A thread where we confess bad things we've done so Jon won't feel so all alone

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What did Jon do? I WANNA KNOW!

I touched my dad's penis. He was in bath and went with his head under the water. I noticed his penis and decided to grab it. He was mightily surprised. Hey, I wondered what a penis felt like. I was a couple of years old.

― nathalie (stevienixed), Monday, 12 February 2007 13:09 (seventeen years ago) link

I pinned a girl to the bulletin board by her hair in 5th grade.

― Maria :D (Maria :D), Monday, 12 February 2007 13:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Then I spread a rumor about her that she was a "lezzo"

― Maria :D (Maria :D), Monday, 12 February 2007 13:17 (seventeen years ago) link

I used to steal twenties from my step-mom's pot proceeds.

― Maria :D (Maria :D), Monday, 12 February 2007 13:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Once my English teacher asked me to come up and show her my spelling test because she thought my friend and I had cheated. I first wrote "Mrs. Eden Sucks!!" on the paper before plunking it down on her desk. I was suspended from class.

― Maria :D (Maria :D), Monday, 12 February 2007 13:20 (seventeen years ago) link

I once stole a keg of beer and about a dozen lobsters from a restaurant where I washed dishes at 16.

― Maria :D (Maria :D), Monday, 12 February 2007 16:29 (seventeen years ago) link

In high school (freshman year!) I went on some orchestra kid trip to Orlando. After 26 hours on a bus, do we go straight to a hotel? No! To the water park.

So there's this mini golf course next to the water park, and a little water trap on it complete with sign that says "Lose your golf ball, $1 fine." So of course we end up hitting them right into the water, and end up fishing out half a dozen balls. For illustration:

mini golf course | small fence | roadway | parking lot | restaurant with tin roof

So some dumbass who is with me grabs an extra ball, smacks it across the street with the putter, and we hear it roll down the tin roof and bounce across the parking lot, somehow missing the parked cars. We each hit a ball across the street. Somehow no one got in trouble.

― mh (mike h.), Monday, 12 February 2007 16:37 (seventeen years ago) link

1987 - I dared my sister's friend Danielle (6 years old) to sit on our grill, which we had cooked on an hour+ prior, she burned her asscheek/thigh and was never allowed to hang out with my sister again.

― nklshs (nklshs), Monday, 12 February 2007 16:59 (seventeen years ago) link

I pushed a classmate named Jason 4lex4nder off the wagon at a church hayride and he fell under the wheel, got run over, and had to go immediately to the hospital for stitches. He moved away the next year.

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:01 (seventeen years ago) link

i shot a man in reno just to watch him die.

no, wait, that was someone else. odb probably.

― chicago kevin has a lust for bacon (chicago kevin), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Why did you shoot ODB?

― nklshs (nklshs), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:03 (seventeen years ago) link

just to watch him die?

― onimo (nu_onimo), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

one time jon and pj and i stole jon's dad's weed and smoked it in a hot tub in vermont. we saw time emenating from the linoleum, and also because i was on phenobarbitol i had trouble communicating in english, gubble gubble.

― remy bean (bean), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Remy, it's like you've been waiting for years to tell all! Someone ought to write a book.

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Laurel, once i wrote a tv pilot based on the misadventures of my high school years. It was returned as having themes that were 'overly idiosyncratic and addled' and also 'with characterizations verging on the romantic and the absurd.' JW was the inspiration for a character named Willie K, and he garnered marginalia reading - 'ethically suspect''W.T.Hell!' 'He has no shame... but Catholic?'

― remy bean (bean), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:19 (seventeen years ago) link

"No, Lutheran!"

― Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 12 February 2007 17:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Tad is in a Belle and Sebastian song!

OMG that's right ... i forgot about that song.

― Eisbär (Eisbär), Monday, 12 February 2007 19:21 (seventeen years ago) link

This, apparently.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 12 February 2007 19:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Beth, I look at you in an entirely new light now.

― Ms Misery (MsMisery), Monday, 12 February 2007 19:36 (seventeen years ago) link

I may have been another thief in our nation's capital, but at least I didn't shoot JFK like Ned did.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 12 February 2007 23:26 (seventeen years ago) link

OR BEAT UP CRIPPLES.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 12 February 2007 23:34 (seventeen years ago) link

When my ex made a big issue over how I was failing to sew patches on his ripped jeans, I burned them all in the barbeque pit until nothing was left but rivets and zippers.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Tuesday, 13 February 2007 00:23 (seventeen years ago) link

No, wait, that was a GOOD thing I did. Empowering and all.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Tuesday, 13 February 2007 00:23 (seventeen years ago) link

I also smashed all the windows of his pickup truck, and—weirdly—buried the broken glass in the woods.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Tuesday, 13 February 2007 00:24 (seventeen years ago) link

And I tore a bunch of his money to tiny shreds.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Tuesday, 13 February 2007 00:25 (seventeen years ago) link

When my mom and her girlfriend went on a vacation to Mexico and left my brother (a senior in high school) and me (a sophomore)alone, we invited people over. Before they arrived, I took down all the pictures of my mom with her gf so no one would know they were lesbians (I would tell ppl that was my aunt). When my parents returned, I hadn't returned things right and I heard them having an injured conversation between them about why my brother would have moved the photos of them and is he ashamed of them. I never confessed and let them believe it was my brother who did it.

― Maria :D (Maria :D), Tuesday, 13 February 2007 00:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Well, he was older than you and should have stopped you. In failing to control your bad behavior, he takes responsibility.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Tuesday, 13 February 2007 17:51 (seventeen years ago) link

eleven months pass...

::""::

― d, Tuesday, 15 January 2008 21:01 (sixteen years ago) link

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