thread for being sad, yet determined

i am sad because i am overwhelmed and not having fun ever, and i cannot keep my apartment clean for more than a day at a time because i don't care. i don't think any of that counts as "determined" though. except i'm taking the day off from work, but that will only make me more overwhelmed.

my apartment is never clean for the same reason. when I do clean it seems like it revolts and makes itself dirty by the next day. silly apartment

Thanks LBI and FT - this means an awful lot to me, you know?

Big hugs to anyone feeling low right now. This is the worst time of year to see people going round smiling with tinsel round their necks singing sentimental songs and I can only empathise/sympathise with your situations. XXXX

obviously i do care because i think its gross it just feels like yeah, if i put out the effort to do this it's going to be wasted because i'm going to come home tired and drop shit all over the place and cook one dinner and make a mess of the kitchen again. nothing is worth it to me anymore.

i am sad because i am overwhelmed and not having fun ever, and i cannot keep my apartment clean for more than a day at a time because i don't care. i don't think any of that counts as "determined" though. except i'm taking the day off from work, but that will only make me more overwhelmed.

― spite n ease (harbl), Thursday, 8 December 2011 13:46 (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

my apartment is never clean for the same reason. when I do clean it seems like it revolts and makes itself dirty by the next day. silly apartment

― The Love Song of L. Alfred Sotosyn (dayo), Thursday, 8 December 2011 13:51 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

This drives me crazy too. It's like my house leaks dirt, and having an untidy living space does nothing for one's self esteem. I still don't wanna move out though..

having an untidy living space does nothing for one's self esteem

True. If my apt is clean everything in life just feels more pulled together and organized. This is also true of wearing matching underwear and having recently shaved legs. If I can manage those two things on the same day? Shit. I'm on fire and can do anything!!

You could give away lots of your stuff, less to tidy up and someone else gets benefit of it too. Especially in the kitchen - why does everyone seem to have a million forks?

yeah that kind of stuff really does make a difference but i kind of get trapped in a circle of who gives a shit most of the time

i threw out a bunch of stuff last time i cleaned. it felt good but now i can't tell it's even gone.

i need to find a thing to do where i can be interested in something besides work and make new friends but i am too tired

I'm always amazed at how much stuff I throw out, even though I tend to have a purge every 6 months. I have a huge bag of clothes ready to take to the chazza this weekend. Where did these come from??

have you been sleep-stealing them from other people's washing lines?

Sleep-thieving is my favourite nocturnal activity.

Is it thieving when you steal sleep from yourself?

i need to find a thing to do where i can be interested in something besides work and make new friends but i am too tired

― spite n ease (harbl), Thursday, 8 December 2011 14:02 (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

I bet if you tried to commit yourself to one evening activity a week, you'd find yourself getting less tired. I often wish I had less to do in the evenings and more time just to read/watch films with my g/f. I commute home from work, then in the evening I'm either organising gigs, trying to get some music writing on the go, practising with my new band and there's loads of other stuff I want to fit in but can't. Have had to quit the gym, because I'm way too busy with other commitments (and it's too expensive), but I wanted to try teaching myself Chinese, getting better at drawing cartoons, and shit - finding some time to apply for jobs would be nice too...

What I'm saying is, there must be something you're passionate about that you can get involved with a group of friends - music, sport, films, games? Sport is good. I'm in no way sporty, but it doesn't take much to join a running club - they'll treat you nicely even if you can't run for shit, and it's a good way to get the endorphins flowing and meeting people.

i'm trying to run more. it's dark when i get home now but at least i can go today.

have you thought about maybe taking a class in something or other? being overtired is a sign of depression, and it's self-perpetuating if you let it keep going on.

Abbott, odds are enormous that the incredibly bad feeling is grief. Grief is pure hell to go through, but it does end when you get to the other side of it. (It's too big to go around it.)

What has been getting me through my day/week/month is imagining Dr. Steve Brule saying "Who cares?"
• Sunshine's my cousin. Who cares?

http://video.adultswim.com/check-it-out-with-dr-steve-brule/face-to-face-with-sunshine.html

aw harbl. i wish you could take a vacation. can you take a vacation? i'm sorry you're so busy and overwhelmed. you are the best.

I'm a bit down because I told myself I was gonna cut back on drink and smoking and only allow myself to vice it up on weekends. The first 3 days I was great - I had nothing, and I exercised heaps. Then I slid a bit and was having one drink, abd blowing out on the weekend.

This week I've been shithouse, and actually got blind drunk last night, and it isnt the weekend yet.

My house mate quit smoking and he's really working hard at it so I feel like a lumpen failure now :(

It doesnt help that basically I dont WANT to quit either vice completely.

But, I am determined to stick at the exercise and good eating Ive been doing... I AM going to lose 5kg!!

On the train home last night, my body took a sudden quick in-draw of breath and I realised I hadn't been breathing properly at all all day. Really really need a new job, but the idea of having to go through the rigmarole again of trying to find something and applying for it and attending interviews is unbearable really. Till then, I've no idea how I'm going to be able to survive on the amount of potential earning commission I'm on at the moment - I'm worried I won't be able to afford to make it into work in the new year.

Anyone got advice on switching careers? All I know is I just can't keep on doing sales, but as that's the main experience on my CV, I know that's all recruiters will be wanting.

It doesnt help that basically I dont WANT to quit either vice completely.

― Leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it. (Trayce), Friday, 9 December 2011

Maybe bad advice here but I don't think its a problem you don't want to quit both completely

If you want to quit something completely then its kind of all or nothing, so a slip is a pretty big deal

If you want to manage or compartmentalize something its just a matter of finding the right balance for how you want it to be. And things can be done in stages - how about instead of no midweek drinking/smoking you start with no midweek drinking/smoking on MON-TUE-WED but also you make MON a day where a specific other thing happens, same for TUE and WED. then monday is thatday, where that thing happens, which means there can be no drinking that day

then later throw Thurs and Fri in there (wait, friday isn't midweek don't throw that in there!)

Thanks thats some good advices :) I can only keep pushing myself!

;_;

complaints:

this time of year sucks. the shortness of the days scramble my head in bad ways more with every yr

i don't like christmas

Pay day on the 21st. I've been scraping by literally all month on credit cards. Loads of bills, christmas presents and no doubt will be poor again by New Year. My resolution is to pay back my overdraft this year.

Insomnia is driving me crazy! This is the first time in my entire life that I ever suffer from this. Has been going on all month too. Leads to depression.