Human Resources

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so we've all heard the joke about how all job interviews for HR positions end: after the pleasant chatter, the discussion about background & long term goals within the company, and the "well everything seems to be in order, we'll be in touch shortly", the interviewer reaches down and places one brick hammer and one gerbil on the table. and as we all know, if the interviewee fails to immediately pick up the hammer and smash the gerbil dead, he or she fails to get the position.

I'm not so sure this is less a joke than an actual, established ritual practiced daily in corporate meeting rooms across the country, because it's the only way to explain the people you run into who work in any Human Resources department. But what I've been wondering recently is -- if it's this much of a ritual, how does one excel at this final moment? it strikes me that simply killing the gerbil is a bit passé by this point in corporate history, how does one really make an impression?

discus

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:09 (seventeen years ago) link

oh my

― obi strip (sanskrit), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:15 (seventeen years ago) link

1. Do not merely smash the gerbil, but pick it up and put it in your pocket

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:17 (seventeen years ago) link

sorry, didn't mean to offend you if you work in HR, mike, but I'm sure you can see what I'm going for here

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:18 (seventeen years ago) link

2. carefully considered speech to dead gerbil apologizing for not being able to pay it for any holiday vacation time

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:29 (seventeen years ago) link

3. after killing gerbil, careful to leave its head intact, remove your glass eye and insert the animal tail first, leaving its peaceful head peering out from your socket -- pause, then smile

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:31 (seventeen years ago) link

I mean, these people are the worst

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 01:31 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.alanapost.net/content/2006/12/20/186/

This whole post and esp the email exchange

― jw (ex machina), Thursday, 21 December 2006 02:04 (seventeen years ago) link

I actually think it would be easier for me to smash a gerbil than to fire someone (relatively)

― Hurting (A-Ron Hubbard), Thursday, 21 December 2006 02:05 (seventeen years ago) link

they are the worst. the one at my last job was such a smug cunt. "exit interview"? go fuck yrself

― amon (amon), Thursday, 21 December 2006 03:06 (seventeen years ago) link

throwing gerbils at walls >>>>> smashing gerbils with bricks

― has been plagued with problems since its erection in 1978 (nklshs), Thursday, 21 December 2006 13:15 (seventeen years ago) link

hit the gerbil with the claw rather than the head of the hammer.

― haitch (not haitch) (haitch), Thursday, 21 December 2006 13:56 (seventeen years ago) link

innovative reuse of existing resources

― haitch (not haitch) (haitch), Thursday, 21 December 2006 13:57 (seventeen years ago) link

i dont work in hr

thank god

― obi strip (sanskrit), Thursday, 21 December 2006 16:55 (seventeen years ago) link

How do I get a job smashing gerbils?

― has been plagued with problems since its erection in 1978 (nklshs), Thursday, 21 December 2006 16:58 (seventeen years ago) link

3. after killing gerbil, careful to leave its head intact, remove your glass eye and insert the animal tail first, leaving its peaceful head peering out from your socket -- pause, then smile

omg rofl

― dmr (dmr), Thursday, 21 December 2006 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

secretaries with small amounts of power

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Thursday, 21 December 2006 21:08 (seventeen years ago) link

5. upon being presented with the gerbil & brick hammer, violently push them off the table to make room for the severed head of your spouse and a framed photograph from your wedding day

― milton parker (milton parker), Thursday, 21 December 2006 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

6. ignore gerbil and hammer, turn to go, then just as you reach door, pull ready-mashed gerbil out of pocket and casually toss it to interviewer

― I am the best lyrocost since Dylan (Scourage), Thursday, 21 December 2006 21:15 (seventeen years ago) link

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