Watercooler 0: Nothing Is A Problem For Me

But continuing on from the discussion last night, it is important, because it's about getting A Look and Working It. Which is sometimes more important than actually having the right bone structure.

I get upset because I cannot make my Self a work of art the way I've made everything else in my life (my flat, my songs) a work of art.

Oh, I don't know. I'll stop thinking about this, and go back to muddling along with my effects patches and Victorian novels.

Who'd get more excited, NME, Hello or Both the same?

Fixed.

I get upset because I cannot make my Self a work of art the way I've made everything else in my life (my flat, my songs) a work of art.

Ah, but you have! OK, so it may not be a work of art you're happy with at the moment, but that just means it's not finished yet, which is fine of course (whose is finished?).

(All of this is meant to be complimentary, but I'm worried it might not come off like that. My brane is broken.)

See, JB, that is the problem. I kinda want to hang onto that precious image of him, because I suspect *that* is my muse.

Problem is, the more you get to know someone, the harder it is to keep the mental image of them. Maybe he'd become someone to talk with down the pub about guitar pedals and why Country is good and Rock is good but Country Rock is BAD. But it's like... do I really *want* that, or do I want the Bruised Angel Muse?

This is why I don't want a relationship with him, or to sleep with him - or maybe even to hang out with him after gigs - because that kind of mental image doesn't survive such commonplace wear and tear.

Getting a Look is VERY important. Our self-esteem is based upon people thinking we're looking good, so making sure that box is ticked has to be a major plus. Unless your self-esteem is based on something not reliant on other people, in which case it's less of a priority.

(and since you know what you want out of the fella [just to be the container for a muse and nothing else] then I REALLY don't see the problem. Esp. if you don't want to rip his clothes off/ chat over a handshake/ talk about country rock pedals. When it gets to this stage it's like crushing on a celeb, which is certainly no bad thing.)

I know that what I want is unrealistic and unattainable. But that doesn't stop me from wanting it.

I fucked up the Great Lost Love Of My Life over this bullshit. That my idea of Being In Love doesn't survive the daily mundane bullshit.

And then turn it into something pretty, and call that justification.

Eh, speak for yourself there, man.

But I'm not gonna get that. I'm gonna get snatched awkward conversations in the pub when there's no one more interesting for him to get in his urgent drunken conversations with, and watch him chatting up girls that are doing the same things I was doing 10, 15 years ago.

So I'd rather have nothing except an empty vessel, to fill up with my dreams and inspirations. Because that's what I get, oh-oh-oh, that's what I get.

I am *not* - repeat *not* - posing for any sort of pornographic photoshoot. None of my wibbly bits will be on display at all. Well, except maybe my arse. I don't really know yet. And it may well be NSFW for a lot of people. But it's not porn!

I'm sorry I'm not interested in games or 80s movies, and I'm sorry you're not interested in discussions about the dichotomy between appearance and substance in relationships and creative inspiration, but honestly, what do you want me to do about it?

I still don't believe most people who tell me I look good. I start wondering why they've said it, and what their ulterior motives are. It takes a *lot* of trust with someone before I can take compliments on my appearance at face value.

Photos: They're for advertising a particular night at a club I go to - photos for posters and flyers.

plz 2 ban.

Eh, speak for yourself there, man.

I WAS kinda making the point that having a Look is only important if you don't base your self-esteem on what other people think. I am somewhere between being a paradigm of vanity and a rock of ego isolation - which is maybe why my Look is only half-hearted at the best of times.

Speaking of which, my new look may be suits, and my new Look will be dandy man-about-town. I've just found a great vintage suit shop (it's probably been there for a billion years, but I've never seen it before) and I would imagine they'll do very well out of me in the next few months. I've already bought one suit from teh place, and I might wear it to work tomorrow, just because.

For whatever reason, WOMEN tend to LOVE:
-Drama
-Conflict
-Romance
-Famous people and their lives

So... it's really quite easy to enjoy a conversation with a woman about these topics.

Errrr... women love shopping! Talk about shoes! WTF? Yes, I guess I'm interested in some if not all of those things, but not on a date. That's girlfriend chat, not date chat.

Here are a few ideas:
1. Play amateur psychologist to the stars. Talk about how someone famous is doing something really stupid, then psycho-analyze them.
For instance... right now, Michael Jackson is something like two hundred million dollars in debt. Even though he makes about twenty million dollars a year, he somehow manages to blow it all and then some. He has spent an unimaginable amount of time and money on plastic surgery and skin bleaching... and he reportedly just spent around seven hundred grand digitally darkening his skin tone in a recent video.
This situation is all kinds of BEGGING to be picked apart with a fine-toothed critical mind.
It's also PREGNANT with humor opportunities.

