oh alright then, semi-final

Dermot facepalm lol

Just watched it this morning. Marcus was rubbish with his second song. I expect Misha will be out, but don’t know who else. Little Mix or Amelia, I guess, reckon Marcus is safe enough.

Marcus safe definitely. He seems like the one who puts in the most effort. Even hyperfocused Misha seems to be coasting a bit by comparison. But he’s probably the one whose post XF career I’d be interested in the least—I got the feeling that he’d have been singing ‘My Girl’ even if it hadn’t been Motown theme for the first song.

Little Mix will probably be out, then I never ever have to hear Tulisa refer to them as “my little muffins” in that odd accent she puts on whenever she says that. Little Mix themselves are like a car where nothing quite fits exactly, so everything is rattling around like crazy when you’re driving. Not one but two vocal fluffs in their first song. Although possibly this ‘not quite perfect’ aspect is what endears them to young teenage girls, and goes some way to explaining why they’re still in the competition.

Misha and Amelia, it’s between whether the public prefer R&B/hip-hop stylings or 80’s power ballads. Kind of have the feeling that Misha is running on empty though—she went ‘wikwikiREMIX’ during her first song, but then didn’t actually kick off into one. Amelia is an anonymous belter, but maybe the public at large would prefer someone who isn’t going to challenge them in any way musicially whatsoever.

it feels really wrong that amelia is here, having got a free pass through some of the toughest weeks

though i think consensus is that misha is leaving tonight, because the public are thick and racist. i agree she’s been treading water. she doesn’t really look like she cares about leaving and neither do i tbh.

she needn’t care perhaps because she has the best chance of having a music career of any of this shower even if she goes out tonight

fuck did Louis just do his ‘comparing a black singer to another completely different black singer’ shtick with Kelly?!

i think he was being meta and self-aware! :o

wtf wtf wtf

I assumed he was taking the piss out of his own schtick.

Zzzzzzz, worst final ever, Marcus ftw by default.

kinda expected though.

what is WRONG with the british public? i hate everyone.

I bet that Misha is the only one that anyone remembers in a year’s time, unless Little Mix beat Wand Erection with blunt objects.

finally heard the original jessie j version of the song misha keeps singing. jessie j is the most awful singer ever.

Mistakenly saw the end of the Bieber performance which featured more autotune than I thought was possible.

Least Christmassy Christmas song ever. I did love Dermot waving ‘Justin’ offstage to kid on that they didn’t record his bit a fortnight ago and he wasn’t actually there.

Oh, and that colour of tights with Kelly’s skintone? Zombie legs stitched on under bad anaesthetic.

http://twitter.com/#!/MissyElliott/status/143503393451806721

last laugh to misha b :)

wd bet that Louis and Gary don’t really rate Missy tbh

xpost awww.

The Take That singer has confirmed he and Marcus will sing Billy Joel’s Always A Woman.

Kelly Rowland and Amelia will sing Ike and Tina Turner’s River Deep, Mountain High, and Tulisa and Little Mix will perform a medley of Alicia Keys hits If I Ain’t Got You and Empire State Of Mind.

This is a bad idea. Amelia—possibly—has the chance to come out of her duet with Kelly sounding sort-of OK. Beyonce/Alexandra it will not be though. Gary is a crap ballad singer, and a complete mis-match with Marcus. Having Marcus sing while a donkey goes “hee-haw” in the background would be better. The only way Little Mix could pull it of would be if Dappy took Tulisa’s place, so they could say “see? we’re not the worst dressed pop stars”.

IT’S ON

note for future VT montage compilers: Wembley Arena != Wembley Stadium

go...little mix?

Barlow one step away from being a walking Hovis ad.

ffs that bow tie, why have they dressed Marcus like a waiter?

For anyone playing the drinking game, Louis just hit four in one sentence.

