel incredibly awful all of the time but also determined

My to-do list is like a hydra

It’s good because it means I can devote very little time to doing nothing but increiblyawful feeling

But it’s bad because fuck it never ends

It’s good because it means I can devote very little time to doing nothing but increiblyawful feeling

I worded this poorly

I mean there are times when I can just sit around doing nothing besides feeling awful

but I don’t have time for those times to happen very often

Real talk. Being busy definitely helps with this kind of feeling.

Todd

Not with me—when I’m depressed, nothing helps but time.

Hang in there Abb, Im so sorry to hear abt yr situation :( xxxx

Yeah, I hope things get better for you soon.

Fuck’s sake.. It really looks like I’m going to have to move house and live away from my partner for at least a year. I’m completely broke, the council tax and mobile phone bills have bounced. I can’t afford presents and yet everyone’s talking about Christmas. On top of this the new position I’ve been moved to at work means more stress and less opportunities to earn money. I hate sales. I hate having an irregular income that depends entirely on the season whether I can pay my rent or not. I was never meant to do this and yet I’ve fallen into it and often feel saddled with that.

Sometimes it feels like this is the worst and it’s going to keep . I keep telling myself I’m lucky to have a job and a girlfriend and that I’m not homeless or unloved, but it’s hard sometimes not to feel crestfallen around this time of year. It’ll pick up soon...

(keep going on)

you’re never lucky to have a shitty job that isn’t even paying well

Aw man DL, so sorry to hear that. Christmas is the worst time of the year to be without money, I can sympathise.

It feels so unjust as well because you always seem like a top dude to me, who can do so many things. When I first read you on these forums, years ago already, I really thought you were a music writer or journalist. I think you could be and would be damn good at it too!

All the best, thing will pick up man, I’m sure.

I can’t go on, I’ll go on

was in the absolute pits from friday-tuesday or so, then it kind of went, for no real reason, probably just too busy. too busy to go and get proper counselling etc and find a good one, so yeah, just ploughing on, finding enjoyment where i can.

Abbot! It may feel bad to have this never ending to-do list but I try look at it that it gives an energy to getting things done—that there are things I can do which will change whats happening right now. If the list was shorter, well then maybe there are fewer things that can change!

Dog Latin...I think an LDR (especially one of short distance) can actually invigorate a relationship, less taking each other for granted and the time that is spent together is more like a holiday

As for Christmas, why not just say “this year I don’t want any presents bought for me and I won’t be buying any presents either”—I did this once before and christmas was a lot nicer, and that post-present crash was avoided too

My LDR started out a distance of 300 miles.

It’s a lot closer now!

thx FT

I told everyone that no one’s getting anything for xmas (except my family). If they wanna get butthurt about that then fuck ’em.

I don’t even have the time to make disastrous & bizarre homemade gifts like usual. Oil well!

An Oil Well would be a bizarre homemade gift.

i am sad because i am overwhelmed and not having fun ever, and i cannot keep my apartment clean for more than a day at a time because i don’t care. i don’t think any of that counts as “determined” though. except i’m taking the day off from work, but that will only make me more overwhelmed.

my apartment is never clean for the same reason. when I do clean it seems like it revolts and makes itself dirty by the next day. silly apartment

Thanks LBI and FT—this means an awful lot to me, you know?

Big hugs to anyone feeling low right now. This is the worst time of year to see people going round smiling with tinsel round their necks singing sentimental songs and I can only empathise/sympathise with your situations. XXXX

obviously i do care because i think its gross it just feels like yeah, if i put out the effort to do this it’s going to be wasted because i’m going to come home tired and drop shit all over the place and cook one dinner and make a mess of the kitchen again. nothing is worth it to me anymore.

i am sad because i am overwhelmed and not having fun ever, and i cannot keep my apartment clean for more than a day at a time because i don’t care. i don’t think any of that counts as “determined” though. except i’m taking the day off from work, but that will only make me more overwhelmed.

― spite n ease (harbl), Thursday, 8 December 2011 13:46 (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

my apartment is never clean for the same reason. when I do clean it seems like it revolts and makes itself dirty by the next day. silly apartment

― The Love Song of L. Alfred Sotosyn (dayo), Thursday, 8 December 2011 13:51 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

This drives me crazy too. It’s like my house leaks dirt, and having an untidy living space does nothing for one’s self esteem. I still don’t wanna move out though..

having an untidy living space does nothing for one’s self esteem

True. If my apt is clean everything in life just feels more pulled together and organized. This is also true of wearing matching underwear and having recently shaved legs. If I can manage those two things on the same day? Shit. I’m on fire and can do anything!!

