Sand + box + gays = vagina jokes.

well, we can’t set up a Toolbox.

Stevie and I were talking about how “are you a feminist” is a good litmus test question for potential boyfriends.

I am not speaking for Stevie, just something he said made me think of it. Anyway, if a guy doesn’t identify as a feminist, it’s a huge minus.

oh boy.

There’s nothing more resistible than a man trying to sound like Alan Alda fishing for applause on Donahue in 1982.

Alan Alda’s perm phase?

LOL, with Morbs on this one.

Is that what you read in what I wrote?

my god I just saw said photo.

The focus for me is, if the guy is in a hurry to distance himself from feminism, he’s probably not the one for me (fatty).

Oh, that (“photo”) reminds me!

Here is the pic of the guy who announces to the world that he gives BJs in The Hole

Ideally, “the one for me” wouldn’t make much point of steering the conversation toward how much of a feminist he is.

And it seems like he was being serious about that bruise being the result of a dick-whipping....

Feminism shows itself in deeds though, at least that’s how I see it.

Believing in equal rights for women is quite possible to manage without using “ist” words. xxxxxxp

a photo of Alda?

Anyway, this whole thing came up in a conversation about OKC profile making, which is a whole different beast from meeting in outmoded ways and being like “Hi, I’m Jesse and I’m a feminist!”

Speaking of which, I was preternaturally socially capable this weekend. It felt like I was taken over by a politician. I met a guy from a previous El stop whose name I remembered, welcomed Michiganders to town, and generally “made connections.” I need to circle back with the people I met and get some notes on how to do that again.

The “ist” thing is just a matter of self-presentation. You may not believe it but I don’t think you’re a bad person, Jesse.

A well-connected Brooklyn florist took me and two ladies to Justin Bond’s show at Joe’s Pub last night, everything comped! JB did a few Joni and Kate covers I was entirely unfamiliar with, so bad on me, eh? He also did the least prominent Ronee Blakely song from Nashville.

longest weekend ever

(donna btw)

ending w/ Occupy LA?

lol, just wrote about it on the occupy thread

also i did a lot of things i probably shouldn’t write about here

*applauds*

It never occurred to me that you might think I was a bad person.

The weather in these parts is bumming me out. Gray, chilly, spitting drizzle, sun setting at 3:30.

This morning my Gmail theme showed snow piling up on my Inbox, but outside the air was empty.

We carry on.

I do spit the drizzle you guys?

I had one of the best first dates ever Sunday (like 2am diner good) and then the next day we met up for lunch and ate shrimp burritos and talked about gender performativity and made out for like 10 minutes, and then we’re hanging out Thursday night too. He’s super intelligent and witty and has glasses a giant red beard; I’m trying not to get my hopes up but it’s sorta difficult not to.

that sounds nice!

this sandbox thing confuses me. I also don’t know what spit the drizzle means, though, so I’m just generally confused.

Alex in MTL, btw.

What is confusing you about the sandbox?

When I said spitting drizzle, I just meant that there was spotty, irregular precipitation that fell short of being straight-up drizzle. That is all I know it to mean.

hi gays!

I am a little confused in this sandbox b/c of new user names. I mean, who the f is “Lord Sotosyn”? I’m guessing buffandmaxsmom, but who knows.

Also, hi to you both.

It’s Alfred, eighteenth descendant of the greatest English poet laureate.

Should probably have not had so much whiskey on a Wednesday night.

Fuck it. I don’t work tomorrow and don’t love anyone. *pours another*

Quick, say something scandalous!

Almost updated my FB with status: “Fully ready to enter my long-deferred hot mess period. Suggestions appreciated.”

Damn my grandma for friending me.

i had a lot (3) of cocktails tonight

Good morning!

Eric, I had the same trouble Tuesday morning, after spending Monday night consoling my BFF (women problems, mais oui).

i am very sad, i just want to cry all day in bed but i have to go to work and look professional

this year has all but taken it out of me, i don’t know what to do anymore

geez surm, that’s a bummer to hear. But there’s always something to be done, kid.

you know what, i did do something. i googled. and i have discovered a new terminology for my psychological condition. so that’s something.

we love you, surm.

and Eric, it’s not Wed night if you’re off the next day.

I had 2 beers and a shot at my friend’s variety/monologues show, where I sat next to gayble TV star Cole Escola as he prepared his bit, and the last act of the night resulted in some onstage accusations of homophobia. Drama!

i just contacted a “renowned” specialist for help—and now i’m going to smoke a cigarette

You can do it, surm.