“YOU’RE IN THE FINAL YOU’RE IN WEMBLEY”

does louis say these things to remind himself??

that was shit, anyway. it was like a halifax advert

Ouch!

xp Every morning when he walks into the bathroom he probably shouts “YOU’RE IRISH YOU’RE LOOKING IN A MIRROR”

And if you though Little Mix dressed like an explosion in a charity shop, then take a look at their fans.

Of course it wouldn’t be a Little Mix performance if at least one of them didn’t fuck up the lyrics.

the stylists must loathe little mix so much

that wasn’t bad! these days whenever i hear that song i am just thankful it’s not florence :(

a friend had a tenner on Little Mix to win the show at 18–1, so for her sake i’d like them to be the undeserving winners of this farce

I think it’s going to be Marcus and Amelia.

haha did they run out of budget for amelia? that was shit though, so strident. xtina is the epitome of subtlety compared to her

it’s not like singers of Amelia’s ilk are particularly popular or chartable at the moment, the only reason she’s still there is cos this is a popularity contest not a talent contest.

also she got to skip so many weeks! no way would she be here if she’d had to perform every week.

the tutu ;_;

The tutu is at least slightly more practical than Tulisa’s Woolworth’s lampshade.

If this next bit isn’t ‘JLS beat Wand Erection with sticks’ then I’m going to be dissapointed.

Zane looking as clueless and disoriented as ever.

kind of funny how JLS brought out all their snazzy dance moves but 1D were incapable of doing anything except vague arrhythmic skipping

lol at Louis sitting there by himself next to three empty chairs

he’s used to it

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

#THENEWBORING ALERT

ffs why is everything Barlow does so fucking pedestrian?

i know, i know!

It was like a musical act on The Two Ronnies circa 1985.

“connecting with the girls” for Tulisa clearly meant “standing in the middle and having your vocals turned up louder than theirs”

robbed of a kitty/louis duet ;_;

He said he wanted to duet with Johnny!

what actually happens in terms of results? one act gets voted out tonight? then somehow they pad the results over two hours tomorrow night?

Yes, one act goes tonight.

Wait a sec, Louis’ fucked off stage!

And that Kelly/Amelia joint was pretty good.

i actually really fucking love leona’s version of that song

and i’d forgotten how amazing her voice is, because she hasn’t sung a decent song since “bleeding love”

“A Roomba for Christmas Day” wtf? Bubbles really fucking up this song.

Amelolia

Catching up now. Really, Little Mix can’t win because they have the worst name ever. Seriously, Little Mix? Really?

and tulisa keeps pronouncing it lidl mix :(

I’ve noticed that sometimes she does, other times she’s careful to pronounce the double-t properly. Because of my accent, I pronounce it Lidl Mix all the time.

I couldn’t call tonight’s result though. It’s the pensioner vote vs the young teenage girl vote.

me neither, it also feels weirdly like it doesn’t matter at all b/c everyone’s too attuned to the contestants’ likely post-xf career trajectories and whether they actually win or not is immaterial to those

it keeps crossing my mind that they may have deliberately showcased a lower standard of contestant this year: last year was anomalous in that it gave us three viable long term pop acts (plus the winner lol), and i’d imagine it might be wise to be careful about saturating the market with xf contestants? you kind of want to give everyone a bit of a chance to breathe

lol I actually had to look up on Wikipedia who won last year.

This is the first year that everyone (contestants/audience/media/judges—in that order of realisation) has twigged that winning is irrelevant.

