jokes received by magicflakes.org as spam

WARNING: they are terrible

What goes faster than a rabbit in a field? A rabbit in a blender.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog.

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He doesn’t believe in dogs.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a spider? A HAREnet!

Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the opossum it could be done.

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

What do you call a dumb balloon? An air head.

Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.

Why did the man put wheels on his rocking chair? He wanted to rock and roll.

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.

What do you call a day that follows two days of rain? Monday.

What kind of tree has hands? A palm tree.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? “Dam.”

Did you hear about the bandit that held up a Chinese restaurant? Half an hour later he was broke.

What did the robot have to do before she wore any earrings? She had to get her gears pierced.

What did the sailor say when he saw a boat loaded with ewes? Sheep ahoy!

Where did King Tut go to ease his back pain? The Cairo-practor!

How can you recognize a burned-put [sic] hippie? He used to take acid, now he takes antacid.

What do you call a crazy baker? A dough nut.

Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.

What do fish play on the piano? Scales.

Why are Bankers good bike riders?? They are good at keeping their balance!!

What does a caterpillar do on New Year’s Day? Turns over a new leaf!

Why is someone who never gambles just as bad as a regular gambler? Because he is no better!

What happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad away.

what did the constipated mathematician do? he worked things out with a pencil.

that wasn't received by magicflakes.org as spam, it was in a book my little brother had called 101 jokes for kids.
so was this: what's blue and lies in the gutter covered in crumbs? a dead girl guide.
my brother told us those at dinner and our father said, i want you to bring me the book and a marker pen so i can turn it into 99 jokes for kids.

his daughter's father

<3

that was a day of many lols.

What is the difference between a photocopier and the whooping cough? One makes facsimiles and the other makes sick families.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A dog that runs for help, after he bites your leg off.

(this is not a day of many lols.)

keep em coming.

no don't!

haha, i knew you would hate this thread!

Where does a bird go when it loses its tail? The retail store.

Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

What do you call a crazy blackbird? A raven lunatic!

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

Which of these things don’t belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.

What do you use to redecorate a baby’s bathroom? Infantile.

What do you call a bee born in May? A Maybe.

What goes black and white, black and white, black and white, boom? A nun falling down the stairs.

Did you hear about the new restaurant that opened in India? It’s a New Delhicatessen.

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

What is the difference between a prizefighter and a man with a cold? One knows his blows, and the other blows his nose!

What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis? A hoarse doctor.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

When should you use milk to irrigate your fields? When you are growing creamed corn.

What do you get when you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo? An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.

What does the sun drink out of? Sunglasses.

What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping.

:D

heh

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

or a good dummy

filth.

one no-trump

toughie