Girls thread cont.

we're all in the same gang

$20 off!

$20!! Lucky!

do you ever find yourselves on the flipside, where a guy will get into something because you recommended it, and then when telling others about said thing will totally write you out of the picture of how he came across/got into this awesome thing? My ex would do this regularly, and it bugged the shit out of me.

Yesssssss

Also professionally.

*rage*

And that's one where I have a hard time standing up for myself because I was taught (one might even say SOCIALIZED) to be modest and let my accomplishments speak for themselves, lest I be a tacky braggart.

my xroommate did that ALLLL the time.

Haha my boss does it, and she is a she. This is just an asshole characteristic.

I guess the thing is -- i was definitely vocal about my annoyance -- how "important" is proper attribution? In a professional setting, it obviously is more so than when it comes to who discovered a particular movie/tv show/band/book, etc. Like in my ex's mind, he felt that what was significant was to communicate the awesomeness and interestingness of the thing, and he didn't think that the details of how he came to be aware of it were pertinent.

this would happen on a regular basis:

my ex: blah blah blah is really great blah blah it is an interesting juxtaposition with other thing blah blah blah. you should totally see it.

friend: sarah, have you seen it?

me: oh, i was the one who made ex-bf see it.

attribution is fine but everyone does this don't they?
am i supposed to thank the person who introduced something to me every time i talk about it? how long does this have to last? not worth getting bent out of shape about unless offense is particularly egregious.

Oh, I used to get so mad about that, but then whenever I questioned it people would always look at me like I was crazy - "You didn't make this track, you just showed me it, now I'm showing other people, what's the big deal?" And I think they're probably right about it on a track by track basis - that problem also partially solved by the facebook 'share' function, so people can give you credit if they're linking to the same youtube you did last night, ha. However, I do still think it's a bigger deal about a band you're really into - if friend X suddenly decided to start spouting off about how amazing Dagmar Kraus is to friends Y and Z without mentioning the fact that I've been digging into the back catalogue and making my own 'best of' compilations for people for some time now, I'd be pretty pissed off.

right, that counts as egregious!

no one really does this to me these days, but my college roommate would make relentless fun of nearly all the music i listened to, and then would get into it after repeated exposure, and when ppl were like oh, that's a cool band you like, she would be like oh thanks. super irritating!

somehow this issue doesn't seem to come up for me anymore--i think it was the fact that we were roommates (in college, so shared an actual room) and were around each other way. too. much.

i have a funny story about this though
"band" is stand-in for actual band because i don't want that to distract from the logistics of the story

i introduced bf to band
he introduced band to his coworker at a grocery store
years later i very briefly dated the coworker (who was my age, bf was older)
coworker tried to introduce ME to BAND
i said yeah, i know about them but thanks

many years pass

coworker and i hang out, neither of us have talked to the bf in yeeeears. we reminisce about old times, and i had the pleasure of telling him that i was the reason that ex-bf introduced him to band

i felt like the wizard of oz

in other words, i am the smug tiny man behind the curtain

i think the thing that bugged me was that he'd do it in my presence. And it compounded - at least in my opinion - the "i/we" issues we had. I dunno if that's related to the social conditioning of a woman's value is determined by whether or not she has a bf/husband ... but I'd always say "we" when referring to something my and my ex did together. And he had a habit of always saying "i" -- even when i was standing right there -- about the same thing. And I'd feel like that was an attempt to render me invisible, or to dismiss my role/value in the experience. And I'd end up saying to him (in private, not in front of people, except in the cases where i was drunk), "You know, it's ok to admit you shared this experience with your girlfriend. It doesn't make you less cool. It doesn't diminish your accomplishment."

I validate your frustration/irritation there. It's one of those things that people might dismiss as small or not worth getting worked up about but I think that's one of those things that tend to grind you down after awhile, in part because the reason for the irritation is hard to articulate. It can also be really hard to get a partner to take you serious about something like that. I get it.

he definitely ended up taking me seriously about it! Of course, that led to the bad habit of "being taken seriously = the product of 20 minutes of screaming/yelling/crying"

I had one of those roommates, too, btw. P much anything I was interested in she would coop and them take to the ~next level~ so ppl would be like "Oh you're so cool and into that thing!" and she would bask in glowing admiration while I sat in a corner and glowered.