(maybe the order should be audience/contestants/media/judges)

Prepare for two hours of tedium followed by one minute of Dermot dragging out a dramatic pause before a moment of excitement more tedium.

it’s almost like this came about b/c last year’s edition was SO good—in that 2010 unearthed a real diversity of viable acts who forced upon cowell and co the belated realisation that popularity on the show and popularity outside it were v different things—whereas previously even the best non-winners were cut from much the same cloth as each other.

coldplay and fucking westlife? why the fuck am i watching this?

it keeps crossing my mind that they may have deliberately showcased a lower standard of contestant this year:

I think it’s more that they’ve squashed the individuality out of the contestants much harder this year...

a real diversity of viable acts who forced upon cowell and co

^^^ for this reason

weirdly it’s actually how limited last year’s lot were that makes them such viable pop stars—rebecca/cher/wand basically do what they do and are incapable of doing anything else—and in the pop marketplace that translates into having a rigorous and coherent aesthetic

whereas misha is versatile and talented enough that you CAN squash her individuality, if that makes sense

bloody hell how many songs are they going to ruin in this group number?

“X Factor finest” more like Tesco Basics...

i think i’ve heard kitty do “the edge of glory” more than gaga herself now

oh adverts already lol? but nothing happened in that section

I pretty much think nothing is going to happen at all, except padding and then they tell us who wins.

i’m crossing my fingers that nothing happens instead of coldplayandwestlife tbh. just a blank screen will do

Well Marcus sings ‘Higher and Higher’ again, so Louis can compare him to Jackie Jockey Wilson.

Coldplay are pretty much a blank screen anyway. And then sometimes Chris Martin pumps his arm in the air. Does anyone know what this ‘Westlife’s farewell performance’ bobbins is?

ffs Olly is such a crap TV presenter, even Caroline Flack looks competant compared to him

oh another commercial break

Tulisa concentrating so hard on getting her gimmick comedy ‘little muffins’ accent right that she pronounces their name ‘Lidl Mix’ again.

no snark lidl mix’s “don’t let go” is properly fantastic

Well it’s better than most X Factor groups could have managed—apart from Miss Frank ;_;

Olly is like a spare tyre on the back of a sleigh for all the use he is.

kind of embarrassing how shaky marcus’ vocals are :/

Marcus’s performance of ‘Last Christmas’ is heading for Wet Wet Wet territory. I blame Gary entirely. lol at the cameraman falling over though

I bet Denis Norden/Harry Hill will be playing that clip until the Sun burns out.

“ha ha” (touches corner of glasses) “and here. we. have. a-a-a very funnee clip” (smirks)

No comedy accent Tulisa? What’s wrong, blood sugar running low?

Or maybe she’s just taken a look at the sales for N’Dubz greatest hits album.

what the fuck is this? they could’ve done mariah!

All I Want For Christmas Is You Olly’s head on a stick

Those gold leggings have to be the worst of the worst of the clobber that they’ve worn. The stylists must have reached the absolute bottom of the hamper they stole from that charity shop.

kelly should’ve said her highlight of the series was doing her sick voice

Westlife pish their last as the live backing music for an XF contestant VT montage, smdh/rmde/obe/phd/bbc and bar

there’s still another HOUR left

kelly wants this to end and so do i

^^^ yeah I just looked at my watch and o_O wtf

And someone will surely get their P45 first thing tomorrow morning for allowing that microsecond clip of the Cokehoser in there.

“sex factor story” nice Freudian slip there Barlow

well, this is shit.

And the winner’s song isn’t a Barlow joint—guess he couldn’t get his mojo working. It’s a cover version of a song first released in 2003—ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Factor

this is absolutely dreadful

“If I fed everything into a computer” wtf Louis?

piss awful, terrible enunciaation of crepe-y lyrics

oh god we have to hear that fucking song again

Except it’ll be even worse because it’s a song for a solo singer.

Tulisa doesn’t seem very excited—perhaps she thinks she’s back introducing The Risk.

the length of time over this is ridiculous, are they pulling some kind of fiddle so the aggregate viewers beats Strictly or something?

there are still 40 minutes left!

Which includes a performance by Coldplay, so it’ll seem even longer.

If they wheeled on Matt Cardle for a song then time might actually start to go backwards.

Am currently thanking every deity I can think of that we have been spared the ordeal of listening to Janet mimsying her way through that. And being glad Misha didn’t have to do it either.

