Breakfast with Assholes

how do you deal with a forced situation, specifically eating with people you don't like?

explain

you're forced into a situation. say a co-worker lunch foe the one you like the least, or a family meal with the uncle you forgot for a reason. your choices, itseems to me, are to engage in a way that will feel disingenuous or to get quiet. what do you do?

bonus question: which is worse, the sound of mastication or the sound of grating voices

i always get quiet which is not bad unless you are eating breakfast with assholes
i like people who don't care if you get quiet where are those people
grating voices are the worst

I deal with these people by employing boring/prefab conversation starters like "gas prices...yeesh" and "god, all this rain...could this be the year without a summer?" I feel less guilty feigning interest in someone's boring ideas about the weather than feigning interest in their boring personal life. and when the conversation peters out, at least there won't be any bad blood between us unless the person actively picks up on my hatred/disinterest. not eating breakfast with assholes is a much easier solution, obv.

chewing >>>>>>>>> grating voices

why oh why did I just do an unfiltered GIS for "breakfast with assholes"?

haha

i had to go to a luncheon with my boss, my boss's boss, and a whole crew of assholes, some "hay thx 4 working here for so fucking long" bullshit. awful. i don't think i said a word the entire time except when one of the "hosts" tried to get me to say to the whole room what was my most memorable experience working there. "uhh. i got nothin."

loud chewing gives me very violent thoughts whereas grating voices merely give me hatred. so grate away but keep your chewing to your damn self.

y'all switch jobs more than i have done so you won't have to put up with that kind of crap, okay? do it for me. please.

the key is to always keep a 3rd party asshole there, preferably someone the asshole knows/associates with, so you can keep your communications to a minimum and it's not too awkward.

my asshole friend sent me an email that says in part

also i met brooks last week at a kirwan thing and he said "she is
really nice." does he always lie?

:(((((((((((

don't understand but i support you in your :(((((((((((

she was saying i am not nice

i think she was jk.

i sent my friend who i've known since i was nine a text that said, happy birthday and lots of love! from your pretty friend estela, and she replied, sorry i don't have a pretty friend called estela, i do have a horrible bitch friend called estela though, is this her?

sometimes i am mean irl

mean irls