fuck a creationist

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Have you tried saying "If you like, I could connect you with my manager and s/he could answer your questions"?

Jesus Dan (dan perry), Monday, 4 December 2006 16:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Could be worse, tho; there's weird shit going on in Kenya where they don't want the national museum to even show hominid bones...

xp: yeah, i go with dan's answer. let your super come up with responses to these people.

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link

unfortunately my boss went home early today so im alone here til 5

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 16:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Alternately, you could tell them that some shows will have a secret surprise ending where God smites Francine for her heathen ways and they'll have to attend multiple times to increase their chances of seeing it.

Jesus Dan (dan perry), Monday, 4 December 2006 16:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Why the fuck did their god create these fucking retards?

StanM is on the money. Shit like this is just too depressing.

Norman Phay (Pashmina), Monday, 4 December 2006 16:59 (seventeen years ago) link

What about the dinosaurs?

Simply put, they lived concurrent with man down through the thousands of years of our existence, and they appear to have gone mostly extinct prior to our modern era. Remember that the word "dinosaur" is only about 160 years old. Legends of dangerous reptilian creatures (a.k.a. dragons) have been passed down to us from our ancestors across Europe, from China and the rest of Asia, all over the Americas (North, South & Central), and they're remembered in Africa too. Why should all of these legends/histories (spanning all inhabited continents, mind you!) be trivialized and discounted just to give credence to the temporary theory of evolution? It is important in science to separate the evidence from the interpretation. The evidence is that there have been these large dangerous reptilian creatures. We have bones, recorded history and footprints; we have strong evidence. The interpretation (or belief) that they all died off millions and millions of years ago is in dispute between creationists and evolutionists. And numerous stories in recorded human history of being killed by dragons/dinosaurs and of us banding together to kill them in return (among other important evidence) is clearly on our side ... as creation theory grows stronger each year.

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Can you route them thru to the voicemail instead of answering the phone?

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Didn't the dinosaurs go extinct 65 million years ago?

There is good evidence that the Earth is only thousands of years old. In BOOKS, see Dr. Ackerman's It's a Young World After All. The "65 million years" is a recent mental invention. Evolution provides a mental hiding place from our powerful Creator. Evolution claims (theologically) that our God is weak or non-existent. Right? Think about what evolution claims about our origins. Dragons (per the previous FAQ answer) were seen and sometimes fought by our ancestors on all inhabited continents. Our ancestors were honest in recording sightings of large dangerous reptilian creatures. They lived concurrent with man. Humans saw dinosaurs. Sure, stories later became embellished, but the germ of truth that humans and dinosaurs (dragons) lived at the same time remains accurate. They lived in different places ... but at the same time - until the dinosaurs were mostly driven to extinction. (There are still a few living dinos out there, by the way.)

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Remember that the word "dinosaur" is only about 160 years old.

gosh, you know, he's right! someone get the OED on the phone!

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:05 (seventeen years ago) link

tears

Kenneth Branagh (gcannon), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

(in a good way)(not in a good way)

Kenneth Branagh (gcannon), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

i've never seen anything like that before. like, the logic of creationism means that now there was a extra-biblical D&D dragonhunter phase of human history! awesome!

Kenneth Branagh (gcannon), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:08 (seventeen years ago) link

(There are still a few living dinos out there, by the way.)

Wait, they just say this and then move on?

Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:08 (seventeen years ago) link

I love how matter-of-factly they say "Dragons (per the previous FAQ answer)".

See, I told you in the previous FAQ there were dragons, there is no way that cannot have convinced you!

jibe (jibe), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pictures/pegasus-1.jpg

whoop de doodle (kenan), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:11 (seventeen years ago) link

holy shit

Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (Allyzay Ei, Monday, 4 December 2006 17:11 (seventeen years ago) link

I keep having to remind myself that all this massive face-on-Mars style self-delusion isn't just a random batshit conspiracy theory but is focused on preserving the specific belief that the events described in every book of the Bible are physical, material truth. I wonder if other cultures have as much trouble with the concepts of mythology and allegory as fundamentalist Christians do.

