I got to work in record time this morning, though. Not record, but what I had come to expect as normal before the last couple of months. I was quite early to work.
I was driving earlier today. I am not currently driving, nor was I when I posted.
I was just perusing earlier posts and I’ve got a couple of things to say:
- (Cake >>> Cookies >> Cobbler) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Pie. And any and all of those make fudge seem as apealling as a turd out of a bleeding tumorous colon.
- I am not very good at parallel parking anymore. It takes me a couple of tries. Courtney reminded me of how it is unnecessary in NC and that in her 2 years in Charlotte she never once had to parallel park. (This reminds me of the World’s Worst Drivers clip on Arrest’d Development where Lucille Bluth pulls into a parallel spot perpendicularly, gets out, and feeds the meter.)
Also reminds me of Courtney’s Charlotte-parking-related quote about a particular branch of a chain sports bar in a typical Charlotte strip mall: “That location of Midtown Sundries is so ghetto—they don’t even have valet!” I didn’t even have to call her on that one before she blushed and backpedaled.
- (Cake >>> Cookies >> Cobbler) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Pie. And any and all of those make fudge seem as apealling as a turd out of a bleeding tumorous colon.
this is the craziest talk that ever talked!
I finally listened to that lindstrom. I recognize it from M.A.N.D.Y.
I’m burning 6 dvds of noise/improv/experimental music for a co-worker
and some dance.
didja like the lindstrom?
My favorite thing right now is Ricardo Villalobos. I’ve got everything he’s released this year that I can find, and then some. Minima-tastic. I’m surprised to find I like this stuff as much as I do. I woulda figured myself for a more melodic guy. But hypnosis? Delicious.
yes, I do like it.
and I still love Villalobos. Get everything you can of his.
Waiworinao is probably in my top 10 songs ever.
I’m definitely working on a new artist collection.
Have you heard “Fitzheuer Zieheuer”? It’s insane.
Dear Diary, I’m lonely and bored and I work nonstop tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, when all I really want to do is hang out with some motherfuckers in Chicago and get some dinner.
Also I met a boy who is cute and stuff and he actually has returned my phone calls. But, diary, I’m worried. Am I repeating past mistakes? If I get serious with him, then the answer is “Absolutely, positively, fer sure.” See, Diary, he is a party kid—even at 34—and he reminds me of my last LTR in his proclivities. But he’s cute, short, fun to hang out with, sexually compatible and I have to tell you that I’m tired of having either one-night-stands or nothing at all.
Is it really possible (for me) to *date* someone? Can I avoid “falling for” this guy?
Thanks for listening, you dirty, dirty Jew Diary.
Can I avoid “falling for” this guy?
Why bother avoiding it?
I mean, bad question, I know the thinking that goes on there, believe me. But everything else you said leads me to believe that you’re DYING to fall for this guy. Do it.
Or, well, see how it goes, but don’t start talking yourself out of it NOW fer chrissakes. That’s not fair to anybody.
I will absolutely not ever get serious about another guy who uses regularly. That is not to say that I would object to a guy I really care about and trust using cocaine at some point if it was a pretty special occasion, but I do not plan on having clubs and drugs as a part of any real relationship. Going out to drink with friends, getting shitfaced while out: fine. I am just really gunshy because the last guy knew the names of every DJ and dealer at every club.
Anyway, I’m only allowing myself to be mildly pleased that I have someone who I could potentially fuck more than once and who enjoys a little afterglow.
I want to tell you how I met him, but it’s a long story. Highlights:
—Went out with Courtney and drank 2 bottles of wine (Wed b4 TT)
—Walked home, stopped at Crew for fried zucchini and a beer, and to show my very best behavior
—Went to Clark’s. While 2 guys came in and one walked from the front door and right up to me without even taking his hat off and said, “Hi! How’s it going?”
—I thought I had either met him when really drunk or hooked up with him, so I was cautious decided to act cocky and said, “I’d be a lot better if you bought me a drink.”
—We did not know each other.
—He bought me a beer.
—We now know each other.
Ooops
—Went to Clark’s. While I was there,2 guys came in and one walked from the front door and right up to me without even taking his hat off and said, “Hi! How’s it going?”
Other typos be damned.
“I’d be a lot better if you bought me a drink.”
I can never use this line. :(
Weird thing tonight with the cats. We’ve all seen Acker (Jessa’s cat) get vicious, but I’ve never seen her get vicious with such purpose and conviction. Apparently, she’s a mama bear.
So earlier, Dobbler was underfoot as usual, and I stepped on her tail. Happens every now and then with a cat who’s always underfoot. So she made that “you hurt me!” sound, and Acker comes CHARGING out of whatever room she was in and ATTACKING me. Like, very much on the offense. She was protecting the young’uns! I’d never seen her do this.
Usually what I do after I step on my kitty is to go make amends, pick her up and talk sweet to her and rub her belly. Acker was having none of it. She wouldn’t let me get near my cat. She would stand between us and hiss and swipe. VERY defensive. It was an hour at least, long after Dobbler had forgotten, that Acker would let me near her.
