ROFFLES: NY Times' obnoxious "Metropolitan Diary" is SONNED!

I propose a "let's troll metropolitan diary" contest.

Gawker has the version as submitted, and as it ran in the paper:

http://gawker.com/news/metropolitan-diary/times-metropolitan-diary-gets-punked-by-wfmu-235918.php

There’s nothing like bling
To tug the heartstring
From Tiffany to Cartier;
As he sees his love’s smile,
He forgets for a while
That he’s lighter by
Half of his pay.

“I guess this guy isn’t from New York, and he doesn’t know that we save spots for each other.”

... they do? what? new york has a tradition of parking-spot sharing & interdependency, while out-of-towners are the selfish dickheads?? BOXCAR.

A friend of mine, a transplanted New Yorker visiting from Swaziland, braved New York City traffic to drive her parents’ car and meet me in Greenwich Village.

WAHT AN ASSHOLE DON'T YOU KNOW MY FRIEND CAME ALL THE WAY FROM SWAZILAND!

...

To my surprise, the leather-clad Harley rider maneuvered his Harley in between me and the car. He sat there looking threatening and glared down the car driver, who had no choice but to keep on driving.

My new Harley protector stayed and held the spot for me until my friend arrived within a minute or so.

It was a sweet moment of triumph.

HORNY TOUGH GUY HELPS ME OUT BC HE THINKS I'M CUTE = I'M MORALLY IN THE RIGHT!

More Gawker fun with MetDiary:

Suggested revisions for Metropolitan Diary's standard line, "Without missing a beat"... --"And then the clerk, this son of a bitch, just blurts out..." --"Then, faster than it takes a whore to say 'Hello, Sailor' my husband Gerald yells out..." --"Then the fucking clown standing ahead of me in line pipes up..."

http://www.gawker.com/news/new-york-times/metropolitan-diary-just-the-punchlines-128805.php

Dear Diary:

I was in my warmest running gear on a frigid day. The cold had worsened the pain in my bad knee, but I was determined to finish my last two laps around Tompkins Square Park. That is, of course, until I decided to just quit, go home and take a hot shower. I gave up and started walking by the park’s southwest corner.

A man who wasn’t dressed warmly enough, and whom I’d seen in line for a soup kitchen in the park a few minutes before, was walking on the sidewalk near me. “You’re not finished,” he said to me. “Don’t give up now! Come on, go!”

I smiled, thanked him, and happily ran my last mile. Michele Ventura

mike pollak, you douchebag

Is it the same Andrea? Cuet!

http://gawker.com/news/wfmu/metropolitan-diary-editor-steamed-at-wfmu-236995.php

Especially in this post-9/11 world.

1) http://gawker.com/news/metropolitan-diary/prank-might-kill-metropolitan-diary-237136.php

We hear that the WFMU v. NY Times incident might spell the end of the Metropolitan Diary column. (The incident: an WFMU intern submitted a funny fake item, lied when Times editor Michael Pollak called to verify, and got chewed out on the air after it was published.) We hear Pollak has been opposed to the feature for a while, even though it's the sole solace in the lives of some elderly New Yorkers, because he hates that the items in the column are impossible to verify. In the words of our informant, he "knows" that this isn't the first false item that's slipped in. We shudder to think that this prank might just be the ammo Pollak needs to convince his higher-ups that MetDi should close up shop. What will the old folk do for fun now?

Michael Pollak ... testily informed Andy and I (aged 50 and 48 respectively) that the New York Times is a "smorgasbord" which does not publish exclusively for "young trendies." He lauded the Web 2.0 nature of The Metropolitan Diary, a column with an audience of elderly people "who look on it as a kind of one bright spot in a week of otherwise gloomy news."

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/02/the_new_york_ti.html

http://sevenseconddelay.blogspot.com/2007/02/spot-fake.html

http://gawker.com/5867586/ this is v good, i don't really read times columnists so didn't actually know who this guy was