I was at first. But I just couldn’t leave it alone, could I?
Yeah Kenan, this is why people on the internet think you’re crepey.
I mean, “kill” does seem really extreme when the other two options are casual sex and marriage, both of which are (hopefully) pleasant activities. But if you have a group of things in the same ballpark, it works better.
Except, GSO has no SO so that’s just a silly objection, Johann.
ALSO: Girl from Ipanema is a great song and my most requested jazz band song is Mercy, Mercy, Mercy FOR THE SPREADSHEET.
THE END BACK TO MY ESTUDIARINGNESS.
But first: xpost—four reasons: 1) he’s actually pretty funny; 2) he’s pretty good looking in a nerdy way (and that’s my way); 3) I secretly find America’s Funniest Home Videos generally entertaining when it’s not all about nut shots; and 4) there’s this look of trapped desperation in his eyes during AFHV that I find strangely appealing, like this ability to communicate a deep, just barely burried loathing for his job while still fooling a lot of Americans into thinking he gives a rat’s ass about their home videos of brides falling over into wedding cakes. I fucking respect that.
you just know he has a collection of pron that would fill, like, a mid-sized town’s public library though, right? i mean, that’s obvious isn’t it?
You just know Saget would play Desecrate the Body with me.
The Good Emily finds my Bob Sagget position appalling because she says she can’t respect a man who hosts AFHV if he really hates it as much as I think he does. But I think it’s delightfully subversive.
I have not see the Aristocrats. I like knowing that it’s out there, but I enjoy my delicate emotional Bob Sagget equilibrium to mess it up with additional information. Such as speculation on his public library-sized prawn* collection.
*I always read that as prawn because it’s funnier that way.
i’ve got a craving for this:
but the spicy ones, not the original.
jenny—i heart you & your reasons.
Mercy, Mercy, Mercy is a great song. My top 3 record versions are:
1) Cannonball Adderley & Joe Zawinul
2) Buddy Rich Big Band
3) Maceo Parker w/Reb1rth Brass Band.
They’re all incredible.
insert “too much” between “Sagget” and “equilibrium” up there okay? Thank you. Good bye.
KELSEY, I also heart you mucho.
1) Cannonball Adderley & Joe Zawinul
I don’t know who Joe Zawinul is, but my favorite version is from some live Cannonball Adderly disc that I have, so I guess that means I have an “EAR FOR JAZZ.”
oksrslybacktobookskthxbi
I’m sure that’s the same version. Joe Zawinul is the keyboard player, who wrote the tune.
later chicago.
i love the spicy ones too.
i’ve got a craving for this
I’ve got those in my freezer right now. Spicy ones.
Are those fake chicken?
I’ve got Morning* spicy black bean and mushroom lover’s veggie burgers in my freezer, both of which I’ve been enjoying.
Oooh. I’m a Mushroom Lover. Is there a club?
the spicy black bean burgers are awesome!
i’m hungry.
Are those fake chicken?
Yes, hence “Chik” Patties.
Who do we blame for “______ Lovers” in food products? Pizza Hut?
Yes, hence “Chik” Patties.
Gross.
(it’s taken me this long to get into veggie burgers, I’m a long ways off from being down with fake chicken)
Kenan, yes there is, I’m glad you asked.
W/r/t me and fake meats: How about never? Does never work for you?
Laurel you are gr8.
Lauren mostly OTM, with the notable exception of fake hot dogs, which are made mostly of tomato and are every bit as good as their sketchy meaty counterparts.
jordan! try the chik patties! it’s like elementary school!
Fake meat is great. Tofurkey deli slices 4-EVA!
I had a Best’s Kosher for lunch, it was delish.
it’s like elementary school!
This is not a selling point! For anything!
Looking at Julia’s roomates food selection sometimes, I am a little weirded out. There’s a ton of fake meat of various consistencies in there. Fake ground beef? Are you serious? I mean, I’m not totally closed to the idea (I like fake dogs!), but when I look at all that I think, “One of those might be tasty. But there’s no way they all are.”
