Is there a thread where people talk about their parents?

My parents were 18 & 19 when I was born (their first). My dad had just started university and we lived in a student house in Salford. Although I think that having kids so young was probably a disaster for them, it was great for me. We had no money whatsoever but they made up for that by spending time with me, and my memories of growing up the 70s are of always being surrounded by energetic, entertaining people, who taught me things (good and bad), played me music, took me out to protest marches, etc. etc. It was fantastic. But maybe everyone remembers their childhood as fantastic. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if my folks had been in established careers with a proper family house and a television and a car and all that malarkey.

Other than that, I don't know. It's kind of too huge and complex a topic to know where to start.

My parents reside in Japan and don't plan to ever return (permanently) to Belgium (unless sometimes happens). This is sad but has helped me to let go.

I've known people with far older parents, such as my boyfriend who's parents didn't marry until they were 30, and it is very different. His parents remind me more of my grandparents.

I think it does matter to a large extent but it didn't dawn on me until becoming a parent myself. A little part of me thinks I'm a bit too old for having kids, that being in yr midtwenties is perfect, but I can't really *zap* back to that age. C'est la vie... I wouldn't say my parents were unable to raise me. Quite the contrary. But they must have missed a bit part of their young life to me. Sure they still went out and partied, but it wasn't the same carefree world. (Then again, it could never be as they were pisspoor.)

I think the biggest problem for my parents was that they hadn't sorted their own identities and relationship out before having to deal with raising kids. Not that they didn't have their shit together in all the practical ways, they did a great job under the circumstances. But more emotional maturity, better communication with one another... there were problems that surfaced much much later, when my mother was diagnosed with MS when I was 15, that I think would never have arisen if they hadn't been thrown into that commitment at such an early age.

My mom was just spectacular, took me everywhere, answered every little question I had about everything (which was plenty) and found out the answers with me when she didn't know. From my perspective, she didn't alter her life that much, just included me in what she would be doing anyway (completely untrue, obv, but she made me feel that way).

My dad, on the other hand, was expecting a little clone of himself, and was a workaholic besides, so when I turned out bookish and frail, he wasn't too interested.

It's weird, he was never outwardly shitty to me at all, the memories I do have of him growing up are mostly very nice. He was a big fan of Dad jokes and hair metal. But he was always, always at work, and we never formed much of a connection. The last time I talked to him was a couple years ago when we were celebrating my HS gradutation. Again, very nice, no falling out or anything, but he's just never bothered to call since, and vice versa.

I went through a phase of great attachment to my mother right after I left home (at 16). I thought she was perfect, and my father was awful. Now I no longer feel that way about her. Since moving back to this island I've become more judgmental. I see all of her flaws, whereas before I only saw my father's. Also, now she's 88 and very needy, and I don't always like that. I'm the only sibling here, so the burden falls on me. I have to take full responsibility for her medical care and errands. She has next to no short-term memory, forgets and repeats conversations, which is frustrating and boring, also seem incapable of understanding her medical realities, like what all the pills are for. At the same time she's in denial over her aging—she thinks I am being unreasonable when I insist that she must not drive. To me this seems like deliberate cussedness—sort of princess behavior, though I know there's real organic change in the brain and she can't help not having a clear picture. But she's never had a clear picture, always lived in a self-absorbed bubble, dependent on husbands. She's never had a job, just paints and plays the piano, keeps a sloppy house and mails off checks to any environmental non-profit who comes down the pike.

So yeah, my feelings about my mother are complicated. I would NEVER want her to read this, and there's no danger. Her attempts at learning computers were a fiasco. She forgets that, and periodically declares that she's getting a computer. I say "NO, MA!" She also says she's going to get an apartment in town so that she's not dependent on me driving her. Mm Hm. SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT ONE A DECADE AGO.

But the thing is—nobody thinks of it. You ilxors who own your homes—how's it going to be when you can no longer drive? Is there easy public transportation to stores? Is there a bedroom/bathroom on the ground floor? SEE! YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT WILL HAPPEN!!! But it does. Time FUCKING FLIES.

My parents are not really child people. They had children because that's what you did in the 70s, and they brought us up just fine, but they are much more interested in us now that we are adults than they ever were when we were kids, and they have no particular interest in any of us having kids. Which we don't.

