ILM DEATHMATCH #1: BASSISTS

"PHRASE NOT FOUND"

I meant to include Watt!

HOLD YOUR VOTES A MINUTE--

(as is Alex James) :P

Sorry Pete, 2 good records and an overdose do not make a hall of famer!

Ron Carter vs. Bill Laswell

Bruce Thomas vs. Charlie Haden

Roy Estrada vs. Lemmy

James Jamerson vs. William Parker

Flea vs. Donald "Duck" Dunn

Tony Levin vs. Barry Guy

John Paul Jones vs. Mike Watt

Jack Casady vs. Peter Hook

Greg Cohen vs. Geddy Lee

Les Claypool vs. Holger Czukay

Larry Graham vs. Charles Mingus

John Entwistle vs. Jaco Pastorius

John McVie vs. Bootsy Collins

Norwood Fisher vs. Rockette Morton

Dave Holland vs. Willie Dixon

Paul McCartney vs. Robbie Shakespeare

hahahahahahaha!

ooooh! :P

alex james
chris squire
mani
colin moulding
colin greenwood
jeff caxide
justin chancellor
steve queralt
ben shepherd
trevor dunn
brian gibson
juan alderete

= jagger's alternative line-up!

into 4 groups then, the 2 winners progressing to the quarter-finals. groups chosen alphabetically by surname

GROUP A
juan alderete
jeff caxide
justin chancellor

GROUP B
trevor dunn
brian gibson
colin greenwood

GROUP C
alex james
mani
colin moulding

GROUP D
steve queralt
ben shepherd
chris squire

Group A: well, this was close. but, in the event, Chancellor and Caxide used their former Isis allegiance to gang up upon poor Mars Volta newbie Alderete, who quickly succumbed, himself only having appeared, however brilliantly, on one album. Turning upon each other, the surviving alt-metal bassmen ground each other into the turf with long-winded, near-ambient compositions, until Caxide reminded Chancellor that not only did he play in a band called 'Tool' but that he could never gain the spotlight with attention-hounds MJK and Danny Carey in that self-same band with him. Chancellor promptly gave up, sobbing.

Winner: Jeff Caxide

Runner-up: Justin Chancellor

Group B: Greenwood immediately kicked for being the least talented member of his band except Ed O'Brien who nobody knows how talented he is because we don't know who's playing that particular riff. Greenwood protests, citing 'Climbing Up The Walls' and 'Exit Music' as claims to his own genius. Brian Gibson then blasts out one of Lighting Bolt's more exacting numbers and Greenwood flees, closely followed by Dunn, who doesn't even get this sort of shit from Mike Patton.

Winner: Brian Gibson

Runner-up: Trevor Dunn

Group C: Well, if it isn't a jolly old game of British Bass Bulldog, with the three Limey tykes playing classic 80's and 90's pop-rock in a celebration of all things traditional and, well, jolly. Mani graciously declares his innings closed when it is pointed out how much of a failure all his bands are, and so the rubber is down to a jolly old tiff between James and Moulding, who sip tea and glower at one another over the Daily Express. All of a sudden, picks are drawn at ten paces, the two circle...and according to the Queensbury rules James immediately lands a foul blow when he boasts of his playing on 'Song 2'. Sorry, Alex, but you can do a bit better than that. Moulding has no such crudeness to resort to, ergo the XTC man wins on points. Huzzah!

Winner: Colin Moulding

Runner-up: Alex James

Group D: Chris Squire looks at the other two and bursts out laughing. Fighting to remain in the tournament, Queralt and Shepherd square off, the supposed 'weak links'. It's all much of a muchness (and not exactly pretty to watch) until Shepherd reveals that he wrote 'Head Down', Soundgarden's best song (in the opinion of the not-at-all biased arbiter). Goodbye Steve, but you weren't exactly the reason Ride ever became big, were you?

Winner: Chris Squire

Runner-up: Ben Shepherd

QUARTER-FINALS

Group A winner vs. Group D r-up, and vice versa
Group B winner vs. Group C r-up, and vice versa

Jeff Caxide vs. Ben Shepherd: A short, sharp duel here. Shepherd makes a strong, punishing start but quickly Caxide's versatility gains the upper hand and the grunger is sent tumbling back to 1994 where he belongs.

