Jeff Koons is neither cute nor clever. It did take a lot of balls for him to become an artist though! Like, fifty or sixty balls.
— Matt Cibula (expresso222...), February 16th, 2007 5:34 PM. (Formerly, the Haikunym) (later) (link)
anyway, the manboobs site has balls. jack black, not so much.
— Susan Douglas (SusanisDougla...), February 16th, 2007 7:40 AM. (later)
i stopped looking before i got to the balls.
— Rick Gibralter (goforgrad...), February 16th, 2007 7:42 AM. (later)
Post by Ignored User (Shakey+Mo+Collier) removed.
I still can assume exactly what you said, and I’d just like to invite you to go read EVERY OTHER THREAD ON ILX INSTEAD you tool!!
Also: FERAL CHILDREN!!!! :D
— Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (garance8...), February 16th, 2007. (later)
This thread in its entirety is perfect and should be locked and preserved in formaldehyde:
———————————————————————————————
This thread is devoted to “Flamboyant” by the Pet Shop Boys
To me, this sounds more like Stephin Merritt’s pastiches of 80s synthpop than like any of the classic PSB songs I know. I think, however, that I like it more than either anything by Merritt or any classic PSB I know.
— sundarsubramanian (south.side.of.the.sky.REMOVETHIS.200...), February 16th, 2007.
Answers
Classic moment 1:
“It all takes courage
You know it
Just crossing the street
well, it’s almost heroic”
— sundarsubramanian (south.side.of.the.sky.REMOVETHIS.200...), February 16th, 2007.
(I will now go to the gym and try to salvage what’s left of my masculinity.)
— sundarsubramanian (south.side.of.the.sky.REMOVETHIS.200...), February 16th, 2007.
At the GYM?
— nabisco (san...), February 17th, 2007.
re: bruce springsteen
—
yo bruce’s paraents left him the keys to the car, let’s pick up mary and rosalita and the bros and go cruising for burgers & REDEMPTION
— mark coleman (writeco...), February 16th, 2007.
big round of applause to the writers for such an accurate portrayal of London in an American Tv show FINALLY...
red phone box check
policeman in classic ‘tit’ helmet check
classic cars parked on every street check
pub landlord in shirt and tie check
combo of distant london landmarks suddenly close together (houses of pariament and er, greenwich foot tunnel?) check
angry man with CRICKET bat check
[...]
— resumo impetus (n...), February 16th, 2007.
first response here:
Oh, Geirpaws.
(about Britney’s hair on eBay)
it’s the VU acetate of celebrity hair.
— the table is the table (meltingglacier...), February 19th, 2007 4:28 AM. (trees) (link)
Simpsons has always been more focused on domestic life and family than South Park, which is more about the world.
— Tuomas (lixnix...), February 19th, 2007. (later)
have you actually watched the simpsons in the last 9 or 10 years?
— and what (an...), February 19th, 2007. (later)
‘the simpsons are going to north korea!’
— and what (an...), February 19th, 2007. (later)
Not really. I haven’t had a TV set for 5 years, and I’m not sure if they’re even showing it here anymore.
— Tuomas (lixnix...), February 19th, 2007. (later)
‘the simpsons aren’t going to finland!’
— and what (an...), February 19th, 2007. (later)
Re the “I has a bucket” pic:
Where are those sea lion pics originally from? Are they for real?
— Tuomas (lixnix...), February 19th, 2007. (Tuomas) (later)
nah, it’s a dude in a sea lion costume.
— Ms Misery (missmisery7...), February 19th, 2007. (MsMisery) (later)
There should be a law against reforming a band without their original frontman and creative brain.
— Geir Hongro (geirhon...), February 19th, 2007.
What about if it’s just a brain? In a jar?
— It’s Expected I’m Maud Gonne (noodlevagu...), February 19th, 2007.
More than the staffs, the names of the notes. Why not just go to L?
They’re not written on the staffs...
— Moisture G Mess (gzeusmant...), February 19th, 2007 9:06 PM. (The GZeus)
This staff goes to L.
— nklshs (nklsh...), February 19th, 2007 9:09 PM. (nklshs)
Hah!
Thanks for that.
