I don’t understand people who say “I don’t like Indian” or “I don’t like Chinese”. That’s like saying “I don’t like any European food at all” or “I don’t like and foodstuff from any place in the whole of the Americas”.

Was at a concert of Jóhann Jóhannsson and Hildur Gudnadottir on Saturday, in an old church, and this guy behind was the heaviest nose-breather I’ve ever come across. Can loud nose-breath-out’ers not hear this themselves?

people who lay documents out side-by-side on your desk in a huge collage while you’re away from the office so you get back to work and you can’t even spot your keyboard anymore

xxp to be fair I think even in this wonderful cosmopolitan city of London there is still a kind of homogeneity of “chinese food”, aside from a few relatively new more regionally distinct places popping up.

loud ass hippie occupy idiots outside my office building while i’m trying to get my stock portfolio in order

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t like Indian” or “I don’t like Chinese”. That’s like saying “I don’t like any European food at all” or “I don’t like and foodstuff from any place in the whole of the Americas”.

what they don’t understand is that Chinatown Kitchen has actually a very diverse pallete of meals with totally different flavors. any time someone says this I think they are basically a terrible racist.

Alternately, all they know is food-court Cantonese-American shit and think it is bad because frankly it is usually pretty bad.

well when you say ‘i’m getting Chinese’ thats generally the kind of food you’re getting

Yeah, but they usually mean “I don’t like anything that is hotter than Chicken Korma, and even then that’s a bit spicy for me really innit?”

films recommended by your colleagues for year-end review that are eminently skippable

“I don’t like Indian” or “I don’t like Chinese”. That’s like saying “I don’t like any European food at all”—India and China are nations. Europe is a continent. Get real.

Can loud nose-breath-out’ers not hear this themselves?—Perhaps he had an allergy or medical problem. Be thankful it’s not you. Get real.

people who lay documents out side-by-side on your desk in a huge collage—At least you didn’t miss it. I’m sure you found your keyboard too. Get real.

loud ass hippie occupy idiots outside my office building while i’m trying to get my stock portfolio in order.—It is a tragic shame that you find temporary monetary rewards to be more valuable than First Amendment rights provided to the populace. Get real.

films recommended by your colleagues for year-end review that are eminently skippable—you should read more books. Get real.

dude elks you don’t understand this place AT ALL, if we could just “get real” and ignore minor transgressions from strangers, why would ILX exist at all? YOU should get real!

Hey, there nice co-worker lady. Go ahead and stick your arm underneath this near-boiling stream of water I’m using to fix some oatmeal. That coffee pot ain’t gonna wait on you, after all!

films recommended by your colleagues for year-end review that are eminently skippable

I will never ever watch anything you recommend me, dude. It’s worse when they are raving about movies targeted at little kids.

its like you go to Subway for a $5 footlong (NOM NOM NOM) and then you say “I want everything” and they proceed to give you EXTRA jalapenos COMPLETELY out of the FUCKING BLUE like, let me draw a picture

WHAT I SAID:

“Please give me everything, good sir”

WHAT THEY HEARD:

“Give me a little bit of everything THEN EXTRA JALAPENOS BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED A JALAPENOS SANDWICH! IN FACT WHY NOT JUST THROW OUT THE MEAT AS WELL!! LOL!”

obviously, I have never mentioned this to anyone

please notice I didn’t mean that for Dr. Morbius, that was my mental answer to the annoying colleague.

xp You could save 30 calories by holding the cheese.

I JSUT WANTED A SAMMICH

it’s different when you kind of HAVE to see their recommendations per editorial imprimatur, when you could be spending that time trying to locate The Autobiography of Nicolae Ceausescu.

he gets shot in the end. there, i saved you three days.

“get real” reminds me of a great source of what is called “IA” on another forum I enjoy:

People who respond to complaints of annoyance with “welcome to [thing, person, or situation that is very annoying]” (or similar sentiment, including “you knew it was a snake when you picked it up”). Examples of sources of annoyance in this case might include idiots in website comments sections, power-mad cops, and apathetic and rude state employees.

This “welcome to” is said as though:

1. the problem is that you expected better and are therefore naive and a whiner

2. the problem is inherent and immutable

A co-worker on my “team” never does anything. I got so frustrated that I left work early the other day rather than complain about it. It doesn’t usually result in me having to do more (since I’ve always done more and it just seems like my normal load at this point) but lately it has become so obvious that she’s just not doing anything. I have to remind myself that I still find plenty of time to waste at work, that helps.

