The sort-of-new Scottish Football thread pt 2 and a half

(If I does I'm going to freak him out by hugging him)

scotstvo  	70
ilx_onimo 	69
treefell 	58
ailsa_xx 	58
cheasyweasel 	57
aldo_cowpat 	54
MCibula 	48
zeus88          31

get 'em in!

Al, you're only four points behind me and treefell! I still haven't used any jokers yet, and am going to make a push for the top end sooner rather than later. Unless I arse them up, that is. Which is more than likely.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/6182082.stm

If any user predicts the exact scoreline in all six Premier League fixtures in a given week, they will win two tickets, plus travel, transfers and accommodation to any single football club match, anywhere in the world, of their choosing (known as the 'Grand Prize'). The Grand Prize is a one-off win and is not repeated when it has been claimed.

Commiserations to aldo - two goals of a head-start and they still can't beat us :-/

Still, that makes Hibs better than Man Utd in my book, and also since Louis Saha can score against Chelsea, that makes us better than Chelsea. Is that not how it works?

Team	  Pd	 W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	
Aberdeen  6	 5	1	0	13	4	9	16	
Celtic	  6	 5	1	0	14	6	8	16	
Rangers	  6	 4	1	1	11	5	6	13	
Hibs	  6	 3	2	1	17	7	10	11	
D Utd	  6	 3	0	3	7	11	-4	9	
Falkirk	  6	 2	1	3	14	11	3	7	
Killie    6	 2	1	3	7	9	-2	7	
ICT	  6	 1	3	2	5	9	-4	6	
M'well	  6	 1	2	3	8	13	-5	5	
Dunf'	  6	 1	1	4	3	14	-11	4	
Hearts	  6	 0	3	3	3	7	-4	3	
St Mirren 6	 0	2	4	4	10	-6	2	

Buddies looking like relegation fodder now that Dundee Utd are starting to pick up points. Hearts in 11th! Sheepers leading the pack!

(Onimo, expect text messages on Sunday if I can't get a Setanta-friendly pub)

Do they mean him or his son?

Kenny Miller = TOTAL FUCKING DONKEY. Bye!! (plz)

* and about 500 other people

Don't forget his cousin Kevin and the state-of-the-art £100M stadium on a toxic Cambuslang swamp for Teh Best Fans In Teh World (TM).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/video_and_audio/help_guide/4304501.stm

rofl at Lennon picking on wee Aidenho at the end of yesterday's game. Strachan says it's because Lennon is "scared to lose" - I think it's because Lennon is "a dick"

I'm not convinced we need Pressley. I don't have any great issues with him, he's about as good/bad/liable-to-throw-a-game-away/likely-to-score as Caldwell or Balde, so in that case, I just don't think we need him. Darren O'Dea looks alright from what I've seen, and Kennedy can't be that far away now.

Hearts and Hartley saying nothing following his hearing. I think it's safe to assume he hasn't been sacked, though I wouldn't be surprised if they were taking bids in January.

Huns off to Israel again. Plz to get comedy protestor with his silly handcuffs again?

I thought Rangers were the Protesting club?
:-P

(except for the small boys that always do comedy dashes round the pitch when Celtic win the league, evading lumbering fat blokes in yellow jackets and leaving them spinning around looking foolish, because they're always funny)

On Off The Ball just now, they've just claimed that John Martin (comedy Airdrie goalie) may be making a comeback. Daily Record photographers must be rubbing their hands* in glee.

* clad in comedy oversized goalie gloves, obviously

xpost to Gerry before Ailsa ruined my comedic timing

Leeds United 1973/74

Gordon McQueen was only half joking when he said that there were so many Scots at Leeds United in 1974 that even the English players spoke with Scottish accents. With captain Billy Bremner, Eddie Gray, Peter Lorimer, David Harvey, Joe Jordan and Frank Gray in Don Revie's team, it felt like a piece of Scotland in Yorkshire.

The 1973/74 season was to be the last hurrah for Revie's team and he demanded not just the Championship but that it be won without losing a game. Revie's players recall that extraordinary season and reveal some fascinating insights into the manager who brought such success to Elland Road. [S]

I can't wait for a couple of years hence when we get "Hearts: The year Vlad went Mad"

Future series will definitely have Hearts, Gretna's Scottish Cup Year, and Celtic's UEFA Cup adventures.