You could give away lots of your stuff, less to tidy up and someone else gets benefit of it too. Especially in the kitchen—why does everyone seem to have a million forks?

yeah that kind of stuff really does make a difference but i kind of get trapped in a circle of who gives a shit most of the time

i threw out a bunch of stuff last time i cleaned. it felt good but now i can’t tell it’s even gone.

i need to find a thing to do where i can be interested in something besides work and make new friends but i am too tired

I’m always amazed at how much stuff I throw out, even though I tend to have a purge every 6 months. I have a huge bag of clothes ready to take to the chazza this weekend. Where did these come from??

have you been sleep-stealing them from other people’s washing lines?

Sleep-thieving is my favourite nocturnal activity.

Is it thieving when you steal sleep from yourself?

i need to find a thing to do where i can be interested in something besides work and make new friends but i am too tired

― spite n ease (harbl), Thursday, 8 December 2011 14:02 (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

I bet if you tried to commit yourself to one evening activity a week, you’d find yourself getting less tired. I often wish I had less to do in the evenings and more time just to read/watch films with my g/f. I commute home from work, then in the evening I’m either organising gigs, trying to get some music writing on the go, practising with my new band and there’s loads of other stuff I want to fit in but can’t. Have had to quit the gym, because I’m way too busy with other commitments (and it’s too expensive), but I wanted to try teaching myself Chinese, getting better at drawing cartoons, and shit—finding some time to apply for jobs would be nice too...

What I’m saying is, there must be something you’re passionate about that you can get involved with a group of friends—music, sport, films, games? Sport is good. I’m in no way sporty, but it doesn’t take much to join a running club—they’ll treat you nicely even if you can’t run for shit, and it’s a good way to get the endorphins flowing and meeting people.

i’m trying to run more. it’s dark when i get home now but at least i can go today.

have you thought about maybe taking a class in something or other? being overtired is a sign of depression, and it’s self-perpetuating if you let it keep going on.

Abbott, odds are enormous that the incredibly bad feeling is grief. Grief is pure hell to go through, but it does end when you get to the other side of it. (It’s too big to go around it.)

What has been getting me through my day/week/month is imagining Dr. Steve Brule saying “Who cares?”

• Sunshine’s my cousin. Who cares?

http://video.adultswim.com/check-it-out-with-dr-steve-brule/face-to-face-with-sunshine.html

aw harbl. i wish you could take a vacation. can you take a vacation? i’m sorry you’re so busy and overwhelmed. you are the best.

I’m a bit down because I told myself I was gonna cut back on drink and smoking and only allow myself to vice it up on weekends. The first 3 days I was great—I had nothing, and I exercised heaps. Then I slid a bit and was having one drink, abd blowing out on the weekend.

This week I’ve been shithouse, and actually got blind drunk last night, and it isnt the weekend yet.

My house mate quit smoking and he’s really working hard at it so I feel like a lumpen failure now :(

It doesnt help that basically I dont WANT to quit either vice completely.

But, I am determined to stick at the exercise and good eating Ive been doing... I AM going to lose 5kg!!

On the train home last night, my body took a sudden quick in-draw of breath and I realised I hadn’t been breathing properly at all all day. Really really need a new job, but the idea of having to go through the rigmarole again of trying to find something and applying for it and attending interviews is unbearable really. Till then, I’ve no idea how I’m going to be able to survive on the amount of potential earning commission I’m on at the moment—I’m worried I won’t be able to afford to make it into work in the new year.

Anyone got advice on switching careers? All I know is I just can’t keep on doing sales, but as that’s the main experience on my CV, I know that’s all recruiters will be wanting.

It doesnt help that basically I dont WANT to quit either vice completely.

― Leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it. (Trayce), Friday, 9 December 2011

Maybe bad advice here but I don’t think its a problem you don’t want to quit both completely

If you want to quit something completely then its kind of all or nothing, so a slip is a pretty big deal

If you want to manage or compartmentalize something its just a matter of finding the right balance for how you want it to be. And things can be done in stages—how about instead of no midweek drinking/smoking you start with no midweek drinking/smoking on MON-TUE-WED but also you make MON a day where a specific other thing happens, same for TUE and WED. then monday is thatday, where that thing happens, which means there can be no drinking that day

then later throw Thurs and Fri in there (wait, friday isn’t midweek don’t throw that in there!)

Thanks thats some good advices :) I can only keep pushing myself!

;_;

complaints:

this time of year sucks. the shortness of the days scramble my head in bad ways more with every yr

i don’t like christmas

Pay day on the 21st. I’ve been scraping by literally all month on credit cards. Loads of bills, christmas presents and no doubt will be poor again by New Year. My resolution is to pay back my overdraft this year.

Insomnia is driving me crazy! This is the first time in my entire life that I ever suffer from this. Has been going on all month too. Leads to depression.