Gary Barlow is a pretty hit and miss songwriter y/n? Like for his handful of notable classics there is a big pile of nothing there too?

“Get ready to tech santa”—as a ‘suddener’ I’m not really in a position to complain, but wtf is up with people on telly not talking properly?

xp his notable classics are pretty much nothing as well—I can’t name a single one of his solo songs

i was thinking of the big Take That hits, i couldn’t hum a G Barlow solo joint

The problem is that the best Take That songs are covers, imo. ‘A Million Love Songs’ gets a lot of acclaim but he wrote it when he was 15.

listening to Janet mimsying her way through that

If she’d have developed her thousand yard stare performance technique a bit more, Janet would have had the best chance of pulling off those lyrics.

“Never Forget”, “Back for Good”, “Pray”—those are tunes

but a lot of really anonymous stuff around them

gary’s solo career was a notable flop wasn’t it?

25 more minutes

“Never Forget” kind of ruined by continual repetition. Like ‘Changes’ is for Bowie, it’s the video montage song of choice for TT.

Meanwhile, Marcus sounded like he was singing “It’s not hard to fore, and I don’t want the loo”

xxp if by ‘flop’ you mean ‘sold so few records that he got dropped by his record company’ than yes.

It takes some mediocrity to make Robbie’s early solo career (‘Old Before I Die’ etc.) look passable, but Barlow did it.

Mark Owen’s solo career to thread.

at the time i don’t think anybody explicitly said it was cos the material was so weak, it was more implied that it was cos he was the least sexy/charismatic TT guy?

Chris Martin desperately wants to be Bruce Springsteen here. Fails miserably. It’s like bits of ‘Born To Run’ with parts of ‘I’m On Fire’ and ‘Dancing In The Dark’, mixed with that dun dun dun duh dun dun dun plinky synth line that appears on every Coldplay song.

and with the new AOR respectable-music-journalist-friendly bollocks comeback stuff, Gary hardly has a solo writing credit at all as far as i can tell

THIS IS SO BAD!

It’s like every lame songwriting cliche put into one song!

chris martin’s sweat :/

:D i like a lot of Coldplay’s empty yearning music but let’s not have that fight here

ok so i have some Facebook friends wailing about X Factor ruining a Damien Rice classic? dunno if i’ve actually heard Damien Rice but i assume i’d hate him so good

His is the original version of the winner’s song.

(I haven’t heard the original either, but based on the lyrics that I could make out Marcus and Little Mix actually singing, I think I’d hate Rice as well)

yeah i gather that now, but i’m assuming the original is horrible anyway

With lines like ‘stones taught me to fly’ how could it be any good?

okay, come on Little Micks

fucking finally!

I’d like to think that Olly was deliberately quoting Obama there with his “Yes they can!” as some kind of comment on the whole importance of the XF business in relation to world politics. But he probably wasn’t.

YAAAAY 180 quid for Lorraine :D

Well congrats NV, your mate has won £180 (minus tax)

:)

u don’t pay tax on betting wins nowadays ;-)

haven’t done for near 20 years iirc

OIC

(to skint to ever place a bet these days)

i’m kinda glad for them as well, i don’t think winning wd’ve helped Marcus’ “career” in any great way and the burden of being another Cardle might actually be worse

What’s the smart money on for the anti-X-Factor Christmas number one? Because this really is shite.

Marcus will be starring in Jersey Boys or somesuch before long. I think Little Mix might do OK out of this.

bonus: RIP the saturdays’ career

wait, the Saturdays have a career?

Actually they’ve done better than I expected. Their logo has a half formed swastika and the word ‘TURD’ in it. By rights they should have been the Northern Line of early 21st century girl groups by now.

that show was rank. the irish guy from the IT crowd is being surprisingly sexy and funny on the extra factor.

I’m not masochistic enough to watch ITV2. Ever.

