Weird Cake actually looked and felt like dense cornbread, except sweet and cake-tasting — would have been edible and tasty and non-weird to anyone who had never had either cornbread or cake
― nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:10
Best thing about a stealth/ambiguous date is that if nothing happens you can pretend in your mind that it was never a date in the first place. Therefore it doesn’t count as a failed date, it’s just hanging out with a friend.
― chap, Tuesday, May 19, 2009 9:11 PM
you can tell yourself that, yes
― blair underwood: “man up” (omar little), Tuesday, May 19, 2009 9:12 PM
When Apple forced me to give a name to my iPod, I chose the name “ass.” Yesterday, when backing it up on iTunes, the title bar at the top of the window said “Backing up ‘ass.’”
― iiiijjjj, Monday, July 27, 2009 7:25 PM
got a hot tip on shelf full of binders, suspect that’s the fucking goldmine, we’ll all eat good once we unload these sublime frequencies discs without any cover art
― Trey Tsongas (J0hn D.), Monday, July 27, 2009 8:08 PM
He suffers deep guilt for the U.S.‘s colonial treachery. All he can do to forget it is drink, dance, have meaningless sexual encounters with tourists and eat goldfish crackers.
― bamcquern, Wednesday, August 5, 2009 4:37 AM
The last time I was between jobs, I sat on the couch for a week, eating fried shrimp and watching coverage of the Oklahoma City bombing.
Man. That was a great week.
― Pleasant Plains, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 21:56 (2 years ago) Permalink
this thread, from here till early this morning:
Also I predict the Mets choke again, or maybe even an earlier fade this year... Santana’s elbow gets wonkz0red, and their rotation shits the bed, also their new park has a new name by the all star break.
― (*ﾟーﾟ)θ L(。･＿･) °~ヾ(･ε･ *) (Steve Shasta), Wednesday, April 1, 2009 3:57 PM (4 months ago)
― (*ﾟーﾟ)θ L(。･＿･) °~ヾ(･ε･ *) (Steve Shasta), Wednesday, August 26, 2009 7:53 AM
its still called citi field—looks like the mets defied your expectations!!
― fleetwood (max), Wednesday, August 26, 2009 7:54 AM
being tall gives my bad dancing an even bigger canvas. It’s like semaphore or some shit
― stet, Monday, August 31, 2009 10:20 AM
my girlfriend just texted me from a pub to tell me that Barcelona have just scored one of the best goals she’s ever seen. True? (Assuming that she’s seen plenty of good goals.)
― Akon/Family (Merdeyeux), Monday, August 31, 2009 2:46 PM
she’s talking shite tbh, 3 headers, none of the 3 particularly exceptional.
― 123456789 (jim), Monday, August 31, 2009 2:55 PM
how long has she been in the pub?
― 123456789 (jim), Monday, August 31, 2009 2:55 PM
not long enough for this to be excusable, pfft.
― Akon/Family (Merdeyeux), Monday, August 31, 2009 2:56 PM
Ordinarily I would email Google to complain in such a situation however when I tried to do this a few minutes ago I remembered Gmail was down, the very source of my initial desire to complain. Google has coerced me into this circular tour of human emotions.
― I for one welcome this new Nazi ILX (Local Garda), Tuesday, September 1, 2009 1:02 PM
this is crap. i have emoticons to send
― jair (jergins), Tuesday, September 1, 2009 12:54 PM
local garda’s contributions on that thread are A+
yeah there’s some funny shit on it
on the HUMID thread:
FUK U
― am0n, Friday, September 4, 2009 6:04 PM
it’s not even humid
― harbl, Friday, September 4, 2009 6:09 PM
Wind: North 0 mph
Dewpoint: 63°
Humidity: 78%
― am0n, Friday, September 4, 2009 6:21 PM
nabisco referring to a post he had made up thread, some months previous:
Hahaha WTF — I should note that the main error with that quoted story of mine is that I don’t think I won the spelling bee, I was runner-up! I don’t know if I said “won” because I was confusing it with the geography bee, because the story was simpler that way, or because I wanted to sound like a good speller.
― nabisco, Wednesday, March 18, 2009 12:56 PM
what happened when you got third place at the grammar rodeo?
― the singer who has an affinity for not wearing pants (some dude), Wednesday, March 18, 2009 1:00 PM
now i’ve got the giggles, can’t stop
maybe you were right, i’m just like this normally
God help anyone near me if I know the answer and nobody playing the game does.
