TITTWIS 43 - Sandbox Edition

I intend to only teach my kids how to swear in French but I'm going to teach them the WORST curses. I think my favorite swearing language is Spanish, though. It just sounds right to me.

i always liked "scheisse" too.

A few French terms of abuse
'Le' is pronounced like if you started to say "look" but were quickly cut off.
I've marked the 'u's as being like 'oo' in 'toot' but to be exact, it's prononced by pursing the lips and saying 'ee'. Try it.

Le salaud (le sah-low)- Bastard, asshole, fucker. It's derived from the word 'sale' which means dirty.

La salope (la sah-lope)- Bitch, slut. The female version also has the connotation of easy sexual mores. Literally, 'bitch' is 'la chienne' (la she-en) but it's less prevalent than in English.

Le con (le con, the 'o' as in mow but the 'n' is that weird nasally 'n' of French) - Literally 'cunt', it means both stupid and malicious. It's used like dick/prick in English.

La conne (la cunn) - Female version of 'con'. 'Cunt' but not nearly as offensive as that word is in American English.

Le connard (le co-nar) - With suffixes to exagerate them, 'connard' and 'connasse' are essentially like 'con'. English has borrowed diminutive suffixes ('ette', for example) but no suffixes to denote that something is larger so we use auxilliaries; something like 'big fat prick' or 'fucking cunt'.

La connasse (la co-nass)- see previous

La pouffiasse (la poof-yass) Cunt, slag. If you call a girl this to her face, you'll likely get slapped.

La putain (la poot-a-as-in-'mad' and the French nasal thing)- Whore. It is also, with 'merde' (mared), the most common vulgar exclamation in French so, when said without the article ("Putain!"), it's equivalent to 'fuck!' 'Fils de pute' (feess de poot)is 'sonofabitch'.

L'enculé (lon-queue-lay)- Literally 'buggered' or 'sodomised', it's something like 'fucking asshole' in English.

Le trou du cul (le true doo queue) - Literally 'asshole'.

"Putain de merde! T'es un vrai enculé, tu sais?" could be translated as "Motherfucking shit! You're a real fucking asshole, you know?"

"C'est une poufiasse, celle-là." - "That one's a bitch."

"Ça t'amuse d'être si con tout le temps" - "Do you have fun being such a dick all the time?"

"Ve te faire enculer, connasse!" - Would be literally, "Go get yourself fucked in the ass, bitch."

It sounds too much like sneezing, which seems too twee to be effectively sweary.

Kids do learn the swear words that you spout out. When 4l3x was about 3 he started saying, "Shit! I mean 'shoot,'" because I kept trying to modify my swearing in front of him. I've given up and gone back to just plain swearing.

Maybe I should consider some of these other languages, though. Hmmmm.

I was taught salaud, saloppe, con (though interestingly not conne), putain and enculé at a young age by a frenchman who thought it was hilarious to hear little English girls being pottymouthed in furren. He also taught me bordelle*, in the bedroom = pigsty sense. I uttered a few of these mots during a French lesson once and got into all kinds of trouble with Mrs Willis. I just had no idea of their strength. I think it's funny now, but teenage Madchen was mortified.

*we should translate this expression into English. The Italians have che casino, after all.

What I should do is record me reading those so you have an idea of how to say them, Sam.

Quel bordel! Che casino! What a brothel! I just don't think it would work, Madchen. Maybe 'what a cathouse!'

this is the classic czech insult (jdi do prdel). the polish version is very similar.

Haha, there is a popular Glasgow nightclub called "the cathouse". Madchen has been known to frequent it.

And in Italian.

The English accent is kind of funny in French, though.

I remember my parents swearing at each other for nearly as long as I can remember, and they used to say words such as "damn" to me (i.e. mild expletives) starting from when I hit adolescence. But I was not allowed to swear, not even "damn", not even when I was 18 and accidentally said the word "damn" to my parents, which caused my mom to slap me hard. I didn't start getting away with swearing in front of my parents until I was 21, and even then it took a few years for me to stop flinching and apologizing after saying it. So French swear words could've been useful. And children who hear their parents swearing aren't necessarily likely to repeat it, at least not in front of their parents. (Especially if it'd been insinuated that that thing was not acceptable were the child to value his/her life.)