I’m going to Lisbon tomorrow morning for five days.
Your tips on accommodation (budget priced), cafes, galleries, sightseeing, oddities, places to take weird and wonderful photos, and generally cool/fun places very gratefully received.
— Daniel Marcus (danielmarcus6...), December 25th, 2006.
Answers
I hope it worked out for you.
— PPlains (pleasant.plain...), February 19th, 2007.
“Your Lesbian tips please” spoof thread in 5...4...3...
— It’s Expected I’m Maud Gonne (noodlevagu...), February 19th, 2007.
Followed by “your lesbian tits”, obv.
— ailsa_xx (ailsa.watso...), February 19th, 2007.
You had to get that one off your chest?
— It’s Expected I’m Maud Gonne (noodlevagu...), February 19th, 2007.
Oh, lez not turn this into a pun thread.
— ailsa_xx (ailsa.watso...), February 19th, 2007.
JOKE
nb: set your watch to pre-2002 first.
i find 600 escudos is usually reasonable.
END OF JOKE
— grimly fiendish (simonmai...), February 20th, 2007.
really mature, guys. such saphomoric humor.
— hm (mi...), February 20th, 2007.
My elementary school was so poor we didn’t even have Windows.
OMG no wonder Finlanders are so pale.
— nklshs (nklsh...), February 20th, 2007. (nklshs) (later) (link)
———————————————————————————
i wasn’t SPECIFICALLY talking about smurfette, i meant doing blow off of other people in general
— Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (garance8...), February 20th, 2007. (later)
ILEepitaphs.jpg
it’s so good! my gf sometimes says “you numbskull” when I won’t shut up about numlock!
— Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 20th, 2007.
yes it was sorry i couldn’t resist teh ben elton-esque iraq zing
— It’s Expected I’m Maud Gonne (noodlevagu...) (webmail), February 21st, 2007 11:02 AM. (Modal Fugue) (later) (link)
Little bit of politics.
— White Collar Boxer (juror...) (webmail), February 21st, 2007 11:02 AM. (DomPassantino) (later) (link)
little bit of shit west end musical
— It’s Expected I’m Maud Gonne (noodlevagu...) (webmail), February 21st, 2007 11:03 AM. (Modal Fugue) (later) (link)
Little bit of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s cum on his chin
— White Collar Boxer (juror...) (webmail), February 21st, 2007 11:03 AM. (DomPassantino) (later) (link)
i often send my kids to work and stay at home, see how *they* like it.
— temporary enrique (miltonpinsk...), Today. (later)
omg enrique has kids?
that probably should’ve went on the dad jokes thread.
nuts.
GUYS BASKETBALL GAMES ARE SO AWESOME WHY DIDN’T I REALIZE THIS TIL NOW
AGENT ZERO FOR LIFE
— ZR (teenagequie...), February 21st, 2007.
i blame my father and years and years of “you’re so tall, you must be great at basketball” for clouding my vision until this very day
— ZR (teenagequie...), February 21st, 2007.
but NO MORE
— ZR (teenagequie...), February 21st, 2007.
ah fuck it i ain’t got the time to follow basketball
— ZR (teenagequie...), February 21st, 2007.
TOO BUSY SUCKIN ON A DING DONG
— 69 (plsmit...), February 21st, 2007.
f2 renames stuff xpost
— tremendoid (kemeti...), February 21st, 2007 7:22 AM. (tremendoid)
———————————————————————————
yeah but what if you want to rename it to something more informative than xpost?
— sterl clover (s.clove...), February 21st, 2007 7:38 AM. (s_clover)
I like eating shrimp po’ boys with vegetarians like lesbians like straight girls.
— JordanC (jordan...) (webmail), February 21st, 2007 4:22 PM. (JordanC) (later) (link)
(I could’ve put another “eating” in there but I didn’t)
— JordanC (jordan...) (webmail), February 21st, 2007 4:23 PM. (JordanC) (later) (link)
don’t press the Delete and Internet buttons at the same time
— resumo impetus (n...), February 21st, 2007 4:03 PM. (blueski) (later)
or Break and Enter, you go to jail for that.