I watched the first five minutes, enough to see Louis zinging Caroline Flack for shagging Harry Erection.

I guess it’s too much to hope that the Walsh-ster’s zing was “Harry Erection? Moer liek Harry Premature Ejaculation amirite?”

sadly it was just ‘I’m too old for you’ which he kept repeating like Bruce Forsyth does hoping that someone would twig and laugh.

To the tune of the “Friends” theme?

I dunno you lot, moan moan moan

week by week stats—always quite revealing:

The Final Results

Little Mix: 48.3%

Marcus Collins: 42.8%

Amelia Lily (carried over from before the freeze): 8.9%

The Final—vote freeze

Little Mix: 39.0%

Marcus Collins: 34.5%

Amelia Lily: 26.5%

The Semi Final

Little Mix: 34.4%

Marcus Collins: 24.0%

Amelia Lily: 21.4%

Misha B: 20.2%

Week 8

Amelia Lily: 23.8%

Little Mix: 22.4%

Marcus Collins: 21.0%

Janet Devlin: 18.3%

Misha B: 14.5%

Week 7

Little Mix: 26.1%

Misha B: 22.5%

Janet Devlin: 14.8%

Marcus Collins: 14.4%

Amelia Lily: 11.3%

Craig Colton: 10.9%

Week 6

Amelia Lily: 27.4%

Janet Devlin: 17.4%

Little Mix: 15.3%

Marcus Collins: 12.9%

Craig Colton: 10.6%

Kitty Brucknell: 8.4%

Misha B: 8.0%

Week 6 vote in:

Amelia Lily: 48.8%

James Michael: 26.7%

JonJo Kerr: 13.2%

2 Shoes: 11.3%

Week 5

Janet Devlin: 18.0%

Marcus Collins: 16.0%

Misha B: 12.2%

Little Mix: 11.9%

Craig Colton: 10.1%

Frankie Cocozza: 8.7%

Johnny Robinson: 8.3%

Kitty Brucknell: 7.6%

The Risk: 7.2%

Week 4

Janet Devlin: 14.7%

Little Mix: 13.7%

Craig Colton: 13.0%

Kitty Brucknell: 12.9%

Johnny Robinson: 12.2%

Marcus Collins: 10.1%

The Risk: 7.2%

Frankie Cocozza: 5.7%

Sophie Habibis: 5.4%

Misha B: 5.1%

Week 3

Janet Devlin: 17.2%

Johnny Robinson: 17.1%

Misha B: 11.8%

Marcus Collins: 11.2%

The Risk: 8.3%

Little Mix: 6.0%

Frankie Cocozza: 6.0%

Craig Colton: 6.0%

Sophie Habibis: 5.8%

Sami Brookes: 5.6%

Kitty Brucknell: 5.0%

Week 2

Janet Devlin: 23.6%

The Risk: 10.9%

Sophie Habibis: 8.9%

Little Mix: 8.7%

Misha B: 7.8%

Craig Colton: 6.9%

Marcus Collins: 6.8%

Johnny Robinson: 6.5%

Sami Brookes: 6.2%

Kitty Brucknell: 5.9%

Frankie Cocozza: 5.2%

Nu Vibe: 2.6%

Week 1

The judges vote out 2 Shoes, Amelia Lily, James Michael and JonJo Kerr

after week 2, misha came either 2nd, 3rd or last every week.

Am I right in saying only Craig went from a sing-off when he was bottom, the lowest-placed act was saved every other time?

Apart from the one time it went to deadlock?

(xp)

The same thing happened to No Vibe in Week 2.

The Risk got the lowest number of votes in Week 5, but it was a double elimination week, so they were eliminated entirely on the public’s decision.

xp and it was Craig who went as a result of that deadlock

So apart from No Vibe, the judges never eliminated the act with the lowest number of votes.