:::thanks:::

Surm you are a beautiful bouquet of flowers and if you ever need to talk baout stuff you got my info / don’t hesitate.

This dude and I have either hung out or texted/IM’d each other every day since Sunday (when we met). He even biked like 3 miles to come visit me on my lunch break yesterday, and tonight we’re gonna watch movies and I might cook him dinner and then we’re going to some dance party. I think I’m smitten.

surm, we got your back.

Stevie, it sounds like I don’t need to fwd you the info about the upcoming ‘bearpig’ event at the NY Eagle, then.

thx freddy

psych problems are the worst. sorry, surm. i’m long-term crazy, so if you have any questions maybe i can help.

Stevie, that sounds intense and exciting.

u do Jess? maybe i should IM u sometime

maybe on the book of face

I like that – the Book of Face.

I’m long-term depresso (no diagnosis or treatment till I was 18, but it seems to go back to about 6th grade), with attendant anxieties, esp. social anxiety. The only DSM diagnosis a doc ever shared with me was hypothymia, which is a good shortcut label (basically a chronic, low-grade depression—I think the DSM may have changed the term), though I have a wider range of ups and downs that I don’t think are described by that term.

^^ That paragraph reminds me of what I hear from Brits about Americans being very/too open about their psychological health.

thank u for being open j

oh no i don’t like to read sad surm. it seems so out of character and not how things should be.

<3 Big Freedia <3

A guy I met in therapy said he first tried to kill himself when he was 9 by lying face down in a puddle. He tried that a few times, he said. Later he tried more effective means. The guy was a mortician.

oh did you go eric?

(also, jesse: cyclothymia?)

Uh, apropos of... Never mind

Oh weird xps don’t work the same way in the sandbox.

Rivergbx, it was called hypothymia.

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?word=hypothymia

No no no! DYSthymia!

I remembered bc Jenny and I joked about dystopia.

In any case, labeling is libeling, but when a term is a meaningful shortcut, it’s useful. (see also: feminism)

I totally did go, and I’m absolutely glad I did. Was a little preoccupied with the fact that there were only about 3 or 4 not-white people in the audience, but it was still a great, booty-gyrating show.

yeah my friend (not white btw) said it was great

Minnesota booty battles are o_0

omg I wonder if she did one

I’d think a Minnesota booty battle would involve a pedestrian bottleneck in three feet of snow.

What did she look like? Was she a little thick?

If so, she won the shit out of that battle.

Wtf is a booty battle? “Minnesota booty battle” sounds euphemistic.

nah she is a tiny (5’) nigerian gal

I haven’t been dancing in nine months; my chassis needs a workout.

Yeah, don’t think I saw her on stage, what with Freedia’s gyrations.

tabes! are you having a fb article with that guy from that nyt poetry article right now?

fb argument that is

Is table registered here? I just saw some comments of t’s go by on the ticker thing but when I tried to click on one, it said it was no longer available.

lol! i saw that too and got kind of excited.

Dude update: we’ve been seeing each other a LOT. In fact, I think the only day we didn’t see each other at all was Tuesday. The dinner/movie night thing was amazing and things are moving super quickly and I feel like we’re p much “dating” or something at this point. We’ve talked about not rushing into a relationship and getting to know each other better first but we’ve spent a few nights cuddling each other to sleep and it’s fucking awesome.

:)

WTF. Of COURSE there is someone in the comments defending that guy! He makes an convoluted and verbose argument that maybe the guy just didn’t know it was wrong, unethical, illegal, and grounds for disbarment to make sex a secretary’s job duty. Apparently the guy was distracted by people’s misapprehension that he was too rich.

It is common sense that is missing in this situation. We are intensely focused on other things, particularly getting educated, and then trying to earn a living in a world in which, even if we just barely make enough money to cover overhead, almost every person we deal with, including many who should know better, considers us over-paid. Such concerns can and do relegate the normal rules of interaction to a dangerously low position on the priority list.

Scott Thompson on gays being “poodles” for women and his variation on It Gets Better: “You fucking punch him in the face.”

http://www.pridesource.com/article.html?article=49944

(speaking of gays/canada/poodles)

Oh, there’s my post that didn’t show up on the Chicago thread.

lol

yay @ stevie, btw. i have not been good at remembering that sandbox exists.

i did have an argument with that kid, Alex Dimitrov (fuck him, fuck googleproofing).

he was praising Rita Dove’s recent defense of an anthology she edited that received a poor review from Helen Vendler, an evil poetry witch if there ever was one.

anyway.

