questions for the experts

dear experts,

i participated in this text exchange today:

friend: what nationality was pablo picasso?
me: spanish
friend: thanks!
me: are you cheating at trivial pursuit?
friend: it was the question of the day at the bank.
me: what is my prize!
......
me: what is my prize!??
friend: a high five.

so, experts, can i call bullshit? shouldn't i get the prize or at least part of it?

Frankly Lxy, having a good friend is a pretty good prize in and of itself!

give thanks to the lord for that prize snaffling chum.

max, you're fired as my expert.

estela, do you need a job?

u cant fire me jerk

uhh, i think i can, as a matter of fact.

sad

lxy, i would LOVE to be your new better replacement expert.

dear experts,

do you think they purposely size tic-tac boxes such that tic-tacs wedge together along the sides, and you have to bang the box around a lot to dislodge them? do they suppose that if others hear the tic-tac eater madly rattling tic-tacs, they will want to buy their own tic-tacs?

also, if i have my corrective lenses propped on top of my head when the sun is shining hot and high, am i at risk of setting my hair on fire?

thanks for your help!
lxy

dear lxy,

when my nephew was very small and in my care he shoplifted some tic-tacs and hid them in a tic-tac sized pocket in his tiny elastic waisted shorts (the box fit the pocket perfectly, like they were made for each other) and would have got away with it except he rattled when we ran down the street.

does your hair have the properties of ants or autumn leaves, if so, be very careful, in fact, just don't do it.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2125555_.html

YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wonder what max would have said about this.

dear experts,

who is a bigger trouble-maker: max or estela?

affectionately,
lxy

http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj143/cathy43s_album/trouble.jpg vs http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v359/ames2024/whatever/c6c43443.png

who do you think?

actual answer? grady

dear experts,

this morning i saw the image of the virgin mary in a lawn bowling instruction sheet that a friend left here the other night. what does it mean?

yours,
lx

dear lxy,

it means that soon you will have hordes of noisy catholics assembled outside your window eating corn nuts and bobbing hopefully like miis while they offer up rosaries to the holy lawn bowling instruction sheet of seattle.

yours, estela

these are good answers stela

estela

i feel that if im not gracious about this i will end up being the king boy pato of sandbox

dear max,

guess what?

<3 is what.

dear experts,

what can i do to mend a rift with an ex-expert?

thank you.
lxy

post pix

^not an expert

put the pert back in expert

dear lxy,

i recommend a full reinstatement of expert status plus a sincere proclamation of <3.

<3 (like that), estela

p.s. i see the pert has already been put back in impertinent (in a good way).

thank you, estela.

dear maxpert,

• if you know anything about me whatsoever, you know that i did not seriously fire you from your job.

• if you are the libran i believe you to be, you wholeheartedly regret calling me a jerk and have resolved never to do it again.

• if you truly aspire to expertism, you will remove that dash, get your pert in gear, and start answering questions like the professional i know you can be!

http://scoopsnoodle.com/vlog/maxpilgrim.jpghttp://scoopsnoodle.com/vlog/maxpilgrim.jpghttp://scoopsnoodle.com/vlog/maxpilgrim.jpg

lol

This is truly heartwarming!!!!

I love all of you, even Lingbert, and even Grady, who I hugged once. I suspect that in real life this board is probably the most attractive of all ILX boards. I harbor no ill will against any of you and apologize, sincerely, for my mistakes.

Today is a new day, and tomorrow as well. Let us walk together, arm in arm, over the threshold of the present into the gleaming dawn of the future, and neither forget, nor turn back.

With the deepest of love, and greatest affection,

aww and haw!

experts,

most days when i leave down the front steps, and most nights when i come up the front steps, a spider has spun a web across, netting me in the face. this keeps happening. do i kill this spider or what?

thanks,

dear jergins,

i have a wonderful answer for this at the ready, but i am going to let sweet max have first dibs.

<3, estela

dude just move the spider to a different part of the yard

fuck you come here and move it yourself!

the only living things i'll touch are apples still on a tree and coochie. you know this lingbert.

Hey Jergins,

Here's the thing: you can kill the spider if you want, but if my mom finds out she's going to be sad, and maybe a little disappointed in you. And I might tell her. You also might consider that maybe the spider is thinking, what is the deal with this guy who keeps ruining my web? You know?

Hope this helps!

Cheers,

I'd like to hear Estela's answer now if possible.

thanks max!

i think you should move to a new house.

are you moving?

― max max max max, Thursday, October 2, 2008 3:29 AM (12 minutes ago)

!!!

i know, right?

oh my god you don't have to actually touch the spider...................just grab a piece of the web it is hanging on to and then pull it behind u like a fucking arachnoid kite.................

then u can just stick it onto an other shrub or some thing........................................

you sound quite angry, like a ventomologist.

......................................

is there an emoticon for mooning? is this it (see below)?

(|)

oi. or this maybe:

( | )