I don’t know... it was kinda neat. This is a side of this normally randomly evil cat that I’d never seen before.
I’m only allowing myself to be mildly pleased that I have someone who I could potentially fuck more than once and who enjoys a little afterglow.
Yes! I think this is exactly right. Even VERY pleased would be acceptable. Mushy would be bad right now. Planning the wedding would be worse yet. But worst of all would be freaking out about it.
I saw the holiday train tonight.
Acker comes CHARGING out of whatever room she was in and ATTACKING me.
I’ve been at the receiving end of one of those Acker attacks. I don’t think she’s protective. I think she’s just completely fucking insane.
Yeah, but you don’t understand. It was because the other kitty made a hurt noise. That’s what set her off. Believe me, I’ve been randomly attacked by her too. This was specific. SEE EARLIER POST. I EXPLAINED ALL THIS THINGS.
And I love this cat. Oddly. I know how you feel about Jessa, and you know I do not feel the same way, but please make an exception for her cat. It’s just a cat.
Clearly I am projecting way more onto this hell bitch of a cat than you are.
Bed now.
I just got a holiday card addressed to me, at my address, but signed by a physician (and staff) whom I have never seen, at a clinic I have never been to. ¿Queeee?
What the fucking fuck.
®
Ok, so why not ¿ ?
But you just did it there, you fucking dirty jew browser!
¿ Que?
¿Queeee?
...
¿Que?
There we are.
Cool. Now I can finally be a web designer.
ha bloody ha.
I’m still here, you know.
:)
Smilies cover all transgressions, right?
“I’d be a lot better if you bought me a drink.”
I can never use this line. :(
I don’t understand. ¿Why not?
I suppose if I were cheerful enough, I could say that to a girl, thus going against the standard “buying a drink” meatbar wisdom. The real trouble is, whenever I say things like that, I come off as full of hate. This does not play well in Poughkeepsie.
I was being a barfly. And btw, any possible slickness this “line” might indicate was promptly done away with when he ordered my beer and I said something like, “¡Oh no! Wait, wait—I was kidding. Here let me buy you a drink.” Yet he bought me a drink. Hail the conquering queero.
RAH!
any possible slickness this “line” might indicate
No, that’s just it! There’s nothing slick about it! It’s brass balls to say something like that, or just not caring at all. That’s what’s hot about it.
I have to say that I had the same reaction I would have to any one of my friends’ saying it was the one I felt when I heard myself saying it—I did an small internal double-take. Pretty much the same reaction I had when Kenan told Robin her tits looked great in her Halloween costume.
Oh. I was horrified at myself.
And to once again clarify — I was thinking her tits were PART of her Halloween costume. I guess because I’d never noticed them before. Which I guess is just as insulting. In a way. I guess.
Oh God I don’t know what I’m doing. Don’t listen to me.
Stoney and I would go over to Buckle’s and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I’d wake up with blood on my ass, and then we’d get high. Those were some good times.
Remind me to tell you my traintracks story.
Jerri: Do a lot of the people die of syphilis?
Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.
hahaha
maybe i should give this show another chance, apart from my hate of the sedaris character and her bizarre facial tics.
You have convinced me. My hate is not fair. That would be like hating a mongoloid because they keep sticking their tongue out. They’re also very funny people who say silly things!
Before I retire for the evening I need to tell you before I forget that I just remembered on my drive back down to Chicago that I went to high school with a guy by the name of Jeff Posthumus. Cool name.
And this too:
Jerri Blank: Shazam. Look. Drake Rogers. Mmm, he makes me all puffy down there. I’d love to tame his blue vein swayback throbber.
Tammi Littlenut: What do you mean, Jerri?
Jerri Blank: Take him backstage behind the meat curtain, know what I mean? I’m talkin’ about pounding out the veal.
Tammi Littlenut: Are you thinking about having sex already?
Jerri Blank: Does a pimp carry a razor?
Tammi Littlenut: I don’t know...
Jerri Blank: Trust me, they all do.
Ok, see but the “old whore” part of Jerri Blank is the part I like the least, because it’s the farthest removed from Sedaris herself, and the thing she’s least convincing at. And SHE DOESN’T ACT, she mugs. She has funny lines, yeah, VERY funny sometimes, but when it comes time for her to be someone she obviously isn’t, instead of acting she sticks out her teeth and makes like she’s some cross between a whore and a hick and Buckwheat. Which is nothing, really, it’s just... a pose. IT’S NOT FUNNY. It’s uncomfortable. I feel for her. I wish she was being funnier.
It’s like watching “Wet Hot American Summer,” if that helps any.
Cheap shot. Sorry.
‘Night.
blue vein swayback throbber
Stephen Colbert said that on TV last night! Or the night before. Something.
Also: Jesse, I would like to borrow your Strangers with Candy DVDs. And those for that show that Jeff doesn’t like.
OMG THE END IS NEAR
How many more, Evan?
I’ve got one tomorrow and then the paper. So close... so close...