“Pimento. Pimento. Pimento! PIMENTO MOTHERFUCKERS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL IT’S PIMENTO! PIMEEENTOOOOO! SAY IT YOU COCKSUCKERS! PIMENTO!”
“...and no one knew, ‘What is... Pimento.’”
“GOD I HATE YOU FUCKERS!”
― im a fucking unicorn you douchebags (forksclovetofu), Monday, July 27, 2009 4:03 PM
snog blog written under the influence of egg nog
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, September 22, 2009 9:55 AM
i should become a christian with all the bread and wine i consume
― quaq quao, sweetie (electricsound), Sunday, November 1, 2009 7:08 PM
pretty sure yer parents would understand u beating off better than making a collage in tribute to a dead dog you’d never met.
― ian, Tuesday, October 27, 2009 5:50 PM
hahaa
back in the early 80s a guy standing next to me on a street corner turned and said “I’d like to fuck you in the ass” I was like hey I know this is NYC and all but wtf.
― chief rocker frankie crocker (m coleman), Wednesday, 2 December 2009 16:17
- why so many awful charity records?
^^^you really need to ask that? its for charity!
― SORRY ASS IMPRESSIONS (a hoy hoy), Tuesday, December 22, 2009 2:52 AM
Once the parents were brought in for questioning, Richard Heene feigned sleep during the lie-detector test, claiming it was some sort of diabetic episode, Lewis said.
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, December 23, 2009 11:29 AM
...
Heene later attempted, unsuccessfully, to run from police, claiming it was some sort of restless leg episode.
― pithfork (Hurting 2), Thursday, December 24, 2009 7:50 AM
Yes, we need 3 hours of Alpert laying all this shit out, straight to camera. The rest of the season can be Hurley/Sawyer/Miles bro-down/zingfest.
― ma-cheese-mo (onimo), Monday, January 25, 2010 8:30 AM (2 hours ago)
also otm
haha max, re. shannon not being on the alternate-universe plane:
should’ve just had Desmond play her in a blonde wig
― PLIES! PLIES! PLIES! PLIES! PLIES! (some dude), Wednesday, February 3, 2010 7:44 AM
would have made sense to call boone “brother”
― max, Wednesday, February 3, 2010 7:58 AM (7 minutes ago)
6 months pass...
oh and Im in New Haven CT now.. no longer Detroit (or B-more before that).
― nothingleft (gravydan), Thursday, February 4, 2010 1:00 PM
I’ll make a note of it.
― Hoisin Murphy (jaymc), Thursday, February 4, 2010 1:56 PM
was this the cunt that won the brit award?
― jed_, Friday, February 19, 2010 1:22 AM
sorry about the “cunt” i meant it in a glaswegian way.
― jed_, Friday, February 19, 2010 1:23 AM
YAAAAAAAAAAAAA
― ^^potentially not true at all, sry^^ (Z S), Sunday, February 28, 2010 2:28 PM
HOLY FUCK
― waka flocka pedia (J0rdan S.), Sunday, February 28, 2010 2:28 PM
WHOOOOOOOO
― Lee Dorrian Gray (J0hn D.), Sunday, February 28, 2010 2:28 PM
WHAT WHAT
― max, Sunday, February 28, 2010 2:29 PM
RAD
― nitzer ebbebe (gbx), Sunday, February 28, 2010 2:29 PM
In a moment of patriotic glory, Americans on the internet all took the time to solemnly press the CAPS LOCK key
― ^^potentially not true at all, sry^^ (Z S), Sunday, February 28, 2010 2:30 PM
(also, yay CANADA)
from lost thread:
The guy I worked for was worried about hiring me bcz of my gender. “Does anyone ever say ‘ice cream GIRL’? No, they always say ‘ice cream man.’” But something about my willingness to be paid under the table at less than minimum wage allowed me to break the glass ceiling that has stopped so many women from selling ice cream bars throughout history.
― How to Make an American Quit (Abbott), Monday, March 1, 2010 8:19 PM
i like ned t:
I was momentarily pissed off with Dan for locking the thread but then I posted a couple of cute animals on the cute thread and I felt fine.
― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, February 17, 2010 11:35 AM
I really don’t think Jacob and Smokey represent good vs. evil. They are more like Randolph and Mortimer Duke: two powerful dudes with differing theories about humanity.
