Sandbox Romants: Wooing and Problems

you forgot the dance break and the crying at the edge of the party

Zora -- just let go and have fun. Do whatever moves you.

why is he called Goblin Boy? does he love the band?

having a huge crush and dropping acid at the same time is probably what sent mr adorable here down the rabbit hole
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LANuzRARDf4/S6BM6JXcx4I/AAAAAAAAANM/vaNXYS2HdRI/s320/Syd%252BBarrett.jpg

and then he wrote "I really love you, and I mean you!"

and called it Terrapin.

Oh Zora, I missed out on hearing it was a miscarriage after all when ilx was down... so sorry

and then he wrote "I really love you, and I mean you!"

and called it Terrapin.
ha!

"my hair's on end about you" is more along the lines of what i was thinking
(i'm not even sure if those are the right lyrics, but that's what i have been thinking they were all this time so that's what they are now)

(They are, indeed)

Oh, sorry lebateauivre. Careless dumping of information. Yes I lost the pregnancy. It was nasty at the time and hard afterwards, but after a weekend in hospital with a suspected ectopic I was relieved that it was a very straightforward thing in the end. I'll say no more here, it does belong on TMI! I'm bouncing back.

Z S Goblin Boy just is - a goblin. And a boy. A goblin boy in a man's body.

huge lols at zs's acid e-mail, imagining recipient opening outlook to find ten copies of it sent minutes apart

same

frustrating text exchange at 6:30 am this morning with someone i dig but who has been flaking a bunch (second time this week - i have not seen this person in 3 weeks now):

him: This weekend is turning out to be problematic. why don't you call me tomorrow afternoon and then we can plan a day

me: sounds like i should take the hint already i suppose :/

him: huh? what hint?! i really want to see you!

me: well i know that sometimes when one does not want to see someone but does not want to hurt that person's feelings, they may just cancel cancel plans a lot or never be available...which is normal, everyone does this from time to time

*crickets*

oh no! i don't know, it sounds like he really does want to see you!

his words say that but his actions don't! i don't know, i have been very flexible and accomodating but this is the 4th or 5th time we've had plans that he cancelled (and i have not cancelled on him ever). i mean, if you really want to see someone you make it happen, right?

if you really want to see someone you make it happen, right?

Tbf, we don't know why he flaked previously. Do you?

did you ever end up meeting up with him in between all of the flake-outs?

his words say that but his actions don't! i don't know, i have been very flexible and accomodating but this is the 4th or 5th time we've had plans that he cancelled (and i have not cancelled on him ever). i mean, if you really want to see someone you make it happen, right?

i am into this, btw; w/friendships i think there should be an equal, mutual level of initiating contact w/the other person, even just so you don't get to feeling like things are uneven, questioning how the other person feels or w/e. it's not cool to feel like it's on you, & you shouldn't be reduced to feeling like you have to hassle someone into doing something anyway.

we met up between some of the flakeouts, about 4 times total. and we have been in touch via text a lot...and the things he texts me make me think he really wants to hang out, but then, when it comes time to do that, he backs out! i have no idea why he is flaking this weekend, he didn't even give a reason. on monday we were supposed to hang out but he couldn't because he didn't have enough money to come into the city (he lives off metro north) and i offered to split his ticket cost with him but still no dice. i am pretty sure he had to be in the city anyways for a workshop which is why we made plans for that night and he didn't say anything about that being cancelled. this weekend i was supposed to go where he lives and visit him. it is really annoying because like, i have to plan my whole weekend around hanging out with him and he cancels and it's not cool. i have other stuff i could be doing. well, not really but in theory i COULD and it is not very considerate of my time!

seems pretty inconsiderate, if nothing else

also i didn't like how he cancelled and then asked for you to call him the next day. take some initiative, if you are the one that's cancelling!

lunch confirmed next week with work crush. at least she works at a part of my work that's several blocks away and i never see her normally, so hopefully i'll be able to avoid the pitfalls of liking someone you work with.

I thought you were dating Three Philosophers?

I'm taking a break from all three of the philosophers for tonight. I have a job interview tomorrow morning I need to prepare for, and the philosophers tend to push me into a foolish attempt to read everything that's published on the internet. ever.

why did god invent crushes

they are god's sitcoms

i have to plan my whole weekend around hanging out with him and he cancels and it's not cool.