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Fundamentalist anything usually creates problems.

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:14 (seventeen years ago) link

How could Noah's Ark have possibly held all of the species of big animals in the world!

The largest dragon (i.e. dinosaur) eggs that we've found to date are about the size of a football. One could fit, for example, a dozen brachiosaurus eggs in the trunk of a car, with room to spare! This also means that recently hatched dragons were not very large. Noah's mission was to preserve each kind of animal. You don't need to find the biggest of each kind. And you don't need each sub-divided species either. Did you know that most modern dog breeds are less than 100 years old? 2 healthy young mutts could preserve the genome of the entire "dog kind" of animals. The Bible uses the word "kind" for the different types of life forms. Horses and zebras can (and have) physically mated producing viable offspring; so have tigers and lions, indicating that they (according to creation theory) probably respectively diverged from the same original stock. Dogs and wolves (though considered quite different by humans today) probably originated from their same "kind" too. There are a few large animals (when fully grown) of course: giraffes, elephants, and T-rexes among them. But the average animal size is about sheep size, i.e. the 3-story Ark was plenty large enough to handle the variety of animal kinds plus lots of food for them. Speciation could descend again from original healthy "mutt" stock to start with. Thinking scientifically about this, it shows incredible variable design, huh?

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:16 (seventeen years ago) link

About Dinosaur Adventure Land

Dinosaur Adventure Land started as a dream of Dr. Kent Hovind's. Tired of the constant propaganda being spread about evolution through nearly all public state-funded science centers and museums, as though it is a fact, Dr. Hovind decided that it was time to start a Creation Museum, Science Center, and Theme Park that glorified God. Dinosaur Adventure Land opened its doors in October of 2001 bringing in over 4,000 visitors that year. The next year the number of visitors grew to over 10,000 visitors, and then 13,000, and finally in 2004 there were over 17,000 visitors that had toured the park. Dinosaur Adventure Land offers over 80 Activities with both scientific and spiritual lessons.

Our goal is for your visit to leave you tired, smarter and closer to the Lord. There are activities for all ages from 2 to 92. There is a 3 story hands-on Science center in the middle of the park with tons of activities that will keep you busy all day long. The Creation Museum has hundreds of amazing artifacts, that show evidence for creation. Such as, the Ica stones from Peru, showing pictures of men and dinosaurs on them. As well as, a fossilized pickle, charcoal, coconut, and crayon proving that it does not take millions of years to form fossils. About 250 people have their birthdays at Dinosaur Adventure Land each year. You can schedule your next birthday party at Dinosaur Adventure Land, by contacting the bookstore.

Visit Dinosaur Adventure Land online to learn more about our amazing Science Center, Museum, and Theme Park. Play games online and view our gallery of images!

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:18 (seventeen years ago) link

ah memories

You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark! Have you looked down there? No? Who's gonna clean up that mess down there? That's me! I tell you I've had enough of this stuff. I tell you what I'm gonna do: I'm letting all these animals out, and I'm gonna burn down this Ark, and I'm going to Florida somewhere...


xp: didn't Dinosaur Adventure Land lose its funding or something? One of those fundie young earth creationist parks went under, i think.

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Ian Riese-Moraine: tired, smarter and closer to the Lord!

Kenneth Branagh (gcannon), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Tracer, about other cultures & religions: I don't have any reference materials here to back this up (ie Karen Armstrong) but she suggests that most other world religions are founded on a different understanding of the place of ritual and mythology in their belief systems/experience of spirituality. Fundy Christian beliefs are, I think, unique in requiring physical, historical truthiness. Something to do with the Age of Reason and etc etc division of physical world from myth & story.

