c/d: that creepy guy in your office

- a guy who went psycho and picked up and threw an office chair at the supervisor (and he wasnt even fired for it)
- a guy who was totally "I am the only gay in the village", he spoke about NOTHING but his sexuality and his husband non stop.
- a middle aged woman who felt it prudent to let me know she had a third nipple. Also, when I was about 48kg she told me I was "getting fat".
- A self-proclaimed nazi skinhead (though he was actually a sweet guy otherwise, I think he just became very misguided).

I suppose those are less creepy people than just freaks, though. And I know I've been the freak to people I've worked with (just for things as simple as dying my hair, would you believe). Ugh workmates.

and not "That's the guy that got head in the parking lot"?

oh yes. there are many. the one that kind of eclipses the rest is the guy who claims he was possessed by the spirit of william wallace while having a wank, and was eventually found sitting in his office in the middle of a big pentagram, rocking backwards and forward. every available inch of wall was covered in other pentagrams of varying size.

happy fucking days.

but again, that's not so much freaky as, umm, mad. clinically.

oh god, i've just remembered colostomy guy too. aargh. that was ... wow, i don't want to go there. that's ruined my day already.

-- M Grout (mark.grou...), September 1st, 2006.

yeah. sounds like jealousy to me.

gasp!

other pentagrams of varying size.

phew!

2. Guy who can't talk to anyone without continually touching them. I appreciate he might simply be the tactile type but given that the only people I am comfortable coming within 5 feet of me are my wife and children this man creeps me the fuck out. Surely he must see me shrink and squirm! Fucker.

3. Guy who mucked out his horses before coming into work every morning with horse shit sticking to his shoes and sat all day drawing showjumping fences on post-it notes while scraping horse shit into the carpet. Oh, and snorting phlegm REALLY LOUDLY all fucking day.

Dud

Fark Grim are you serious!? Thats some messed up shite.

Oh but:

snorting phlegm REALLY LOUDLY all fucking day.

Ugh. I have this work colleague who, in all fairness, I think has been pretty ill with some kind of chest infection - but ghods, having to sit by him listening to SNNNNNNNRRRRRRK GGRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH BBLRRRRRRRGHH SCCRHHHHHHHHNNRKK all day is a tad disconcerting.

Also, he farts in front of everyone all the time, without apologising or acknowledging it. Like in midsentence, he'll drop his guts. URGH.

aldo - give him a feel for me, please? Thank you.

Just out of curiosity. how big's your penis?

I dunno, we've never had any really annoying people. There was our salesperson who was extremely sexist and would blather on about how horrible women were to ME and MY MOTHER. I mean, seriously, you're at the wrong address if you want to have confirmation. He probably thinks I'm the creep cause I played Fleetwood Mac's Rumours the whole day. hah. Tosser. Good riddance.

I once jumped out of my chair and screamed FUCK OFF at someone in work who put their hands on my shoulders when I wasn't expecting it.

IDNSHC but I'm sure it was smaller than his lumps :-P

Gerry, never come in our shop then, I do tend to touch people. :-( Am I horrible person then? God, maybe I have made some people uncomfortable that way? Oh man, I am going to feel guilty about this the whole day.

My lump (singular) is a thing of the past...

xp to stevie

PHYSICAL TOUCH
Well I've been waiting, waiting here so long
But thinking nothing, nothing could go wrong, ooh now I know
She has a built in ability
To take everything she sees
And now it seems I'm falling, falling for her.

She seems to have an phyiscal touch yeah
She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an physical touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA

New motto
Try touching more!

HOWEVER, there is one guy not in my department who IS A SEVERE GRODESTER.

Once I was in the photostudio (which is in a dark kinda eerie corner of the basement) photographing loads of bottles of VITAMINS, and Senor Creepy shows up (I should note at this time I didnt even KNOW him) and he starts asking me if I can take naked photos of him, then says, "Vitamins make you feel good, but I know something that can make you feel better...." -- then, maybe a few months later he shows up in my cubicle unannounced and attempts to give me a backrub and tries to whisper sweet nothings in my ear!!! I kind of RUN when I see him, ugh, so gross.

nothing beats the pentagram story though.

ihttp://images.contactmusic.com/images/reviews2/beetlejuice.jpg

who doesn't leave when a conversation is over. He just sits there staring at you until you fill the empty space with words.

xpost

The next day he tapped me on the shoulder to ask me a question. A dumb question. The kind of question that made me think he'd erased his memory of everything that happened the day before. I gave him the answer, and turned back to my work. Five minutes later and he's tapping my shoulder again. Another dumb question, basically a "how do I do my job again?" thing. I think this happened once or twice more before I wheeled around and said "WHAT?!"

That was the last time he spoke to me. Two months of sitting four feet away, and he'd get someone else to ask me questions. After all those poppy seed bagels, we just chucked his keyboard when he was (finally) fired for incompetence.

-- I Am Curious (George) (Slight Return) (crump...), August 31st, 2006.

I've never wanted to mention this, in fear that it would be misunderstood, but Rock, you resemble a creepy guy that used to work with me. Guy infected the computers every night with all sorts of porn viruses. Once complimented me after seeing me out somewhere with a hot blond on my shoulder (it was my fifteen-year old sister.) Used to bitch and moan about not getting paid enough even though he didn't do much besides record dubs and infect our computer with porn viruses.

Anyway, he went out to dinner with his wife last winter, came back home, went to the bathroom, and died of a heartattack. Now we have his funeral program hanging up in one of our offices and everytime I see it, I think, boy that guy looks like Rock Hardy.

Now, for everyone's information, I've known Rock on here for quite some time and have even talked to him in private. HE SEEMS VERY LEVEL HEADED AND NOT CREEPY AT ALL. It's just a bizzare coincidence of circumstance.

Kind of like how my beloved high school English teacher, in hindsight, resembles the BTK killer.

...except that my favorite English teacher in high school was a fastidious little guy who that John Mark Karr guy reminds me of. We all have our unfortunate doppelgangers, I guess.

*picks teeth with a whittled-down human finger bone*

when you try to out creep the office creep, no one wins!