Tofurkey deli slices 4-EVA!
You should get that tattooed on your stomach.
tofurkey deli slices are a very special sort of nasty, imo.
i like well-prepared tofu. fake meats are usually suspect and scary.
laurel: i had that new yorker cartoon on my fridge for a while.
Lauren mostly OTM, with the notable exception of fake hot dogs, which are made mostly of tomato and are every bit as good as their sketchy meaty counterparts.
I only buy kosher dogs, anyway, because you know they’re all beef and no “parts”. Keebler.
Julia, I used to work with someone who posted it outside her office
My love affair with tofu was short-lived, because I decided that it’s only really good when heavily fried (which sort of defeats the point of eating tofu, no?).
Keebler makes kosher hot dogs??
tofurkey deli slices are a very special sort of nasty, imo.
No way. They’re like 10 times better than any other fake deli slices — great consistency and seasoning. Yves deli slices are thick and wet and kind of gross.
Also, my roommate W was just saying how if they’re going to make fake meat look more and more like the real thing, why not just make a thin red sauce to go with it, that will pool on the plate like blood off a rare steak?
(Keebler called me Lauren.)
ah
haha Oopsie.
I kind of like “Keebler” though.
i don’t much like fried tofu, it’s still flavorless on the inside. properly marinated, it’s great.
i may well hate all fake meat deli slices, i haven’t tried any but the tofurkey ones.
This conversation is getting me psyched for chicken wings tonight.
Hannah’s Bretzel has ruined fake meat for me. I didn’t used to mind it that much, but now I can’t stop buying the real good stuff.
I love Hannah’s Bretzel!
i am wearing the same hat as kenan
jenny—i heart you & your reasons.
— sweet tater (kelstarr...), December 5th, 2006. (sweet tater) (later) (link)
cosign
Nobody asked but here is why I like John Goodman:
Also, I think we could drink a lot of beer together.
I love John Goodman. when I was little I used to pretend Dan on Roseanne was my dad.
jenny, we should be best friends.
q: guys, should i get drunk/stoned and watch seven samurai OR have a home alone dance party?
huh.
an video ad online (those annoying ones they show before streaming video)—two twentysomething guys are in a cadillac listening to yes and debating whether that band is cool. so they pull over to two bikini-clad women walking by and ask them if they listen to yes. the response? “of course. it’s classic rock.”
DANCE PARTEES. May I suggest Futuresex/Lovesound?
I vote dance party, too!
Best friend Evan, Seven Samurai is ten years long. Do you have the drunk/stoned attention span to watch a ten year long movie? If not, then DANCE PARTAY.
I was listening to Kompakt Total 7 in the library earlier and having my own study dance party, much to the amusement of my colleagues, I am sure.
right now the only attention i have is for self-pity and cry cry baby shit. note: if you have friends, KEEP THEM.
May I suggest Futuresex/Lovesound?
— Laurel (sininspac...), December 6th, 2006. (Laurel) (later) (link)
quiet you.
OH NO Evan. I’m sorry that you are too depressed to finish biting through a piece of toast. I hope you feel better.
I have slashed and burned a friendship or three in my life. It is sad making.
i still have energy for wine, at least.
and i didn’t so much slash and burn friends (lately), as I did move away from them.
basically: i miss chicago, and having friends of any kind.
It’s not meant as consolation, but you’re doing so very much better than my sister did in her year at Winter Park. Individual circumstances were v different, obv, and WP SUX as a town, and she was younger and less emotionally resourceful...but it was the worst year of her life even though she did have some casual friends and a main squeeze (who was a bozo, but that’s another story).
I’m listening to the Sunn 0))) & Boris album, including some kind of limited-release 28-minute “prelude”.
It is a large and moving Torg!
Except that track 3 is really pretty, for some reason. I’d be fine without that track.
Ok, more on the “music you might actually like” tip, this new LCD Soundsystem is seriously great. Much better than the first one, and I like the first one a lot. He lets a lot more of his Bowie/Eno/New Wave junk jiggle, and it’s... great. I don’t mean to gush or anything.
