Choose the best turns, shrugs, and leaning from the Body Movements chapter of Kent and Shelton's The Romance Writer's Phrase Book

his brow pulled into an affronted frown

what in the shit

i was stuck on the satanic smile from upthread for a while but that one

"she was shocked when his eyes suddenly filled with fierce sparkling"

"wave after wave of shock slapped at her"

(these are both from the very she-dominated Emotions --> subheading surprise chapter)

haha ok there is just something hilariously and deeply wrong with the wave after wave one

this book is magical and i need to find and own it

"he gave her a sidelong glance of utter disbelief"

What is fierce sparkling? And can I get a handbag covered in it? Or a drink made of it?

The shock thing is overdone. I don't want waves after wave of anything slapping at me. Except maybe orgasms. Or actual Cornish waves. Mmmm, Cornish waves.

this is reminding me of "english as she is spoke" but in this book someone mistranslates english phrases into terrible other english phrases

This reminds me of the all-girl FAP we had at the Foundry, where we sat in that weird bank manager's vault and took turns reading out loud from a selection of terrible romance novels. That was the ~best~

especially that creepy one where the dude gave her an orgasm *while she was in labour with his baby* o_0

I presume that a fierce sparkling is first cousin to a hard glittery edge, in re: eyes.

"she wanted to hurt him and make him want her at the same time" is filed under Emotions --> confusion

also

"all of her loneliness and confusion welded together in one upsurge of devouring yearning"

also

"he stared at her, baffled"

"she was shocked when his eyes suddenly filled with fierce sparkling"

This is really in the book.

xp oh my lord

"one upsurge of devouring yearning"

OMG I am having a massive upsurge of devouring yearning for the last chocolate rolls in the fridge! om nom nom.

sounds to me like after the spinning around, there was indeed some sort of demonic possession that resulted in her somehow expelling a confusing white-hot fireball of...? that he wasn't quite sure what to make of.

it could not be easier to create stories around these convenient stock phrases!

All of these are really in the book.

this is what happens when i try to throw books away fyi

Possibly the most disturbing thing about all this is the many Amazon reviews describing how useful the book is for any budding romance novelist...

"the undeniable and dreadful facts"

(from Miscellaneous --> Thoughts, Realizations, Understanding)

along with "there was no room for romance in her busy schedule"

This book makes perfect sense to me. In the future, I predict that romance novels will be written entirely by software.

"A cynical inner voice cut through her thoughts. A thought froze in her brain. On safer ground, she paused to reflect a moment. She had known of the strong passion within her. Opening her eyes, she came back to reality. There was no room for romance in her busy schedule."

(all of the above sentences were filed under "Miscellaneous")

A cynical inner voice cut through her frozen THOTS like a hot knife through butter?

Am I doing this right?

(I've just realised that I love this language so much because it is, really, so much the language of bad slash.)

The first phrase in the book is "her hose felt like sheaths of clammy cloth on her exceptionally pretty legs"
The last phrase in the book is "her mind was filled with sour thoughts"

I think the rest is just connect the dots.

i think if you printed a bunch of these in different fonts and colors and sizes and then put them together as a story and pasted them on a wall or board or s.thing and hung it itd be a cool piece of art esp if the strung together sentences also made a face or picture or s.thing

sheaths of clammy cloth.

Just...

sheaths of clammy cloth. It is a delight to say. It rolls so wonderfully off the tongue, like a single malt scotch whisky.

I have given these some thought, and I am going with she stopped suddenly and slowly turned in a circle because there may be some demonic possession or witchcraft involved, or at the very least something other than stumbling or being impatient.

― league of women voters, Tuesday, December 27, 2011 5:07 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Permalink

yah I voted this one as it intrigued me cause something unnatural is clearly happening

i think if you printed a bunch of these in different fonts and colors and sizes and then put them together as a story and pasted them on a wall or board or s.thing and hung it itd be a cool piece of art esp if the strung together sentences also made a face or picture or s.thing

"With a deliberately casual movement, she turned and faced him. She swiveled slowly, her delight growing. He hunched over, his arms resting on his thighs. He spread his hands regretfully and shrugged."

how about if i arrange the phrases around the two little flowers at the center of this picture
http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6058/6292151395_66d23852f9.jpg

(those are all unpolled options of Turns, Shrugs, and Leaning btw)

ok, let me try again.
what about if i use pictures from the marshall cavendish encyclopedia of the human mind and body?

i have issue 79 right here, and it contains a long story about 10 year old girl Alison and her physical and mental growth as well as an article about poisons, and another one about prostitution. There is a picture of a sebaceous cyst on someone's scalp on the back cover. The whole thing is pretty gnarly.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7141/6594501137_66dfa8acfb.jpg

Ha ha, I missed this one. Yes, I fully support this art project!

Sort of like this, but with different words and I don't have to actually CUT UP THE BOOK like I used to
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6595063719_49f1e3642b.jpg

I think that would actually be awesome.

(I like the cut-up look, but that book sounds too precious to destroy)

i just found some more seriously lol entries

* his bulbous nose dominated his meaty features
* he had acquired a polished veneer
* his fat face melted into a buttery smile

Ewwwwwwwww

"she gave a choked, desperate laugh"

Ewwwwwwwww

― Illia Rump (emil.y), Friday, December 30, 2011 9:10 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

"she gave a choked, desperate laugh"

― league of women voters, Friday, December 30, 2011 9:14 PM (30 seconds ago) Bookmark Permalink

I love how well these posts go together ;-)

HIS FAT FACE MELTED INTO A BUTTERY SMILE OM NOM NOM

* he had acquired a polished veneer

http://slurmed.com/fanart/amanda-j/009_golden-bender_by-amanda-j.gif

She stopped suddenly and slowly turned in a circle, her face melting into butter.

A polished veneer of butter?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3010/2478604618_596cd50400.jpg

http://awfullibrarybooks.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/romancewriters-2.jpg

"His gaze was riveted on her face, then moved over her body slowly" - I don't know about your workmanship quality, but I expect that when something is riveted, it doesn't move, slowly or otherwise!

Soft gazes, drillbit gazes that bore into you, riveting you like plate metal... what else do gazes do?

This is such a goldmine.

"he scanned her critically and beamed approval"

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR4PYp6m7hs7wCDdf4S8BDh2a0zhUmu_H_aZwSvbu5t4gWjJrPE

He was so disturbing to her in every way. Hahahaha

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

I have given these some thought, and I am going with she stopped suddenly and slowly turned in a circle because there may be some demonic possession or witchcraft involved, or at the very least something other than stumbling or being impatient.

― league of women voters, Tuesday, 27 December 2011 22:07 (5 days ago) Permalink

will anyone vote for he gave an impatient shrug? seems kinda lazy and barely distinguishable from he shrugged dismissively

― league of women voters, Tuesday, 27 December 2011 22:12 (5 days ago)

i guess we could have stopped right here

WINNER
A: NO

his gaze fell to the creamy expanse of her neck
creamy and clotted
like sour milk risen to the top
of a bulging glass
with fat thighs

there was a tingling in the pit of her stomach
deeper, too
her intestines
oh shit
the intestinal parisites were rebelling

he gave her body a raking glance
a shoveling grimace
and a chainsawing slap across the ass

something intense flared through his enchantment

hemorrhoids.