I'm fed up coz all you ever do is criticize

i tend to pass off a lot of social FAP invites out these days, with her. I'm running out of excuses as well.

oh and i love that word 'rellies' btw

if someone could work out my running total for today, i'm up for this.

xpost

I mean, there are some people for whom that constant advising criticism thing is a misguided way of showing that they care, kind of constant low level fuss. (My mum is a big one for this.)

But then there are people who have just got it into their heads that somehow they can "fix" you, or that they have some insight into your personality, and if you'd just LISTEN to them then you would be so much better. And that is slightly more unavoidable, because people like that tend to get resentful if you *don't* listen to their fabulous advice that they are so gracious to bestow upon you. And then the "advice" turns from "I can fix you if..." to nagging and nit-picking, often in a very public form. And that's awful.

Agree non-specifically and change the subject. Ask them how *they* are maybe, because it could be that they have something on their minds of their own.

Kate, you have *so* described an ex-gf of mine with yr 3rd para.

But it's that kind of hyper-critical relentless nagging I'm talking about.

Some advice can be very very good. But I've found that the best advice comes either from people who have known you quite intimately for years and years - or else from complete strangers, who do not have any personal involvement or emotional stake.

It's this sort of quasi middle-ground of people who believe that they know you, or that they have some unique insight into your personality - but what they are actually reacting to is this sort of negative projection. By their own nagging, they end up producing a self fulfilling prophecy, and this poisons friendships or relationships.

I'm sure I've done this, I'm not excusing myself and I'm trying not to be a hypocrite. I just know how not-effective it is.

The best advice or "constructive criticism", I find, is that that is just put out there, and you can figure out if it resonates with you and how. Anything forced down a person's throat is likely to be rejected out of hand.