I'm kind of struggling to think of a good one from more than a couple of years ago they haven't done yet.

Lolz at Kenny v linesman and Hartley v polis. Also:

Daerest ref

you are crap ref. That was totally a penalty and would also have made the score end up 3-1 so I'd have got maximum predictor points. you are rubbish and i will drown you in the jacuzzi next time I see you in teh gym

luv

a Celtic fan

P.S. only joking, legality-obeying fanz

Arabs vs Hibs = best argument ever against this "too many games involve the Old Firm" crap - fucking awful from start to finish. I think it took over an hour before there was a shot on target.

I am very glad indeed I went out this afternoon instead of going to the pub. I did think, for a while, that it might be nice to watch a game that wasn't Celtic or Rangers (I think Hibs v Hearts may be it thus far). I'm glad I didn't bother.

Having branded our media as 'monkeys' before the game against St Mirren, Romanov then instructed the PA at Tynecastle to play music by The Monkees in accompaniment to a supply of bananas and nuts being sent to the Press box!

Football 365 had the highlights of his time at the Bus Station yesterday, and YOU COULDN'T HAVE MADE IT UP.

* Having been rejected by Dundee United, Dundee and Dunfermline Athletic, the Lithuanian-based Romanov finally arrives in Scottish football by buying a 29.9% stake in Hearts in February 2005. He is welcomed with open arms by a club struggling in the Scottish Premier and suffering crippling debts. Nobody seems too bothered by reports in Lithuania that Romanov holds an influence over more than half of the clubs in the country's first division.

* Despite being 'instrumental' in the appointment of John Robertson as manager, the Hearts record goalscorer is sacked on Romanov's orders in May. A month later, George Burley is unveiled as his successor.

* A summer spending spree generates a club record run of 11 matches unbeaten at the start of the 2005/06 season. However, on October 22, just one day after Romanov increases his stake to 55.5% to become the club's majority shareholder, Burley leaves the club citing "irreconcilable differences". It subsequently emerges that those differences centred on the club owner buying players with consulting his manager. "If we are building a ship, I need to know if it will be seaworthy," the Lithuanian explains.

* Ten days after Burley's departure, chief executive Phil Anderton is sacked. Chairman George Foulkes promptly resigns in protest. An unmoved Romanov appoints his son in their place.

* As part of a charm offensive to quell growing dissent, Romanov appears on television and recites one of his self-penned poems as a further explanation for Burley's departure, announcing to a bemused audience of millions:

'Don't believe what you see today
For the portrait of the day is viewed through slumbering nights.
It is only through the cobwebs of time
And through the prism of the past that the moments of today will be understood.'

* Incidentally, although Romanov writes poetry for 'relaxation purposes', he lives by the personal motto of 'Die, but do it'.

* Having promised fans to replace Burley with a "high-profile coach", Romanov appoints registered sex offender Graham Rix instead. Fans are further disenchanted upon learning that Rix had been interviewed a week previously by Nationwide Conference side Crawley, while the candidature of Claudio Ranieri was dismissed because, in the words of one club insider, "Vladimir thought he was a pillock".

* 2006 kicks off in controversial fashion with Romanov announcing that his side was "mutilated" during a defeat at Rangers. The SFA immediately reacts by changing the rules that prevented them bringing a charge of disrepute against a club owner. Romanov's son responds to suggestions that the language barrier is proving an insurmountable obstacle for his father by telling reporters: "He knows all the words he needs - 'Yes', 'No' and 'You're fired'."

* Rix's stint in charge is predictably shortlived. He is dismissed in March after disclosing that he neither held any influence over team selection nor had a say in Heart's 11 January transfer window signings. Romanov allegedly sanctions Rix's sacking from the deck of a nuclear submarine.

* With Valdas Ivanauskas now at the helm, Hearts end the season by qualifying for the Champions League and reaching the Scottish Cup final. But victory over Gretna is subsequently overshadowed by the news that Romanov has bought the Soviet nuclear submarine K19, the centrepiece of the 2002 movie 'K-19: The Widowmaker' starring Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson. An emotional Romanov declares: "I will get it restored by September and then it will be moved to near Moscow and put back in the water. Around it we will build a club for submarine veterans with a little hotel for them to stay in."

