domestic outrages chronicle

i have a terribly unfeminine habit of calling things by long strings of expletives when they don't behave: SHITTYCUNTMOTHERFUCKINGSHIIIIIIIIT

i got some vegetable dumplings at the chinese store yesterday and one of the ingredients is "JEW'S EAR" can you believe that?

i just said to the cat, "hello dumpling!" and she was nonplussed

That's a cat for you

i bet she was secretly thrilled, the little bosthoon.

there is a green lint-covered button on the laundry room shelf which i graciously offered to sew back onto f.'s jacket when it fell off 2 years ago, i recall he thanked me profusely and i said it was no trouble, which turned out to be 100% true.

tsk

i'll do it tomorrer.

likely story

Bride's bouquet crashes plane in Italy

July 15, 2009 - 6:47AM

ROME - A romantic wedding in the Tuscan countryside ended with injuries after an attempt to launch the bride's bouquet from a plane brought down the tiny aircraft.
Italian police say two people were hurt in the crash of the ultralight plane after the bridal bouquet they launched got caught in the aircraft's rear rotor.
The flowers blocked the engine, bringing the plane down by a youth hostel.
Police in the nearby town of Piombino said on Tuesday the pilot was lightly injured in Saturday's crash, while the passenger who threw the bouquet had several broken bones.
The bride and groom were not aboard the plane.

i despise many brides.

so do i. i'm glad we agree about brides

why are they so excessive and wasteful

i think you would make a lovely princess for a day.

Brides are the most disgusting savages etc

mark my words: i will never be a lovely princess

lol

starting to warm up to harbl

???????

do i detect a hint of outraged puzzlement

yes

<3

landlord late on trash bill; bags from all units piling up outside my back door for 2 1/2 weeks now. need to borrow boss's truck at lunch to pick them up and throw them away at work (not risking ruining new car's upholstery with weeks-old garbage bags).

can't you call the city on him or something? there has to be some kind of law that prohibits it from being left there that long!

that is a bonafide untrumped up domestic outrage.

another brownie outrage: gluten-free brownie mix makes a strange concoction that sticks to your pan and results in palm punctures when trying to use a knife to lever it out. oopsie.

think i am just gonna give up on brownies.

the same thing happens when you get fat-conscious and try to get by with half as much vegetable oil as the recipe calls for.

er, minus the palm punctures, I mean. someone needs to buy you a tacky knife sharpener for your birthday imo, & you'll never have that problem again.

the batter seemed totally greasy! i thought it was gonna be a gross greasy glob that would slide right out of the pan.

the knife was plenty sharp... it's just that i accidentally jammed it point first into my palm in a badly coordinated attempt to loosen crap from the bottom of the pan.

i suppose that is why they make spatulas, but it just didn't seem appropriate.

spatulas as cutting instruments are bogus and totally unfulfilling, especially when they're made of that teflon-friendly silicone crap. what fun are cooking tools when they're not visceral and potentially deadly?

on second though someone should buy you one of these:

http://www.theknightshop.co.uk/catalog/images/001_L-03.jpg

three light bulbs burnt out in my apartment! first two i was lazy about changing because there are a few other lamps but i found some light bulbs. the other one is on the kitchen ceiling 10 ft up. kitchen will be dark until after the exam i guess. what an outrage.

that totally beats my ove glove!
xpost

haha harbs, lxy got stern with me the other night "the one thing you HAVE to do before you leave saturday is change that light bulb" one she can't/won't reach

i am domestically outraged

neighbors next door are having a loud yard party. they are shouting about boring topics such as snow crab and high blood pressure. i need not to have neighbors.

i am really lucky in that my apartment is situated such that i never hear any of my neighbors.

there's a parade outside my windows. with bagpipes

sympathies

thx. it was a once-a-year thing. I'm afraid your neighbors may not show that kind of restraint!

i am outraged that someone has tied up two pitbulls on the sidewalk while he is doing something inside. pitbull barking is not a pleasant sound at all, in my humble opinion

even the cat is shaking her little head in disdain

friends, i let my clothes pile up for so long that now, so fed up am i with having to maneuver around them, i am having to fold wool sweaters during a goddamn heatwave.

i outrage myself.

and the rest of us!

the most outrageous part is that i can't allow myself to make a drink till i'm done, and it's taking for fucking ever.

outraged.

good thing you're on the internet then. getting stuff done!

good thing you're not here, buster.

urban dictionary "virtual slap" is boring damn
:(

i <3 u buster and busted.

here is a domestic tip i just discovered: in a heat wave, eat refrigerated persian cucumbers. it is crunchy and cool and satisfying, especially when accompanied by a cool cocktail.