If Jesus was a carpenter, what sort of things did he make?

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You'd have thought there'd have been quite a market for bespoke furniture made by the Son of God.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:03 (seventeen years ago) link

OOP Christ's own woodwork! Exclusive L@@K NOW

http://www.sawdustshop.com/class_images/class_turning.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:13 (seventeen years ago) link

crosses?

Nativity scenes?

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:16 (seventeen years ago) link

"It's the carving the baby me that's the tricky part! Christ!"

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Well, uh, melodic pop songs.

Until his sister died of the anorexia, of course.

― editio princeps (pato.g27), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:19 (seventeen years ago) link

'e parted the red sea with a dove tail joint!

― M Grout (Mark Grout), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:20 (seventeen years ago) link

yea crosses.

― Frogm@n henry (Frogm@n henry), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:21 (seventeen years ago) link

You can't go parting seas without making a few waves. I'm thinking there might have been scope for a surfboard range.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Did he know about the cross thing before it happened?

http://www.magentastudios.com/thumbs/245.264574.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:47 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yra1Hd-IIXs

― 31g (31g), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Spinning tops, wardrobes, abstract stuff.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:49 (seventeen years ago) link

I'm thinking there might have been scope for a surfboard range.

Aaah, so *that* explains the walking-on-water trick!

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:50 (seventeen years ago) link

― C J (C J), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:50 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.ewtn.com/vcatalogue/images/items/RAB22.jpg

― C J (C J), Thursday, 21 December 2006 09:58 (seventeen years ago) link

A scroll was found recently in southern Lebanon with assembly instruction pictograms.

― Hurting (A-Ron Hubbard), Thursday, 21 December 2006 15:06 (seventeen years ago) link

The plaque did not say INRI, it has recently been discovered:

http://i10.tinypic.com/29gbbsm.jpg

― StanM (StanM), Thursday, 21 December 2006 15:16 (seventeen years ago) link

This was a Dave Foley sketch on TKITH

― Dr M (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 21 December 2006 15:25 (seventeen years ago) link

HAHAHA xpost

― Hurting (A-Ron Hubbard), Thursday, 21 December 2006 15:25 (seventeen years ago) link

kitchen islands.

― Ms Misery (MsMisery), Thursday, 21 December 2006 15:26 (seventeen years ago) link

sexbench.jpg

― M.V. (M.V.), Thursday, 21 December 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Be glad of this: I just don't have the balls to GIS "wooden dildo" at work.

― has been plagued with problems since its erection in 1978 (nklshs), Thursday, 21 December 2006 16:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Not to mention "wooden butt plug".

― Michael White (Miguelito), Thursday, 21 December 2006 16:47 (seventeen years ago) link

last temptation of christ movie has jesus making a cross and practicing on it before the whole judas deal

― a.b. (abanana), Thursday, 21 December 2006 17:01 (seventeen years ago) link

last temptation of christ movie has jesus making a cross and practicing on it before the whole judas deal

-- a.b. (aaaaaathatsfivea...), December 21st, 2006. (later)

yeah that's kind of the whole point of the movie, that he was a collaberator with the romans until judas turned him into a revolutionary.

― Tyrone Slothrop (Tyrone Slothrop), Thursday, 21 December 2006 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Wooden Dreidels

― Dante Hicks (Dante), Friday, 22 December 2006 22:51 (seventeen years ago) link

J-the-'penter would, I firmly believe, easily master a cunt out of peeled birch bark.

― tiit (t**t), Friday, 22 December 2006 22:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh c'mon you all know he can do that!

― tiit (t**t), Saturday, 23 December 2006 00:09 (seventeen years ago) link

http://991.com/newgallery/The-Hollies-Jesus-Was-A-Cross-331927.jpg

― electric sound of jim (electric sound of jim), Saturday, 23 December 2006 02:26 (seventeen years ago) link

The thing that made me realize I truly hated The Passion was the scene where Jesus is building--get this, you guys--a table with TALL LEGS that you have to sit at in this contraption called A CHAIR and Mary just shakes her head and says, "Oh Jesus, that will never catch on!"