* After a few relatively low-key months in Edinburgh, Romanov makes his mark by announcing in late October that he will sell the entire first-team squad if they fail to beat Dunfermline. Despite the ensuing 1-1 draw, Romanov is placated, but skipper Steven Pressley reports "significant unrest" in the dressing room. A month later, Pressley is stripped of the captaincy. And a month after that, Elvis leaves the builiding for Cetic.

* Amid claims that Hearts' Scottish players are being ostracised, the club's sporting director Alex Koslovski accuses supporters of "racial discrimination" following booing of Lithuanian duo Saulius Mikoliunas and Nerijus Barasa.

* In December, Romanov reappoints Valdas Ivanauskas as the club's manager. It is the seventh managerial reshuffle since Burley's demise in October 2005. The month also sees an open letter published on The Hearts Supporters' Trust website which accuses Romanov of "turning us into a circus freak show. The truth is that we have gone from being the best thing in Scottish football for decades to being a laughing stock. What we see now is constant interference, the public humiliation of some of our greatest players and a businessman who seems to see our club as a vanity project."

* 2007 kicks off in style with the front pages of the Scottish tabloids dominated by reports that Romanov hired a 'dancing bear' to entertain guests at 'a wild New Year's party in Lithuania'. The reports are further embellished by claims that Romanov 'joined the entertainers on stage to read out love poems he wrote.'

* The month of February begins with Romanov dedicating Hearts' victories "to those journalists who remind me of those Bolsheviks in Soviet times who wanted to shoot a peasant only because he planted the seeds following his own way, and not their instructions. Once they were ready to shoot a peasant but a clever one stopped them and said: 'Let's shoot him in the autumn after he has gathered his harvest'. I guess that if you could, I would have already been shot by now, but whilst you can't, full of hate and anger, you are spreading manure on my crops."

* On February 15, the Russian magazine Futbol carries an interview with Romanov in which he alleges that the Old Firm of Celtic and Rangers "have turned football into a type of showbusiness with their underhand games" and claims, "They buy off players and referees." Rangers and Celtic duly call in the lawyers.

* On February 16, the Hearts website publishes a clarifying statement from their majority shareholder in which Romanov claims, "I don't expect anything except lies and distortion of my quotes", before moving on to address such subjects as the "seduction of souls" and the "genius of those who created Edinburgh".

"It fascinates and captivates you immediately," he says. "Its beauty was created during the times of the kings of old, and now I see how everything that people were gathering for centuries - a culture, all Walter Scott's heritage, is being ruled and destroyed by monkeys from the safari park."

At which point the statement ended with a picture of a monkey tagged as 'an enemy of talent' and 'a teacher of mediocrity'.

GODLIKE.

good times

Excellent, a place to put this:

Jelavic not winning the predictor any time soon

Stupid phone as stupid as Jelavic. Try again.

m.stv.tv/sport/football/scottish-premier/rangers/278454-rangers-striker-jelavic-we-wont-be-caught-in-the-spl/

http://sport.stv.tv/football/scottish-premier/rangers/278454-rangers-striker-jelavic-we-wont-be-caught-in-the-spl/

favourite soccerball jifs

http://desmond.yfrog.com/Himg875/scaled.php?tn=0&server=875&filename=le4ud.jpg&xsize=640&ysize=640

(does that display?)

Thank you, I am not good with internetz. Was going to tidy it up but forgot I wasn't a mod over here.

And lol.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b018cg10/Your_Call_with_Jim_Traynor_28_12_2011/

45:00 to 46 and a bit - Gers fan breaks down in tears. I suppose talking to Chick Young does that to you.

Thomas Rogne's league stats for Celtic: Played 25, Won 19, Drawn 5, Lost 1
Thomas Rogne's cup stats for Celtic: Played 6, Won 5, Lost 1

The only league game he lost was against Rangers when he was subbed off injured at 0-0 in the first half. The only cup game he lost was against Rangers when he was subbed off injured at 1-1 in the second half and Rangers won in extra time.

He has never been booked in 31 games, his only disciplinary blemish is a red card for a last man tackle in a 9-0 win over Aberdeen.

Thomas Rogne is 21 years old.

From twitter (I haven't checked for accuracy but it looks about right)

Paul Le Guen: P26 W15 D5 L6
Ally McCoist: P26 W14 D6 L6

Le Guen was unbeaten in Europe but lost more domestic matches. Ally's been spreading his defeats across all competitions.