I said:

What I’m wondering is whether such an anthology is necessary when so many others are already out there. Neither Dove nor Vendler are my cup of tea— Dove because her work doesn’t really do much with words except put them on paper, line-breaks seemingly thrown in at random, and Vendler because she’s snotty and racist and a bit too invested in dead white men. I do feel, however, that Dove’s stance of making poetry ‘accessible’ to be condescending and infantilizing, and can agree with any criticism on those points.

In the end, though, I have no idea as to how this has anything to do with what we, as poets and writers, are doing on a day-to-day basis? Both Vendler and Dove are incredibly successful, tenured, and in my opinion, fucking gross.

Dimitrov:

I don’t see how you can say “I have no idea as to how this has anything to do with what we, as poets and writers, are doing on a day-to-day basis.” What we are exposed to has everything to do with who we become and who we are. Who is excluded, included, etc. — all of this matters. That should be obvious by now. To pretend that realities like race, class, gender, etc., have nothing to do with poetry or criticism, is to pretend that we don’t have real lives and bodies in the real world. I take great issue with that.

Me:

Nice way of turning it against me when I never actually wrote that those realities don’t matter, especially when you’re the one who once said, “I don’t care about politics, I care about poetry,” a totally laughable and ridiculous assertion.

What I meant when I wrote “I have no idea...” was that this is, in essence, a pissing contest between two women who have no connection to anything that has to do with me, the poetry that I write, the poets that I know, or the contemporary poetry that I care about and read.

Dimitrov:

Right, Ted, so because it has nothing to do with you, you don’t see why it matters or what this has to do with what “we” do as poets and writers. Why it’s a big deal that an African American woman is editing this anthology, why it’s a big deal that more poets of colors are included, women, etc. Well, it is a big deal. And it matters. And it matters to some of us that don’t identify as those minorities. I would hope it matters to all of us.

Me:

Well, it doesn’t.

and then it ended. my old prof from undergrad years wrote me and said, “lol lol you’re taking on Dimitrov, be careful! he’s small but quick, he can cut a bitch!” and all i said was, “i could lay him on the ground in seconds.”

“He’s gonna aim low. Think body. Crouch like a tiger, hide like a dragon!”

everything about him fills me with a rage so intense that i find it difficult to think about him unless his horribleness confronts me.

NIce pants, tho.

I quite liked Vendler’s review, tabes, and laughed out loud in the library at the excerpts of Dove’s prose.

sounds like you’ll bed Dimitrov by the end of the year though.

I haven’t followed Vendler for years but her early stewardship of Merrill, Bishop, and O’Hara helped.

My guy and I had out first Serious Conversation last night, the kind where you let your guard down and open up and talk about life and insecurities whars REALLY going on inside and all of that shit you always try to, like, avoid discussing with other people. This kid is so brilliant; I’m really excited about him and he feels the same way about me. I think we’re really on to something good here.

\(^o^)/

If not this time, I will be in NYC for sure in March for EMP and we will FAP then

I’ll be there too — this sounds epic. EMP-FAP!

GOD I just returned from a party at which a Venezuelan liberal who works for Bank of America dominated my attention: long bangs, 95-degree-angle nose, perfect English. Single and just broke up with his partner. I haven’t had a good crush in months.

my sched might be tight (haven’t been to NYC in three years, lots of old pals there), but I’m open to working something out!

I am a well-known river wolf fan, even tho I apparently have no memory of once meeting him.

also I think I prefer John Candy’s Divine to Divine #actualcomedy #heresy

guys

1 girl 5 gays

what is this

oh btw i might be in nyc sometime between now and march, but probably not for emp weekend

1 girl 5 gays is the absolute worst.

it’s canadian. it’s the absolute worst. the host is the worst. the questions are the worst. it’s designed for girls who want a gay best friend. it’s the worst.

the second guy i ever slept with is occasionally a panelist. which makes me giggle a fair bit.

I saw about 20 minutes of it once and was just like “uhhhhhhh”

I had a big gay dinner party last night for me, my boyf, my two housemates, and one of their boyfs. I made the food (lacinato kale salad w/ a garlic/lemon/Pecorino dressing, Kabocha squash soup, goat cheese and sundried tomato ravioli, and a cranberry-orange swirl cheesecake) and my housemate picked the music (“I’m just going to search for ‘Christmas diva’ on SoundCloud”) and everyone loved it and it was awesome!!

that sounds amazing

It’s only around TG and Xmas that, while sober, I feel the urge to go to Steamworks. But it’s too depressing to really do.