Jesse, I’m totally stealing your line, it’s the most noirish thing I’ve heard in wee—well, since I watched Brick. And it will result in me being handed things with vodka in them, which is always never a bad idea!
Okay, how do you strikethroughs? My usual HTML cheat-sheet has but it didn’t come out right.
[strike]
[/strike].
Ah, thanks. In that case, make my last post: And it will result in me being handed things with vodka in them, which is
never a bad idea!
(Why does HTML site say to use “del”? Who knows?)
this talk of vodka drinks makes me want to go out for cocktails tonight. not beer, COCKTAILS. i’m thinking about going to the holiday club around 10-ish if anyone cares to join me. i’ll be in the back bar.
or i’ll be at home, one or the other.
I just use [s]Strangers With Candy[/s]
omgomgomgomg the laundry guy just came and picked up all our dirty laundry (and I was not shy about not throwing some things in there that I’ve been meaning to wash for awhile, like the quilt the cat puked on) and will bring it back today at 5:30 and IT IS FREE and he said we can do this once a week until January 31 FOR FREE.
For no money, a nice young man comes to our apartment and takes away two huge bags of dirty laundry and then someone brings the clothes back to me folded and clean and fresh at 5:30 pm. For free. Once a week. Until January 31. At no cost to me.
Best thing that has happened to me in like, I don’t know. Months? Years?
Why free?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2310903/
Someone you know is famous.
My server at T’s last night was wearing a color of nail polish that the woman at the salon said was called “I’m Not a Waitress.”
I have that—it’s an OPI color called “I’m not really a waitress.” It’s a really nice red.
The laundry service is doing a promotion in our zip code—http://www.mud-room.com/. I’m guessing that it’s a real drug dealer kind of move—get you hooked when it’s free and then charge you $1.50 a pound for it.
Although, I think it’s very smart. I usually have the time and the inclination to do the laundry myself. I like doing laundry! But when we’re really super busy, I will drop it off. That has happened twice in our lives and we look at it as a necessary splurge, like taking a cab when it’s pouring down rain and the train is broken far away from work. Now that I know that this place is trustworthy and efficient and reliable, I will be more likely to call on them for that necessary splurge in the future. It’s more expensive, but then come here and get the shit so there’s definitely value added there.
Hey check it out, my bro in Chicago who does sound work for films did that one: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1914101/
If you asked people the number-one most-popular after-hours snack, the answer would usually be pizza. But for many of us, without question, it’s Mexican food.
More specifically, it’s the taco.
The answer is always pizza! Even when it’s tacos! Dummies.
xpost—damn, we’re all going to have to see that movie together since it’s like a showcase for our show biz friends.
No Moran, no credibility. And please, Flash Taco???!? C’MON
Altho they’re totally OTM about biira.
dan, you better not be talking bad about flash taco.
All I’m saying is I’ve had much better. I guess I’m separating my judgment it from eating tacos for pizza. Just about any taco is good for pizza, Flash included.
“judgement on it”
A woman I work with has Bell’s palsy — or at least I’m assuming that’s what it is. She looked fine (if obese) until a couple of months ago, now she looks like she had a stroke.
A week from tomorrow I’ll be having Fiesta Mexicana for pizza and fried shrimp for dessert pizza.
i can not count the number of times i didn’t want to see the second band at sub-t and instead went over to flash or underdog. i’ve brought flash taco back into the big horse which probably pissed the owner who worked the door off since the lounge was in back of a taco joint.
John, maybe she had a stroke.
Or maybe it’s all that fat weighing her face down.
I still rep for Flash Taco because of the grilled peppers in its vegetarian burrito. Also, one time I was drunk and ordered a burrito from Flash Taco, and I was all, “Wow, this tortilla is interesting, it has a flaky texture, almost like phyllo dough” — and then I realized I was eating the paper wrapper.
I’m finally caught up and all better.
I have that nail color too!
I FRUXORING love Strangers with Candy. Amy reminds me of my own comedy schtick, in the privacy of my own home (to which Nick responds by saying, Sarah, please don’t do that any more. It’s not funny, it’s disturbing).
My frenchie sis sent this huge email this morning detailing how she thought for sure her paperwork wouldn’t work out so she had already had her heart set on going to spend Christmas with her hubbie’s fam (and hadn’t told us this) and now she’s heartbroken because the papers went through and she can come to the States. GRR!
and I was all, “Wow, this tortilla is interesting, it has a flaky texture, almost like phyllo dough” — and then I realized I was eating the paper wrapper.
awesome. i saw a guy bite into the tin foil once but he opened his eyes and realized the mistake right away.
and then I realized I was eating the paper wrapper
LOL
xpost oh even better
OMG you guys, hot chocolate mixed into coffee. Why have I never thought of this before?
it’s called a mocha, you dork.
ps—done wif finals.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
free crappy work coffee + free crappy work hot chocolate packet = ghetto mocha
congratulations, Evan!
Oh man, I remember that feeling. Let the slacking commence!