If anyone wants it, I can... do that thing we sometimes do.
The first track is straight-up Bowie, and it’s delicious. Track 5 is straight-up New Order, and it’s savory. One of the tracks uses a piece from 45:33, and it’s nutritious.
I don’t have time to read 2500 posts but...I live in Chicago.
As of 2 months ago.
Welcome.
Thanks!
Which part of 45:33 does the new LCD Soundsystem use? The 7:00–17:00 of 45:33 always gets mad props, for a reason.
The part they use starts at 9:15.
I think I only just “got” 45:33. I kept listening to it as a workout mix, only I wasn’t working out, so I kept being impatient and waiting for it to get faster and reach some kind of screaming diva house music high, which it doesn’t. But forget about that shit, and it’s really good.
Hey Evan. Go out to a local bar and create your own dance party? Does this have to do with your not wearing deoderant?
Oh, and Hi, Zachary Scott.
and i didn’t so much slash and burn friends (lately), as I did move away from them.
basically: i miss chicago, and having friends of any kind.
Whoops! Project much, Jennyfur?
Hello Zachary Scott. Welcome to Chicago.
Oh, somehow I missed the part about being lonely in a strange town. I know it sucked like hell for me in NO. But I did sprout a whole new branch of my personality that allowed me to make bar-friends like crazy. That’s why I would suggest going out to a bar by yourself, maybe a dead one where you can chat with the bartender. And then dance.
Oh man, look what I found (in reference to Ju|ia’s earlier post): http://tweekerchick.blogspot.com/2006/11/so.html
That’s pretty great.
From the comments: “I didn’t really agree with the whole ‘guys don’t like to cuddle’ thing.. but I can understand why a lot of guys don’t.”
She can understand that? I can’t. Girls are soft and warm. However, I do agree with the part about falling asleep all intertwined. I have to be pretty wiped out to pull that off, and even then, once I’m good and asleep, I’m likely to have a rude “stop touching me” episode that I won’t remember.
That made me think of that scene in Groundhog Day when Andie Mcdowall is describing her perfect man to Bill Murray with things like “Not afraid to cry” and “Cleans up poopie diapers” and he says, “Are you sure this is a man we’re talking about?”
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he’s pushing, skippy? Because you aren’t doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he’s given you. Pay attention to the signals that he’s sending you.
This reader’s response
1. “Because you aren’t doing it right” is not necessarily true; sometimes it’s just fun to push and thrust (for the receiver as well as the giver of fellatio).
2. It’s so fucking annoying to receive bad head from a guy. Guys (on guys) don’t have much of an excuse: unless you have never received a decent BJ, you should be able to perform at least some reasonable reporduction of the technique you enjoyed, ding-dong. The problem is either the giver is a bit dense, lacks interest in the job, or is uncoordinated. Or has never received good head—but if you’re with me then that is unequivocally not the problem.
3. It seems like there is a steeper learning curve for straight sex. Thus, #2.
Also, what more post-coital cuddling could a person want than spooning? It’s totally comfortable, it’s cuddling, it’s holding, it’s a position you can sleep in. IMHO: perfect.
Not here. At some point, just stop touching me.
I am awake at 6 in the morning because it was time for a Mai Tai. Meaning that it was maybe 90 degrees in my bedroom, and I had to get up and crack the window. Then that didn’t work and I went and opened the window wide. Then I said fuck everything, I’m having a cigarette. Oh, and water. I’m a tad parched. I guess the trouble is that it’s a mere 37 outside? Sigh. This is going to be a long winter.
The window has been open all the way for a good five minutes now, which I figured would be risky since it might be freezing in there when I walked back in. Nope. It’s still a little too warm. I’ll give it another five.
regarding the fake meat thing, there used to be a sketchy grocery store in my ‘hood (edmar [r.i.p.], for those who remember it) that would occasionally have chicken patties for rediculously low prices. being a fan of both bird and things i can microwave and eat in under 90 seconds i used to buy them. when i was house-sitting this past week, the freezer was stocked with morning* stuff, including the chik patties. the fake chicken tasted no different than the real stuff because with both all you can really taste is the breading, the “meat” is mearly the agar used in conjunction with the breading. and the morningstar breading was much superior.
so there’s my fake meat story.