Maybe not actually depressing, but it seems like it should be depressing.

Not as festive as lying on the couch eating Genoa salami dipped in crushed chili garlic sauce.

lol

found a bottle of who-even-knows-how-many-years-old dewar’s in the back of my parents’ liquor cabinet.

CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

one thing I do miss from when I still ate meat — SUMMER SAUSAGE

for some reason “rum and pepsi” sounds way less classy than “rum and coke”

Rum and RC, anyone?

oh, huh, so apparently i have a lesbian cousin. total gaydar fail.

to be fair. cross-gender gaydar might not be as well-tuned, since you have less of a personal stake in knowing that sort of thing?

i dunno. i never had any inkling whatsoever. then again, i’ve never been close to her. and my cousin i’ve always thought was obviously gay as fuck is still with her boyfriend 3 or 4 years running.

lol xmas bathhouse

sup with y’all

bored as fuck today

my boyfriend comes back tomorrow

we spent two hours last night more or less staring at each other on skype

shit is gay as fuck

i bought lube today, that was a fun experience

this place was like 75% sex shop/25% head shop, which made for a small but interesting crowd of people

I buy mine from Walgreens u_u

feel like computerised supermarket checkout lanes are finally vindicated by that kinda thing, either that or strident & proud purchasing from retailers

i bought lube today, that was a fun experience

progress!

i sometimes use lube to thin acrylic paint which means i buy a load of it in one go

Yeah I don’t mind buying condoms/lube at the normal register. Of course, I don’t make a point of doing it there.

i do sometimes for fun, and make loads of chitchat

Browsing at a head shop can turn awkward when you realize you’re browsing the crack/meth pipes.

The boy is sending me pictures from isolated rural etc. of abandoned houses in the snow that he discovered while snowshoeing and so forth.

I don’t want to be with him because I miss him (well, that too) but because it looks SO FUCKIN COOL

I need to get lube again soon. What did y’all get? Elmo recommended Maximus which I love, and Gun Oil’s great too but potentially stainy. I also hear wondrous things about JO but their H2O formula is terrrrrrible.

My ex confessed to me that in a cruising hookup, he and the other guy used Dr Pepper bc that was the only liquid they had available.

i got one (1) small bottle of JO silicon based

will report back

I haven’t gotten a new tube in a while; I don’t usually go that far.

we aren’t using it for anal — at least not yet (?)

at least not yet (?)

I think you’ll know if you’re using it for anal.

Should I just cave and buy silicone lube even though it stains? I mean also there’s something lovely about being able to flop down after a nice fucking and fall asleep without having to go shower bcz everything just dries away.

The best lube I’ve ever used was sweet almond oil during a bit of frot and ohhh myyy goooodddd

I mean it was more than just a bit tbh

i forgot you don’t have that other thread anymore

we need the real board back so bad.

Good morning. Hoping everyone made it through the nice well lubricated.

I was planning to have my share of casual sex this week (ie, some) but my postcold lingers, and echoey rumbling coughs just aren’t a good come-on.

bf’s parents are visiting — IOW no sex until they leave (tomorrow or the next day)

watching videos of young dwight yoakam looking really like table around the face i think

YouTube Video

Open

loooooove Dwight Yoakam. No musician’s gotten away with writing great songs about assholedom as long as he has.

Co-signed

so somehow i missed the DY boat—where do i start

He’s never made a great album. Buenas Noches From a Lonely Room has a killer first side and spotty second one. If There Was a Way comes closest but it’s too long. This Time has all the huge radio hits, most of which are melodic and lyrical wonders but rather wooden in the rhythm dept (“A Thousand Miles From Nowhere,” “Ain’t That Lonely Yet”).

but, really, you can’t go wrong with one of his comps or one of the first five records (all cheap and easy to find).

Love this one:

YouTube Video

Open

this is my favourite yoakam song, yoakam is p indebted to buck owens in general and he says this song is specifically influenced by “tiger by the tail” the way it stops and starts

YouTube Video

Open

also his little outfits

saw him at Folk City in a snowstorm circa 1985, about 5 ppl in the joint

(and then later opening for Husker Du)

thx dudes

I like the idea of turning the sandbox gay thread into a Yoakam one.

i don’t love it

Dwight Yoakam?

anyway, i’m just saying that i only use Sliquid H20, because i hate everything about silicone lube. everything.

also, hey yall.

dwight yoakam

Dwight Fuckin’ Yoakam.

dwight goddamn yoakam

goddamn

stevie d you have an attractive housemate. i saw on facebook.

wait what’s wrong with silicone lube

He’s an artist too; I was thinking abt how much you’d likely fancy him. We’re very friendly and I’m worried it might lead to some level of tension...

i would probably move out

But I just moved in! And he’s like my new Philly gay bestie!

i said I would. it would be silly for you to.

this wasn’t so much advice as daydreaming.