― no turkey unless it’s a club sandwich (polyphonic), Saturday, March 20, 2010 11:38 AM
re: hutaree militia
the thing about these groups is that you never see, like, a super-flash Bond-villain operation set up with massively hi-tech gadgets; it’s always some losers with a porto-potty bolted onto a pickup truck that they call “mobile HQ”
― STAY ALIVE USING EQUIPMENT (HI DERE), Tuesday, March 30, 2010 3:16 PM
jeez, did anybody see Prince hit that double 5 minutes ago? Almost fell down following thru on the hack, then windmills down the basepaths for 180 feet like a huge investment banker at a kegger. Funniest shit I’ve seen in awhile.
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, April 7, 2010 1:32 AM
I want to know what coffee shop exists at the corner of Melrose and Sweetzer in the alt. timeline, because in this timeline it’s Ashton Kutcher’s reaturant “Dolce” and the Penny that I fell in love with wouldn’t want to meet for coffee there
― Shannon Whirry and the Bad Brains, Wednesday, April 7, 2010 3:10 PM
haah
fuckin daft punk clean up this volcano asap or else
― ice cr?m, Saturday, April 17, 2010 6:44 PM
dudes are never going to finish if they just use that piece of paper
― caek, Saturday, April 17, 2010 7:00 PM
foolish robots
― ice cr?m, Saturday, April 17, 2010 7:03 PM
from mong thread:
looooooool @ abbott talking about cutting the dole for people under 30
― casio cat (electricsound), Tuesday, April 20, 2010 5:03 PM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Yeah wtf, he really must not wanna be elected.
― Eyjafjallalalalalatrolololol (Trayce), Tuesday, April 20, 2010 5:18 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
at least they’re showing their true colours—they loathe the poor and the young
still, that’s no big shock is it??
― Marissas now living will never her (haitch), Tuesday, April 20, 2010 5:20 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Sorry guys, but fuck the young.
― kissogram powers (Abbott), Tuesday, April 20, 2010 5:21 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
the fact that a ventriloquist comic can make a living in america is proof that not enough kids are getting the shit kicked out of them in high school
― münchausen by proxymuzak (m bison), Wednesday, May 26, 2010 7:11 AM (1 hour ago)
wow, waddle’s let himself go
― caek, Sunday, June 27, 2010 5:28 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
onomatipaeia in action
― ,,,,,,eeeeleon (darraghmac), Sunday, June 27, 2010 5:29 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
wow, i just read my last post and it looks like translation of czech put through early version of babelfish
― dell (del), Tuesday, July 27, 2010 12:16 PM (1 hour ago)
maybe not funny so much as sweet/cute/touching in that way old baseball stuff often is:
I think that’s where I first discovered that the Seventh-Inning Stretch isn’t some technical baseball term but a reference to fans standing up for a minute and maybe buying a pretzel or something.
― a harshbuzz to my manpain (onimo), Wednesday, August 18, 2010 6:02 AM
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to an earlier incident, all Sixth Avenue line trains are running over the Eighth Avenue line. Please be patient.
Confused tourist lady: What does that even mean? I don’t understand.
Suit: It means that if you want to take any of the trains on the orange line you transfer at the next station like normal, but instead of going downstairs you just wait on that platform for the train you want.
Middle-aged woman across aisle: They’re not orange line trains. It’s the B, the D, the F and the V. Real New Yorkers don’t call it the orange line.
Suit: Hey, lady, fuck you. There, is that New York enough for ya?
― I’ve got ten bucks. SURPRISE ME. (Laurel), Thursday, November 11, 2010 3:54 PM
‘NASA finds Tenacious D life form’
― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, December 2, 2010 11:28 AM (10 minutes ago)
kill it before it makes a film
― champagne for my t-friends (Edward III), Thursday, December 2, 2010 11:29 AM (9 minutes ago)
# katy perry—what do you think? [Started by deeznuts in June 2008, last updated 32 minutes ago by balls on I Love Music] 33 new answers
lol u have a queen
― am0n, Tuesday, December 7, 2010 12:37 PM
if i recall correctly she had a bush like a 40 year old serbian.
― thebingoisback, Sunday, October 4, 2009 11:17 PM
tonight in my speech class someone said said orgasm instead of organism and recovered better than i did. i had to think about dead pets in order to stop laughing.
...
― The Great Jumanji, (La Lechera), Thursday, October 7, 2010 8:24 PM
LOL amon, dr. morbius:
funniest thing about the WSJ blog entry — that people actually do “online banking.” What a buncha darned fools.