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:23 (seventeen years ago) link

hovind went to jail for tax fund

fun fact: 'dr' dino got his phd in christian science from a non-accredited christian university

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:24 (seventeen years ago) link

uh monotheism as a whole gets a bad grade on this but the world-wide curve is not exactly competitive

Kenneth Branagh (gcannon), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:26 (seventeen years ago) link

XP to myself: "Fundy Christian" should really be "Western Christianity", I guess, but at this point the Fundies & the Catholic hierarchy are the modern faces of the divide.

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Hovind summarizes his highly controversial version of the argument for Creationism into the self titled “Hovind Theory." He acknowledges many contributors to his theory, but claims that if it be proven false then he will personally take the blame. The theory includes a literal reading of the Biblical acount of Noah: Noah's family and two of every animal (including dinosaurs) safely boarded the Ark before a minus 300° Fahrenheit (~-184°C) ice meteor came flying toward the Earth and broke up in space. Some of the meteor fragments became rings and others caused the impact craters on the moon and some of the planets. The remaining ice fragments fell to the North and South Poles of the earth.

The resulting "super-cold snow" fell near the poles, burying the Mammoths standing up. Ice on the North and South pole cracked the crust of the earth releasing the fountains of the deep, which in turn caused certain ice age effects, namely the glacier effects. Also this made "the earth wobble around for a few thousand years" and it made the canopy collapse that used to protect the earth and opened up the fountains of the deep.

During the first few months of the flood, the dead animals and plants got buried, and became coal if they were plants and oil if they were animals. The last few months of the flood included geological instability, when the plates shifted. This period saw the formation of both ocean basins and mountain ranges and the resulting water run-off caused incredible erosion — Hovind claims that the Grand Canyon was formed in a couple of weeks during this time. After a few hundred years, the ice caps slowly melted back retreating to their current size and the ocean levels increased, creating the continental shelves. The deeper oceans absorbed much of the carbon dioxide in earth’s atmosphere and thus allowed greater amounts of radiation to reach the earth's surface. As a result, human lifespans were shortened considerably in the days of Peleg.

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:26 (seventeen years ago) link

hmmm:

There are scenes of natives adorned with robes and high crowns, similar to the Incas, performing medical procedures on patients. Several depict heart and brain transplants.

The stones are clearly carved depicting people riding dinosaurs and flying reptiles.

There are stones with genetic codes, and the prolongation of life. Blood vessels are shown being reconnected via re-absorption tubes utilizing the natural regeneration of cells.

There are carvings of a cesarean section with acupuncture as a form of anesthesia.

There are telescopes and ancient maps and star maps.

There is a series of four stones show the hemispheres of Earth pointing to the existence of unknown continent's that today remains a part of our collective myth.

David RER (Frank Fiore), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:27 (seventeen years ago) link

dragon (i.e. dinosaur)

whoop de doodle (kenan), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah Laurel that's exactly what I was wondering. I mean, do fundamentalist Muslims believe that the events described in the Koran are historically true? W/fundamentalist Christians there's this bizarre intersection of lunk-headed, literal-minded enlightenment rationality in which things are either materially real or they are not, with truly fantastical Dragonlance fantasies about Jesus returning on a white horse and the blood of his enemies reaching up past the saddle.

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:29 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.chick.com/tractimages30767/0055/0055_17.gif

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Thinking scientifically about this, it shows incredible variable design, huh?

step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:33 (seventeen years ago) link

God Doesn't Believe In Atheists
Author: Dr. Kent Hovind

God does not believe in atheists
His presence from creation is quite clear
God does not believe in atheists
It takes a fool to tell him he's not here

God believes atheists can get born again
And become a new creation,
But they'd best admit the world around them first
And ask for their salvation
But to only cry, "Recycle!" is the worst

God believes atheists do have certain rights
To seek and search the scriptures
It says, "Come now, let us reason" that's for them
But it doesn't give them reason to
Make up what God is saying
Until it's no true benefit to them

Blee dop, sklee dop, sklee dilly dilly
Bah donna bee on a Saturday night
If that sounded like nonsense to you too,
Those schools have got some books for you

and what (ooo), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Tracer, I have this fight, I mean, uh, discussion with my mother about every six months. Originally she defended her position that her faith required the literal, historical truth of biblical events, but just a couple of months ago we had a convo in which it was agreed that those who fight over the literal truth of the Creation are asking all the wrong questions (ie, "WHAT DOES GENESIS MEAN BY 'A DAY'" instead of "hey, what does this story tell us about God's nature/earthly role/love for humankind?"). BABY STEPS.