That is not cool at all.

yeah. i usually have a hardline stance about people respecting my time. it's hard because this guy is kinda totally dreamy but i'm not going to make an exception.

wise. dreamy guys can get spoiled by how they're fawned over.

dreamy guys are socialized to never accept a "no"

that's kinda otm

femsplaining ^

fuck that person who won't respect your time, bene_gesserit

^^ unfortunate undercurrent of ambiguity there

lol

p.s. sarah i didn't think you were really femsplaining, or that femsplaining is a thing, just made me laugh.

I told Ms. 1000 miles away that I want what we've got. And I really do.
When we are together we just talk and talk and talk until we stop talking.
Stop talking for hours.
I've just never had it this bad for someone so far away.
Well, she wrote back and that was great, even though she didn't really reply to my "statement." She has explained that her feelings for me are a tangled mess (hardly surprising as I told her a few months ago that it was all too difficult for me and I want to start dating locally which led to the terrible experience I previously mentioned). She says that's rare for her, she's usually better at reading her emotions on a subject.

I don't know...the whole thing screams "Impossible!" and my only thought is "I want you."

Also, good on you, Z_!

I'd say, if the status quo of being 1000 miles apart is 'impossible', then that's what has to change. There's nothing literally 'impossible' about relocating to be with one another, but it does throw a huge, complex mutual decision right into your path early on that you can't get around without a MAJOR (mutual) committment to solve it.

If that kind of committment proves to be impossible at this stage, then that's the rock where the relationship wrecks. Otherwise, you've got a fighting chance.

(/ms lonelyhearts)

I'm committed to my current location for one more year, for sure. I work full time at a University and I am finishing a Master's in December 2012. She's also steadfast. If I date people locally and all I can do is compare them to her, makes me feel like I am fucking up royally.

yeah i mean, that kind of dedication seems like it's getting moored on a tiny little iceberg like 1000 miles. that's like middle of nebraska to middle of ohio -- not really that far by us flyover country standards!

one year is not forever

1000 miles is nothing, try > 4000.

or alternatively, don't try it, it's harsh.

altho i could move/she could move, and we'll talk about it when we see each other later this month. we've not seen each other since september :/

it's not impossible if you make it a priority. imo anyone in that situation needs to figure how much of a priority a relationship/this relationship is: i don't think it's the same for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. is your job, where you live, your social group, etc., more of a priority than pursuing a relationship with this lady? i think either answer to this question is perfectly fine, but i don't think you can move on till you figure it out.

xps

also to bene gesserit: i don't necessarily ~believe~ this but one thing that might have happened is that he took your txt msg about "guess you're not that into me" as being pass-agg - I'M NOT SAYING IT WAS just that he might have interpreted it that way, and that's why he hasn't replied. but then his unexplained flakiness is pretty pass-agg so he's hardly one to judge.

My job and my degree are the most important thing to me right now. I could give a toss about my social group or the community I live in at this point. Beginning to come around to the "willing to wait" point of view. I am ultimately looking for someone to potentially share my life with and she is the best candidate for that, by far.

ok i just got back from a meeting and there are 12(!!!) texts from this person!! i will update after i get through them all.

Hey kids, remember not to develop a serious crush on someone you work w/ on a daily basis, esp. if they live over 1000 miles away. Because that would be fucking stupid.

― Simon H., Thursday, 1 December 2011 15:10 (6 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink

Yeah, 'cause crushes are so rational...

― M. White, Thursday, 1 December 2011 15:12 (6 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink

I was actually talking about myself! I didn't realize someone else on the thread was having this same issue. Sorry for the accidental (apparent) snark.

None taken and I was perhaps a bit snarky myself. I just meant that, well, crushes are often not so rational. Have you ever tried to talk yourself out of one? You can avoid the crushee and whatnot but the douleur exquise persists.

Yeah this is only semi-rational. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to even do the avoiding part, really.

ok i just got back from a meeting and there are 12(!!!) texts from this person!! i will update after i get through them all.

i'm going to assume that these texts vindicate my initial gut reaction (based off of almost zero evidence, and pretty much a guess, essentially) that the dude actually likes you, and is maybe not so good at noticing that his changing of plans and sporadic communication can be interpreted in many ways other than what he intended.

either that, or these 12 texts will indicate that he's a total psychopath!

*popcorn.gif*

b_g, the thing is that you are also totally dreamy and unless he is blind and stupid he must have noticed that? So ZS probably otm, but on the off chance that he IS blind and stupid, let's you and me make plans for a crafty crafts date instead, because we won't cancel on each other.