1. The atheist professor
2. Dead hookers
3. The Gay Agenda
4. Hippies (still, amazingly)
5. The Judiciary
6. The closeted preacher
7. The Islamofascist
8. Sinning Truck Driver
9. Saved Truck Driver
10. Jewish Hollywood movie producer
11. Satanists (yes, still!)
12. Hispanic Catholic praying to Mary.
13. Foolish virgin cheerleader.
14. BEHOLD, THE ATHIEST’S NIGHTMARE:
(EI)
15. Pope, laughing, w/satan’s hand on shoulder
That shit’s at least 17th century.
you gotta respect those who came before
shout out to all the original blood libellers
My people have a long, honourable history of hating on the Papishes.
so basically we’re just summarizing Jack Chick here
16. ugly bespectacled(& occasionally bemulleted) radical lesbian feminists
6. The closeted preacher
PRIEST usually
lolz @ “bemulleted”
17. The long-suffering but pure of heart Christian child
18. Roleplaying goth teens who are into witchcraft for real.
19. East European despot who looks like Dennis Quaid.
20. Ugly babies with sunglasses or wrapped in swaddling-like material
21. hilariously naive young adults
22. cherubic minority children
23. An atheist, met by the preacher in an airport, or after a speaking engagement, who says that it isn’t that he can’t believe in God, it’s that he won’t believe in God !!! (because of lifestyle choices or weakness or whatever)
I have heard this tale from multiple religious speakers/writers, related as a personal experience.
24. UN leaders
25. moronic clueless everyman “HOW DO I SHOT COMMANDMENTS WHEN KIDS NEED SHOES”
^ lol
26. Singer in Hair Metal band who laughs at his fans who foolishly condemn themselves to Hell.
27. Mechanical Man who thinks he has a soul
28. unborn fetus
29. Woman who says “But I go to Church every Sunday. Isn’t that enough?”
30. single mother (likelihood of unwhiteliness—85%)
29b. catholic who performs good works but goes to hell anyway
31. teenagers who do not know how cool jesus is (yet)
29c. while the Pope laughs at him
32. The wayward sinner who is saved by this tripe: http://www.geocities.com/calvinistic/are_you_a_sinner.html
Ned Flanders
42. The woman who wants it all
42b. has an answer to ever straw man “bbbbbut what about”
Can we do old Christian parables too
if so
43. Hard nosed member of whatever races Christians at the time reviled turns out not to actually be a total and utter fuckwad
43b. Disbelieving everyman “b-b-b-b-ut he is A PHARISEE, THEY ABUSE CHILDREN FOR BREAKFAST CHRIST, SURELY YOU WANT TO DRINK WINE WITH ME, I AM A GREAT GUY”
44. “Jesus sons gang of disciples jostling for his approval with uber-holiness ”no, it is he who DOESN’T ride his mule to market on the third day who shall inherit god’s kingdom“ apostles:”oh no he didn’t!“
45. Bill Clinton
46. Convenience Store Clerks
(Old Skool)
47. Major pisshead and serial shagger who repents at last minute and gets VIP pass to Heaven whilst boring pious bloke has to stand outside in the queue.
47b. Harvey Keitel naked
48. Person so blinded by scientists they believe we came from monkeys despite being completely UNABLE TO EXPLAIN why we don’t see fish starting to walk today.
49. HEATHEN: I do not believe in the Bible.
CHRISTIAN: Ah, but this bit in the Bible says you must believe in the Bible.
HEATHEN: Oh my God, I was wrong, I accept Jesus into my life! (cue tears of joy)
50. beardo house jesus
thank you for that, fluxion.
made my day.
why is his lower back not tanned?
His tan is not from the sun, but from the SPIRIT OF THE LORD, which doesn’t go anywhere near the arse as a matter of principle.
this explains tan lines everywhere
51. The Drug Dealer!
52. the poor diseased black gay otherwise oppressed person who turns out to be JESUS IN DISGUISE/the least of his brothers/children (come on, the classics live on!)
53. The last written essay/school project/poem of a child that died young, thanking jesus for all the wonderful things in the world and that.
I used to get that sort of stuff from a colleague as a matter of course every 3 months or so as a ‘mass mailing’, but was too polite to return them with ‘unsubscribe’ ...