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Whales have a vestigal PENIS (was what I first thought it said)!

I guess the non-bald Chick dude considers cancer an evolutionary advancement?

David RER (Frank Fiore), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Here's a bit of Armstrong on the subject:
http://jaiarjun.blogspot.com/2006/01/myth-making-in-age-of-reason.html

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:42 (seventeen years ago) link

(sorry, getting off topic)

step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:46 (seventeen years ago) link

IIRC, it wasn't too long ago that the story was that dinosaurs never existed at all. This must be a strange time for xtians. Baby steps indeed.

whoop de doodle (kenan), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:47 (seventeen years ago) link

He preached that Jesus was gay?

whoop de doodle (kenan), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:47 (seventeen years ago) link

more fundie poems need scatting

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Horses and zebras can (and have) physically mated producing viable offspring; so have tigers and lions, indicating that they (according to creation theory) probably respectively diverged from the same original stock. Dogs and wolves (though considered quite different by humans today) probably originated from their same "kind" too.

This is such terrific reading, for, well, two main reasons: (a) unlike illiterate 16th-century farmers, the scientific visionaries who put this together seriously don't know that equine hybrids are always sterile; plus (b) their grand theory to replace evolution winds up arguing that ... seemingly different species could "respectively diverge from the same original stock?" I mean, seriously:

Dogs humans and wolves apes (though considered quite different by humans today) probably originated from their same "kind" too.

(Also funny: they evidently reject everything science has allowed us to figure out about dinosaur bones except that they were reptilian? I mean, hell, once you're throwing everything else out the window, who's to say they didn't have feathers? Which: Francine is a bird who wants to be a dinosaur and then learns a little secret about herself: I could totally imagine an ugly-duckling kind of thing where someone's like "hey, you're more highly evolved and your species will be around longer, don't sweat it.")

nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 4 December 2006 17:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Francine is a bird who wants to be a dinosaur and then learns a little secret about Jesus.

whoop de doodle (kenan), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The really fun and/or dangerous part is that these folks have been raised into such a froth that they're attacking puppet shows now, for the love of Yahweh.

Ethan, have any of the callers gone on about "indoctrination"?

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Lions and tigers diverging from a common ancestor in the few hundred years between the flood and, say, Samson seeing that dead lion: SCIENTIFIC FACT

Humans and apes diverging from a common ancestor over millions and millions and millions of years: RIDICULOUS, DO I LOOK LIKE A MONKEY?

nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:01 (seventeen years ago) link

"You're giving me beef about dinosaurs when we've got a talking bird in our show?"

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:02 (seventeen years ago) link

do fundamentalist Muslims believe that the events described in the Koran are historically true?

yes, except for when it serves their purposes to think that they aren't. fundamentalism as a freaked-out response to (some aspects of) modernity that is completely enabled by and dependent on (other aspects of) modernity is very very similar across the Christian/Muslim divide. I think there just are many similarites between Christianity and Islam anyway, but in response to Karen Armstrong's read on world religions, I think many of them, even if they are available to metaphorical readings, could become fundamentalized, given the state of the world. There are Christians who read the Bible metaphorically, after all.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this, and what, but we're all going to have to deal with it eventually.

horseshoe (horseshoe), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:03 (seventeen years ago) link

sorry, that sounded bitchy. I mean it: it must be really hard to take these calls, but the situation where people who believe these things exist but never come into contact with people who don't can't maintain forever.

horseshoe (horseshoe), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:04 (seventeen years ago) link

To veer wildly off-topic: I'm really interested in the possible self-doubt/-hatred at the bottom of this literal insistence -- I'd bet that some of the totally rabid defense is due to people's judgement of their own worth depending solely (or at least way too much) on the unconditional, sacrificial love of God. If you start downplaying Jesus' divinity or the literally cataloged powers of God the Father, you threaten the authority, the potency of the only pillar holding up their self-acceptance.