Oh god the "screaming yelling crying" to be taken seriously thing is the worst. Having to first argue that you are having a legitimate feeling before you can express it is bullshit!

sometimes it was the only way to get past the "yeah, whatever" stage

any of you see that modern family episode? claire kept telling phil to try a wedge salad & he never did, and he had lunch w/a (male) coworker and they tried the wedge salad & he comes home and is like OMG WEDGE SALAD YOU HAVE TO TRY IT and she completely flips...

this behavior you are describing is super annoying and i am not denying that. it is. however, there's another side to this.

let me introduce you to my father, the inventor of everything under the sun from jazz to civil rights to the industrial midwest to outer space. he invented all of it. it's his. whenever i know something and he doesn't specifically remember telling me about it, he says "how do YOU know about (thing x)?!?!" all incredulously, like *I* could never have learned something without his very special help. it is super duper annoying.

i try to give credit where credit is due -- and like it well enough when people give me credit for introducing them to things -- but there is a limit to the amount i can care about attributing credit to someone for knowing about something before i do.

it is super duper annoying.

I feel like this scores highly on the "understatement" curve.

haha
understatement: invented by my father, 1975

he invented me, after all

from jazz to civil rights to the industrial midwest to outer space

^^ this particular array of inventions is making me giggle

funny because it's true
my dad invented those things and demands credit

other things he invented:
art arfons and the land speed record
boris yeltsin
spelling bees
tennis
soccer
motown

NASA
deviled eggs
chicken salad

New Orleans
learning languages
hiking

I just invented the word "insufferable." Do you think he will like it?

He not only knows that word, but...(he's not a bad person btw, just kinda full of it)

Too late, I made it up a long time ago just to describe him. He doesn't even know about it.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/6104955/Rapist-next-door-alarms-victim

the rapist ACTUALLY SAYS:
Crofts told The Southland Times this week he knew his victim's address when he moved next door to her about three months ago, but claimed he had nowhere else to go.

He realised that she felt uncomfortable with him living next door, but he also felt nervous when he saw her because he didn't know if she would ring police, he said.

He had served his time in jail and wanted to live a peaceful life, he said.

"If I can get over it, why can't she? It's past tense."

i just... i can't even

i read that story this morning and it made me cry for her, it's so cruel and unfair.

Oh jesus, that is horrible.

Oh my god. Poor woman.

The worst part is that the guy is clearly at a very high risk of reoffending, which just just adds more stress to the situation for the woman.

I hate to say this but I hope she is able to move out & far away quickly before the worst happens. It's difficult to see this ending well for her with the lack of legal recourse or even protection. Also...FUCK I HATE THIS SHIT SO MUCH

Stories like this make me feel like going on a Dexter-style killing spree against rapists.

/The woman has an indefinite protection order in place against Crofts, but the order does not specifically say he could not live beside her./

I don't know anything about NZ law--what would be in this protection order if not anything about proximity? the article even says that he can see into her apt from his!

i know, it's crazy. i don't understand what kind of protection it must be if it doesn't prevent her own rapist from moving in next door.

BUT i hope the flipside of this is that it brings a huge gaping hole to light, within the area of laws that protect and serve victims of sex crimes, and now maybe something will be done about it.

it's really upsetting to me to think how terrible every day must be for her right now.

can someone link me to the wooing thread? sounds like it'll make me good and angry.

OH it is the one I started called Sandbox Romants. Vaya con Dios!

I found it.

it gets worse

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/6112403/Rape-victim-harassed-for-years

so he's been harassing her with letters and sending his friends around to torment her, and yet there's nothing the law can do now that he's moving in next door?

getting pretty sick of seeing this condescending, women-hating shit on pinterest

http://images.piccsy.com/cache/images/im-a-girl-172414-500-500.jpg

boo

that was an "opposite of yay" boo, not a "spookin u" boo