Watercooler 0: Nothing Is A Problem For Me

stet divvying out mod privs. Pash + whoever Pash added.

I'd be good. I promise!

How am I supposed to keep the NERVOUS EXCITEMENT under control for the next hour?

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000003TBG.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

(although the one in the mirror isn't!)

Boycrush Pusher

Totally crushed out, infatuated beyond a doubt
Prettiest boy I ever saw, every time I see him wanna be around him more
Gosh, I catch him smiling every time I look
Wanna scribble his name in my notebook

Catch myself spinning reams of awful teenage poetry
A thousand different rhymes for how lovely he looks recently
Tousled blond hair blue eyes beneath
Every time he looks at me I forget how to breathe

Chorus:
Peter make me feel 15 years young
Peter make me feel there's still silly love songs to be sung
Prettiest boy I ever saw
Every time I see him wanna be around him more
Infatuated beyond a doubt
Totally crushed out

Stutter mutter mumble cough if I try to talk I embarrass myself
Open my mouth, there's no sound I'm finding lame excuses just to hang around
Why won't my brain behave like it ought?
He robs my mind of intelligent thought

Chorus

Don't dare to dream or think what comes next
Wouldn't wanna ruin this with sex
Never get old, never get bored, never have to worry about being disloyal
Unrequited love never has to spoil

http://www.last.fm/music/The+Lollies

Dammit, I'm trying to download an MP3 of Boycrush Pusher but everywhere wants me to register. DUDE, I AM NOT GOING TO PAY *YOU* TO DOWNLOAD A SONG THAT *I* NEVER GAVE YOU THE RIGHTS FOR!

Statistic of the day: about 8% of the Lollies tracks played by Last.FM users were played by me since I signed up for it - 32 plays out of 440 total.

Last night was fun.

It was all a bit awkward, of course, as it always is when it's not only a first date, but a first meet too. But then, we were standing on the station platform saying our goodbyes. The train was starting from here, so it had been standing there a while. There hadn't been any shouts or whistles or anything, when we both suddenly noticed: the door lights had gone out. And as we were both saying "Oh - shit...", the engines revved up and it pulled out of the station.

It was only half-eight, but that was very definitely the last train of the evening that went anywhere near the right direction. And it was, frankly, by far the biggest ice-breaker we could have had. Never mind the awkward conversations about how we feel and what sort of relationship we're looking for; that was all out of the window, and things were suddenly all relaxed.

I've just started the whole dating thing in earnest (thanks to the previously mentioned msf - http://www.mysinglefriend.com/detail.php?|=zefqrefghcd ) and meeting people is terrible. I can never do the ice breaking thing very well - I never really know what to talk about. I've never been good at small-talk, and big-talk can't be just launched into on a 1st date - so what's going on? EEEK! The last date I went on was lovely in a "met new cool person" kind of way, but still no fancying going on. Hurumph. Who's got advice on the whole "meeting people is easy" thing? What do I talk about on dates? This is REALLY hard!

Who went to Kate's shindig last night? Need people to report back on and tell me what I missed :(

Yes, we got Dave and PBW to dance onstage with us. Suzy has pictures, I think.

Dumped my guitars back at the office and drank until 3 in a funny handshake bar. Talked to PBW some. He's more fucked up than I ever imagined. He went home with another girl. I should feel devastated, but all I feel is... well... I'm in love with the world again, for having boys like him in it.

I'm just utterly and completely smitten, in a "god, I just want to write songs about you" way. Which is the best way of all.

I think so :-)

JB, we had already been talking on the phone a lot over the past week or so, so we knew enough about each other already to have a fair amount to talk about. But that only works with a few people, I think.

That's the thing I forogt abotu dating - the pressure to have fun and be likeable/witty/etc. I'm an easy going guy, I don't need pressure!

Pretty much shot the rest of the evening for me - burned in shame for about 30 minutes and then left.

http://www.replieswanted.com/things-to-talk-about-on-a-date.htm

which all seems far too clinical for me, but I guess I'm after a clinical solution, so maybe I do need to go down the NLP route.

She had threatened to bring a crib sheet of conversational topics for me!

But it's like... the only feeling in the world that actually means anything to me, is that sense of getting onstage and putting in a performance where you *REALLY FEEL IT*. That's better than sex, it's better than love, it's better than drugs, it's better than anything.

I have been phoning it in with this band for so long, going through the motions, wondering why I do it. And suddenly, last night, as I looked out in the audience and saw his face, it's like every stupid, trite cliche in the songs suddenly meant something again. I think that's what made the gig so good, and yeah, it was something special last night.

I don't get to have relationships or any of that crap, but this is what I *do* get - the ability to write songs and perform them. This is the only thing that has ever meant anything to me.

And it's like, he gave me that back last night.

How do you say that to someone, without sounding like a complete mentalist? I think I was talking drunken bollocks about him being my muse or something. But it's like... "I look at you, and I hear music!" How can you put something like that into words? Just hope a fellow musician understands?

It's not sexual, it's not like wanting to get with him or anything like that. I feel kinda like an emotional vampire, because I just want him to tell me stories about his life and put them to music.

In other news, tonight, I am going on a photoshoot. As one of the models.

Having ones photo taken is awful. I hope it's not too terrible. ;-)

You're going modelling? Do report back with stories about prima donnas. I wouldn't mind trying that kind of thing, but I don't think my ego would be able to take it. And besides, my eyes invariably turn out like the eyes of a killer (see my MSF photo).

Fuck that. I'm happy for once, and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm in the best band in the world.

Even pain can make you feel like you're alive, sometimes.

(the other thing with both self-harming and masochism is that the normal response to physical pain gives you a kind of natural high - but also in some people a very bad comedown a day or two later)

((xpost))

I suppose it's terrible, but the best thing about this is the sense of... *rightness*. I'm in love with a boy I barely know and can never have, and that's the way it should be.

I wouldn't mind having my photo taken all day if I was just having my photo snapped to capture my day-to-day going ons, but I would imagine modelling being more hard work than that.

ha ha reminds me of that Black Books episode with the Greek photographer when Manny runs away. If there are any Japanese businessmen hanging round, run away quickly.

I'm not sure the photos will be suitable for posting here, though."

Oh, those kind of photos! Well, just pixilate anything unsavoury, I'm still intrigued!

I'm with you about the familiarity of being in love with someone you can't have being comforting. It's liek you were saying with depression being a cosy safety blanket you can wrap round yourself - endless crushes like that are exactly the same. And quite cool, in a way.

What KIND of funny handshake? Or would the bar stop being cool if you told the likes of ME?

Was that you, Gooblar? (Are you awake yet?)

I don't know. I'm still trying to work out whether I believe it or not. I'm not sure I was even talking about my plainness vs. the prettiness of the girl PBW went home with - or if I was talking about mine own shallowness (visual motivation? aesthetic motivation?)

PBW is totally right to be suspicious of my motivations - like he said, I don't know him, not at all. I've based my entire views of him on the observation that he *looks* like a bruised angel. It's all projection. But what things look like (sound like, the prettiness, aesthetically, of them) is really all that matters to me. As an artist, at least.

It was truly a great gig last night, everything sounded (after the first song) all sparkly and right-on and together and world-conquering.

Not feeling too rough today, due to lots of water imbibement.