You should at least go in for a nice shirts-off make-out before you leave.

But he keeps mentioning over and over how he won’t date people that are shorter or significantly younger than him, sorta the way closet cases keep mentioning over and over how they’re straight.

oh is he tall?

Like 5’10“ give or take

lol looks like i’m out of luck

after living with someone for six months the sexual urge seems to dwindle (at least ime)

but I’ve seen aforementioned roomie and he is pretty (and likes cats!)

Have you been living w your man?

I’ve said it before, but the best sex I ever had was in LTRs. In the first one, even after 4 years, evenings and days off were unmitigated priapism time. Like skin-abrading f-fests.

I’ve been sleeping over his house almost every night but not really living w him per se. And truth be told I have little desire to have sex with anyone else atm so roomie is rly nbd. Just glad I didn’t move in like 6 months ago.

same here — I get enough sex elsewhere that I don’t feel the need to bone my roommates (which would just be weird)

has sarge returned from lovestonedness?

—

(em dash test)

hotttt em dash, tanuki

—_—

I’ve said it before, but the best sex I ever had was in LTRs. In the first one, even after 4 years, evenings and days off were unmitigated priapism time. Like skin-abrading f-fests.

― Sandbox Jesse, Tuesday, December 27, 2011 7:23 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Permalink

how do you make that happen? school/stress/not-actually-living-together-but-may-as-well-be-given-how-often-we-see-each-other-or-sleep-over has been taking its toll.

Well, we lived together and we were not very busy, so that certainly greased the skids, if you will lololaknfnsddf. But also, he had a very strong sex drive and for me, sex improves with familiarity. (I approach sex and music similarly: I don’t like *new* music or romance or sex. They start to be really good after they’re worn in and I’m comfortable with them. I absolutely hated the supposedly exciting thrills of new relationships.)

In the 2nd relationship it was similar, except that dude had some major baggage w/r/t sex, so things never flourished quite the same.

Anyway, for me it’s like what people say about reading the Bible over and over and learning something each time.

So yeh, my advice is be me, I guess.

Unless you were asking how to get the abrasions, in which case, just ditch the lube.

has sarge returned from lovestonedness?

― Lord Sotosyn, Tuesday, December 27, 2011 6:41 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Permalink

just now!

Good morning!

Which store was the half head/half sex toys store, J?

Tonight I went to one of our city’s fine woman-owned sex toy stores and bought my first grown-up adult toy. I was on the bus home with my gym bag and really, really didn’t feel like going to the gym, so I made the bargain that I was either going to go to the fucking gym or buy a decent toy. It was not the most expensive one, but it still seemed $$$$, but I believe that you get what you pay for with these things. I certainly hope so, anyway.

It felt a little weird asking the cute lesbians (a couple, apparently) for assistance and information, but they were helpful and knowledgeable, despite their not having prostates (I assume).

ummm it’s on belmont, it’s called “igor’s dungeon” (lol)

oh wow

Oh god that place. I went there once years ago and the owner (he said he was, anyway) let me have it with some over the top high pressure sales. I think I went there for poppers, and he was like, “NOW THIS HERE [$$$ brand], THAT’S TOP O’ THE LINE RIGHT THERE, SEE? ONLY A COUPLE BUCKS MORE AND WORTH EVERY PENNY.”

I tried to get away, but he kept selling at me, even hollering across the store at me when he was ringing up (and upselling) the bachelorette party ladies. When I went near the videos, he told me about the promo he was running. At the sex toys, he asked if I had any questions, and commented “NOW THAT ONE THERE, THAT’S REAL POPULAR” whenever I let my gaze linger on an item. Same thing at the novelty items and pipes.

God, that guy.

there was a very nice woman at the counter when i was there

wow, there was a turn.

I guess there isnt even gonna be some sort of NY mini-FAP, huh?

We’re getting into town the morning of Jan 3rd and we’re around until the evening of Jan 6th, so if you guys decide to do something, I can either try to talk the boy into it, or bail on him for an hour or two to grab a drink.

‘fraid i’m not likely to make another NY FAP appearance ‘til springtime