I sleep far, far better alone and I get backaches from any intertwined sleeping positions, but it makes me sad to always be scootched to opposite sides of the bed like logs/total strangers. I cannot win. I also kind of hate both those list-writers, even though both are at least a little bit right.
cold beds seem colder when you sleep in them alone, the one that got away called me as i was climbing into bed last night and we were discussing this phenomenon. we were in total agreement about it.
Well, it’s actually scientifically true: heat-sharing works!
I was suspicious of fake meat for the first few years of being vegetarian and openly mocked it before that. Now I love soy tacos, veggie burgers, chik patties, chik nugs (on and off, sometimes they gross me out for some reason), and the best are the fake corn dogs. I never really got into fake deli meat. Tofurkey, especially the ones with fake bones, give me the creeps.
Also, someone once crankily scolded me for touching him while sleeping and even in my sleep-fogged state, I was like “Yo, that should be your WORST PROBLEM, that your girlfriend curls up to you while she’s sleeping. Shut up.” So no sympathy here!
I also kind of hate both those list-writers, even though both are at least a little bit right.
I dunno. I think they’re both about half right, and I don’t hate either of them. But maybe that’s because I can only have the perspective of one sex at a time. Maybe if I could morph like a Moorcock character.
it’s too early for this, what else is going on today? anyone? anything good? oh! since i took monday off it feels like tuesday to me today but guess what? it’s wednesday! so that means thirsty thursday is coming early for me, thank fucking god.
No way, they’re both only a little bit right, but both are totally convinced that they’re 100% RIGHT and take, in order of address, a patronizing, moralizing tone, and a shrewish, brassy one. All unbecoming.
Also, for either one to be 100% right the world would have to be a place I couldn’t live in, hence the vehemence of “hate”.
At some point, just stop touching me.
Actually, that’s not true. I do like a little bit of something against me. Just not AROUND me or ON TOP OF me. (Me and my cat fight about this, too.)
Right, but the moralizing is somewhat called for, I think, if I apply those rules to myself. And the brassiness is... well, sexy.
I listened to the podcast of last Sunday’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me with Amy Sedaris and I laughed so hard on the train that I am sure people were considering calling the conductor for assistance. About 30 seconds into her segment I stopped trying to snicker behind my hand and just sat there and laughed loud and proud.
So I recommend it, especially to AS fans.
I like fake meat, generally.
Both of those list writers can take a long walk off a short pier. They both fall into the biological imperative trap within the first ten so they can both bite me. Also, everything Laurel said 2x.
Actually, that’s not true. I do like a little bit of something against me. Just not AROUND me or ON TOP OF me.
i don’t mind waking up and finding an arm or leg wrapped around me. or finding someone’s head on my chest, that’s always a welcome surprise for me.
unless, y’know, i went to bed alone or there’s no body attached to the limb in question.
Huh. The magical tropical heat has ended and now I’m cool again. I guess that’s because the outside temp has risen to a balmy 32.
And the brassiness is... well, sexy.
*GAG*
Sleeping: I can’t sleep spooned or otherwise touching someone for more than, like, an hour. Then I have to scuttle off and sleep all sprawled out on my stomach, or just lay half awake all night.
I just got into work a little while ago, I was working on this recording that I’m obsessing over and lost track of time. But my boss is out of town this week so it’s “cool”.
We’re going to be talking about your heat a lot this winter, aren’t we, Jesse? Also, with you on the gag.
EVAN, THIS IS FOR YOU:
If anyone wants it, I can... do that thing we sometimes do.
Yes, please!
John, I YSIed and sent to Mark, but I don’t have the link with me at work. He should. Otherwise, I’ll re-up it tonight.
My brother Mark??
Yeah