Is that a ginormous "DUH"? Obviously, yes, the line for the pains and pressures of the real world forms to the right, please take your places. But when you've staked your life or sanity on it, well...that's big.

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 4 December 2006 18:05 (seventeen years ago) link

The layout and writing style of that page reminds me of a Victorian music hall poster.

Chap (chap), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 22:05 (seventeen years ago) link

You'd think that'd make it cooler, though....

Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

When I am a member of the Texas House I am going to propose that we only teach Time Cube.

max (maxreax), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 22:26 (seventeen years ago) link

(Marshall Hall, BS. MA + 2 years:...Advanced International Studies Ph.D. Program)

ned trifle XIV (ned trifle XIV), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 23:29 (seventeen years ago) link

What would that BS stand for?

ned trifle XIV (ned trifle XIV), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 23:29 (seventeen years ago) link

The supporting quotes for the book are terrific.

'Yvonne Anderson, High School Sophomore: "I have read the book which has totally and without a doubt disproved the theory of evolution for me."'

Gosh, you'd think it would be more well known.

ned trifle XIV (ned trifle XIV), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 23:36 (seventeen years ago) link

I like that her response seems extremely sarcastic.

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Wednesday, 14 February 2007 23:37 (seventeen years ago) link

meanwhile, down in Kansas...

oh wait! they did good. it's not all bad news here, people. sometimes the way people write about these things makes it seem like there's this inexorable encroaching tide of ignorance sweeping all in its path before it, but creationists have actually been handed a string of defeats over the past year.

Kansas education board repeals science guidelines questioning evolution

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 15 February 2007 16:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Good. good for them. Cute that the article actually mentions the Daily Show, too.

kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 15 February 2007 16:43 (seventeen years ago) link

fun with textbook disclaimer stickers

they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Monday, 19 February 2007 17:44 (seventeen years ago) link

i really hate the wording on the cobb county textbooks - everything in ANY textbook should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered, but these medieval book-burners are just using it as an acceptable stand-in for 'aint true!!!'

and what (ooo), Monday, 19 February 2007 17:49 (seventeen years ago) link

It's just a theory! it's not proven!

they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Monday, 19 February 2007 17:52 (seventeen years ago) link

i guess it does expose the fact that these idiots think theres stuff (LIKE BIBLES LOL) that shouldnt ever be approached with an open mind or critically considered

and what (ooo), Monday, 19 February 2007 17:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Looking a bit more into the Texas State Rep who submitted that loony geocentric/creationist legislation. Turns out his campaign manager is actually married to the fixedearth guy. Oh, and here's the original memo submitted, the one that the State Rep didn't actually read before passing it on. The fun bits start about the 2nd paragraph, and you can always tell serious political writing when it involved italics, in bold, underlining, and exclamation marks.

they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Monday, 19 February 2007 20:51 (seventeen years ago) link

And what happens when the fixedearth guys gets into an argument with the creationist folks over a book review. It contains such lines as:

Christian Creationism is controlled by those who are doctrinally wedded to Zionist Dispensational goals. This marriage has blinded the Creationist leadership to the fact that both the Zionist and the Dispensational concepts come from that same 13th century anti-Christ Kabbalist source as did Relativism, Big Bangism, and the Expanding Universe concepts. Add it up!

and accompanying abuses of html.

they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Monday, 19 February 2007 20:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Bumper sticker wanted: "Honk if you're a Big Bangist too"

StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 20 February 2007 07:17 (seventeen years ago) link

thankyou for introducing me to fixedearth.com. bleh.

Frogm@n henry (Frogm@n henry), Tuesday, 20 February 2007 07:52 (seventeen years ago) link


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