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:17 AM
...
does that boggle ur stone-age mind or
― vladimir pootawn (am0n), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:25 AM
other things “darned fools” do “online”: shopping, taxes, reading, chatting!?!?!
― vladimir pootawn (am0n), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:29 AM
...
never been ripped off during online chatting and reading funnily enough
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:45 AM
I don’t think many people are ever ripped off due to online banking, fwiw.
The most you’re going to be able to do is view balances, transfer between existing accounts, and view bank account numbers. You know, the same numbers anyone can read off of a check you write.
But checks might be too “damned foolish” too, I don’t know.
― mh, Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:49 AM
thx for the new display name
― old man yells at cloud computing (am0n), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 9:02 AM
...
I prefer barter
also, fuck you am0n
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 9:15 AM
not.. really
there was cider though, and some thing called ‘sangrita’ which i did not indulge in
― boner graphs (electricsound), Tuesday, December 28, 2010
dunno if i could drink something with ‘grit’ in the name—like how i can’t eat a turducken due to ‘turd’ being in the name
well nowhere near as bad, but u feel me
― lights out gorilla rodeo (haitch), Tuesday, December 28, 2010
shiitake mushrooms?
cucumber?
― boner graphs (electricsound), Tuesday, December 28, 2010
won’t be wearing a cummerbund anytime soon either
― lights out gorilla rodeo (haitch), Tuesday, December 28, 2010
It was to a different MP, but once I printed out the wallogina, put an arrow next to one of them, wrote ‘YOU’ next to the arrow and posted it to the one who had been a cunt.
― I don’t wanna be with nobody but boobs. Oh no. (edwardo), Tuesday, February 15, 2011
when i woke this morning my first thought was OH GREAT ANOTHER GRIM DAY OF CATASTROPHICALLY SPIRALLING SELF-REFLECTION, and then my next was FRA-EE-DAY, FRA-EE-DAY, and then my next was :).
― Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, March 15, 2011 1:41 PM
and when they rolled back the stone, they found iatee sonning betas in an internet beef
― strongo hulkington’s ghost dad, Tuesday, June 14, 2011 10:54 AM (3 days ago)
u s steel on taking a trip with her mom. what’s not to <3 about this:
...but mostly we like the same stuff (gambling, cheese, scenic drives).
― Deremiah Was a Bullfrog (u s steel), Thursday, June 9, 2011 11:33 PM
stet lol (and a little bit of a dig at ilx’s most inveterate admin log watcher):
i cld just get the adming log to also post to this thread, if it’d save you the trouble?
― stet, Tuesday, June 28, 2011 12:23 PM (19 minutes ago)
when you say program java do you mean make coffee because i can do that
― lxy, Thursday, June 30, 2011 7:17 PM
when we were heading to lunch at Paris, we passed a group of frat bros just as they won $38K playing roulette; I cheered for them although I knew at least one of them was likely to die that night
― DJP, Thursday, July 7, 2011 6:21 PM
omg Z S is funny:
there was like a 10–15 second pre-earthquake before the biggest part hit, and from the sounds of the flushing and minor shaking on the floors above and below me, i thought there was a major plumbing problem. my thoughts for the first half of the earthquake were basically “is the water going to shoot up the toilet and into my butt”
― Z S, Tuesday, August 23, 2011 10:49 AM
MTV VMA’s really brings out the best. LOLLLing that Bieber really said “I’d like to thank not only God, but also Jesus”
― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Monday, August 29, 2011 10:05 AM
holy ghost is all what the fuck am i, invisible?
― zvookster, Monday, August 29, 2011 10:06 AM
<3 caek
at work we each get a subsidised ticket for two litres + 1 chicken. the subsidy comes from the coffee machine. haha i don’t drink coffee and i’m going to sell the chicken.
― caek, Monday, September 19, 2011 1:34 PM
Max: I am okay, I am typing this from a phone a man lended to me, since gmail failed I was afraid to use my computer. I spent the night at an Internet cafe here, watching the news reports roll in. Everyone here cannot believe this has happened. I have to go now, a family need to use this phone to check an old hotmail account they have. Please everyone take care and only use mail if you absolutely must. God bless us all.
― When a German communicates, you listen (LocalGarda), Saturday, September 24, 2011 8:13 AM
went out with a guy who works as a sound engineer a few weeks ago and went on about how he can’t date people that don’t work in creative fields, because they are not “self-actualized”...uhm, ok. i’m just trying to find someone to make out with, bud.