I absolutely did think about that. I mean, I live in London so driving isn't an issue - but buying a ground floor flat so I didn't have to do stairs - that was something I thought about - more specifically because I knew my mum would be visiting and she can't do stairs. But also thinking about the aging process.

we bought our house from a lady who was 83, it had handicap access until we tore it down. we don't have a tub yet as the ladies husband couldn't get in and out of a tub so we have a big shower. i do hope to move out of this house before i get older for its just our starter home and far too small to raise a decent family without expanding it, which is a possibility.

our next home will probably be the "dream" one so more long-term thought will go into it.

But back to the 'rents. My generation tends to blame a lot of their assholishness on their parents. We carry huge grudges. The "generation gap" during the Vietnam era WAS bad, with so many older people being poisonous about youth culture. My father would get all apoplectic over the way my brother's hair had this little curl that fell over his forehead. Ridiculous. In the pick-your-battles philosophy of childrearing, concern over hairstyles should be the first thing to go.

But have we learned? Many of my peers are just as bad. The "rap music isn't really music" people. The horrified-by-piercings-and tattoos people.

WHO CARES!!!!

we would like for our next move to be to the country. acres and acres for our dogs to run on and for goats and pigs and chickens.

http://www.livejournal.com/

I suppose this is one of the things I was wondering - does being younger make it easier to bridge the gap, or is a gap a gap, youth culture moving as fast as it does?

My parents were tolerant of my dope-smoking, liked my friends, hypocritically complained about my loud music (which was mostly Bowie and such plundered from their own record collection anyway), hated my (slightly) gothy clothes & makeup (did the whole you can't go out dressed like that, you look like a whore thing), freaked out... well never until my mum got ill. Then all the time, about everything.

Going back to the 'people are teenagers now' thread, it seems as if we are most of us somewhat unwilling to let go of our 'own' time, our own moment of pop culture. I don't currently know any teenagers, so whether I'd be able to forgive them for not remembering the New Romantics and being weird in whatever ways teenagers are weird these days, I can't say.

I remember a job my mother had once, painting scenery backdrops for a Moliere play—La Malade Imaginaire—I remember that she painted a guy who was soaking his feet in a basin, and I remember sitting in the car outside the theater when she dropped the panels off. A couple of months ago, to my amazement, she found a theater program for the play. It was from 1957. I was not even two. WHA HAPPEN MY MEMORY???

Dad -- workaholic always worried about doing things right and making a good impression, not around as much

Mom -- suddenly bewildered and depressed by her status as a de-facto stay-at-home mom (not much acting work in DC) and her almost suburban life

Here they are, in a picture taken when they were living in Egypt. It was before my brother was born, so I'm guessing it would have been around 1964 or so :

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v506/Paronomasiac/scan0002.jpg

Oh man, that's sad. :-(

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/148/391064512_d2f87a281a.jpg?v=0

Ok, I probably will never visit this thread again, cause I get too emotional looking at the above picture. (After having Ophelia I cry pretty quickly.) I know it's a good thing my parents don't live in Belgium anymore - and don't plan to return any day soon, unless something happens of course - but it still pains me, certainly after having visited them for a week this month. But it is a good thing because otherwise they would be in my hair too much (as I run their shop and would live across the street from where we live). Still it pains me.
Are/were my parents good? Yes, they are/were amazing parents. They loved me completely, even when I quit university, even when I had my depression/eating disorder. Do they have flaws? Yes, just like I do. But it took me a looooooooooong time to see this, especially in my mother. She's very intense and forgets that sometimes people don't want to do the things she likes.

Oh man, that's sad. :-(

That is sad. I talk to my parents at least once a week, they live only twenty miles away. I bring the dogs over to visit them at the weekend and Mam saves them a sausage each from her Sunday breakfast. One week when I didn't bring them, she gave me the sausages to take home. She also buys special lemon cake from a deli near where she works because Mister Monkey really likes it. If he's not with me when I call over, she gives it to me to take home.

Me and Mam are going to the theatre on Wednesday to see American Buffalo.

Oh shit, better ring and tell her. Thanks for reminding me, thread.