who among us can escape?
me & flatmate use this one all the time—“a cucumber is just a cucumber”
A man, when misheard, may ask “Have you heard the shoes”
see to the log in your own eye, it is worth two in a neighbour’s bush
twice buckled jeans do not come off twice as slow
one who sees truly cannot help but to so do also
pictures of happiness won’t cover gravy stains
Add numbers. Subtract letters.
a cat may crouch
a man finding wisdom on top of the mountain
must still find his way to the bottom
who left the damn door open
a beacon, a yardstick for my own
One from the top, and the rest from wherever you like, please.
A letter in the post beats burnt toast.
cum not lest ye become
How many words is a picture worth
when cut in half
and then put back together
with the half of another picture
and then that new picture
the newly formed picture
that new picture is forgotten
In our youth, we often think we are goats.
slow soft speech is the hallmark of the amateur executioner
three elephants wearing silver
weigh as much as honesty
The spitting image of god in the shine of the bald man’s noggin
Three in fear and a devil’s near.
beans beans the magical fruit, if you believe in yourself
a light tread often masks an inferior brand of tyre
Tell me a number and I will tell you a song
roof slates but water rates
a man who knows the world
can sing only laments
the callow youth
drinks from the bottle
a wheel made of stone shall never ascend dead man’s hill
he who scoffs at nothing
attends not a viking feast
a gelt minotaur poses a threat only to the false president
Need not use for the news. Need not news. When asked by the man. Have you heard the news. Have you heard the news. Hear the news. But need not it. Need not senses for the news, for the man, for the shoes, if misheard. If the question is misheard, need not what is misheard. Correct not what is misheard when understood as misheard if what is misheard is the question Have you heard the news. If asked by the man.
he who never made a mistake
was deeply unpopular among his peers
nightshade and rosehip, nicotine and wine.
my bologna has a first name, it’s hope
oregano, oregano, location
wear shoes to a burial
but hats are for cremations
jizz on your father, weather’s a bother
jizz on your mater, fair skies await ‘er
Never have a grandpa
even god made cockroaches
just sayin
only wear shoes if you are prepared for some asshole to start talking to you about the goddamn news like anything even happens anywhere worth knowing about, sailor’s delight
is it the milk that spoils? or is it the moon?
red sky at night, sailor’s delight
red guy sky at morning, sailor’s gang bang
Only discover what is there
many a sweet poon
was splayed on an old piddle
Wear jelly bracelets, your mom’s a fucking racist.
red sky at night, shepherd’s pie
your mom’s fucking a racist, corn be ready soon
silken pillows lead to weeping willows.
the head on a needle
can’t do the macarena
Wonder where the women are, wonder what they may have to say, as you mishear the man, and express you distaste for the blues. The blues as a musical genre. Express distaste for the blues as you wonder about the women on this path you are on, in this town. As you wonder about the strength of you hearing, and what it has become. Only wonder about women as you express you distaste for the blues. Yes I have heard it. You say. I care for for it. You say.
*widows xxp
you can’t put OAP’s
into an OACAN
rhyming adages, rotten cabbages
Lie to the man who asks for the news, when misheard.
the man who tends his fences
will never understand complex metaphors
if life gives you Ezra Pound, make him a pound cake and hope he goes away
a gift of pickled herring foretells no evil, lest it be delivered in a tube
give a man a ski, and he will be happy for a day. teach a man to ski, and he will be happy for a year.
You can’t sleep with a chicken and expect eggs for breakfast
Think to yourself, if a man was typing about this kind of shit for too long on a keyboard, if a man was typing about someone asking about the news on a crashed forum extra site thing, when someone asks about the news, and, think to yourself, if the man was typing about you, wonder to yourself how the man must feel making typos.
in the kingdom of the blinds, the “V2G for VELUX® windows” is king
there are no typos, only shitty words
Go away after you post
you can’t hug your children with crab legs
heed ye well that whatsoever you do post into the world shall return threefold in the form of really miserable diarrhea
sail nary a nacho through the cheddar seas
Of all the things lost in our youth, underage drinking
an ox in the barn is worth two at the plow
arthritis comes to those who wait.
Early to bed
early to sleep
makes a man healthy
wealth and Greek
you really only get one chance to make out with high schoolers
late periods
make early wrinkles
With closed eyes, never see, the song, of the ice cream truck
one cannot survive
where quarter has not been given
There’s many a drowned rat that passes for a weasel.
when a foot speaks
put a sock in it
There’s many a weasel that passes for Tim Curry
slow cooked shoulder can go on the back burner
keep sheep with goats
pour encourager les autres
the worst you can expect is often the best someone else plans on offering you so fuck ’em
put spikes on your cats as a warning to others
he who’s kissed the blarney stone
talks naught but shite when he gets home
the last laugh is often a death cackle
Nobody lies who hasn’t stood.
when the boot is other foot
hop you fucker hop
a good samaritan is a mediocre sumerian
all sugar corrupts
absolute sugar corrupts abcess-toothly
the auctioneer breeds envy; the driver breeds regret
those who sleep with turtles wake up with displeasure
if shadows had shadows and mirrors had ears, it would look an awful lot like you
a man, a plan, a canal, a ram, a sam, a nam, anal
save the third kiss for the freshest spring
there are no cookies in space
tits on a bull
still swing the butcher’s scales
Don’t underestimate a nun with a yardstick or a priest with a protractor
The toad in his hole sees more than the mole in broad day.
Micturation is the answer.
By candle light a goat looks like a goat.
we learn from moses
but absorb from osmosis
there are no cheat codes in the game of life
CaptainBurlapSax, Get Real.
wolves lacan where foxes fear to see
?
a fever is a gift for a baker
you can only change if you want to jazzercise
it takes two to tangle, but knot with a partner
A bottle of brine is the handsome man’s despair
of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, you walk into yours
Drummers come and go but saxophonists go with the flow
Confucius say: Man with banana in pocket will win the ball game
One dog goes one way and the other goes the other way. And this guy’s saying, “Whaddya want from me?”
On the internet, nobody knows you’re an adage.
you can’t break a dime if you can hardly target a garden
evergreens only fall when autumn golems swallow
newspapers tell stories, but storytellers rely on instinct