If you're a bit behind with your Christmas shopping and need a last-minute stocking filler, may I suggest that you purchase Team Warrior America Wear from the internet's favourite professional wrestler turned conservative nutcast, The Ultimate Warrior?
http://www.ultimatewarrior.com/Pages/WarriorsWorld_mindmarket.html
But before you are so dazzled by the cutting edge fashions that will make people turn their heads on the street, please read the FAQ before purchasing!
Team Warrior America Wear is not for everyone. Sure, the shirts come in different sizes to fit every size of body, but your principles and courage better be large and muscular enough to stand up and defend the statement this logo makes. There are, after all, piecemeal patriots — and, then, there are Warrior Patriots.
Let me be unimaginably clear about this. Even at the funny misfortune of having a lifetime inventory of Team Warrior America Wear only for family and myself, I don’t want the threads of this apparel draped over the bodies of silent, unprincipled wimps who can’t find at least a few traditional DNA molecules in harmony with Thomas Jefferson’s oft-quoted scorn for any degree of oppression on individual liberty: “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”
However, these top-notch garments come with Mr. Warrior's guarantee!
Although Team Warrior America is a peacekeeping organization to inspire courageous and prejudiced, yet polite, defense of American Patriotism, all shirts bloodied due to ‘refreshing the tree of liberty’ are replaced free of charge. Two shirt replacement if Islamofascist blood. Place shirt in Ziploc bag and send to ‘Team Warrior America Tree of Liberty Blood Donor.’ Include story of battle fought, Warrior Patriot’s name and address. New shirt to ‘refresh’ ships out immediately.”
(And don't forget THE ULTIMATE BLOG for all your insane former-wrassler crackpot conservative needs: http://www.ultimatewarrior.com/warriorsmachete/ )
― editio princeps (pato.g27), Wednesday, 20 December 2006 17:57 (seventeen years ago) link
I don't think you understand what you're dealing with here. These aren't just any old t-shirts!
Just ask Mr. Warrior:
Next time you go to grab a shirt to hit the gym or field to train, watch these bad boys scoot to the front of the pile like they’re begging to be chosen, while your Fruity Looms and your sweat-free, spiffy Champions scoot to the rear out of fear for the punishment they know you always inflict. But, you say, “Warrior, it’s just a t-shirt, man.” Really? Maybe yours are. Mine aren’t.
― editio princeps (pato.g27), Wednesday, 20 December 2006 18:04 (seventeen years ago) link