I'm starting to use moisturizers on a regular basis now, finally getting on board with that whole thing, and it's remarkable how I can actually FEEL the difference radiating from the inside of me. I had no idea my skin was that much in discomfort. I suppose that before my skin felt uneasy, uncomfortable, overly sensitive to things touching it. But now it feels like it's finally at rest. And it looks better too, less ashen and more like I suppose the way it's supposed to look after all my efforts to avoid the sun as much as I reasonably can.

Am kinda wary of hitting that Submit button, but oh well.

I kind of felt like all this effort paid off a bit at my last high school reunion when a friend's husband met both me and my sister (who is younger than me but married a classmate). He told me that I looked younger than her. So I say moisturize away!

But I don't want to give a negative response since you've told me not to.

I don't moisturise because I can't be arsed. I'm sure it'd probably help somehow if I did, but I'm managing just fine without.

Last night we finally removed our wall cabinets in prepreation for the new ones arriving on Friday. Oh my god the evidence of past termite damage was terrifying. . . Also having your food and dishes spread around the house is not fun. It's likely to be that way for weeks. :(

I need to upload some of the pics. I think I have about a month's worth of photos languishing on my camera!

Sam the termite thing sounds awful. The whole idea of termites freaks me out!

G. banished me and my asthmatic ways to the bedroom as he cleaned it all up but we will probably end up having to re-sheetrock that whole wall.

Our house is old by the way. This is what you get with old houses.

Also, I love the idea of a "termite dude."

Sara, I will post a link to the pics when I upload. It is fascinating yet horrifying at the same time (mostly b/c it's my kitchen.)

Tonight we are having our valentine's dinner since only fools go out to eat on actual valentine's.

Smart move going out tonight; actual Valentine's Day goings-out are overcrowded. We have no plans to go out at all; we haven't even been able to find a sitter so that we can go out for my birthday (which is rapidly fading into the past).

Are you going someplace special, Sam? Or trying something new?

I REALLY want a margarita now, too.

Ahem, not to worry, though; A. had a vasectomy after J. was born. (TMI alert!)

Which is nice.. Not packed restaurant and can pick the one we like / to try/ best!

xpost ditto. TMI also.

I have to finish stitching G.'s tonights. I hope he doesn't go overboard for me b/c in the end mine are nothing special.

I will also be watching Lost on vday!

It will be our 4th or 5th anti-Valentine's day dinner. We gather up our friends, especially the single ones and go out to dinner. The hardest res on 2/14 is a deuce but for a table for 12, it's a cinch.

My son is at this age right now where he REALLY gets a kick out of saying things that are ALMOST swears, ie "son of a biscuit!", "holy grits!" etc. Sometimes when I and other adults accidentally cuss or say things akin to cussing, he will ask "is that okay for kids to say?". I think he's hoping I slip up one day and goes running to his mom school "FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK...dad said it was okay!".

(stupid distance.)

Amber (nine nearly): "oh, Shall I turn it over?"

Blummin sensible kids.

I swear way more than I should and usually Al3x doesn't repeat it. (J. does sometimes, though). The funny thing is that Al3x will call me out on really mild words like, "crap," which are apparently not allowed in school. He just ignores it if I use serious swear words.

I should totally tell people I will babysit on Valentine's Day - I never thought of it. I mean, we have movies and a ton of video games and popcorn and ... yeah.

The only thing I wrote yesterday was answers to a physiology quiz. Answers I did not know, btw. (Thankfully, the prof drops our two lowest quiz scores. But I'd better improve by next week.)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000002U45.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

And then he told me blonde jokes. Charlie Louvin is a CARD!

I'm clueless about Charlie Louvin (and country music in general), but he sounds pretty fun!

I just got my hair cut and spent way too much money on product. Having curly hair is a bitch.

Vienna

Prague

My upcoming trip is looking kinda rough.

ahh, duh. I knew the name was familiar. I actually used to date a guy whose brother duo patterened themselves largely on the louvin bros. eons ago.

I once created a file for one of the biggest Bollywood film stars. He had great press shots of himself. I wanted to keep them and hang them all over my cube.

(Kids are a huge, relentless job and don't let anyone tell you any different!)

Sam, we should trade for a day! (Today would be good; it's even 45 degrees out here, so the weather wouldn't scare you off in 5 minutes.)