2. Find an interesting-looking group of people and guess what's going on.
Look around you, and find a couple sitting at a table that looks like they're on their first date. Then start making fun of how the guy is acting, how he's dressed, his posture, or whatever. Talk about how the woman is thinking that he's a dork and how he's not getting any, no matter how many compliments he gives her.
Analyzing what's going on with a close group of others is big fun, and women love it.

3. Make fun of someone famous. Talk about how a super model is too skinny, or how Ozzy has killed all his brain cells and what a shame it is that he's on TV broadcasting it to millions of viewers. Make fun of Mariah Carey for gaining weight, being put in the loony bin, and putting out a sucky movie. All you have to do is read a few gossip magazines to get all kinds of great stuff to make fun of. It's fun, it's funny, and it's a great way to talk like you're all that.

4. Talk about other people's love lives. Talk about the problems that others are going through when it comes to love and romance, then volunteer completely ridiculous theories about what's going on. Mention a friend you had who broke up with his girlfriend because she gained weight, then after you've told the story, make up a random theory about how women who gain weight are actually lesbians.

Uuuuhhhhhh... is this for real, or is this a parody site? If any guy I was on a date with started talking about any of these topics, I'd think he had NO BRAIN WHATSOEVER and the date would be over pretty quickly.

For real? What to talk about on a first date?

Try to find out what her interests are - ask her what kind of books she has enjoyed recently, what film/tv programmes she watches, what music she likes. Offer to share your own interests after you've asked hers - especially if you have any that overlap. Even if you don't find any overlaps, ask her what it is she likes about them.

Examples:
"Oh, you like Author X, too! Which is your favourite novel of hers? Ooh, I like Novel Z"
or
"Oh, I'm not familiar with Author X - what would you reccomend? What's the best to start with? What do you like about it? I kinda prefer books that are more like Novel A"

If none of these hit a response that starts a topic of conversation, try to find out about her hobbies. Ask her what she does for fun, what she does on her days off. Ask her what her favourite meal is. Ask her where she grew up, and what kind of a place she lived in.

Just talk like you're interested in finding out more about her. It doesn't have to be about the minutia of her life, you're really just looking for anything that makes her *her*. And if you find something in common - Bonus! You've got something to have a proper conversation about.

I may not be a relationship expert, but my god, I feel like I've been on a million first dates.

The quickest way to feel like you look good is to have someone else tell you this.

Obviously, there are other ways to feel good. And there are other things to prop your self esteem up on (if my self esteem came solely from my looks, I'd have killed myself years ago. My self esteem comes from people telling me my songs are good).

I think I look good today, but I probably don't.

haha there's a first time for everything on this thread.

"I know you're gonna break my heart
Coz that's what hearts are there for
I know you're gonna tear me apart
Coz lord knows I'm not careful"

Great for creativity, hell for sanity, but aren't the best things always?

xpost This is what I need, some first-hand first date experience. I'll remember that, this is good stuff.

The amusing advice is, I fear, a real life advice site. I reacted the same way that you did - the kind of girl who would find that sort of conversation stimulating isn't really the kind of girl I'd like converse with.

make up a random theory about how women who gain weight are actually lesbians.

ha ha ha beyond parody.

http://actors.ardenas-place.com/pictures/gc10.jpg

yeah, man, if you're having crush problems i feel bad for you son but i've got 99 problems but my crush ain't one HIT ME

Sorry, Andrew, but in the world of dating, I kinda *do* have a bit more experience than you. I haven't always been a celibate misanthrope.

Dating *is* about getting to know someone, and the quickest and easiest way to get to know someone is to get them to talk about themselves. And from that you can proceed to the stuff you have in common. That's how it *works*.

x-post - Johnny OTM, it's a way of finding something to talk about.

Keep this up and you'll make us mere trolls look bad

D-
must try harder

the D is for Darramouss.
sorry to interrupt, Watercoolants. do continue.

I resemble that remark.

Dating *is* about getting to know someone, and the quickest and easiest way to get to know someone is to get them to talk about themselves.

Oh yes, absolutely. So why not get them to talk about themselves?

And from that you can proceed to the stuff you have in common. That's how it *works*.

Sure, but that seems to me directly opposed to your previous post. Am I missing something?

x-post - Johnny OTM, it's a way of finding something to talk about.

But the thing you're trying to get them to talk about is them?

No, i'm not Darramouss. I think you're grossly underestimating your ability to inspire the hatred of complete strangers.