Watercooler Sub Zero: Ice Capades

Every year at work the company buys loads of white stressballs and we have a "snowball fight" in the office. It's organised fun of the worse kind, but still. The safety email that's just been sent out liberally made use of the phrase "snowballing", which I remember from Clerks. It casts the whole safety notice into a new light . . .

Safety points to note:

Snowballing is a voluntary exercise, so join in at your own risk.

Have a quick warm up before going from a period of sedentary work to sudden activity. We don't want anyone to hurt their shoulders and retaliation won't be possible if you are out of the game!

Please be careful snowballing around people who are wearing glasses.

Have respect for those who don't wish to participate.

Water and electricity don't mix so remove drinks, etc from the desk before the games begin.

Why am I feeling so rub today? I just feel more and more down as the day goes on. It's not normal Monday blues.

I feel terrible today. The weather's not helping either, cold and wet and grey.

And the reality of no more band sinking in. It's hard to get my head around. The amount of email that used to go back and forth every day, OK, it was a big hard to handle at times, but at least it made me feel 1) like I was important and 2) like I actually had friends. Now no one writes me at all any more. And it just reinforces that feeling of "Oh, we weren't actually friends. You just hung around me because of what I could *do* for you. And now I'm not *doing* anything for you any more, you have no reason to talk to me."

Which is a horrible feeling.

damn x-posts

Just.

Fucking.

Great.

All you former friends. Love each other. Hate you.

no photo, Kate. anyway, if that's the case, then they never were your friends, so you should glad to be rid of them. (And the farther you get from Bumlove, the better, no?)

So I just (finally) signed a lease on a new apartment. Of course, it's so expensive that it means my "plans" of buying next year have gotten noticeably less realistic, but the view! The View!

I still feel like I've been slapped in the face. You. Are. Not. Part. Of. Us. Look at how happy we are without you.

I don't care if I'm reading too much into one photo, but it's not just one photo, is it?

I don't know understand how to "have friends". I don't understand how to keep friends. I don't understand any of this. It makes me want to become a recluse and never talk to anyone again, never try to do anything again. If my mum weren't here, I'd probably be contemplating suicide again, as a defiant final FUCK YOU to the world.

I wish I knew how to just give up.

Well, at least I don't have to worry about "not talking about it" for fear of offending my "friends" if I don't have any, any more.

No matter how much I hate anyone else, I hate myself most of all. So how can I blame anyone else for hating me?

Kate, remember, it's always going to be rough when people you know get together and don't include you or seem to have forgotten that you exist when planning socially. Especially when there are certain past friendship or relationship issues involved that they appear to be oblivious to, or just way too egocentric about (in your opinion) because they are committing the grave sin of disrespect or omission. It is easier said than done to ignore.

Let them go.

You cannot force these things. You cannot force people to remain friends with you.

(It just feeds the fear that actually, yeah, I am fundamentally just an asshole. And I am, fundamentally, just unable to carry on normal human relationships. I have been going through the motions for a long time, doing the things that I think are "normal" for friendships, but they just aren't working, and other people can tell.)

:-(

Otherwise please please please be kinder to yourself. You are not an asshole, whatever you think.

Band breakups are a lot like romantic breakups - sometimes even harder for me, I guess, because it involves work as well as emotions.

I thought I was walking away just "Phew! Everything's OK now!" when obviously I've still not dealt with the issues which broke up the band in the first place.

I am being an asshole at the moment. I'm being a totally self indulgent, selfish, not giving a shit about anyone else asshole. That's how people who are in pain behave. The pain will go. It's just unrealistic to expect it to go so soon.

I've got another friend in pain due to a deep personal loss and it's never been so hard to be her friend as it is right now. I am optinistic that things will get better. In both cases you have lives filled with structure and work and friends beyond the relationship/tight circle you've left, so hang onto that.

Morning all.

Although I've been meaning to post some of the last two places I've stayed, both of which are quite... "instructive," I think. People ask often. I'll try to get around to it before Xmas.

Like the three sister, i want to go to Moscow. (Again)

I was up doing favours all last night (not half as much fun as it sounds) and am the world's sleepiest man. I think I'm gonna have a Tomcatnap at lunch, assuming I last that long.

I didn't realise there were different CATegories of catnap!

because last year's ended up being a bit of a damp squib.

I was reading somewhere how somebody described something as being "a damp squid". Surely for a squid being damp is a very good thing!

I'm having a TomCatnap in honour of the dead cartoonist.

(CJ, I don't know whether to laugh or cry)

yes, down the Botley Road. Very close to the Westgate Hotel. Standard Greene King fare pubwise, although I've never eaten there. Interesting choice.

News tomorrow.

What's That?

and I no don't mean

http://www.twintone.com/mats-scrapbook/ttpromo/mats8505.jpeg

and there's moving a sofabed on!

Freaking HR department. I've said already I am not signing any contract that does not have my flexitime written into it. Got the contract this morning. No flexitime. I'm considering going on strike until I get a proper contract.

And my mum has given herself food poisoning. Eating dodgy sausages at dodgy takeaways that I told her not to go to. Sigh.

Never thought that yr mother would go to dodgy takeaways. Still, hope she gets over it soon.

I'm in a fucking fowl mood now. Been teetering on the edge of it, but headache, sinus congestion, hacking cough and the cold I had last week has just decided to settle and make my life a misery. :-(

http://www.t-chest.co.uk/2005/images/kids_sunshine.gif

I have been signed off work for a week with a viral infection. Boo. (not that I want to go into work, but I would kind of like to be paid since I am temping, the office is shut for two weeks, then I'm only back three days before I go on holiday. This pretty much equates to three days pay to last me a month. Just as well I haven't wasted lots of money on Christmas presents, eh?

I feel like I have to just keep going until I collapse. :-(

*gis for pointy noses*

tada!

warning: GROSS