one year i made framed prints of photos i had taken in frames i had decorated with all manners of crap secured by shitty glue gun glue

no one was offended, but they were not a particularly memorable gift either. also gathered dust like nothing i’ve ever seen.

one year i gave my mom a “finger weaving” that i made, which was just one long sort of tubular thread that i suggested she wear as a scarf

it looked like a gigantic rainbow shoelace was tied around her neck and she never wore it.

there’s something hilarious and poignant about the anxiety everyone feels about homemade gifts, esp when they are extremely shitty

i keep thinking of more of these

there was the year i gave everyone stuff i made in pottery class. my friends got the best stuff, like the “square plate” and the “ashtray” but most of my pottery was so bad that i had to take castoffs from this guy who was like the kim fowley of pottery

when my parents opened his stuff it was like razzle dazzle art time ooo did you make THIS one TOO and i had to say no...i made that one —> :-/

I am trying to remember the last homemade gift I gave, possibly key chain from 8th grade industrial arts...?

oh yeah there was a really nice handmade wooden picture frame i made in shop class that i gave to my cousins, who never wrote to thank me!

cretins.

i still feel really guilty about this: one year i didn’t get my mom a mother’s day present so i took a plain magnet and put tinfoil around it and then twisted the ends so that it looked like a piece of wrapped hard candy—a decorative kitchen magnet. what a horrible son.

i’ve never done home-made gifts before, really, so no bad ones to brag about. however: i’m doing home-made cookies for everyone this year, sending them out in adorable twee xmas chinesetakeout-style boxes. pretty sure i’m gonna be a hit with the in-laws.

last year we only did homemade presents in my family and i tried to make handmade moleskine-esque notebooks and they turned out pretty crappy but i didn’t feel too bad about it because i did put a lot of effort into it, plus i also made peanut brittle that turned out well.

oh wait we did butterscotch cookies one year, that went really well actually

n/a that magnet is a good one

how did your mom react?

i haven’t let my dad forget about the applehead doll

every year i bring it up and ask him if he knows where it is and he scowls at me :D

my mom was polite but i think my dad gave me a talking-to

this year i am trying to figure a way to package and “sell” bath salts and exfoliating/moisturizing salt scrubs in a variety of scents that i am concocting myself, based on the fine instruction of this book

so far, so good. am testing scents and blends. only one real turkey so far (vetiver is so weird!)

i have made food-related gifts in the past, and considered infused oils/vinegars/vodka, but i never got around to finding appropriate vessels at a reasonable price, and i’ll be damned if i am going to ikea more than once to get these things. at least for the scrubs i know what jar i want.

i also considered making pickles but then i realized that i would have to find a way to explain a gift of pickles and it just seemed like too much work all around.

can you see the trend developing here? i give homemade gifts as a combination of ease + automation + cheap + lightly creative

if it’s too hard or requires a lot of actual technical skill, forget it

i just remembered another one

i took mostly abstract pictures from illustrated children’s books i found at thrift stores —> wrote quotes from songs and poems on them in this cool liquid silver marker (chose the quotes based on the recipient of the gift) —> put into cheap frame —> probably wound up in a drawer or possibly the trash at worst, guest bathroom at best.

last year i made

cocoa mix

soap

laundry detergent

animal crackers

and this year i’m gonna make

pickles

tomato sauce (canned in june)

hot pepper jelly (canned in august)

lemon curd

applesauce (canned next weekend)

pancake mix

ambitious!

i am all about making the same goddamned thing for everyone with various twists for customizing (which is to say not ambitious at all, but most of the people i give gifts to do not see other people opening their gift from me, so it’s easier to disguise the fact that i am giving everyone basically the same thing)

if only i had started making applehead dolls earlier this year...

oh last year i x-actoed 4-color drawings of animals and dinosaurs out of 1950s wildlife identification guides, glued rare earth magnets on the back of them, brushed ’em with a lot of shellac and put googly eyes on the front. they are whimsical animal magnets now, but i sort of love them + they are all being used by my friends

the year i made various scone mixes was pretty good, people liked that

in spite of my many failures, the homemade gifts i have received have been even worse in some cases, like the burned jack johnson cd? my friend — my GOOD FRIEND who KNOWS ME — gave me a burned jack johnson cd. i truly did not know how to react.

this year’s project has been fun so far. if a homemade gift is not fun for the person who makes it, it automatically comes with the stench of failure.

i love this thread

i bet you’re super jeal of my friends and family now too

i need to start buying thrift store lamps again and spray painting them

that was fun

I got a Pinterest account and now my brain is full of DIY. Must channel post-wedding craft skills somehow! I am intending to make:

oatmeal + olive oil + brown sugar body scrubs

BBQ spice blend mixture

vinyl record mail sorter*

http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/record_album_mail_organizer

vinyl record coasters*

*no “useful” vinyl will be harmed in the making of these gifts

oh and upthread to Amanda IF you and want and IF you had no other takers I could whip together some sort of label/tag for your bath salts! I am decent with the old Photoshop.

i’m just gonna keep going here

in spite of my many failures, the homemade gifts i have received have been even worse in some cases, like the burned jack johnson cd? my friend — my GOOD FRIEND who KNOWS ME — gave me a burned jack johnson cd. i truly did not know how to react.