I came this close to reconciling with myself that a good way to combat the imperfections of my workplace (bad lighting, chit-chatty co-workers, stop-and-start deadlines) was to discontinue flushing the toilet after I’m done.

One of those moments where you’re pulling up your pants and suddenly realize, the fuck am i thinking? *FLUUUSH*.

Oh I am growing so tired of the sarcastic “really? really?”

even worse is REALly, on a downward intonation

God, the chit-chat. It never ends.

Every time Dave (he looks exactly like Ned Flanders) trots out “What’s the dilly-yo?” I’m not even sure how to react.

I work with a fella who includes in every phone conversation “I just wanted to give you a shout...”

He also writes a weekly column about local property transactions that includes the phrase “tipped the scales” each time.

id be pretty scared to find out that i worked with any one of you b/c i would have no idea which phrases would cheese you off

xp to PP

That fella ought to have a small, festive, paper-and-bamboo umbrella coming out of his noggin at a rakish angle, such as are placed into liquor drinks that feature coconut syrupand other similar rubbish.

id be pretty scared to find out that i worked with any one of you b/c i would have no idea which phrases would cheese you off

― I’m in the mood to party (J0n Arbuckle), Wednesday, November 30, 2011 8:13 PM (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

you could find out on this thread

Going west on 6th Street I can make six lights if my timing’s on. You, car in front of me, have thrown off my timing with your overly cautious driving ways and I am forced to stop at the last light in the sequence! You have no business on the road!

“cheese you off”

irrationally cheesed off

cheesed off by cheese going off

dawwwwwwwwww

does anyone else ever get annoyed when media outlets feel the need to highlight the fact that not only did someone have sex, but it was GAY SEX?

example from Gawker:

Former GOP Sheriff of the Year Busted in Gay Sex-for-Meth Deal

maybe i’m alone on this, but if he had sex with a woman for meth would it have been “...busted in hetero sex-for-meth deal”? it’s inclusion next to “sex-for-meth deal” makes it look like an intensifier.

w eat a jalapeno sandwich ftr

Eh I think in cases involving politicians, law enforcement, the military, and other bastions of masculine and masculinized authority & control, the “gay” bit will continue to be relevant as long as the authorities in question keep disenfranchising gay people. It’s not the sex that’s notable, it’s the hypocrisy.

oh, did the sheriff in question have a history of hating gay people? i haven’t even read the article, got hung up on the headline.

oh man, not only did the sheriff have gay sex-for-meth, but his case is similar to someone else who was having gay sex (and something with meth)!

Happens to the best of them! The details sound suspiciously like another prominent Colorado Republican who had a secret gay meth-life: Ted Haggard

oh well, it’s probably not a big deal, it’s just a pet peeve

but like, you can totally understand why they do that, right?

i can in cases where like Pyth mentioned above. and yeah, i guess it’s probably safe to assume that the sex-for-meth sheriff probably did a bunch of gay-bashing over the course of his career, because that’s what most republicans (and most politicians in general i suppose) do.

sorry, left a few words out of my first sentence: “cases where there’s hypocrisy, like Pyth mentioned above”

plus your average Gawker reader probably thinks the word “gay” is funny

it’s not as funny as “gherkin”

Colorado Republican who had a secret gay meth-life

Haggard was well known for smoking only gay meth

Meth probably isn’t even smoked, is it.

cheese off your gherkin for meth

I kind of figured that “gay” was added b/c it was significant in conjunction with “GOP” and “Sheriff” (and in the first paragraph, “Arapaho County”) but there are plenty of other times when “gay” is used to make a sex scandal seem more scandalous.

xp- meth can be smoked, yes.

haha, you can definitely smoke it. i think that’s probably the main way to do it.

just to be sure, though, i’m gonna bust out my gravity bong and meth it up

lol

ahahahahah

the county i grew up in had, at the time, the second highest rate of meth lab busts in the country. the highest rate was in the adjacent county.

i have seen many people with holes in their teeth

I guess my days of imagining meth people shooting up are over? And I guess that splains the teeth, eh.

cp

a cp is a special kind of xp that is used for meth teeth

*nods* i already knew that about cp, of course, because of my meth county upbringing, but i’m nodding to let others know that i already knew

It is why that ‘popular meth television show’ was originally called Breacing Bap

also, the popular korean food, bibimbap (the c is silent and also doesn’t appear in the word)

lol

I guess my days of imagining meth people shooting up are over? And I guess that splains the teeth, eh.

