Vincent Gallo offers self for sexual hire

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I guess those well-paid Claire Denis gigs have dried up.

"Heavy-set, older, redheads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose."

http://www.vgmerchandise.com/misc.html

― Dr M (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:33 (seventeen years ago) link

He's done this before, with a more select 'female' criteria, hasn't he?

Next year, I reckon he'll be adding a select criteria of blokes.

― M Grout (Mark Grout), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:35 (seventeen years ago) link

maybe he'll get strangled and dumped in a river.

― temporary enrique (temporary enrique), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:36 (seventeen years ago) link

true fuckin edginess.

― temporary enrique (temporary enrique), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:36 (seventeen years ago) link

even black chicks

― has been plagued with problems since its erection in 1978 (nklshs), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:37 (seventeen years ago) link

"...even black chicks".

He's done this before, with a more select 'female' criteria, hasn't he?

the vincent gallo sperm for sale text is at the bottom of that page, if you care to scroll down.

― Norman Phay (Pashmina), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:37 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.vgmerchandise.com/img/product/107-lrg.jpg

Ahoy mateys!

― thebingo (thebingo), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:37 (seventeen years ago) link

he looks like Alex Zane's dad

also ffs what is dude's major malfunction?

― sede vacante (blueski), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:40 (seventeen years ago) link

he's really jacked up the price of IVF, its nowhere near $50,000. More along the lines of $10,000-$15000. Trust me, im going through it now.

― thebingo (thebingo), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:42 (seventeen years ago) link

the whole page is kind of tragic.

― temporary enrique (temporary enrique), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:43 (seventeen years ago) link

at least it's not in Comic Sans

― sede vacante (blueski), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Have you ever watched a movie and fallen in love with one of the actors?

Yes. But YOU???

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Maybe he's been doing a Tony Clifton thing for 15 years?

― Dr M (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Maybe. This can't not be a joke. If it's a joke, kudos, kinda funny. If it's real it's the worst thing I've ever seen.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:47 (seventeen years ago) link

he's such an idiot. not a bad character actor a LONG time ago, but since 'buffalo 66' a choad of the first water.

xpost

― temporary enrique (temporary enrique), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Clients who have doubt may want to test themselves with an unusually thick and large prosthetic prior to meeting me.

ok this is pretty funny.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:49 (seventeen years ago) link

that's what you think.

― temporary enrique (temporary enrique), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:50 (seventeen years ago) link

I love how that photo looks like an American Apparel ad.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:51 (seventeen years ago) link

that's what you think.

It is! Come on. Dude has a sense of humor about how creepy he is.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Vincent Gallo offers self ~~for sexual hire~~

fixed

― Jesus Dan (dan perry), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:53 (seventeen years ago) link

hahaha

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Vincent Gallo offers elf for sexual hire

― sede vacante (blueski), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:55 (seventeen years ago) link

http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/g/b/3/elfwillferrell1.jpg

― sede vacante (blueski), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:56 (seventeen years ago) link

That would also be acceptable, or at least more acceptable.

(xpost:... nope, still more acceptable)

― Jesus Dan (dan perry), Friday, 22 December 2006 14:56 (seventeen years ago) link

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/330082235_b505a585e0.jpg?v=0

― thebingo (thebingo), Friday, 22 December 2006 15:11 (seventeen years ago) link

I fell in love with Vincent Gaaaaaallo
he was playin a part that I could understand

a maaaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaaaa aaan
a man cannot have even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become his client :(

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 22 December 2006 15:25 (seventeen years ago) link

hahahahahahahahaha ohno

― Jesus Dan (dan perry), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:14 (seventeen years ago) link

The sperm one is funnier than the escort one:

If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.

...

Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt.

...

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:35 (seventeen years ago) link

It's amazing how much of a cunt this fucker is.

― Jesus Dan (dan perry), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:37 (seventeen years ago) link

Ya, I mean Lena Horne???

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Dude he's been saying this kind of shit for years.

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:39 (seventeen years ago) link

He's worse than Rob Liefeld!

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:41 (seventeen years ago) link

i was reading his site just the other day and saw this bullshit. i like how among all the racist bullshit he also has this weird anti-redhead thing. guess that's where the "creative" part comes in.

― bill sackter (bill sackter), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dude he's been saying this kind of shit for years

I know. This doesn't mean it still isn't amazing how much a cunt this fucer is.

― Jesus Dan (dan perry), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:46 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.dailyhappypill.com/Image%20Thumbs/cartman_ginger.jpg
x-post

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Vincent Gallo seems like the type who googles his own name and browses threads like this one in his free time. Not sure if that presents a case for or against starting them

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:54 (seventeen years ago) link

For! For!

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Okay actually now I think Mr Gallo is taking the piss. He can't help it that it's just not all that funny.

― has been plagued with problems since its erection in 1978 (nklshs), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:57 (seventeen years ago) link

what a fucer

― baccarat heads spice pushka underdog official texas holdem bundgee (bundgee), Friday, 22 December 2006 19:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Or at least...

I ~~think~~ hope Mr Gallo is taking the piss.

