ok cupid: god, this shit

Aimless otm. My learning how to project my humor into cyberworld has been the trickiest of exercises the last fourteen years.

one friend "i don't even have pictures up and still get like 80 messages a day!"

OKC is like a singles bar where it's always five minutes to closing
there's a strange mix of interesting and insane
it rewards prep, good writing, thought and careful approach

i think i should totally get a job helping people create their OKC profiles

only if you're a bigamist

PROTIP: do not answer the questions about anal sex, marriage or if you want to have kids unless you can honestly say no, yes, yes.
Otherwise, it is the equivalent of coming up to a person at a club and saying "Hi, I'm interested in fucking you in the ass but never marrying you. You will die alone. Can I buy you a drink?"

hmm i'll have to check what i answered to those questions but p. sure that answering in that order would only help my chances.

PROTIP #2: Make a simple "nice to meet you" letter that you can c+p for minimum rejection damage to your soul. Being clever online or answering/quoting info in someone's profile is creepy and the chances that they'll remember what you're referencing is slim. A simple "Hi, I read your profile and I think we'd get along well. Drop me a line if you'd like to talk" should be fine as long as you add a few light human touches so as to not sound spammy. ANYONE would respond to that by looking at your profile. Then if they like what they see they'll respond. They won't if they don't.

i can always spot the form letters and don't reply to those!!

PROTIP #3: Make sure there's at least one picture that shows your full body and one shot of your face, smiling. People wanna see that, duh. Don't post the picture if it doesn't look like you on a regular day. Otherwise they're gonna flinch when you meet them.

Well, I usually find a way to allude to an album or a book the other guy mentioned. If I'm responding to his profile, it's because he's cute, reads, and listens to music. He should remember what his favorite novel or movie is; most times he's flattered I went through the trouble of mentioning it!

bene: probably not good form letters i'd guess

i really only reply to people who write me asking a question about something in profile, never the generic ones, or the ones it's obvious they have just plugged a random interest in "so, i see you like ___eating food__. i also like _eating food__. here is my phone number hope to hear from you!"

i did a lot of specific question asking and clever conversation starters or whatever and got zero response. Then I just said "hi, you look good and you seem neat; let's talk" and got good response. Go figure.

The semicolon = instant hard-on.

you just forgot protip #1

PROTIP: do not answer the questions about anal sex, marriage or if you want to have kids unless you can honestly say no, yes, yes.
Otherwise, it is the equivalent of coming up to a person at a club and saying "Hi, I'm interested in fucking you in the ass but never marrying you. You will die alone. Can I buy you a drink?"

― Dranke, the German Drake Impersonator (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, December 21, 2011 7:58 PM (1 hour ago)

idk how universally applicable this is

i will totally cop to that being a STRAIGHT MALE PROTIP
coincidentally my fave hardcore band from weehawken is STRAIGHT MALE PROTIP

Generalizations from personal experience always problematic. Forks is merely being more confident/assertive in his second approach, rather than trying to persuade why he fits the bill. What's going to work better depends on the recipient.

Oh, and not all girls want to have kids or even get married.

in my experience, all girls want to have kids and get married.
ALL OF THEM

no of course not. I'm just saying it's a bad opening line to say that you're not into any of those things at all as it broadcasts a degree of unavailability that can put people off

I don't want to have kids and/or get married.

Congrats Stevie! :)

I disabled my account so as to fully dedicate my attention between an age-appropriate someone who I met in real life and my youthful workplace crush.

having a pet dog someday is the biggest responsibility i aspire to. and even that is many years away!

V_P any update on the work crush situation?

We spent a magical night at the mall and he bought me a book on men's fashion. Maybe I'll get lucky at the children's Christmas party? :)

and the irl older personage?

is it a 'notable' author of books who thinks libraries are immoral?

We spent a magical night at the mall and he bought me a book on men's fashion

the perfect Go-Go's lyric.

Ahaha, MP, give me some credit:) The elder personage (he's actually a few months younger than me) is a musician who accompanies me wherever I desire: libraries, rockabilly nights, shopping, you name it.

Decisions, decisions...

MP, I think your late-night ghost text was instrumental in announcing my intentions to the young coworker, so . . . kudos.

second date tonight went v v well
opted not to do the home thing in favor of taking it slow but that's where we at so

The semicolon = instant hard-on.

^^^^^ also correct use of apostrophes seem to cause instant attraction, but maybe that's just the kind of girls I message.

opted not to do the home thing in favor of taking it slow but that's where we at so

― Dranke, the German Drake Impersonator (forksclovetofu), Thursday, December 22, 2011 12:04 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink

also you were late for your next date

you laugh but that's actually kind of accurate: i was meeting with my ex to pick up my pottery and see her work

i was meeting with my ex to pick up my pottery and see her work

http://www.americancraftmag.org/timeline/1990s/mainstream_NakedGun_MovieStarNews.jpg

show us some pictures of these broads, forks. i want to see what you're getting.

"broads"

are u a '50s gumshoe

i might be a 50's gumshoe
i will not show you pictures of these "broads" but i will start a pottery thread

broads are ok. it's the dames you have to watch out for.

^ real talk

ahma wait till we're realilx for that pottery thread i think

yeah, can't have that one lost in the sandbox

okay wiseguy: i have about forty finished pieces. I've been practicing on the wheel for the past year and am getting a bit better.
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwm6jvKsIB1qzyx8yo1_500.jpg

i thought you said you answered no to the anal sex question

haaaa

fair zing: that is referred to around the studio as "the bloody asshole vase"

somewhat less asshole related:
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwm6hpoX221qzyx8yo1_500.jpg

Are those fired raku style, forks?

I like that last one

no raku, regular kiln. May try raku some time?
i got loads more of these as i say.

Your stuff looks pretty good to me. What kind of glazes do you use for that effect? Once or twice fired?

Raku can be very fun, though I think techniques vary.