I liked the Great Expectations soundtrack in HS so my friend borrowed it from the library, burned a copy, and STOLE THE BACK COVER (the front cover had already been stolen by someone else!)

thanks for the offer! usually i make the labels the old fashioned way with tape and color photocopies, but maybe you could photoshop my dog’s face into a still of kinski in the helmet in aguirre for me too — i was thinking of using that as my “logo”

hahaha! I had to google this kinski as aguirre thing because your sentence made no sense to me—but I totally can! send me images of pupster!

plus

on second thought maybe i should just frame that and call it a day

i think someone should make a record organizer out of old mail

resourceful repurposing of junk mail is always welcome at the holidays

hahaha yes, framing wonderpup would not be a bad idea either. In the insanity leading up to our wedding I almost had a stamp made of a cartoon version of my dog, so that I could stamp everything ever. Let’s all just give people stamps of things that we like.

i’ve thought about that!

*stamps ILX*

oh crap

that’s my monitor

Aguirre: The Wrath of Dog

that’s the idea

whover gets it will lol

those who don’t will just continue to think i’m weird

question — can those stupid digital photo frames support gifs?

because if so, there is a whole world of gifts out there waiting to happen

oh man, that makes me happy just to think about. not sure though. though it should say on amazon or whatnot?

One year I made earrings out of that clay that hippies make beads out of that you roll up and cut and bake, I have no idea what it’s called. Anyway, they were pretty cute but I was supposed to like seal them somehow and I bought what I thought was the proper sealant but it wasn’t and it made them super sticky and gross.

These days, I don’t have time for homemade presents. Starbucks gift cards for everyone.

jenny i planned on giving you some of my moisturizing hand/foot scrub, and you will also appreciate my aguirrudy logo

unless i have to do it myself, then it will just be awkward

maybe you could photoshop my dog’s face into a still of kinski in the helmet in aguirre for me too — i was thinking of using that as my “logo”

You know, I didn’t think it was possibly to love you more, LL. And I don’t even like dogs, but.... <3

I used to make a lot of t-shirts with pics I drew in sharpie, some of which were huge hits, and some of which were not. Best received was a nicely stippled coelocanth saying in a word bubble, “You try hiding for 600 million years.”

The laziest/worst was definitely when I took a bunch of scrap paper and spiral bound it at the copy shop where I worked. I printed out a page that said THOUGHTS OF A GREAT DAD and used it as the front page (protected by a clear plastic cover). It...did not go over well.

One that went over surprisingly well was when I cut off the heat of a toy chicken I got at a thrift store, removed its fluffy stuffing, and gave it to a person whose truck’s shifter had been chewed up by a dog. The idea was to use it to cover the shifter. Even though it had a comb and little plastic beady eyes, and it kept falling off the shifter, she still always used and liked it.

This is what I made my dad this year, I think it will go over much better:

It has a bouncy ball inside, so it can fly!

omigod i would pay a lot for one of those

I used to make a lot of t-shirts with pics I drew in sharpie, some of which were huge hits

these sound amazing

And I don’t even like dogs, but.... <3

see i can feel the genuine love radiating from this post and it makes me feel less gloomy about this wretched “season”

abbott i feel like you understand the quiet desperation of homemade gifts. still, your gear shift cover sounds thoughtful & cute vs quietly desperate.

Idk you did not see the time I spraypainted this wooden test tube holder and gave it to my sister-in-law (my chem TA was giving away extra supplies a few weeks before Christmas). Some of the test tubes broke between me wrapping it and her unwrapping it. The year before I had found a small ceramic dish shaped like Montana that I glued to a round casserole dish (both from thrift stores (I actually stole the Montana rather than paying for it)) and told her it was an ashtray. BELIEVE it or not I never saw those things hanging around in her living room with her Eames chairs.

I told her the test tubes were for individual flowers, Nat Sherman party cigarettes, or pens in a carefully illustrated card,

ok i hear that

She had given me a Trucco lipstick (Blood Red, “the best red”), a gallon each of Aveda Scalp Benefit shampoo and conditioner, a graphic novel, and a hoodie from some boutique, and I gave her a thing glued to another thing.

