Dear ILE - a plea

The Lex OTM.

Also, there are different cultures and age groups and lifestyles at work here, and what may seem like "playful kidding around" to one person is utterly offensive and unacceptible bullying to another.

this is something i tend to try to factor in, ie there are several people who i expect little more from than lame attempts to bully others over the internet (am not sure which is lamer - when it's ineffectual because it's the internet and they're only hardmen in front of a computer; or when, as per the l jagger googlebait thread, when it actually becomes potentially harmful). but what mark said - the conversion of friendly, respectful people into part of the bullying hivemind is the most depressing - is probably the worst aspect of it, when people you know can and have been civil suddenly join in the bullying (cf dan perry's borderline-homophobic comments towards me yesterday, which were more of a nasty shock than dom and ethan's outright homophobic ones)

This is an interesting point... Maybe the younger people who've grown up with the Internet have a different attitude towards this kind of stuff, whereas older and less net-experienced people expect the same sort of civility as in real life to work here.

Hrrrrr. To contrast, there's a group of older people who have been on the interweb since the dawn of time usenet, who have a more pleasant reccollection of when ILX (or indeed the interweb) was smaller and more well behaved.

I may be called patronising for saying this, but something I try (operative word: try) to remember in my interactions with some people is that what a 20 year old American male finds hilarious and funny is probably not the same thing that a mid 30s female is going to find amusing. Nor should it be.

Tact is something which usually must be learned through experience - I certainly was never tactful when I was 20. I was just lucky enough not to have to do my growing up so painfully in public.

-- temporary enrique (miltonpinsk...), February 14th, 2007. (temporary enrique)

really, enrique? really?

-- lexpretend (lexusjee...), February 14th, 2007.

Lex, I am prepared to transfer, immediately, £1,000 pounds into either your Paypal account or your bank account if you can show me a Livejournal account, or in fact any evidence, of me having been dumped at any point in the past... 13 months?

£1,000. Cash money /Wilmer Valderamma.

That offer stands for "others" as well. £1,000 per person.

up to this point i got really excited. woohoo easy money etc.
then lost interest

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Album of the year, right?
-- Dom Passantino (juror...), January 25th, 2007.

xp

This is all my own opinion but the amount of hypocrisy displayed on any of these meta threads always amazed me. Mark has already had a go at people (incl. me if I read it correctly) about this 'bullying hivemind.' FFS people, I'm not a bad person! I genuinely don't think that anyone on ILX is necessarily BAD but I do think that people don't know when to stop or don't have enough consistency between what they accuse others of doing and practice themselves. I can see so many cases of someone calling someone else out for what they have done only recently!

I actually like ILX, there are people on it that I feel dislike ILX but can't help themselves. Like any community there are the winder-uppers, the shit-stirrers and the downright snarky but it's all online. ILX means a lot to people, it's made people friends and at one point we even had a houseband! Come on, the same old zings are getting boring at this point. Just to pick an example that has already been mentioned a couple of times: LJ. In the beginning he was treated in a manner that surprised nearly everyone but has become one of us. The zings need to end as does holding him or anyone (including Mic3key who I had a go at on the BLAM as barman thread I will admit over a perceived negative-toned thread hijacking [ref. to Mark earlier in post]) up to ridicule.

I have certain posters I have issues with, we all do. We all just need to learn to ignore things. You don't need a killfile, you need self control.

the hell?!

MIA?

Kevin, the posters we have issues with need to learn to ignore us ;)

Sorry for coming on all Daily Mail what with the "kids today got not respect" thing, but honestly, it ticks me off. I could give examples (on this thread!) of people behaving with little respect, or without civility, or just forgetting that they're not 9 years old and running around on tarmac anymore. What annoys me is that you're clever people with intelligent views and shining personalities, so why you behaving like a dick? And don't say it's the internet that brings the worst out in people; that's as shaky as "I was drunk, and that's my excuse for why I glassed him." No, it's people just being horrible.

I guess some people are more likely than others to be horrible. Well, those who aren't likely to be horrible, don't get involved, just take it like a man and walk on. If a drunk shouts at you in the street, you don't stop and argue, you just keep walking. So if someone's mean to you round here, honestly, ignore them, and they'll go away.

Grrr, I shouldn't post this, it's a shit idea, cos it sounds patronising and preachy. But bollox to it, I love this stupid fucking internet board, and it makes me sad that some people want to kill it.

God, the fact that you actually think this explains so much about you and why you act the way that you do.

I cannot get my head around such a mindview or why you would believe such a thing, but can you honestly not accept that this "dickishness" is making it a hellish experience for other people?

(x-post)

I trust people realize this is a gigantic pile of horseshit, particularly since it is coming from ILM's resident booster of racists.

(Lex, if you get to play the unwarranted slander game, I do too.)

This is the thing, nobody gets clowned on ILx (or at least clowned enough to make it visible for other people) without indicating that they 're up for some ball-breaking. You cry fie upon ILx posters on your blog, Louis Jagger will throw the ball back if you throw one at him, Dog Latin was like a fucking attack hound who'd smelled meat at times, Mickey is Mickey... it's not like ILx is walking up to people at random and smashing them into the gym lockers, it's more like one of those "white collar boxing" clubs. Although more a "white collar boxing" club where the matches end with people saying "But I didn't want to have a fight, I got into this by accident, seriously"

The houseband was recently demobbed and not be discussed on ILX out of respect or so I gathered which is why it was only referred to as a concept.

That's EXACTLY what I mean! You're great! And yet even YOU get caught up in the rote abuse (hardly vicious in your case, I know) of the easy targets.

(As I say, there are people being horrible on this thread. Please stop being mean. And don't go "He started it" because you know that's back to our 9 yr olds in the playground again.)

Because it's "Let's decide between ourselves what the truth actually is" can be summed up as "None of it actually happened, it is a fiction". So, no thread, plus I'm not watching it.

Back to the subject in hand...

There seems to be a culture of "is he wanting it?" attack dogging. I've never wanted it so I don't partake in it. And don't recall being attacked here ever.

No. No it's not. It just ISN'T. Where the fuck did you get the idea that this was what ILX was for? This is so wrong-headed I can't even begin to get my head around where to start.

Are you trolling right now? I mean, are you trying to start a fight out of this, is that why you're saying this? Or do you actually BELIEVE this?

"i tend to pay no attention to what any popstar says in interviews though! i mean, when i talked to pusha t he didn't know what a choir was, which is arguably dumber than beyoncé not bothering to go into the complexities of 'irreplaceable's narrative.
-- lexpretend (lexusjee...), February 13th, 2007.

"do you really think beyoncé's going to say outright in interviews "the song is a lie to myself"? that is not the sort of thing i've ever heard any pop star admit to, it would be...too revealing. i'm not sure it matters what beyoncé says about it.
-- lexpretend (lexusjee...), February 13th, 2007.

we have established exactly why it would be a bad idea for beyoncé (or any pop star doing a similar song) to openly talk about how it's a lie! it doesn't matter what she says in interviews, anyway.

-- lexpretend (lexusjee...), February 13th, 2007."

I WONDER WHAT POSSIBLE SUBTEXT THERE COULD BE

Yeah, but for some of us, even having to read other people doing this is kind of tiresome. You post on a thread, then someone else posts, then someone who has a beef with them sees that they've posted and follows them to be hilariously dickish, and the next thing you know, the nice conversation you were having is gone. It's kind of annoying.

i like a bit of ballbreaking but you probably do go too far Madam Dom. A LOT of people do seem to be sick of it. I just don't know if there are MORE people on ILX who enjoy it. Maybe 50/50?