I was thinking of you lot yesterday but I didn't know about this thread. Congrats.

I like Rogne a lot. Watched the second half last night when I got in - he was tidy and efficient. average age of the Celtic team last night was just over 22 - Samaras and Brown at 26 pushing it up a bit.

Still have my reservations about Lennon - we should never have been so far behind such a poor Rangers team, and it'll take a lot to shift the memories of that pishy game against Hibs and that appalling first half against Kilmarnock, not to mention the European qualifying crap, but that won't take anything away from the last seven weeks or so. Still enjoying it.

Decades of things balancing out over a season so dealwithit.gif suddenly forgotten as Rangers possibly maybe incorrectly have a goal not given - the SPL is now volunteering to FIFA to be guinea pigs for goal-line camera technology.

How about some fucking knee-high studs-up tackle spotting technology? Or some deliberate and repeated handball technology? Or maybe some flagging offside correctly technology?

Below from the minutes of a meeting between the Association of Celtic Supporters and Strathclyde Police.

o_O

On the subject of relations between large elements of Celtic support and the police CC accepted that there had been a breakdown in trust following a series of anti-Celtic briefings given by the Communications Officer at Strathclyde Police. It was pointed out and accepted that the journalist and the tabloid concerned were known to have an anti-Celtic agenda. CC confirmed that future briefings from police would need a different approach and that Communications Officer would no longer be doing that function and that Celtic PR Dept. would be involved. CC accepted that these events had been damaging to police.

(CC = Campbell Corrigan, Assistant Chief Constable, Strathclyde Police)

Communications Officer at Strathclyde Police

http://i39.tinypic.com/11ty0bc.jpg

Formerly head of communications at the SFA and previously a communications dude at the Scottish Government. Matey with Alex Salmond through working on the Commonwealth bid.

P.S. dudes who minuted the Association/Police meeting - the Celtic Symphony doesn't have add ons. So is singing the actual lyrics OK now then?

Celtic occasionally play a version with "up the Celts" - I assume "up the RA" is being counted as alternative/add-on lyrics. On Wednesday they sang neither - preferring to use Georgios Samaras as a handy rhyming substitute.

Is this image more or less clear cut than the goal line incident?

http://i.imgur.com/HTPxC.png

referee Collum clearly unsighted by looking the right way

Aye, I know that, but the actual original version (video recorded at Celtic Park btw) is Ooh Ah Up The Ra. Yer man from the polis said no add-ons, the minutes don't show anyone challenging, so let's see how that stands up next time Celtic fans get done for singing it.

Also, Collum's eyes are in the back of his head, so how can he be expected to see stuff in front of him?

that's what I was getting at

Clarifying in case anyone who isn't us passes by :-)

Happy New Year, Scottish football peeps. Only An Excuse was totally pish, wasn't it?

Never saw it, but that'll save me t0rr3nting it.

couldn't hear most of it due to overexcited children, but what i did hear was pretty pish. happy new year!

Denis Law and Frank MacAvennie still getting an airing, ffs. No jokes.

Only an Excuse has been pish since the early 90s. I can only assume Jonathan Watson has some incriminating photos of the controller of BBC Scotland.

Aye, not been funny since it came off the radio?

Was ok when Tony Roper was still involved. Wasn't Alistair McGowan involved for a bit after that, so at least there was someone who could do impressions rather than having to start every sketch with 'hi, I'm Jim Spence' or similar exposition? They need to get that Paul Reid guy involved, also some people who can write jokes.

Anyway, that's the transfer window slammed open, so expect exciting 'Sandaza/Fat Gaz/Novo/Boydichenko to Rangers' type pish for the next month before it slams shut with no-one signing anyone because Scottish football is shit and we're all doomed.

Scottish football is shit and we're all doomed

Happy new year! I have digitally taped the hogmanay "comedy" but no watched it yet.

I am thinking about not drinking for the game this afternoon. My liver's beginning to struggle with the demand.

Talking of windows slamming open - Jelavic not selected for Rangers today.

Novo and Boyd back at Ibrox would surely be pure lolz.

Also Healy starts o_O - must have made a hero of himself with that assault on James Forest. Just needed to catch the manager's eye, and wee James's kneecap.

Kerr and I on the esspeeell thread on proper-ILX