— Captain Purple Items (ilx.onim...), February 21st, 2007 4:10 PM. (nu_onimo) (later)
“catholics, blacks, jews, women, hispanics, mormons, serial divorcer, old dudes, gays, atheists”
this is a song in the making
— scary german latebloomer (posercore24...), February 21st, 2007 4:54 PM. (clonefeed) (later) (link)
i think randy newman may have already written it.
— scott seward (skotro...), February 21st, 2007 4:56 PM. (121212) (later) (link)
I think when I regard someone by their looks, I’m not usually thinking of the state of their labia. Maybe that’s just me, though.
— Trayce (spamspanke...), February 21st, 2007 12:49 AM. (later)
The new I LOVE X is ready...for me to poop on!
— scott seward (skotro...), February 21st, 2007. (later)
xpost, christ I hate this fucking code
— stet (bonald...), Today 3:58 PM. (stet) (later)
let’s make a poll about it.
— forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...) (webmail), February 22nd, 2007 2:54 AM. (forksclovetofu) (later) (link)
Speaking of which, the evening took a turn for the sad when I brought up 9/11 and he said that he used to work with the United 93 flight attendants and he did their training. Yarps!
— Little kernel of salty honey (samsajk...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2007 3:40 PM. (crunkleJ) (later) (link)
You’re not supposed to bring up 9/11 until the second date.
— JordanC (jordan...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2007 3:41 PM. (JordanC) (later) (link)
I brought it up in a “sexy” way. I said in a breathy voice, “Fly your jetliner into my Pentagon....”
— Little kernel of salty honey (samsajk...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2007 3:47 PM. (crunkleJ) (later) (link)
“Our twin towers are on fire!”
— Little kernel of salty honey (samsajk...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2007 3:48 PM. (crunkleJ) (later) (link)
This is just what I needed this morning: 9/11 innuendo.
— danno martinez (thedanmarti...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2007 3:48 PM. (danno martinez) (later) (link)
what is adblock?
― lex pretend, Wednesday, November 30, 2011 1:39 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Permalink
i think he was in the beastie boys
― no-one writes to the (pomplamau5), Wednesday, November 30, 2011 1:42 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Permalink
Ah, the subtle joy of old Excel entries..
pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on August 30th, 2006
lamonte young meets cary grant!
Liked that one...
xpost what is dadjoek
LJ swears up and down that the new Wilco is the best thing they’ve ever done
― gov. brownback blows a lot (henrietta lacks), Wednesday, November 30, 2011 4:15 AM (11 hours ago)
you mean the guy that made a chocolate & cheese sauce to serve with fish?
― v-shasty, Wednesday, November 30, 2011 4:16 AM (11 hours ago)
classic
Frantisek Kotzwara, musician:
“He is perhaps more famous for the notorious nature of his death.[2]” the notorious masturbatory nature i think you mean
Stephen David Wyatt Milligan, British MP:
“He was found dead in his flat in Chiswick, London in February 1994, strangled by an electrical cord during an act of autoerotic asphyxiation.[1]”—well there we go, that’s frank, bravo
Vaughn Bodē, artist:
“Bodē’s death was due to autoerotic asphyxiation, or perhaps the use of asphyxia as a meditation aid: his last words (to his son) were, ”Mark, I’ve seen God four times, and I’m going to see him again soon. That’s No. 1 to me, and you’re No. 2.“”—uh ok, that’s the end of researching this topic. i am fucked up for lyfe now
― Z S, Wednesday, November 30, 2011 4:06 AM (Yesterday)
Number 2 shoulda been number 1 to Bode
If you ain’t seeing god, quit choking your goddamn self
Daniel’s stuff on the Republican thread always makes me laugh.
he should, as i am (Santorum’s) constituency.
― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:07 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
well, me and his wife and their 42 kids and his parents and his in-laws and a few friends from the “No Sex ‘Till Marriage“ support group he sponsors.
― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, December 1, 2011 2:08 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
okay, mitt romney is TERRIBLE at retail politics.
i’m sort of torn on this. on the one hand, i think i’d hate doing this as much as romney obviously does. on the other hand, if he just relaxed — i.e., if he wasn’t looking for the sharp or witty line (which doesn’t work in these settings), or so quick to deliver a false greeting (and it shows), or so gifted as ruining the possibility of conversation (see virtually every effort to engage a voter here) — he’d be okay.
― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, December 1, 2011 1:41 PM Bookmark Permalink
so basically you are saying if Mitt Romney was a little less like Mitt Romney, he’d be okay
― OH NOES, Thursday, December 1, 2011 1:42 PM Bookmark Permalink
no.
― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, December 1, 2011 1:44 PM Bookmark Permalink
i am saying if mitt romney were a lot less like mitt romney, he’d be okay.
― Daniel, Esq., Thursday, December 1, 2011 1:44 PM Bookmark Permalink
missed italics on “lot” but still lol
Pretty sure referring to one’s political opponents as either stupid or crazy is unlikely to convert many of them.
― M. White, Thursday, December 1, 2011 8:57 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
depends how stupid / crazy they are
― iatee, Thursday, December 1, 2011 8:57 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
fyi they dont kill the animals with guns in factory farming
― PROVEN BY BOOZE SCIENCE, Thursday, December 1, 2011 9:34 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
of course not, anyone with sense would go for the unarmed ones
― OH NOES, Thursday, December 1, 2011 9:35 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
Sorry you spent too much on Cheetos, markers. Poor people have been feeling this for years
― superb mario bothers (crüt) (step hen faps), Thursday, 1 December 2011 22:09 (Yesterday) Bookmark Permalink
big lol @ dan’s post.
tonight i bought a quart of regular “golden nog”, a quart of “vanilla nog” and a fifth of captain
― k3vin k., Friday, December 2, 2011 1:28 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Permalink
i apparently sold a serial comma as well
― k3vin k., Friday, December 2, 2011 1:28 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Permalink
nogl
― wil smif, Friday, December 2, 2011 1:35 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark
this thread went from sex to word problems way too quickly
― recently deposed application inspector for the (league of women voters), Monday, December 5, 2011 2:56 PM Bookmark Permalink
^ needs to be c&p’ed to ‘Solitary Posts’ imo
I think about most often to calm my anxiety. For instance I was on a flight recently and I started to get really nervous. I’m not the greatest flyer. Then I started thinking about how not everything is about me and how insignificant I am and how unlikely it was that the plane would crash just because I was on it. It helped. So did the benzos.
― ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ (~curious orange~), Wednesday, December 7, 2011 11:46 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Permalink
thanks I will help you open up ms word later
― iatee, Wednesday, December 7, 2011 3:02 PM (29 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
can’t be stopped can’t be tamed
Hoos, just remember that most americans’s would subscribe to the observation of Sam Rayburn: “any jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one.”
You have to offer something constructive, other than anger and wilding around in the streets or most of america will tune you out.
― Aimless, Wednesday, 7 December 2011 19:23 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
what, they built a barn like yesterday
― iatee, Wednesday, 7 December 2011 19:24 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
Rich in lols, that thread.
From Gun Etiquette thread:
The guns are at the left of the plate. People get confused about which to use first, but just work from outside in (left to right). There may be an oyster gun on the right but it’s much smaller than the others and easy to tell apart.
― not uplifting (Abbott), Thursday, December 1, 2011
Loool
Also most people into polyamory are kinda ugly.
― Homosexual II, Thursday, December 8, 2011 1:20 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
.
.
.
I have a theory that they never got laid enough or enough attention as an adolescent because of said ugliness, and are now making up for it and then some.
― Homosexual II, Thursday, December 8, 2011 1:22 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
Remember how all the kids in marching band used to pork each other? Same thing.
― Homosexual II, Thursday, December 8, 2011 1:23 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
that is a truth lol
Three people this week have told me to buy a laptop
and three times I have denied them
― you are a baby seal (Abbott), Thursday, December 8, 2011 9:00 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Permalink
you are the judas of laptops.
― estela, Thursday, December 8, 2011 9:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Permalink
re: “Moves Like Jagger”
why can’t i rep for something as stupid but catchy if you get to rep for Cee-Lo Smeezington?