THAT JESUS, SO AHEAD OF THE TIMES.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonster), Saturday, 23 December 2006 02:45 (seventeen years ago) link

last temptation of christ movie has jesus making a cross and practicing on it before the whole judas deal

Yeah, but hammering in the last nail is impossible!

― Neal the hippie (nickn), Sunday, 24 December 2006 02:38 (seventeen years ago) link

"Oh Jesus, that will never catch on!"

oh, jesuspaws

― obi strip (sanskrit), Sunday, 24 December 2006 04:24 (seventeen years ago) link

wow, i didn't know mel gibson could make a movie with race-baiting AND stupid winky jokes

― friday on the porch (lfam), Sunday, 24 December 2006 05:05 (seventeen years ago) link

he is pretty talented.

― Allyzay heard you got beat up in a club. (Allyzay Eisenschefter), Sunday, 24 December 2006 05:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I swear to god (heh) that is the actual line. xxpost.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonster), Sunday, 24 December 2006 05:11 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah, that movie is pretty rawfle

especially the zombie-terminator-style ending

― latebloomer (clonefeed), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:10 (seventeen years ago) link

all that slow motion and scenes of people watcing solemnly while JC gets his ass whupped.

― latebloomer (clonefeed), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:13 (seventeen years ago) link

WAIT.... IS THAT TRU???????

― jw (ex machina), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:23 (seventeen years ago) link

yes, jesus really did invent the chair as we know it today!

― latebloomer (clonefeed), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:25 (seventeen years ago) link

though seriously, if he had invented those chairs with built in massage thingamajigs i would've never stopped going to church

― latebloomer (clonefeed), Sunday, 24 December 2006 18:28 (seventeen years ago) link

hey, he invented church! who would've guessed that would catch on?

― friday on the porch (lfam), Sunday, 24 December 2006 21:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Not to put a damper on awesome jokes, but historically, on those times 'carpenter' mean someone who worked with stone or that mud/stucco material they made houses out of.

Not that I'm a christian, but I've read a good portion of the manual.

― Geza T iz tha Rainy G. Toronado (The GZeus), Sunday, 24 December 2006 22:18 (seventeen years ago) link

i had an australian friend visiting around the time The Passion came out. he was in nyc for a week and then off to europe for a while, for some reason he went to see The Passion when it was in limited release either due to his chance to be one of the first people to see it or because of some sort of nationalistic ingrained love of Mel Gibson. we took him out to luna lounge and i idly asked him what the movie was like, instead of finding out whether it was subtly anti-semitic or how the Aramaic played on the big screen, he basically began to recount for us the plot of the new testament. i guess he had never been to church, we were almost in tears stifling laughter as he sincerely mentioned that the movie had a "twist" ending.

― obi strip (sanskrit), Sunday, 24 December 2006 22:40 (seventeen years ago) link

That may be the most awesome thing I've ever heard.

― Geza T iz tha Rainy G. Toronado (The GZeus), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 00:12 (seventeen years ago) link

ihttp://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/images/hg_indiana_grail_8.jpg

― Chap (chap), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 00:33 (seventeen years ago) link

What did Jesus make? The answer is "no crying" obviously.

― JTS (JTS), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 04:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Not to put a damper on awesome jokes, but historically, on those times 'carpenter' mean someone who worked with stone or that mud/stucco material they made houses out of.

YOU TELL THAT TO MEL GIBSON, HEATHEN UNBELIEVER.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonster), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 05:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Jesus made brick ovens for pizzas

― latebloomer (clonefeed), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 11:49 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.thismakesmelaugh.com/Photos/Food/large/Holy_pizza_148.jpg

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 22:09 (seventeen years ago) link

bongs, mainly.

― otto midnight, that 'tofu makes you gay' ding dong (otto midnight), Tuesday, 26 December 2006 22:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Mel Gibson=Cocaine.
I'm not saying he does cocaine.
I'm saying he IS cocaine.

i don't know what that means.

― Geza T iz tha Rainy G. Toronado (The GZeus), Wednesday, 27 December 2006 00:12 (seventeen years ago) link

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