― has been plagued with problems since its erection in 1978 (nklshs), Friday, 22 December 2006 20:00 (seventeen years ago) link

why buy his sperm when you can get his piss for free and then CLONE HIM! FLOOD THE MARKET WITH CHEAP V.GALLO 2.0's, ha ha ha.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 22 December 2006 20:01 (seventeen years ago) link

How do you think Vice got started?

― f. scott baio (natepatrin), Friday, 22 December 2006 20:02 (seventeen years ago) link

i know at least half a dozen girls who were nuts over him at one point.

― grady (grady), Friday, 22 December 2006 21:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Pardon me for asking, but in real life, what kind of person *is* a troll?

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Saturday, 23 December 2006 20:31 (seventeen years ago) link

I worked with a girl who was obsessed with him. She went to NYU for psychology and is doing a lot of nothing with her life. Also, still believe in the myths of NYC

― jw (ex machina), Saturday, 23 December 2006 20:33 (seventeen years ago) link

i seem to remember laughing at a giant Gallo "signature" with handprints in a wet concrete sidewalk repair adjacent to Cafe Habana. i thought it authentic at first due to his owning an apartment nearby but friends figured it for a prank of someone else.

― obi strip (sanskrit), Sunday, 24 December 2006 02:02 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm a model but i'm ugly enough to be a man. its hard to describe his look/why women like him but i sorta understand it.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 24 December 2006 02:44 (seventeen years ago) link

"however, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000." why mention the price if they don't get a discount? so his shtick is he's cocky beyond all reason?

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 24 December 2006 02:54 (seventeen years ago) link

That picture of Vincent Gallo upthread looks really alarmingly like Tom's ex-roomate, who is better known to some ILXors as the WoW underwear thief. WTF.

― Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (Allyzay Eisenschefter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 03:43 (seventeen years ago) link

"i'm a model but i'm ugly enough to be a man."

pix please?

― bill sackter (bill sackter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 03:51 (seventeen years ago) link

haha yaaaaaay

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 24 December 2006 03:53 (seventeen years ago) link

better known to some ILXors as the WoW underwear thief. WTF.

wot?

― jw (ex machina), Sunday, 24 December 2006 04:20 (seventeen years ago) link

ask jaymc

― Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (Allyzay Eisenschefter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 04:23 (seventeen years ago) link

no u

― amon (amon), Sunday, 24 December 2006 04:35 (seventeen years ago) link

i've told the story 7 times already on old ilx, i don't want to be a boring repeat ;_;

i'm just disturbed by the realization, because that dude would've had to have paid me $100,000 to have sex with him, yet vg seems to think ladies want to pay HIM. wacky world.

― Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (Allyzay Eisenschefter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 04:40 (seventeen years ago) link

LINK TO GOOGLE CASH?

PS ALLY U R V V PRETTY AND I WOULD PAY $100,000 TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU

LINDEN DOLLARS THO.

― jw (ex machina), Sunday, 24 December 2006 08:13 (seventeen years ago) link

That's still like $400.

― Hurting (A-Ron Hubbard), Sunday, 24 December 2006 08:15 (seventeen years ago) link

http://distritos.telepolis.com/southpark/lib/merchandising/p/Butters_with_Underpants_Gnome_Figuresp.jpg

l-r: Tom's ex-roommate, Tom

― Jesus Dan (dan perry), Sunday, 24 December 2006 14:38 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah basically except both drunk all the time.

― TOM. BOT. (trm), Sunday, 24 December 2006 14:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, I'll take Linden dollars, paypal to allyzay @ gmail.com. Thx!!

― Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (Allyzay Eisenschefter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:03 (seventeen years ago) link

do you have a fursuit? y/n

― jw (ex machina), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:41 (seventeen years ago) link

I bet half that stuff didn't even sell, he just put SOLD on it

― jw (ex machina), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Ah lovely thread.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:51 (seventeen years ago) link

uh i have a silver bodysuit, if that helps.

― Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (Allyzay Eisenschefter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 20:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Is the pic above the idea of his Mt. Rushmore?

http://www.vgmerchandise.com/img/vg-sperm.gif

Or can you samples of former U.S. Republican (and the current one I guess) in the deal as well?

― sgh (sgh), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 02:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh, and I got told I looked like him the other day. :(

I shaved then.

― sgh (sgh), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 02:41 (seventeen years ago) link

the similarities between VG and m@rissa m@rchant are striking.

― bohren un der club of gear (bohren un der club of gear), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 02:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Aw man, I was hoping this was revived by a VG self-google.

― Marmot (marmotwolof), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 02:46 (seventeen years ago) link

That's always the hope, innit?

― The RealJTMod (Real JT Mod of Team Courage), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 03:20 (seventeen years ago) link

I hear in those instances his retort of choice is calling people "needledick"

To which I say "well don't try sticking my dick in your arm then"

― f. scott baio (natepatrin), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 05:38 (seventeen years ago) link

However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose

damn

― lexpretend (lexpretend), Wednesday, 3 January 2007 08:01 (seventeen years ago) link

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