― bene_gesserit, Friday, November 4, 2011 4:16 PM
- copied loads of papers for a meeting with a credit bank tomorrow (yes, i’m the 99%, sadly, the past haunts me in the shape of a huge study debt)
- totally forged my work contract and house renting contract because i couldn’t find the original copies anymore; had the perfect culprit too, my dad, who got way into it lol, pulling out letter paper from 8 years ago to print it on, creasing up the paper to make it look old, driving staples through it, smashing perforating holes through it “because it’s been in your binder for years DO YOU SEE), suggesting to use a ”low ink pen“ for the signatures. great son-dad moment, been years...
- wine, bliss, sleep now
― Y Kant Lou Reed (Le Bateau Ivre),
btw apropos of nothing, I spent the weekend with my dad in Chicago who spent about 14 hours raving about how amazing MN apples have become
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Wednesday, November 9, 2011
honeycrisps are good its true
not as good as fujis tho
― ASPIE Rocky (dayo), Wednesday, November 9, 2011
and i can eat them guilt free! hooray for america!
xpost nah we got a whole new apple going on right now that i cant remember the name of, gala something maybe?
― cannonball aderall (jjjusten), Wednesday, November 9, 2011
sweet tango?
― cannonball aderall (jjjusten), Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I think it’s SweeTango(TM), although based on how my dad was going on about them they should be called CrackOrgasm.
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Wednesday, November 9, 2011
this is pretty funny
all these ppl in here?
ja that
Dreamed last night that I smoked celery in a dorm room with 2 ILXors (one of whom I’ve met irl) and Miley Cyrus. I was like, “wtf, celery?” but they explained that it’s just as strong as weed if you do it right. You put it in a glass Coke bottle with some fire inside and suck the smoke out through a straw.
Not feeling very rested this morning.
― WmC, Saturday, May 21, 2011
diet smoke
― ♪♫ hey there lamp post, feelin’ whiney ♪♫ (darraghmac), Saturday, May 21, 201
i have a lot of affection for lapsed vegetarians because i feel like the period afterwards is always so grateful & enthusiastic. my friend started eating fish & it’s like a whole freed prisoner thing, just constantly renewed wonder at how bright life can be. vegetarianism has its own stockholm syndrome thing, like you are condemned to spending time with mushrooms & slow-cooked onions but you learn to love those things as a result of your captivity.
― schlump, Tuesday, February 5, 2013 9:26 AM (22 minutes ago
when everyone was posting on the sandbox last year i hoped schlump would stick around after big ilx came back but then i never saw him here again.
i hoped that too! i said as much when i posted the above, but i deleted it before clicking submit. why i don’t know.
it sounds like the sin of pride to my catholic-raised ears.
and that sounds like the sin of speaking too directly to my lutheran-raised ears.
your dainty lutheran-raised ears might not have liked the catholic volume and tone of my laugh when i read that.
sin of pride kicking in again: it pleases me to know i made you laugh.
why was lxy reading sandbox football threads imo
huh i can’t find the original post that is strange
a cat may look at a king. xp
not sandbox is why you couldn’t find it. http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=1699348&boardid=40&threadid=81232
i read it cuz i followed the world cup. did you ever see the video of the chart jergins and i made?
vv commendable
wait can one steal from ilx like that
it’s our big brother, of course one can!
think of it as a hand-me-down.
this appropriation of a set of words sounds to me like a bit of a lxycon
oh you goofy!
i was just trying to make a lxycon joke tbh
lol good, that’s the best kind of joke. i just didn’t want to presume.
tho jergins and i actually had a “maybe they use a different term there” conversation.
If youse’re not gonna assume that i’m v v clever i shan’t hang round
you’ve no call to worry
haha je55e — this is getting off topic and maybe it’s just me but i’ve always felt like home depot is kind of a cruising environment, it’s basically a series of long hypermasculine alleyways populated by rugged dudes and you have to kind of lurk around near all this manly stuff, sometimes you stop and ask a guy a question then you end up following him down a darkened aisle. idk, maybe i just get confused by the signage out front for “contractor pickup” because i always think “yes, please.”
― ⚓ (elmo argonaut), Thursday, June 6, 2013 5:19 AM
i was just daydreaming yesterday about how much i love to go to home depot or lowe’s because i like to feel small and the high ceilings and high shelves with really big things on them are just the thing to make a tall lady feel small. also it smells great.
mookie you are off the charts
I got confused by my mobile phone boarding pass and showed the flight security attendant an Instagram of a bee.
― Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, September 30, 2014 4:54 AM (3 weeks ago)