Also, the bubble upwards of the FCocoza vote, for the most part!

so misha’s placements were:

5th, 3rd, last, 3rd, last, 2nd, last, last.

that 2nd place was the week they really went in on her sob story—her actual performance wasn’t notably better or worse than her other ones, it’s remarkable how much bullshit like that can have an effect.

i can’t remember cher’s placements offhand but suddenly her pop career post-xf looks a bit less assured. and bear in mind misha never quite had a lightning bolt moment on the level of cher’s “turn my swag on” or “stay”.

really quite surprised that little mix were fairly popular right from the start! never even coming close to the bottom two.

xp There’s no way of knowing this, but maybe after Cokehoser was kicked, the people who voted for him switched their allegiance to Little Mix? It would account for their strong placing in the latter half of the series, after their earlier mid-table results.

xp I kind of thins of Cher as being moments of total brilliance, with a baseline of passable, and the occasional dire wreck (SwagJag). Misha is more like a continually applied pressure. But in a way that’s a disadvantage. Misha is so confident and assured that she’s more reluctant to leave her comfort zone (drink a shot) and take risks the way Cher did. Because of that, I still like Cher more. But with the current play-it-safe music industry, Misha may go further because Syco may be more prepared to put more weight behind an act who—while nevertheless exciting—is less risky.

thins = think

I know it’s bad to repost external comments, but:

It seems to me that most people seem to be missing an important point ,that is that an average of 11million people have watched Xfactor this series, which is nearly 20% of the UK population, so we are all moorons then!??.

coldplay forums have been particularly great since they announced they were doing x factor. x factor just aint AUTHENTIC enough for coldplay ya see.

I dunno, the audience seemed way more enthusiastic about watching the Colplays than the final acts and the winner and all that.

Two men who poured boiling water over a man’s head during a row over last year’s X Factor final have been jailed.

Brian Wade was badly scalded and part of his ear was bitten off during the attack at his Exeter home in December 2010.

Lee Stynes, 28, and Mathew Gannaway-Pitts, 18, of no fixed address, pleaded guilty to grievous bodily harm at an earlier hearing.

Gannaway-Pitts was jailed for 16 months and Stynes was jailed indefinitely.

Exeter Crown Court was told Mr Wade was attacked after an argument between the three men about who would win the ITV talent show final between Matt Cardle and Rebecca Ferguson.

Public protection

Stynes and Gannaway-Pitts had been staying at Mr Wade’s flat when the assault took place.

Although Gannaway-Pitts started the unprovoked attack, it was Stynes who poured the boiling water over the victim and bit off part of his left ear, the court heard.

Stynes admitted causing grievous bodily harm with intent and Gannaway-Pitts admitted inflicting grievous bodily harm.

Stynes, a paranoid schizophrenic with a past history of violence, was jailed indefinitely for public protection.

Among his 42 previous convictions, two were for threatening to bite people’s noses off and one was for throwing boiling water at someone.

Judge Erik Salomonsen told the men: “Regardless of who started it, you have been involved in a horrific attack.”

Stynes will serve a minimum of three years and four-and-a-half months but will only be released when he is deemed not to be a danger to the public.

Gannaway-Pitts was released on licence because he had served almost a year on remand.

i missed the final because i was at atp and then we couldn’t get it to stream at 5am :(. though we did instead spend two hours doing louis lines leading towards the kind of depiction of louis’ life snoball went for upthread (YEER A TOOTHBRUSH, YEER IN ME MOUTH, YE PREVENT ME FROM GETTING CAVITIES, AND YE DESORVE TA BE IN THE FOINAL!), so it was a good x factor final night nevertheless. aside from the fact that YE DESORVE TA BE IN THE FOINAL has been circulating in my head ever since. YEER PHAROAH SANDERS, YEER PLAYING A SAXOPHONE, YE REMOIND ME OF A YOUNG LENNY HENRY, AND YE DESORVE TA BE IN THE FOINAL!