I can’t wait until I can buy people some fucking gifts. I will feel like people in the Depression who bought pre-rolled cigarettes. Light up the signs with my name on them when that happens.

At least since then I have upped my handmade gift action for her by making these silk/merino socks

one time one of my sisters-in-law said she had made us a bookshelf and decorated it. we had to wait until we were renting a u-haul for another reason, then drive out of our way to her college town and pick it up. it was made of crappy plywood and was painted really poorly. we took it home and kept it on our porch, my wife tried to make it look nicer by gluing shells to it but they fell off. eventually the sister-in-law admitted she had just found it in the alley and lied about making it.

I like her style.

hahahaha ok that is classic

which one? i like that sarah tried to glue shells to it too.

lol, so rotten.

I used to make a lot of t-shirts with pics I drew in sharpie, some of which were huge hits, and some of which were not. Best received was a nicely stippled coelocanth saying in a word bubble, “You try hiding for 600 million years.”

WANT!

I think my 4 year old nephew may go ballistic if I can get this together:

http://www.saltwater-kids.com/2008/11/fort-kit-mini-tutorial.html

I used to make a lot of t-shirts with pics I drew in sharpie, some of which were huge hits, and some of which were not. Best received was a nicely stippled coelocanth saying in a word bubble, “You try hiding for 600 million years.”

knew this was gonna be abbott <3

my scent blends are coming along quite nicely btw

there is a verdant green one and an earthy strong one so far

not many people are into str8 florals so i am staying away from that (and also patchouli even though i personally kinda like it in a blend, florals too really)

oh and also a mint-green one for tired feet

my scent blends are coming along quite nicely btw

misread as ‘scent glands’ and was all WHAAAA?

i am growing extra scent glands to give as xmas gifts

what

bad homemade gift?

It would be perfect for me!

then i will grow one (or two) 4 u

<3 you da best

cannot wait for my homegrown olfactory action

when I was a kid i made my dad a journal by cutting blank sheets of paper and taping them over the pages of a dogeared copy of The Great Gatsby.

i then went to b dalton booksellers and found out i’d wasted my time

I am working on cabled mitts now. I thought, oh! I’ll just cut out a repeat of the pattern, they don’t need to be that long, but I forgot there are rows of decreases to do.

Not a holiday, but this summer I knit a toy chicken with little chicks in eggs for a friend’s birthday.

In his final years, my grandfather referred to me as “the girl that made these socks for me.”

Worst homemade gift was definitely for Mother’s Day when I was in high school. I played and sang my mom two Indigo Girls songs on the guitar, but here’s the thing are the things:

I printed out the chord charts from the internet right before I sang them for her and had to stop and squint a few times because the font was small and I didn’t always remember what was going on anyway.

I was pretty much still high from the night before.

Also I don’t think she really listened to the Indigo Girls very much except when my little sister bought her their CDs.

played and sang two Indigo Girls songs for my mom

oh that is a classic

lol

HEY rockandroll — are you still going to photoshop my dog onto kinski helmet head for me? i can provide better quality images if you need them...

no pressure btw

I am here but I forgot! /asshole. I can! Let me bookmark this thread & write that on my hand for doing tonight. Yay!

hey, no rush, just wanted to see if you were still going to help me out :)

thanks!! (webmail works btw, but i think we’re fb friends too right?)

Yes we are! I’m Lex if that wasn’t obvious :D

Best: Lamps made from old trophies. This was fun for me and there was a lot of room for creativity with looking for cool trophies all year and lampshades to match the lamps. Then the year after that I made lamps from tiki mugs (without handles), with handmade bamboo shades I put together. Gave them to friends who had not received trophy lamps, went over uber well. But after that I was at a loss.

I didn’t do the photoshopping last night, but I have tonight off so I think I can! I think I can!

I remembered the best homemade gift I ever made: in high school, friend & I modified dollar store Barbies to look like each of our friends, made props, etc and stuck them in Barbie-esque boxes with the person’s name and interests on the front. This was in the dark ages, before digital cameras, so I have no pictures :( Sigh!

^^I went home and fell asleep and was sick for several days after this. Blah.

they should print about 2x3 inches

i made my housemate a homemade harun farocki boxset bc he’s always complaining about the one they sell at the whitechapel gallery giftshop that doesn’t have english subtitles

the box used to have linda mccartney vegetarian sausage rolls in it

omg that is SO CUTE

i can’t wait to make my labels!

THANK YOU

you’re welcome! I’m glad you like!!

i made candied pecans this year, they were pretty easy and are delicious.

finished the vinyl coasters with my sister last night. turned out pretty cool imo!