People shoot it, too, but not as much as they snort or smoke it (but probably more often than they ingest it via “booty bumps”). Shooting is—commonly referred to as “slamming”—apparently the sweetest high, but needles are harder to come by than pipes or the simple process of inhalation.

I am not from Meth Country (the county I lived in in NC is known for growing the finest w33d in the Southeast) but the gays love their meth, so I learned a thing or too. (Note: I do not love the meth, and I never have.)

I am still back on dude being locked up in a detainment facility named after him

I got this new cardigan which I thought I loved but today I am wearing it open on top of a black tank top and it’s started to shed and now I have little yellow balls of fluff all over me and I no longer think I love this cardigan. It is an annoyance.

when the cable company calls you and tells you that you’re getting 6 crappy movie channels (NOT hbo, showtime, or cinemax) as a GIFT! only you have to pay for them if you don’t cancel! so you have to call them, spend half an hour going through the automated operator, then ahhh kill me

Our digital phone service went out the other night, so I got online and chatted with a Comcast rep. Finally got down to him saying that we needed a service guy to come out, but only my wife could authorize that since only her name is on the account.

His suggestion was for me to call this toll-free number and have my name added to the account. Of course, I couldn’t do that because MY PHONE WASN’T WORKING.

We finally got everything straight (I started another chat session as my wife, telling the rep how great my husband is) and she said the service guy would call sunny’s cellphone 15 minutes before he got to the house.

TAKE A WILD GUESS WHAT NUMBER HE CALLED INSTEAD.

Your mother’s?

WHY WILL THE SALES TEAM NEVER STOP YAMMERING AWAY LOUDLY THIS IS A SMALL OPEN PLAN OFFICE AND I CANNOT CONCENTRATE GRRRR

Classic absent minded professor asks me to put his presentations on the website but NEVER GIVES ME THE INFORMATION I NEED TO DO IT. Replies with requests for more information go unanswered.

Once, he sent me an email weeks later asking why something was not yet up on the website. Rather than writing back BECAUSE YOU NEVER RESPONDED TO MY EMAILS ASKING FOR INFORMATION, I simply had to politely reiterate the information I needed.

Just now he replied to my email requesting more information WITH THE EXACT SAME INFORMATION AS BEFORE.

No one ever, EVER listens to music in my office without headphones on, so why the hell does “War Is Over Merry X-mas” have to be the exception?

I’m all about forming a “zipper” formation during heavy traffic, where cars leave enough space in front of them for other lanes to merge with ease, thereby keeping the flow of traffic cruising smoothly instead of stop-and-starting.

But you see, the key to that sentence is in the final part, the “cruising smoothly instead of stop-and-starting” part. When you’re constantly braking to let folks in, EVERYBODY IN, then the cars 25 spaces behind us sit for as long as that chain reaction of brakes takes place and you’re actually causing more delays than deleting them.

^ fuck this shit

~GOLD~

People who, when you are standing in a crowd and they want to get past, bodily grasp you as though they are an old friend, or they just want to physically lift you out of the way. DON’T TOUCH ME! I would rather you gently shouldered me out of the way than put your geezer hands all over me.

Yeah, that NYE movie—such a huge cast, and not one that isn’t irritating

1. Per the inaugural post to this thread, my coworker said she does not like Italian food because she doesn’t like cheese, and her limited understanding of the foods people in Italy eat is an annoyance.

2. My boss was warming into a “why I say MERRY CHRISTMAS instead of HAPPY HOLIDAYS” rant, which was going to necessitate me telling him I don’t celebrate “Christmas” because I don’t believe in “Christ,” which was going to BLOW HIS MIND because he is Catholic and assumes that everybody else is (or wishes they were), and I’m not even exaggerating the level of his presumption on the matter. But luckily he hurt himself putting his coat on and dropped the subject. Annoyance averted.

But luckily he hurt himself putting his coat on and dropped the subject.

for some reason this is the funniest thing I have read all day. maybe its the schaudenfreude.