Girls thread cont.

when i yell at people these days it's not usually to try and change their minds in good faith, tbh; it's to blow off steam. i'm sure that doesn't speak very highly of me but what can you do.

A funny vid on a particular type of racialized streetcalling:

http://www.racialicious.com/2011/09/12/stanley-kubrick-chopsticks-and-how-not-to-harass-an-asian-girl/

"Somehow, it never seems to matter what the woman likes or appreciates, which is this unexplored dimension of street harassment. If the objection to women protesting street harassment is that we should forgive a man’s clumsy attempts to pick up a woman he finds attractive, then wouldn’t not offending a woman be pretty high on that man’s priority list?"

Yeah idk?? They don't have motorcycle spots at my apts and the property manager won't let me park on the sidewalk (which makes sense bcz then where wld ppl walk around or use their wheelchairs). I keep getting notes like this one:

http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/4262/img2253b.jpg

THEY FILL ME WITH SICK PELASURE

That Racialicious post was really good.

when i yell at people these days it's not usually to try and change their minds in good faith, tbh; it's to blow off steam. i'm sure that doesn't speak very highly of me but what can you do.

LOL yeah.

I flipped off a bus driver this morning and yelled "KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKER" but that was unrelated to ideology and all about him waiting at the bus stop while the light was read, until I arrived at the door, at which point the light turned green and he pulled away. Jagoff.

Whoah, this one is really striking something in me.

The comments in that one are pretty good too.

"Great post. Street harrassment, sexual assault, and the way violence is gendered are NOT public health issues. The framing of these problems as a public health problem rather than a systematic form of social oppression tends to place the burden for preventing them onto health professionals and social workers, tending to focus on the health problems of VICTIMS of this type of violence, instead of actually stopping the violence or questioning it. Even in the event that the problems a perpetrator may have are dealt with through public health initiatives, this tends to portray the perpetrators of that violence as having some kind of abnormality, they are "crazy" men who can't control themselves, when in fact we normalize and encourage this type of violence everyday. We need solutions that address the oppressive system, not solutions that individualize the problem. The framing of violence as a public health issue which should therefore be addressed by the government has led to victims being forced to seek help from government funded programs which individualize the problem, blame them, and define "success" in terms of success in the capitalist system, meanwhile the oppression is perpetuated by the attitude which the public health system betrays in the solutions it provides to the problem." <--I love this one.

Sorry so long!

The comments on that post were great!

“Just because we’re both Black doesn’t mean you’re entitled to my Black body. I let *you* know if and when I want to be bothered. Until then, zip it and focus on whatever the hell it was you’re doing before I walked by. And if you weren’t focused on anything, I suggest getting a focus besides me. Dig?”

Not to change the subject, but does anyone have wide feet? Its impossible to buy shoes that don't kill and online ordering is a pain in the ass, since I have to get them delivered to work. Tips? Stories? I'm tired of wearing sneakers with everything.

11 wide! Woo.

I don't have tips other than I have developed a familiarity with some brands that I know work and I take advantage of Zappos free shipping to buy more than one pair of shoes and send the ones that don't work back.

Payless and plus size clothing stores like Avenue and Lane Bryant carry wide widths in stores but their shoes are all equally crappy.

i have wide feet. i just wear men's shoes.

I do that, too.

*raises hand* 9 wide, here. I buy from Zappos when I can afford it and scrounge around at Ross/Bealls Outlet/whatever when I can't.

Oh, Nordstrom Rack generally has a good selection of shoes for the large of foot.

thanks all! i got really discouraged when i went to macy's and they were like "we carry NO wide shoes" and same with aerosoles, and i didn't want to be condemned to buying shoes online. maybe i will just have to give it another shot.

It sucks but non-crappy, non-discount warehouse shoe retailers just don't carry wide widths.

Oh, I've had some luck at places like Kohl's, DSW, and some outlets.

Also, re buying on line, I like to comparison shop between Zappos and Endless bc sometimes Endless is a lot cheaper.

