sandbox GAYS

My issue with toppings is that about 50% of the time, using a condom makes me lose my erection. This wasn't the case with a long-term partner, but definitely with newer folks.

But never topping is weird. I've been w/ a couple guys who said they had never topped - it's just - how is that possible?

tomorrow's the feast of the immaculate conception!

you know, ppl like what they like.

Make a Venn diagram of bossy bottoms and power bottoms!

and include it in a poetry anthology!

umm hello? people - refusing to top is not always just bc someone doesn't feel like it. for fuck's sake. sometimes ppl like, can't top. yeah. it's a thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqp_0B3zq1E

The pronunciation manual videos are my new favorite thing on the whole web right now. This one is one of the best.

sometimes ppl like, can't top. yeah. it's a thing.

The existence of double-ended dildos should itself confirm this.

sometimes ppl like, can't top. yeah. it's a thing.

yeah and imho, those people suck at sex, so i don't want to have anything to do with them,

Maybe we shouldn't have FB re-friended.

I think u mean suck badly at sex.

umm hello? people - refusing to top is not always just bc someone doesn't feel like it. for fuck's sake. sometimes ppl like, can't top. yeah. it's a thing.

― surm, Thursday, December 8, 2011 5:03 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink

Really? Is it a psychological thing, like a discomfort in playing a certain role, or is it an actual physical difficulty/inability? Or sometimes both?

it's both. and tbh, i would not want to be associate with somebody who would not want to have anything to do with me bc i may or may not suck at sex.

like, what a fucked attitude. looks like you might be missing out on a lot of good people in the world.

i have had difficulty with sex in the past. i don't pretend to be some kind of casanova. i've only topped once. it's hard for me. i can't drive either. guess i'm lucky i have any friends at all.

i mean, does it bother me? that i'm a 28 yr old man and i've only done that once? yes it does. do i give a flying fuck that you do not want to have anything to do with me bc of it? i'll survive tbh.

my favorite men from the past are the men who have been understanding with me. even on random hookups. a little sweetness goes a long way.

I'm not categorical about any sexual practices except staying safe. If my hookup and I had had a good time before the sweat-and-tears part of the evening, I'll likely overlook any physical awkwardness.

T, that was pretty harsh and it doesn't sound like you thought it through.

I hope I didn't come off as critical bcz my question was one of genuine interest re: something that I knew little or nothing about. And yeah, "strongly dislikes topping" = "bad at sex" is a pretty big generalization to make. I get that versatility can be a really important thing in certain contexts but I wouldn't go so far as to imply that people who don't/can't top are just straight-up bad.

Wd not be surprised if most people think they're not particularly good at sex.

If only they knew how bad people can be.

So has the history of the world for the past twenty years.

World history has been a bad lay lately.

I think we could avoid being hurtful to each other if we make it explicit or implicit that "bad at sex" should mean "not what I am looking for in a lay." And I'd like to think none of us want to hurt each other.

i'm not hurt i'm just sayin

stevie i totes understand where you are coming from

I'm not hurt by people thinking (or, rather, knowing) I'm not a sexy beast. I'm only hurt if they think that's all I'd possibly have to offer.

everybody got a beast and a kitten within

just the way it goes

oui contain multitudes

yeah, it was a little harsh, and what i really meant was, "i don't really want to have anything to do with such a person sexually," not interpersonally/friendship wise. so i retract my statement, sorry i'm such a brutish asshole.

that said, just because i don't want to sleep with someone because they can't/won't/are unable to perform certain functions isn't really something that i think is that unreasonable, or un-'sweet.' it's just a reality that certain people have certain sexual desires and needs— saying that i'm some sort of horrible shitbag because i can't sexually deal with someone who can't switch is pretty unreasonable, too, imho. just as unreasonable as i was being ;_;

just sayin.

o whatever, u set yourself up for it with the way you phrased it and u know it. we all know what's what, but there's a way to say things.

like remember when you called me racist bc i don't want to sleep with asian guys? maybe now you know how it feels yo

someone recently told me i have a "bottom personality"

surm, i am sorry, i didn't mean for it to be so unreasonable, and i actually didn't really 'know it' when i phrased it that way, so don't play the 'i know what's in yr head' game with me. just like i shouldn't have played it with you. it's cool, yr an awesome presence, and i didn't mean to demean you.

i'm not playing any game, and i don't feel demeaned. it's all good.

seriously tho, surm, <3 to you.

in other news relating to how this whole thing got started, Mr. Dimitrov has unfriended me. but i can still see everything he posts. thus, he basically unfriended me so that i cannot shut him down in arguments.

mmmmmmmmmmuah

some queers don't like dissent, including the ones who are Democrats.

that deserved a laugh track.

actually wait, i want to ask: do any of you actively unfriend people on fbook? because i just recently started doing so, and man, it feels FUCKING GREAT.

i rly want to, there be some fucktards on there

I do when it's someone I barely know, but I'm too chickenshit to do it to people just because I dislike them.

Heh, "recently started doing so" ;)

I hide people from my news feed with great prejudice. I actually think it's even more satisfying than unfriending. You are, like, actively ignoring them.

yeah, it's like they're there but only if YOU want them. long-tail socializing ftw

i hide people. i've never encountered opinions offensive enough to warrant defriending (on fb). i also like keeping people within contact in case i need them for anything in the future.

it's been apologised for so i shouldn't drag it up again but i'm not really sure when i last read anything as dickheadedly offensive as "those people suck at sex, so i don't want to have anything to do with them"

i had no idea there was, like, an imperative to be versatile! i've never heard of anyone demanding it before

that's not what was apologized for and it isn't offensive to want/not want certain things from a sex partner but it can be more complicated than that sometimes are we done now

yeah i only de-friended someone once and i think i only did it because either FB hadn't developed the hide feature yet or i just didn't know about it

i realize i have been de-friended and i usually understand why: it's often by people who i met once years ago and have made no attempt since to keep up with, or exes of my friends, etc

If I didn't hide ppl from my newsfeed it would be too damn long, since 80% of my 'friends' are younger and lead more interesting lives than I do.

(j/k obv)

it's 10.30pm on a saturday night and i'm massively hungover and it's freezing outside and i do not know whether to get myself together to go to a house party or just flop into bed

That's one grueling hangover, lex -- you mentioned it about nine hours ago!

well it's not in the fullblown stage any more, just...very tired and vacant. bed is sensible, isn't it? i might just go out for a bit