― some dude (Mr. Stevenson #2), Friday, December 9, 2011 3:30 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
because “Fuck You” is like a beautiful pastiche of 70s soul and 00s pop and this song is like a Pokemon diharrea fight
― boof troop (dealwithit.gif), Friday, December 9, 2011 5:46 PM Bookmark Permalink
oh DAMMIT, I was going to post a link to a Boston place that had a drink on their menu made with veal stock but they’ve since taken it off of their menu
it was called the ABATTOIR
― OH NOES, Friday, December 9, 2011 2:46 PM (18 minutes ago)
Try ABATTOIR. It will slaughter you!
― M. White, Friday, December 9, 2011 2:48 PM (17 minutes ago)
$10,000 bet was amazing. Romney fucked this debate up in an incredible way.
― Adrien Brony (step hen faps), Sunday, 11 December 2011 05:37 (9 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
“I will bet one night with my wife that you are incorrect”
― Dranke, the German Drake Impersonator (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 11 December 2011 05:46 (9 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
“which wife”
― HOOS aka driver of steen, Sunday, 11 December 2011 05:51 (9 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
“mr. gingrich, please wait until you’re being addressed”
― Dranke, the German Drake Impersonator (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 11 December 2011 06:00 (9 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink
In re: Childish Gambino:
—
wow i just heard this and oh shit i don’t like it
― remy bean in exile, Monday, December 12, 2011 11:56 AM
I got a girl on my arm dude, show respect
Something crazy, an Asian, Virginia Tech
She too fine
I do dimes
― remy bean in exile, Monday, December 12, 2011 12:00 PM (53 minutes ago)
Something crazy, an Asian, Virginia Tech
haha is this real?
― boof troop (dealwithit.gif), Monday, December 12, 2011 12:01 PM (52 minutes ago)
Sadly, yes.
― I left my login in El Sandboxo, Monday, December 12, 2011 12:07 PM (45 minutes ago)
i dont think even iatee could defend that line.
― big popppa hoy, Monday, December 12, 2011 12:14 PM (39 minutes ago)
I don’t actually like this guy I was just bored the other day
― iatee, Monday, December 12, 2011 12:17 PM (35 minutes ago)
solitary posts that effortlessly sum up ilx
― Mordy, Monday, December 12, 2011 12:47 PM (5 minutes ago)
i’m super good friends with several ilxors now, it’s a little weird telling people how we met since we didn’t know each other growing up or in college or working together. i almost just want to say we met high fiving at a gloryhole behind the lake street kmart because it sounds less lame.
― slandblox goole, Tuesday, December 13, 2011 12:31 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink
I met someone during a Lake Street Kmart gloryhole high-five. It wasn’t the lamest thing I did that day.
Yes I know it is Too Soon (c) but I could not help myself in the land of unfortunate headlines.
I guess I need the misfortune of that one explained to me. Because of the slang slash = piss?
✔
because of the slang
POLLemicist who SLANGED all, freely, with wit
look i ilxed it
Oh, WmC, you innocent. Slash is one of the following:
Champagne
Lobster
Anal sex
Picnics
would you care to guess which?
I only knew the cut, piss and sexy fanfic meanings.
(actually yes I know, technically it doesn’t have to involve anal sex (though it mostly does, because it’s totally a slash ~thing~) but it’s phrase that’s been repeated often in his threads so my mind made the obvious leap)
I got an email the other day from someone who put one space BEFORE every fullstop and no spaces afterwards. BONKERS.
― los krampusinos! (pomplamau5), Friday, 16 December 2011 13:20 (52 minutes ago) Permalink
^ not how I remember Chuck D’s lyric
― nashwan, Friday, 16 December 2011 13:22 (50 minutes ago)
yeah i was gonna post that one
things that shd happen to ppl who say ‘pandas are an evolutionary dead end & shd be left to die out’
(...after several quite imaginative suggestions:)
they should be pissed and shat upon by a panda.
― another suggestbanite (rusty flathead screwdriver), Friday, 16 December 2011 12:29 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Permalink
LOLled
deep down we’re all a little bit straight, Tuomas
― Extreme Lifestyle, Friday, December 16, 2011 1:47 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Permalink