*shrugs* I prefer shopping online, anyway. Better selection and no driving (I live in a place where I have to drive 7 miles to get out of the woods and 20 miles to get to a medium-sized town.)

yeah. the big zappos and DSW boxes being delivered to my cubicle are a bit embarassing :/ how do NYers who don't live in doormen buildings receive packages?

Everyone gets everything at work, and it's not considered embarrassing. :)

We aren't allowed to get personal packages at work. :/

I am not allowed to receive mail at work (and we are prohibited from dropping personal mail in the office outgoing mail bins - the mail room supervisor sent out an email to all staff with a lost of people's names and their mail (plus the unidentifed personal mail) with instructions to retrieve said items immediately) so I have things sent to Jeff at work or I pay $5 to have them sent to a UPS store front. :/

For large parts of Bklyn, the nearest "UPS hub" is like out the fuck by the airport or something. (Which btw isn't even in Brooklyn, it's in Queens.) So if no one can answer the door at your house during the day, you are kinda screwed. I didn't realize they charged extra for getting yr package from a UPS store but I just looked them up and they're all FRANCHISES, so I guess they have to make a profit somehow?!? Blerghgghh

UPS now has a website called myups.com or something where you create an account and you can then authorize them electronically to leave packages on your stoop. I've used this like 5 times already. It's great.

same here -- hub is out in the burbs, relying on neighbors always sketchy but better than trying to find one's way to the burbs

Hahahahaha packages on the stoop, that's a good one.

?

Cause ppl would swipe it them, you mean? I guess I've been lucky.

OutSIDE? All day??

yeah ¯\(º o)/¯

tho the ppl on the 2nd flr will put stuff inside the first door if they get home first

I'm glad that has worked out for you. We do that in MI, of course, but it would be a bad idea anywhere else I've lived.

me too
i barely trust my neighbors

Yeah maybe I shouldn't do it but I've been doing it a bunch lately and haven't had anything go missing yet. The street gets a lot of traffic too so I guess it's sort of surprising. Hmmmmm. I might not do it anymore.

Re getting packages: Sometimes your building's mailboxes might be in a foyer or lobby, in which case the mailman will have a skeleton key thing to get in there and can leave packages on the floor. This does not help for UPS/FedEx, though, and it also does not help if your mailboxes are outside of the building and there's nowhere to leave anything.

Oh yeah, the UPS hub is… I don't even know because when packages have ended up out there I have found it more efficient to let them send the item back to the retailer and order it again (or not) than find my way to it. Jesse has mad ethe trip and barely lived to tell the tale.

We live in a three-flat now, so no foyer and we're on a busy street and while I have occasionally successfully received packages (when I've forgotten to change the delivery address), I've also had stuff stolen. Our old apt was in a courtyard building w/ a locked gate and sometimes Fed Ex/UPS would literally throw things over the gate into the yard, once right into a snow bank.

here to report that on my picturesque street in not currently sunny Toronto, we leave notes for the post office saying 'yup, please just leave it at the door, thanks' (he generally wedges it between glass & solid door) and that's never been stolen but someone did once dumb a tomato plant over and steal the 10 cent plastic container it was in! :P

That said, I live in a triplex with my landlord and one other apartment, usually people I know (or soon do after a month or two living near them)!

Unrelated. Ladies, I have encountered a frustrating phenomenon with a couple of guts I know, and I'm wondering if it's a "thing".

My husband, and my close male friend are both very keen to have me listen to/watch/read things they get into. Which is normal, and I'm totally on board with. Love new things! If they find out I haven't seen x movie or read y book they will seek to immediately correct it.
But whenever I share stuff I'm into, both of them, without fail, will not read/watch/listen to my own exciting thing I have to share, unless I badger them into it & even then they're like "meh, it's okay."
I've called them out, like wtf is this "you can't teach the teacher bullshit you're pulling on me." Not that I need them to give me validation of things I enjoy, but how come my shit is never as cool as their shit, when I *know* it is if they weren't so quick to dismiss me? Is it a dude phenomena in general? A personality type? Do any of you have this with significant others?