Winner: Caxide

Chris Squire vs. Justin Chancellor: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Winner: Squire

Brian Gibson vs. Alex James: Cool and calculating versus demonic, berserked and generally off his rocker. Gibson's insane blasts of rocket-fuel riffage are withering, but James holds firm, absorbs the blows, and then chooses from his repertoire 'Essex Dogs', which I'm sure you'll agree is somewhat of an improvement on 'Song 2'. Gibson meanwhile is going so fast that he accidentally implodes.

Winner: Alex James

Colin Moulding vs. Trevor Dunn: Get off it, grandad. Andy was always the talented one. And Patton wasn't (well, not as much as this dude, or Trey Spruance, but that's a different story). 'Drums And Wires' = superb, 'Disco Volante' = WAHT, 'Suspended Animation' = WAAAAHT, WAHT = better than superb. Simple as.

Winner: Trevor Dunn

SEMI-FINALS

Winner 1 vs. Winner 4, Winner 2 vs. Winner 3

Jeff Caxide vs Trevor Dunn: After all that, I don't really care much for either of these two bassists. Ah well, there's always one shit semi-final. Caxide wins for that stretch of music on the new Isis album, 2:14-4:16 of 'Over Root And Thorn'. Dude hasn't got Dunn's technical ability, but he has got some ear for a memorable turn of phrase.

Winner: Jeff Caxide

Chris Squire vs. Alex James: James tries, he really tries, he gives them '1992', he gives them 'Chemical World', he even gives them 'Far Out', which in retrospect might have been a mistake. Squire gazes insouciantly on, puts his veggie burger down, and proceeds to bang out the closing half-minute of 'Sound Chaser'. Alex James runs off screaming. This, ladies and gents, was the good semi-final. Tch.

Winner: Chris Squire

FINAL

Jeff Caxide vs. Chris Squire: Jeff who?

Winner: Chris Squire.

There you have it, conclusive proof that Chris Squire's omission from your list is a scandal, a crime, and a slur, because he's clearly the most important bassist in the history of music. Word!

These are all impossible! So I'm purposefully going with a lot of dark horses because I know winners are gonna be chosen due to folks afraid of being Mr. Corny Finger-Poppin' Fuxxor.

I'll vote for Jaco over Entwhistle just like I'd vote for Aesop Rock over Paul Wall! So bring it!

In a few of these I voted for the only name I knew. Because ignorance is power, or something. Fortunately, in most of those cases I ended up voting for someone I really like anyway.

My apology to funkmeisters Watt, Graham, Fisher

TRY JOHN COOPER CLARKE'S "SLEEPWALK" IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT!

"If You Want Me to Stay" to win.

There you have it, conclusive proof that Chris Squire's omission from your list is a scandal, a crime, and a slur, because he's clearly the most important bassist in the history of music. Word!

Louis, you acted all that out with action figures, didn't you? You can tell me.

The bass on "Heart of the sunrise" alone guarantees Squire's immortality for me.

I had to look Greg Cohen up! All the others were pretty easy, although I'm bummed about Watt.

ILM DEATHMATCH #1: BASSETS

ha yeah i'm just being a dick, but remember in the end all this is just the talk of a spurned mike watt fanboy : )

But these little deathmatch experiments are fun -- I would like it if somebody organized one for drummers or guitarists.

http://www.bassland.net/jamerson.jpg
JAMES JAMERSON

vs.

http://www.wgbh.org/images/jazz/gallery/mingus_323x431.jpg
CHARLES MINGUS

Mingus in concert ("Flowers for a Lady"), 1974:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkTEfrmqxws

This has, however, all gone horribly wrong somehow. For me.

You are all bad people.

http://www.bunnybass.com/e-zine/girls/04.girlpictures/janice-mariejohnson02.jpg

YOUR WINNER:
http://www.scooporganisation.com/images/bio/Mingus.jpg

Mingus def. Jamerson 7-3

Thanks to everyone who voted.