I dont know why it bugs me so much...but I've always love sharing my passions with my friends...it kinda hurts to feel like a lame girl with my "little" things, you know?

lol *guys, not guts. haha

My husband does that too! I chalk it up to him being dumb and not realizing my AWESOME. :P

i've had friends like that of both genders -- try to limit my enthusiastic foisting to people who have shown that they specifically would be interested in that thing. just because i'm super into it doesn't mean that anyone else is likely to be.

I think that's sad, veg, and I'm sorry it makes you blue. It might be a "dude" thing, quite possibly? Because there's a def recorded phenomenon in which girls/women will invest themselves into stories, hobbies, things with male characters and/or directed at men, but boys/men on the whole do not return the interest in things with female characters/directed at women. Maybe yr dudes have internalized this kinda thing?

I've heard lots of stories from girls about guys doing that to them, but it doesn't seem to happen to me. I think possibly I avoid it through the 'honorary dude' status that sarahel was talking about upthread.

Yeah, I think I may have been similarly fortunate because I don't feel like this happens all that often with me.

there's no official ban on it here. my main embarrassment is that the last time I did it, I had to return three pairs of shoes multiple times, because the sizes were all wrong, and then the new sizes were still off, and it looked like i was just getting a daily influx of shoes...:) i used to be in charge of the mail for my center and NO ONE ever got non-work packages delivered except for me! i can't speak for the wider college (i work at a university) but now that i'm not on mail anymore, i feel awkward doing it--i would feel less so if at least one other person used it for these purposes!

xp -- that used to happen with one of my ex-roommates (female). the last time i had it was with the wire, with a married couple i was friends with, and once they moved away i've stopped recommending it to them. they were very resistant to watching!

that last post had a lot of exclamation points. i don't normally talk like that...

xp - tbh i am probably the one who does this more frequently

I used to be one of those girls that said "All my friends are guys, I don't really like girls" which I cringe at now but it was true to an extent. For a long time my closest friends were almost exclusively guys. This has changed a lot over time in part because I've met some awesome and amazing women but also because I let myself realize that not all girls suck and I've become a lot more open to female friendships. Anyway, I think part of the reason that was the case is that I've always been into a lot of "guy stuff" in terms of pop culture interests? I don't know. I've also been pretty privileged insofar as that I've known a lot of really great and amazing men. Plus, if I thought someone was dismissing something I was interested in based on my gender I would be really fucking pissed off.

And they would know it real quick.

I like lots of things and try to be interested in stuff but I'm definitely NOT into some things, too--just no time. But then, I think the important thing is for people to share ideas and be excited even if the specifics aren't both their kettle of fish?

For honesty's sake I try not to patronizingly give the vague impression that I'll try their thing if I know I'm not going to. If I'm doing a good job, the person is going to know that I'm not into baseball or knitting or w/e but will tell me about it anyway because I'm into them and it's fun to talk. I want people to WANT to tell me things!

telling is different than foisting imo -- telling is "omg i am excited about this thing!", whereas foisting is "you gotta hear/read/see this" and then the person is like did you did you did you and if i didn't want to read/see/hear or w/e i just feel bad and like i have to make something up

i've been on both sides of this is what i'm saying
also not sure this has anything to do with male/female friends so much as it does about people having realistic expectations of what their recommendations will yield

See I've always been honorary dude, and my awesome friendship with my husband is based on loving things like military history, horror movies, football. The things I try to introduce fall in that realm of stuff I *know* he digs. Same with my friend. I dont, or try not to, go off reservation with them.

It seriously feels like it's because it's ME showing them, like in their mind that's not the arrangement, or it implies some kind of weakness. Like, no we have to show YOU.
And my husband's not a macho dude, thats what's so confusing.

v=dh4zcFEf6No